The Soilost 28 Posted August 21, 2018 (edited) Folks, I humbly thank you for all the kind words from those who used my rankings last year to win their leagues. After having to lay off a year due to some court nastiness with my ex-wife over my patented software system, I was more determined than even to fine-tune my rankings even more - to great success. My comprehensive rankings have included family background, stadium volume levels, the economy, hurricanes and spirituality. Obviously, the distraction of player’s taking a knee during the National Anthem had to be factored in this year, as did the fact that so many folks decided not to watch the NFL last year. Plus the distraction caused by all these wacky presidential tweets. So here they are, my 2018 rankings: QUARTERBACK Patrick Mahomes – Mahoooommmes, Mahomes on the raaaannngge … Eli Manning – Well you better hide your heart, your loving heart. Eli’s a-comin’ and the cards say … TOUCHDOWN! Tyrod Taylor – T-bone won’t be giving Browns fans the shaft they’re all too used to. Maybe being losers will no longer be part of their culture. Browns are playoff bound. Mark it down! Case Keenum – Denver is going to get a Case full of winnin'! Ben Roethlisberger – Roethlisbunghole is motivated. Deshaun Watson – Deshaun will not desuck this year. Jimmy Garoppolo – No crapoppolo here! Russell Wilson – Still a pretty good No. 1 quarterback for your team. Jared Goff – They went to Jared! Tom Brady – He’s closer to Depends than Pop Warner, but he’s got another good year left. RUNNING BACKS Alvin Kamara – Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kameleon. You come and go. You come and go. Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams. Black and gold. Black and gold not green. Saquon Barkley – Oooooooooh Saquon you seeeeee by the dawn’s touchdown light. Kareem Hunt – Mo’ Kareem pie after the end-zone TD money shot! Jay Ajayi – Jajajajajajajajajajajajajaja!!!! Nick Chubb – Browns will get them some Chubby! Rashaad Penny – Penny lane, baby! Todd Gurley – No Gurley man here. Royce Freeman – Royce rolls. Kerryon Johnson – Kerryon my wayward son. There’ll be points when you are done. Ezekiel Elliott – Elliott won’t smelliott. WIDE RECEIVERS JuJu Smith Schuster – [philcollins] Ju-Ju-schudio! [/philcollins] Adam Thielen – He’s lookin’ California but Thielen Minnesota! Tyreek Hill – Tywreckin’ ball. Christian Kirk – Sister Christian motorin’. Devin Funchess – Bunches of Funchess! Odell Beckham Jr. – Old Bloody Jockstrap is back in the saddle. Chris Hogan – Ball-hoggin’ Hogan, they call him. Davante Adams – Has a pretty good QB throwing him the rock. Golden Tate – Tate worm all day. Kenny Stills – You can’t kill this Kenny, you bastages! Now go win your leagues! Peace out. The Soilost Edited August 21, 2018 by Mike FF Today 2018? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stonewall 647 Posted August 21, 2018 Now we can play ball...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mobb_deep 917 Posted August 21, 2018 "Kerryon my wayward son" Great team name. Knocked it out of the park again SOILOST. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
worm 34 Posted August 21, 2018 A Phil Collins reference followed immediately by a Soundgarden reference...BRAVO! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ralphster 274 Posted August 21, 2018 A Phil Collins reference followed immediately by a Soundgarden reference...BRAVO! agreed. golf clap... thanks for the wisdom soloist Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,031 Posted August 21, 2018 Nice. We was having trouble figuring out if I wanted Old Bloody Jockstrap or Ball Hoggin' Hogan this year. This makes the decision easy. Thanks Soilost! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,031 Posted August 21, 2018 Also, do you happen to love cats by any chance? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmh6476 748 Posted August 21, 2018 perfect :sharkdance: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kopy 489 Posted August 21, 2018 This is my favorite time of year!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted August 21, 2018 I'm pretty sure it's pronounced So I Lost Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fantasy Noob 10 Posted August 23, 2018 Love it but I believe I am detecting a Funchess fanatic here. I think he was on this list last year too. Are you related? The built in FF team names is a nice hidden gem that takes the Soilost rankings to the next level! Bravo! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Spec7ral 6 Posted August 23, 2018 An instant crassic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phil Simms 11 127 Posted August 23, 2018 Eli and Mahomes as the top QB? No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list? This whole thing is ABSURD, I want to play in your league Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,031 Posted August 23, 2018 No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list? I was surprised to not see Mack Brown up there too, but Dustin Hopkins is a kicker, bro. You just lost all your credibility. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmh6476 748 Posted August 24, 2018 Does the tyrod injury change anything? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted August 24, 2018 Does the tyrod injury change anything? He just won't be Tboning with his off hand while his pinky heals Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raider 84 29 Posted August 25, 2018 The best! Won me many Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
worm 34 Posted September 17, 2018 QUARTERBACK Patrick Mahomes – Mahoooommmes, Mahomes on the raaaannngge … Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jrokh 567 Posted September 17, 2018 would've been a lot better if he didn't have Eli, Tyrod, and Keenum 2,3,and 4... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
listen2me 23 1,529 Posted September 17, 2018 soilost has always been money as long as I have been here Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,031 Posted September 18, 2018 Another amazing call!! Uncanny! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tanatastic 2,061 Posted September 18, 2018 would've been a lot better if he didn't have Eli, Tyrod, and Keenum 2,3,and 4... He has Eli at 1. Along with Mahomes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldtimer 84 Posted August 29, 2019 On 8/23/2018 at 7:13 AM, Phil Simms 11 said: Eli and Mahomes as the top QB? No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list? This whole thing is ABSURD, I want to play in your league Man, you should have taken that Mahomes advice ESPN was giving out. I couldn't find Brown and Hopkins on the RB list either. I know they are there somewhere.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phil Simms 11 127 Posted August 29, 2019 58 minutes ago, oldtimer said: Man, you should have taken that Mahomes advice ESPN was giving out. I couldn't find Brown and Hopkins on the RB list either. I know they are there somewhere.... Luckily I did draft him My team in that league was kicking ass all year but lost in playoffs and I didn't get a dime. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites