Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
nikki2200

Married Geeks: Have you ever cheated on your spouse?

  

63 members have voted

  1. 1. Have you ever cheated on your spouse?

    • Yes
      12
    • No
      37
    • I've never been married
      14


Recommended Posts

That being said, I realize it is very difficult to resist. I had an ex visit once (before I was married) who starting kissing me and I had to put the brakes. I was able to do so, but it made me realize the best way to avoid cheating is to eliminate/minimize the temptation.

This is all very true. It's one of (not the only one) reasons I don't do Facebook. I try to keep it as simple as possible with the least amount of temptation. If I was an alcholic I probably wouldn't hang out in bars either. Same philosphy.

 

And I voted No. Because whats the point of getting married if you want to act like you are single? I never understood that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really not that difficult to remain faithful. You just don't go out looking for it.

 

I don't hang out with other women socially other than couples with my wife, because first it's let's go out to lunch, then, let's go to happy hour after work, then hey, we can see a movie together, it's no big deal, then the sneaking around begins, then you cheat. I don't want to have to say no when my pants are around my ankles, it's much easier to never be in the position to have to say no.

 

 

If i can quote Chris Rock....."You may be done chasing women....but that dont mean they are done chasing you....and they all run a lot faster than you do" :cheers:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

nikki - I think the culture of the (un?)professional environment you've been in has warped your thinking a bit.

 

Traveling sales and consultants probably have a higher probablitiy of cheating... frequently on the road, away from their family, in hotels, bars, etc... ups the odds quite a bit I'd think.

 

Then you factor in the look/personalities of those that are successful in sales... ups tha probability a bit again.

 

 

Here's the thing... it's much easier to be faithful if you don't feel like you're "missing out" on something - if you don't feel like the grass is always greener somewhere/with someone else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really not that difficult to remain faithful. You just don't go out looking for it.

 

Frank nailed it. I have female friends at work but I leave it at work. I'm always taking classes - I'll go out for drinks afterward but never outside of a group situation. My female friends are almost all married and we hang out as couples. When I go out boozing with just the guys, they're married and half the time I'm hanging with my wife's cousin or brother. I don't keep in touch with ex-girlfriends.

 

People who cheat go looking for it. Avoiding temptation isn't really that hard if you're not a scumbag. :dunno:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's the thing... it's much easier to be faithful if you don't feel like you're "missing out" on something - if you don't feel like the grass is always greener somewhere/with someone else.

Obviously everyone is different, but for me it really helped that I didn't get married until age 31. If I would have married in my early to mid twenties, before I really sowed my wild oats and matured a bit there would be no doubt in my mind it would have ended badly. You have to be ready.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Never have and if I ever felt the need to, I'd talk to my wife first.

 

I despise liars, and that's what cheating is. During your wedding you were there in front of your closest friends and family saying that this is the person for you. You're essentially lying to everyone you know. I know guys that have cheated and I just simply don't trust them anymore. If they are going to lie to their spouse, what stops them from lying to me?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Obviously everyone is different, but for me it really helped that I didn't get married until age 31. If I would have married in my early to mid twenties, before I really sowed my wild oats and matured a bit there would be no doubt in my mind it would have ended badly. You have to be ready.

:thumbsup:

Same here - it is what worked for me.

Any girl that feels like she never dated the QB or any guy that feels like he never had a Prom Queen will be more susceptible to cheating later - and I mean in general terms - not an actual QB.

 

I also think you have to get a bit bored with the single/ carefree lifestyle - you have reach a point where concerts/cruises/booze/girls are nice but a bit repetitive and somewhat unfulfilling. This was how I knew I was ready for a family and the committment/sacrifice involved - nothing is harder than raising my kids and nothing is more rewarding - And without my wife there with me it would be nearly impossible to do it both happily and successfully.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. Never even really considered it. Like KSB, I didn't get married until I was ready to be married. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can stand up in front of all their friends and family and make that vow to another person, then break it. It's funny how little self-respect some people have, not to mention the lack of respect for their spouse. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

 

ETA: or exactly what mung said. :doh:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ahold point about the age stuff, I was 36 when I got married..

 

32. :thumbsup:

 

Sleeping around is like recreational drug use to me now. I still have good memories but I wouldn't go back there for anything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been married for 5 1/2 years and am surprised at how uninterested I am in cheating.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

never married

 

but back in HS/college it seemed if I was with someone....other girls would be all over me.

 

if I was single, the only thing that came on to me was old ladies.

 

so focking stupid :banana:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I answered yes and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Almost lost everything. (cue the fat jokes...)

 

 

It's not worth it. I have grown considerably since then. To see the hurt that I caused my wife and son was almost unbearable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope never have. I'm on my 2nd marriage and the 1st wife cheated on me. The saddest part about it wasn't that she cheated but the fact that she didn't respect me enough to tell me about it even when she ended the marriage. I had to find-out in a round-about way.

 

Now, married again for 5 years last month and have 2 great sons. I haven't even thought about cheating; although I do appreciate and "check-out" beauties of the opposite sex. It's fun to look, but I have no desire to cheat. If I ever did, damn sure I would end the marriage before sleeping with someone else. I don't foresee that ever happening, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope never have. I'm on my 2nd marriage and the 1st wife cheated on me. The saddest part about it wasn't that she cheated but the fact that she didn't respect me enough to tell me about it even when she ended the marriage. I had to find-out in a round-about way.

 

Now, married again for 5 years last month and have 2 great sons. I haven't even thought about cheating; although I do appreciate and "check-out" beauties of the opposite sex. It's fun to look, but I have no desire to cheat. If I ever did, damn sure I would end the marriage before sleeping with someone else. I don't foresee that ever happening, though.

 

 

Just because all your money is on one horse.....doesnt mean you cant watch the race. :cheers:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

nikki - I think the culture of the (un?)professional environment you've been in has warped your thinking a bit.

 

Traveling sales and consultants probably have a higher probablitiy of cheating... frequently on the road, away from their family, in hotels, bars, etc... ups the odds quite a bit I'd think.

 

Then you factor in the look/personalities of those that are successful in sales... ups tha probability a bit again.

 

 

Here's the thing... it's much easier to be faithful if you don't feel like you're "missing out" on something - if you don't feel like the grass is always greener somewhere/with someone else.

 

Mebbe. I think being on the road and the ability to easily do it without getting caught probably factors in a lot. I also think a lot of people in my profession are a tad narcissistic and the type of men who try to get as much booty as they can, even after they are married. But like I said, I've seen poles that all say about half of married people cheat. It's also happened a lot at the clients I have worked for.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Obviously everyone is different, but for me it really helped that I didn't get married until age 31. If I would have married in my early to mid twenties, before I really sowed my wild oats and matured a bit there would be no doubt in my mind it would have ended badly. You have to be ready.

 

I think this also has A LOT to do with it. I can't even tell you how many men I know that got married in their mid-20s because they thought that is what they were supposed to do, and by the time they are in their mid-30s/early 40s are basically miserable in their marriages, but stay in it because of the kids, etc. and then end up cheating to get something they don't have at home.

 

If I had married the guy I was living with when I was 23, I probably would have answered yes to this pole. If I get married now... the thought of cheating would actually make me :lol: Like why in the fock would I want to do something like that? The screwing around and party time is so out of my system. Ya know?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really not that difficult to remain faithful. You just wear a sweater vest or eyeliner.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've seen poles that all say about half of married people cheat.

:dunno: OK - but I don't see that with the married friends - it's be rare not just friends, but family, etc - I just don't see THAT much of it - sure, occasionally, but nowhere near 50% perhaps I'm just in a demographic that's more insulated from it?

 

I answered yes and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Almost lost everything. (cue the fat jokes...)

 

It's not worth it. I have grown considerably since then. To see the hurt that I caused my wife and son was almost unbearable.

:thumbsup: admirable post.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:dunno: OK - but I don't see that with the married friends - it's be rare not just friends, but family, etc - I just don't see THAT much of it - sure, occasionally, but nowhere near 50% perhaps I'm just in a demographic that's more insulated from it?

Married men don't vote in polls in Cosmo. Polls like that are skewed. :dunno:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Married men don't vote in polls in Cosmo. Polls like that are skewed. :dunno:

 

I think you may be right. ;) My Cosmo data may be skewed. :mad:

 

http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/28/sanford-ensign-affair-opinions-columnists-extramarital-sex.html

 

In a 2006 paper Smith reported: "The best estimates are that about 3% to 4% of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year and about 15% to 18% of ever-married people have had a sexual partner other than their spouse while married."

 

This is a far cry from the claims of some sex researchers like Sherry Hite, who has posited that 70% of women who have been married for five years or more are having affairs.

 

This actually falls right in line with our scientific data we are gathering here at FFT.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mebbe. I think being on the road and the ability to easily do it without getting caught probably factors in a lot. I also think a lot of people in my profession are a tad narcissistic and the type of men who try to get as much booty as they can, even after they are married. But like I said, I've seen poles that all say about half of married people cheat. It's also happened a lot at the clients I have worked for.

 

 

You seem to have a thing for poles

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really not that difficult to remain faithful. You just don't go out looking for it.

 

I don't hang out with other women socially other than couples with my wife, because first it's let's go out to lunch, then, let's go to happy hour after work, then hey, we can see a movie together, it's no big deal, then the sneaking around begins, then you cheat. I don't want to have to say no when my pants are around my ankles, it's much easier to never be in the position to have to say no.

 

I agree with this 100%. I've been married 24 years with unequivocal fidelity on both sides. I further ensure my continued fidelity by never placing myself in situations where temptations could ever occur, though I'm confident I could survive any temptation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with this 100%...I further ensure my continued fidelity by never placing myself in situations where temptations could ever occur, though I'm confident I could survive any temptation.

 

:thumbsup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

no. never would either.

 

i'm a god fearing man and have morals.

 

problem today is lack thereof.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've learned not to put myself in situations where it could happen. Being a drinker, anything can happen. A friend of mine who is single turned thirty five this year and had a big party. The night before, he invited me to help set up. I get there and it's a few twenty year old wemen friends of his who are bartenders at place he likes to go. If I wanted to, I could have easily hooked up but decided to have a few beers and left before things got out of control. Knowing that you could still get some if you wanted to is more satisfying than fawking up.

 

I had to get off of Facebook because of all the wemens who are single, married, or divorced that kept IM me. Most of them could care less that I am married. They wanted some Bunny and some of them could have persuaded a much stronger man than me. I deleted my account and haven't looked back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not married but I am engaged. I've never cheated on a woman that I was in a committed relationship with.

 

Sure I've been tempted--there are a lot if women out there who have no focking clue how to pick a man, so they go after ones other people have already picked thinking there must be something desirable about them.

 

But I've never given into temptation because I know how much it would suck if the situation was reversed and she cheated on me. That level of disrespect and heartlessness from someone who is supposed to be closer to you than just about everyone else in the world must have a devastating impact.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a DJ in bars in clubs, there was a lot of temptations. But I never cheated.

 

Closest I ever came was when I was a warehouse manager for a sports reconditioning company. I was 35 and I had a secretary who was 23. She was extremely flirty and I'd play along a little. One day she told me she had a dream that her and I were on a camping trip and we focked in the tent all night long. I was quite intrigued and she was giving details and I was asking for more. I must admit that I enjoyed quite a few alone moments with those images in my head, but we never actually got together. She ended up getting a better job less than six months later. Thankfully.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not married, but I haven't cheated on any of the girls I've been in relationships with. It's not like you're committed by default. You choose to get in the relationship. If you want to fock other people, don't start being in a relationship. It honestly isn't a hard concept. Why the hell would I want to be with someone who doesn't interest me enough not to cheat?

 

Have I been seeing multiple girls at once? Yes. Did they know about each other? I have no idea, and I didn't have to know, because it was none of their business since I wasn't with any of them.

 

 

At this point, I'm not sure I could be faithful to one person for the rest of my life because I'm still interested in hanging out with and taking the clothes off of lots of different girls. Until that stops, I'm sure as hell not buying one of them a house and giving them access to all of my things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I answered yes and it was the biggest mistake of my life. Almost lost everything. (cue the fat jokes...)

 

 

It's not worth it. I have grown considerably since then.

 

Actually, THAT's where the fat jokes would come in.

 

As for me, yes, I did. Cheated on my first wife. We married for lust and had plenty of it. I was way too young and took opportunities that presented themself. She found out.

 

In the end we got past it and it's not what ended the marriage. But I'm sure it didn't help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not married. I am however in an open relationship and even if I did get married that would carry over. I don't care who she focks as long as she comes back to me at the end of the night...and the same goes for me with her. Just have to wear condoms so ya don't bring anything back. We also swing.(36 c) And I am happier than I have ever been in my life with her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not married. I am however in an open relationship and even if I did get married that would carry over. I don't care who she focks as long as she comes back to me at the end of the night...and the same goes for me with her. Just have to wear condoms so ya don't bring anything back. We also swing.(36 c) And I am happier than I have ever been in my life with her.

So, you go both ways?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, you go both ways?

No..she does though. Swinging is just swapping partners for the most part and the girls are the only ones that play with each other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think i touched on this before in the "Get to know your fellow geek" or whatever threads we did......but yes i unfortunately did.

 

She had some depression issues i did not handle well, or understood well enough and made some poor decisions.

 

 

And let me tell you fellas who havent or are thinking about it.....its horrific if you get caught. First off....you have now split your friends that are couples, and most of them are not going to side with you. I still talk to a couple of the guys on phone only, but im basically the plague.

If you are in a small town like i was....everyone knew. I was also a director at a Y...so everyone there knew. So it was tough to be this role model for kid and families, when i had just been busted cheating on my wife who was well known, religous, etc.

Work became impossible to stay at. I essentially left town and moved and found a different job.

 

So in a matter of months i went from good job, wife, great house, and a community i liked being in...to packing up, moving out of town, looking for work and in a crappy apartment. So no...not nearly even remotely worth it at all.

 

Took probably 2 and half years to get past things, forgive myself a little and move on....

 

Now it ended up working out ok....my SO is great, and we have a beautiful daughter and like i mentioned before are closing on a house that we'll be in, in July.

 

But.....its taken 4 years to get back to this point.

 

Not saying that to get pity...it was my doing...100% my fault. Ive paid for it and then some.....just trying to give you fellas and gals thinking about it a heads up. They always talk about how devastating it is to the person who got cheated on, but unless you are a complete ahole...its pretty rough for the person who did it too......

 

(stepping off soapbox)

 

 

:thumbsup: Ditto. Let me add, you will never really forgive yourself. You'll live with the regret and some degree of self-loathing forever. At least in my experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No..she does though. Swinging is just swapping partners for the most part and the girls are the only ones that play with each other.

Admit it, you are rubbing weiners with other pot-bellied middle aged dope smokers.

 

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that........ :music_guitarred:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Admit it, you are rubbing weiners with other pot-bellied middle aged dope smokers.

 

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that........ :music_guitarred:

 

I have very few rules in my life. That being said rule #1 is I don't swordfight. I will spit roast a woman....but thats as close as I get to another mans junk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×