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ROCKFORD

things you remember about rusty

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a long time ago, he mentioned to me that this place was the funniest place on the internet.

 

i must have missed it.

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I burned a bunch of his sh1tty CDs for him

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Paying for pizza delivery with a check

Hilarious call / write ins to the newspaper

He had lots of great stories but the meltdown over paying for pizza with a check was my favorite.

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He had lots of great stories but the meltdown over paying for pizza with a check was my favorite.

Is that thread still here? I'd like to read it.

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Is that thread still here? I'd like to read it.

It was before the board crashed so, no.

 

Rusty had ordered a pizza and wanted to pay with a check. He went off on the pizza delivery guy for requiring a fingerprint to go along with the check. It was a hilarious screed and replies but fock all if I remember more details than that now. Not everybody liked it though. Rusty's post got linked to a place called "Customers Suck" which is some forum where people in sh*tty dead end jobs go to blow off steam or something. The Geek Club got jihaded for it. The Customers Suck people swarmed here were sh*tposting us for a couple of weeks. We were ground zero for their righteous rage over Rusty's poor treatment of the pizza delivery guy asking for a fingerprint and the subsequent hilarious replies we'd made to him.

 

We got a funny user by the name of The King of Gondor that way, who stuck around for a long while after.

 

The link is gone as is everything before the LatinPimp crash but when I posted this, we were talking about it when it was still fresh in our memories. At the time, I'd estimated the time as a year and a half earlier so early 2004 or so.

 

http://www.fftodayforums.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=225817&hl=fingerprint&do=findComment&comment=2634359

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Rusty came to my neck of the woods back in the day. He had the childlike Wonder and Gomerish naivete as well, Gomer as a child.

 

Handful of good stories that I'm probably too tired to do justice right now. One of my favorites was how long it took to park the car next to the bar we were going to meet at.

 

He blamed it on the valet and the fact that the valet didn't have change for a 20 so he had to give him the whole bill.

 

Wiffleball: "Rusty? This place has picnic tables and garage doors for openings. They don't have valet parking."

 

Rusty:🤔😱😵😤

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this thread lead me back to this... which was some of the funniest sh!t I ever remember reading... still funny AF. Thanks Volty. :cheers:

 

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a b*tch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody

DirtyKate: Who are you?

Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate: Umm...Yes

DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja: How did you know?

Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate: What the f*ck?

DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s*it

DirtyKate: F*ck

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an s*it?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s*ht is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B*tch.

MommyMelissa: whatever

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 ###### of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your a*s.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your A*s.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: F*ck am I hard now.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: What???

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

sweet17: yes

bloodninja: Alright let me find it.

sweet17: kks

bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*

sweet17: this isn't you.

bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!

sweet17: You don't look like that.

bloodninja: How the hell do you know?

sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.

bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.

bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.

sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.

sweet17: Go f*ck yourself

bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture

bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.

sweet17: you hurt me.

bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!

bloodninja: Why would I do that?

sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you

bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

sweet17: F*CK YOU!!!

bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.

sweet17: You're a f*cking a*shole!

sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.

sweet17: No you aren't

bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.

bloodninja: HAARRRRR!

sweet17: I'm done with you

bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.

sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore

bloodninja: Wait a sec

bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.

bloodninja: Wanna start over?

sweet17: No

bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty

sweet17: You'll what?

bloodninja: You heard me.

bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.

sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?

sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.

bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.

sweet17: Like what?

bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?

sweet17: I don't know

bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.

sweet17: I'm afraid to

bloodninja: Why?

sweet17: cause

bloodninja: cause why?

sweet17: well lets see

sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?

bloodninja: Nope

sweet17: well its strange to me

bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

sweet17: I didn't say that

bloodninja: So is that a yes?

sweet17: I guess so.

bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

bloodninja: Are you willing?

sweet17: What do you need me to do?

bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.

sweet17: ???

bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

bloodninja: ok?

bloodninja: Hello?

sweet17: You can't be serious

bloodninja: Oh yes I am!

bloodninja: It's my fantasy.

sweet17: this is retarded

bloodninja: Do you want it or not?

sweet17: Yes I want it.

bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?

sweet17: sure

bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.

bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.

bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth c*nt.

sweet17: mmmm yeah

bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.

sweet17: Har

bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!

bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.

bloodninja: I softly suck on your c*it bringing it in and out of my mouth.

bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

sweet17: mmmmmm you are good

bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: HARRRRRRR

bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.

bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: this is stupid

bloodninja: ...still limp

bloodninja: Do it!

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your a*shole.

bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your a*s.

bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your a*s.

sweet17: WTF?!?!?

bloodninja: They stink really bad.

sweet17: OMG STOP!!!

bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly a*s

bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

bloodninja: I ram it up your a*s.

sweet17: YOURE A F*CKING PYSCHO!!

bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

bloodninja: And turn you into a f*cking candy apple...

bloodninja: I kick you in the face!

sweet17: F*CK YOU A*SHOLE!!

bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.

bloodninja: ...going limp again.

bloodninja: Hello?

bloodninja: Say it!

bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

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Shark Dance, still have that CD in my car..... :thumbsup: :banana:

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Is today manlove for Rustor day?

 

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Some of you have an extremely low threshold for hilarity. He was way over rated and extremely unfunny

 

His claim to fame was the use of the term butt jouster in literally every thread.

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Some of you have an extremely low threshold for hilarity. He was way over rated and extremely unfunny

 

 

You obviously never watched his golf swing.

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Was the Sippah Cup story Rusty as well?

No, I think that was Jackal.

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Pretty sure Rustah saw his first in person lipstick lebsians with me.

 

Imagine showing fire to a caveman. While jamming an icicle up his arsehole.

 

Yeah, that look.

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He lost a lot of spirit when he lost his leg.

 

I'm not going to be the one saying "he shouldn't DUI".

 

Figger there's nothing I can at this point.

 

 

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He lost a lot of spirit when he lost his leg.

 

I'm not going to be the one saying "he shouldn't DUI".

 

Figger there's nothing I can at this point.

 

 

Rusty is crackattack? :unsure:

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Rusty is crackattack? :unsure:

You didn't know?

 

either that, or that sumbitch is seriously committed to faking alias.

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You didn't know?

 

either that, or that sumbitch is seriously committed to faking alias.

No, I didnt. I'm only marginally better than worms at sniffing out aliases. :(

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Would you believe Rusty is Peenie?

Only if edjr is Rusty.

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