Bernie Weeinie Stew

[BunnysBastatrds 1,915]

So when I was twelve, me and my buddy decided to ditched school. Parents left for work and me and him go back to my house after they leave and proceeded to eat an entire loaf of bread toasted with butter and cinnamon while watching the Price Is Right. One thing lead to another and we're looking at my old mans Playboy stash. I get up and go to my parents bar and pour six fingers of J&B scotch and chug straight down during the last showdown. He doesn't see me do it and dares me to do it again.

 

By this time, The Young And The Resless is on. So I did it again. He decides to do the same. We were both wasted by noon. Five days before graduation of sixth grade.

 

Chris threw up J&B Scotch and twelve pieces of cinnamon toast on my back patio and left before Good Times reruns came on. Fawker. I get busted when my mom comes home from work. He gets off Scott clean and I clean up the puke and spend hours trying to come up with a viable explanation of why Ms. April 1981 edition of his beloved Playboy is missing. For some reason, he hadn't noticed. Wheeeeew.

 

(Side note: My dad had every issue from 1965-1995. Every year he'd put the season ending year in a box and mark them by decades. He thought they'd be worth something down the road. I spent a lot of time in the attic during the late 70's and early 80's so they weren't worth much considering how much they were ahmmmmmmmm handled. Old man loved garage sales. One year he puts a note out "Playboy Collection for sale by the money box.30 years, every month. Buy them all. $200." This was just a few years before he passed. Some old perv shows up in van and is interested. Cool Pops sends me up in the attic. Has me get them and go through them to verify there are 3 decades worth. Old Van guy "They're all here?" Me: All but one. April 1981. The Price is Right. Shut up and don't say anything. I'll load the van!)

 

Back to beenie weeine stew. Second time I got drunk was two days later. Drank a six pack of Michelob at a horse stable with some friends. One of my friends made beanie weeine stew before we went out. Three hours later I was sitting in a purple bean bag listening to Rush in my own vomit while my friend was screaming at me to clean it up. I think it was Memorial Day.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,915]

Oh, I forgot to mention, which was the point of the story....I haven't eaten bws in 37 years. Wifey made it today and there's a bowl of it waityfor me in the microwave. She truly hates me.

[tanatastic 2,061]

I used to love beans on toast with a hot dog cut up into it but never heard of the stew.