NewbieJr 540 Posted January 12, 2012 I have about a 3:1 female to male ratio of friends on Facebook. So I try to make a lot of sexist comments to stir the pot (imagine that!). Occasionally, I'll make a sexist status. The other day, mine was "If a tree falls on a woman and no one is there to hear her scream, why was there a tree in the kitchen?" I usually get a few lol's, a few 'ugh' and a few people saying I'm a sexist ass. (which is the goal) Help me think of more sexist one liners so I can eventually alienate all of my female friends. TIA Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
patweisers44 697 Posted January 12, 2012 i'm not Einstein, but I guarantee you the smartest thing ever to come out of any woman's mouth is my cack. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 I have about a 3:1 female to male ratio of friends on Facebook. So I try to make a lot of sexist comments to stir the pot (imagine that!). Occasionally, I'll make a sexist status. The other day, mine was "If a tree falls on a woman and no one is there to hear her scream, why was there a tree in the kitchen?" I usually get a few lol's, a few 'ugh' and a few people saying I'm a sexist ass. (which is the goal) Help me think of more sexist one liners so I can eventually alienate all of my female friends. TIA Here are some oldies: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. Why did NASA never send a woman to the moon? It didn't need cleaning. How do you make your wife scream twice? Fock her in the arse and wipe your dink on the curtains. Why don't you buy your wife a watch? There's a clock on the stove. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Smack her in the head and tell her to get back to work. There are more...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scary Gary 19 Posted January 12, 2012 Hey babe, you wanna come over tonight and take a look at the website sligdealz.net? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 And old Tim Allen line was when being trashed by a woman about how much men are pigs, he would respond with "Too bad we own everything!" Then do an over the top belly laugh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,080 Posted January 12, 2012 How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give the biotch a shovel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 Why did God give woman a mouth and vagina? So they can piss and moan at the same time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 Why did God give women two holes close together? So when they get drunk, you can pick them up like a six-pack. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scary Gary 19 Posted January 12, 2012 How many women does it take to turn over a sheet of plywood? One if she can get her hands under it and give it a good flip. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 Other comments you can just make that piss off any girl is: "Labor pains are not THAT bad." "Being a stay home Mom is not really 'work'" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scary Gary 19 Posted January 12, 2012 What did one woman say to the other? "Say did hear dat ting over der? Yah Vat is it? "Dats my husbands vibrator! Stay away from it!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vikings4ever 496 Posted January 12, 2012 Why did God give women legs? So they wouldn't leave a snail trail Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 540 Posted January 12, 2012 Keep 'em coming! Some good ones for me to use here. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 540 Posted January 12, 2012 Here was my status the other day: That awkward moment at the start of a game of Monopoly when the female player doesn't choose the iron. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TD Ryan2 314 Posted January 12, 2012 what do you call that useless piece of flesh around the v@gina? - a woman. anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die is evil. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 What would the Beatles have been called if they were women? Cunts Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewbieJr 540 Posted January 12, 2012 What would the Beatles have been called if they were women? Cunts LOL. Not Facebook friendly though. I imagine you could alter this joke into a black joke as well. Or a variety of other jokes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bishop82 61 Posted January 12, 2012 1 2 What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Strike 3,956 Posted January 12, 2012 Found these on some other message board (maybe we should jihad it???? ) Some are duplicates: What's the difference between a ###### and a ######? A ###### sleeps with everyone and a ###### sleeps with everyone but you. What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years the job still sucks. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of ###### in there. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her ###### went. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Why did the woman cross the road? What's the ###### doing out of the kitchen in the first place? Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? Cos it doesn't need cleaning yet. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care. What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is shagging her. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant. How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, let the ###### cook in the dark. What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Telegram 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your ######. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IronToe Nedney 0 Posted January 12, 2012 Why do women have 1 more brain cells than cows? So they don't crap on the floor while they're doing the dishes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parrot 789 Posted January 12, 2012 I can't condone guys beating their wives or girlfriends, but I can sure understand it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,913 Posted January 12, 2012 Whatever you do, don't let your bride eat the wedding cake. There's something in that cake that doesn't allow them to give head after they swallow it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
redtodd 7 Posted January 12, 2012 Show them this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgJ-vsLKNDA Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SUXBNME 1,324 Posted January 12, 2012 Is that a nose or a beak ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patriotsfatboy1 1,432 Posted January 13, 2012 I have found that anytime that I say that the female orgasm is an urban legend, it gets them all riled up. You could also note that they bleed like 3 months out of the year, which essentially makes their cooters a human chum bucket. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745 Posted January 13, 2012 Here's a couple... A vagina and a rational mind cannot coexist in the same body. Hey God, if this is what I get for a rib, what can I get for an arm? What is the sure fire way to give a woman an orgasm? Who cares? What is the best thing about a bj? Five minutes of silence. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frank 2,144 Posted January 14, 2012 Some of these aren't one liners. Are you guys messing up on purpose so he won't ask again? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flashover 0 Posted January 14, 2012 What should a woman do after she leaves a shelter for battered women? The dishes if she knows what's good for her! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IAMWood 6 Posted January 14, 2012 How many women does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the light bulb the other to suck my cack. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KSB2424 3,082 Posted January 14, 2012 If they didn't have a hole between their legs, they'd have a bounty on their heads. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
5-Points 2,726 Posted January 16, 2012 What do all battered women have in common? They don't listen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Riddlen 1 Posted January 16, 2012 love the internet Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
