Most obvious thing your member taught you

[edjr 5,564]

Don't ever put me in crazy.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Don't ever put me in crazy.

Mine could never tell until it was in.

 

#defective

[fandandy 3,311]

You better start beating off lefty or your gonna look like you've been focking around corners.

[parrot 789]

Don't ever put me in crazy.

 

So you're gay?

[Cruzer 1,992]

Your brain doesn't control you, I do - never forget it.

[edjr 5,564]

 

So you're gay?

 

?

[parrot 789]

 

?

They're all crazy, it's just a matter of degree.

[Meglamaniac 380]

going commando and zippers don't mix

[vuduchile 1,941]

"I am not a monster"

[edjr 5,564]

going commando and zippers don't mix

 

 

My mom zipped me up once and caught a piece of skin. not fun.

 

wasn't as bad as when my dad put the q-tip in too far (my ear)

[parrot 789]

If you fight a kid in cowboy boots, DON'T LET HIM KICK ME!

[cyclone24 1,814]

If you fight a bunch of 3rd graders...make sure to throw a rape on the first one you kill...use me wisely.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

If you stick it in the stink instead of the pink, you get poo d!ck.

[Kanil 519]

You can't punch all your problems away.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

Don't ever bust a load into average poor chicks.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Put it in crazy, they are the best in bed.

[MDC 5,890]

I like big butts.

[kutulu 1,545]

shrinkage

[wiffleball 4,640]

going commando and zippers don't mix

Happened to me in 8th grade. HOly Mother Fock. I'd rather be waterboarded.

No shiit, I wore button downs until college at least.

 

My teacher was fixin to rip me a new one for taking so long in the bafroom.

He took one look at my face - and his face, entire demeanor changed.

I'm not sure he knew the details, but, based upon the look on my face,

he knew there was nothing he could do to me that would be worse than

whatever I'd been through up to that point.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,633]

I lick big butts.

[MDC 5,890]

 

I lick big butts.

Only on Valentine's Day.

[jerryskids 5,199]

If you stick it in the stink instead of the pink, you get poo d!ck.

 

This is basically what I was going to post. So I'll go instead with...

 

As you get older, that booze ain't exactly helping

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

Don't piss in the wind

[giraldi02 470]

Go into a hypothetical dark room for 8 hours a day for 40 hours a week for a year.

You'll end up chaffed, but you'll be a millionaire.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

"I can only throw up so many times a day"

[TimmySmith 2,782]

We will get along a lot better if you use your mouth once in a while.

[wiffleball 4,640]

We will get along a lot better if you use your mouth once in a while.

Dislocated a vertebrae trying that.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

Dislocated a vertebrae trying that.

 

Try getting a bigger peemus.

[cyclone24 1,814]

Happened to me in 8th grade. HOly Mother Fock. I'd rather be waterboarded.

No shiit, I wore button downs until college at least.

 

My teacher was fixin to rip me a new one for taking so long in the bafroom.

He took one look at my face - and his face, entire demeanor changed.

I'm not sure he knew the details, but, based upon the look on my face,

he knew there was nothing he could do to me that would be worse than

whatever I'd been through up to that point.

 

So like 5 years ago I went commando one day....was in a rush and zipped up one of my nuts. Obviously hurt like Fock...bleeding, etc.

 

I got it stopped, and tried to let it heal. Of course...doesn't heal. Starts swelling. Have to trot into the doctor and show him my nuts and what happened (awesome experience)...he gives me some medicine stuff.

 

Fast forward 5 years and I'm doing that life insurance stuff I had a thread on. Chick from the agency calls up and says, "Looks like you were on _________ medicine? What was that treating and is it a current issue.

 

So 5 years later I had to retell the story to some chick how I zipped up my balls. FML.

[FeelingMN 273]

One in the hand isn't worth two in the bush.

[wiffleball 4,640]

 

Try getting a bigger peemus.

 

 

...Your lips to God's ears.

 

 

 

- Um, not that I want my peemus near either of those things...

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Dislocated a vertebrae trying that.

You are supposed to keep your head on the outside.