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TAS

Getting divorced...

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At no time did I suggest he go all scorched earth. You claimed I did. I didn't. End of story.

Not unless someone accused me of something I didn't do. Calling you a whiny dooshbag still doesn't suddenly mean I suggested to TAS in any way that he go scorched earth or otherwise antagonize his STBEX.

Now, you gonna keep coming back here making false claims and try to backpedal your way out of it or are you going to shut the fock up, kunt?

 

My money is on the latter.

 

You wouldn't be going through a divorce again would you?

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Now, you gonna keep coming back here making false claims and try to backpedal your way out of it or are you going to shut the fock up, kunt?

 

My money is on the latter.

 

I give up. Clearly you are a reasonable man and if your divorce was bitter and acrimonious and drawn-out it must have been entirely your ex's fault and clearly had nothing to do with how you approached the situation.

 

:lol:

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Shiit like this just makes me sad. Give it counseling. There is a reason you guys fell in love. Try and find it again. A third party could really help. At least give it a shot for your kids.

Makes me sad too. I haven't seen a single thing in this thread by TAS that is even remotely a decent reason to get divorced.

 

It blows me away that folks don't take their marriage, and more importantly, their own children's well being, any more seriously than this. :thumbsdown: :thumbsdown:

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Thanks JTB...all but the financial/children have been decided. We both have come to terms that we are moving on with our lives with the best interest of the kids on the forefront.

Before I come off as a judgmental asshole, let me say, I wish nothing but the best for all you fellas going through a divorce.

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Go to mediation. Go to counseling. Do something other than divorce.

 

Dumbest advice ever.

 

 

Good luck TAS. No clue how crazy the wife is, but obviously just try to make it as easy as possible for the 2 younger ones.

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Dumbest advice ever.

 

 

Good luck TAS. No clue how crazy the wife is, but obviously just try to make it as easy as possible for the 2 younger ones.

 

I've got socks that are older than you, and you are calling someone's marriage advice the dumbest ever? :huh:

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I've got socks that are older than you, and you are calling someone's marriage advice the dumbest ever? :huh:

 

I'm not claiming to have marriage advice.

 

But I do know if 2 people are unhappy, that they shouldn't feel forced to stay together. Am I saying not try counseling or working it out? No. But I doubt this is over TAS leaving the toilet seat up last week. It isn't "anything but divorce". And I believe that is a dumb way to look at it.

 

FOr the kids? What will the kids benefit from witnessing fighting parents? That is harder to go through as a child than divorced parents. What is the divorce rate now a days? I'm pretty sure a lot of kids deal with it, and deal with it well.

 

I stand by my statement that it is the dumbest advice ever to say "anything but divorce". Anyone that thinks being unhappy for life, and your kids growing up thinking adults fighting all the time is "how it is", is ridiculous.

 

Staying together when you are unhappy is WORSE for your kids than splitting and helping them get through it.

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I give up. Clearly you are a reasonable man and if your divorce was bitter and acrimonious and drawn-out it must have been entirely your ex's fault and clearly had nothing to do with how you approached the situation.

 

:lol:

 

I give up. Clearly, you aren't reading what I write because I already explained to you that I did the "sunshine and butterflies" approach focusing on the kids only to be sued for full custody without warning 6-months later.

 

You must be a chick, because you argue like one. You can't stay on topic. You make sh!t up as you go to support your one method approach to something like this... and your advice serves to leave a father unprotected from potential damage through no fault of his own.

 

Go change your tampon.

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You wouldn't be going through a divorce again would you?

 

No shot. 8 years with mona. :highfive: :overhead:

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I'm not claiming to have marriage advice.

 

But I do know if 2 people are unhappy, that they shouldn't feel forced to stay together. Am I saying not try counseling or working it out? No. But I doubt this is over TAS leaving the toilet seat up last week. It isn't "anything but divorce". And I believe that is a dumb way to look at it.

 

FOr the kids? What will the kids benefit from witnessing fighting parents? That is harder to go through as a child than divorced parents. What is the divorce rate now a days? I'm pretty sure a lot of kids deal with it, and deal with it well.

 

I stand by my statement that it is the dumbest advice ever to say "anything but divorce". Anyone that thinks being unhappy for life, and your kids growing up thinking adults fighting all the time is "how it is", is ridiculous.

 

Staying together when you are unhappy is WORSE for your kids than splitting and helping them get through it.

 

Not to hijack TAS's thread...Without going into all the details as to why I'm splitting from the wife, I'll just say we both admitted we wanted out last March. But we decided to work on it and only a year later am I finally moving out. I really didn't want a split, solely for my daughters sake, and I felt like I made every effort to make it work.

 

But in the end I agree with listen2me's post. My daughter will be happier and better off with 2 happy parents that get along with each other living separately than with 2 miserable parents living in the same house. Thus the decision was eventually made.

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I'm not claiming to have marriage advice.

 

But I do know if 2 people are unhappy, that they shouldn't feel forced to stay together. Am I saying not try counseling or working it out? No. But I doubt this is over TAS leaving the toilet seat up last week. It isn't "anything but divorce". And I believe that is a dumb way to look at it.

 

FOr the kids? What will the kids benefit from witnessing fighting parents? That is harder to go through as a child than divorced parents. What is the divorce rate now a days? I'm pretty sure a lot of kids deal with it, and deal with it well.

 

I stand by my statement that it is the dumbest advice ever to say "anything but divorce". Anyone that thinks being unhappy for life, and your kids growing up thinking adults fighting all the time is "how it is", is ridiculous.

 

Staying together when you are unhappy is WORSE for your kids than splitting and helping them get through it.

The following has nothing to do with TAS specifically:

 

Your statements are a microcosm of what's wrong with our culturally accepted view of marriage. Marriage is a union, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. If BOTH people are committed to this -- to work with each other to solve the problems -- most marriages could be saved. I've gone through some rough times with my wife, and we worked through it, and our marriage is by far stronger than it has ever been. Adversity can unite you in ways that bliss never can, if you let it. But it takes two to tango, and both people must be committed to the union. In our case, we never aired our problems in front of our children, because we are responsible adults.

 

What will kids learn? In your scenario they learn to quit when times get tough. They learn that marriage is something that you do until you start arguing and then you get a divorce. They learn that the grass is always greener on the other side. Kids are pretty smart.

 

Again, this is not about TAS. He seems like a good guy, and as a fellow martial artist, I know that he knows about discipline and commitment. Not all marriages can be saved. It seems that he has reached the point of apathy, which is far worse than anger, since it is the absence of emotion. It can be very difficult, perhaps impossible, to come back from that point.

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The following has nothing to do with TAS specifically:

 

Your statements are a microcosm of what's wrong with our culturally accepted view of marriage. Marriage is a union, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. If BOTH people are committed to this -- to work with each other to solve the problems -- most marriages could be saved. I've gone through some rough times with my wife, and we worked through it, and our marriage is by far stronger than it has ever been. Adversity can unite you in ways that bliss never can, if you let it. But it takes two to tango, and both people must be committed to the union. In our case, we never aired our problems in front of our children, because we are responsible adults.

 

What will kids learn? In your scenario they learn to quit when times get tough. They learn that marriage is something that you do until you start arguing and then you get a divorce. They learn that the grass is always greener on the other side. Kids are pretty smart.

 

Again, this is not about TAS. He seems like a good guy, and as a fellow martial artist, I know that he knows about discipline and commitment. Not all marriages can be saved. It seems that he has reached the point of apathy, which is far worse than anger, since it is the absence of emotion. It can be very difficult, perhaps impossible, to come back from that point.

 

Marriage in itself is a dumb concept. Lets just rap our "love" into legal pieces of paper to say that we love eachother? As if a piece of paper and a ring make the love "official" or something. Whatever, women dream about it and get all giddy over weddings, so it is whatever for us guys I guess. But it is a retarded concept.

 

I think you are acting like divorce comes in over night. In most all the cases of real marriages with grown ass people, it doesn't. It isn't giving up. Just because you were 25 years old and in love with a lady and it seemed right then, doesn't mean it is now. People change. Things change a lot in 1 year. How about 15 of them? Perhaps a woman isn't the same person you married years ago.

 

I believe if you need a 3rd party to come in to help you resolve issue with a person you married "forever", then that right there is a sign you shouldn't be together. I'm not saying counseling doesn't help. But how sad is it when partners who raise kids, live together, and "love" eachother can't communicate and resolve it? But a 3rd party...a complete strangers...can help things? Were 2 people who can't talk and resolve together ever really fit for marriage to one another?

 

If 2 people aren't happy. And it has been ongoing, after you have tried to resolve it, I see no reason they should feel "forced" to stay together, because they agreed on it 20 years ago.

 

Is there anywhere in the whole through in "sickness and through health", where it says "through happiness and downright unhappiness for years"?

 

Bottom line, and it is just my opinion, if 2 people aren't happy, and have tried to resolve things....it doesn't need to go on any further. Doesn't help the kids in my eyes, actually hurts them more. And it is a waste of life. In a life we only get 1.

 

If you can both agree to be together for life...why can't the both of you agree that it is best to part ways 20 years later? It shouldn't be about a 20 year old piece of paper. It should be about real things, in real life. Things Change.

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But in the end I agree with listen2me's post. My daughter will be happier and better off with 2 happy parents that get along with each other living separately than with 2 miserable parents living in the same house. Thus the decision was eventually made.

 

Agree with this completely. And I see no way anyone can dispute this. Kids will become old enough to understand. And the happier the parents are the more they can accept the fact.

 

An unhappy home is no place to raise children.

 

Also, say a couple is at the bottom and counseling helps them out. If the feelings were that low before, who says this counseling will help in the long run? I'm sure plenty of couples "resolve" things. Only to find that a year or 2 later the same feelings and scenarios come back. To me counseling a marriage is basically like putting duct tape over a leaky boat. If it gets that bad over that many years, then no 3rd party counseling is going to fix things that are that deep into the relationship.

 

I wish America would adopt more of a marriage free lifestyle. Too many people get married early. When you are 26 years old and have known a woman for say 5 years. How in the world can yo know in 5 years, some of them immature years, that you want to be with a person until you are 90 or sitting 6 feet deep? As if nothing will ever change? I think it is crazy.

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No shot. 8 years with mona. :highfive: :overhead:

 

OMG...been 8 years since that went down.......wow time flies.

 

Also IGW I remember Meph's threads from that time and you have no focking idea what you are talking about as far as his case is concerned.

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Marriage in itself is a dumb concept. Lets just rap our "love" into legal pieces of paper to say that we love eachother? As if a piece of paper and a ring make the love "official" or something. Whatever, women dream about it and get all giddy over weddings, so it is whatever for us guys I guess. But it is a retarded concept.

 

I think you are acting like divorce comes in over night. In most all the cases of real marriages with grown ass people, it doesn't. It isn't giving up. Just because you were 25 years old and in love with a lady and it seemed right then, doesn't mean it is now. People change. Things change a lot in 1 year. How about 15 of them? Perhaps a woman isn't the same person you married years ago.

 

I believe if you need a 3rd party to come in to help you resolve issue with a person you married "forever", then that right there is a sign you shouldn't be together. I'm not saying counseling doesn't help. But how sad is it when partners who raise kids, live together, and "love" eachother can't communicate and resolve it? But a 3rd party...a complete strangers...can help things? Were 2 people who can't talk and resolve together ever really fit for marriage to one another?

 

If 2 people aren't happy. And it has been ongoing, after you have tried to resolve it, I see no reason they should feel "forced" to stay together, because they agreed on it 20 years ago.

 

Is there anywhere in the whole through in "sickness and through health", where it says "through happiness and downright unhappiness for years"?

 

Bottom line, and it is just my opinion, if 2 people aren't happy, and have tried to resolve things....it doesn't need to go on any further. Doesn't help the kids in my eyes, actually hurts them more. And it is a waste of life. In a life we only get 1.

 

If you can both agree to be together for life...why can't the both of you agree that it is best to part ways 20 years later? It shouldn't be about a 20 year old piece of paper. It should be about real things, in real life. Things Change.

We are all entitled to opinions. The bolded... I'm having trouble finding the words to describe the depth of your ignorance. I know you are young so I'll just say: you have to actually go through the process of spending years upon years with the same person to understand how people can drift apart. In fact it is the natural order of things. It takes work on both sides to prevent it from happening, and often an impartial 3rd party can help you through it. There is nothing "sad" about it, and the more people understand it and work to prevent it, the better off couples would be.

 

On the bright side, it sounds like you never plan to get married, so we will be spared a couple of divorces in the future. :thumbsup:

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OMG...been 8 years since that went down.......wow time flies.

 

Scary, isn't it? Happy as ever. Loads of laughs every day. It's a home and family born of FFT and, to my knowledge, the only ***OFFICIAL*** love connection. And if not, certainly the one that has lasted that long.

 

And of course, plenty of focking. Sometimes, I even catch them.

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Not to hijack TAS's thread...Without going into all the details as to why I'm splitting from the wife, I'll just say we both admitted we wanted out last March. But we decided to work on it and only a year later am I finally moving out. I really didn't want a split, solely for my daughters sake, and I felt like I made every effort to make it work.

 

But in the end I agree with listen2me's post. My daughter will be happier and better off with 2 happy parents that get along with each other living separately than with 2 miserable parents living in the same house. Thus the decision was eventually made.

 

Good for you... I've seen children of two people who are "staying together for the children" and it's not a pretty site...

 

Children are perceptive... They know when there is no more love in the relationship.... when a very clear, obvious mistake was made and two people are just going through the motions.

 

 

I'm with listen2me on this... I know so many guys who got married when they were 23, 24, 25 because the woman was attracted/seemed nice... Most guys are not smart enough to make a good lifelong decision at that age... they don't really know the woman that they are marrying, and have not had enough life experience to determine if they are making a good decision.

 

By all means... try to work it out... and I believe the OP did... but know when to cut your losses.

You only live life once. Don't be miserable. Kids will be more than fine if you are good, loving parent.

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1330798181[/url]' post='4709542']

Also, say a couple is at the bottom and counseling helps them out. If the feelings were that low before, who says this counseling will help in the long run? I'm sure plenty of couples "resolve" things. Only to find that a year or 2 later the same feelings and scenarios come back. To me counseling a marriage is basically like putting duct tape over a leaky boat. If it gets that bad over that many years, then no 3rd party counseling is going to fix things that are that deep into the relationship.

I know a couple older guys I used to work with who told me about how their marriages were close to being over but they got through the rough patches and grew closer together again. I think an impartial counselor could help resolve differences. They are probably skilled at making you look at the marriage from your spouse's perspective and set some ground rules for resolving your differences.

I don't know how anyone on this bored could definitively tell TAS to work it out or to definitely get a divorce. We do not know how far gone the marriage is. It sounds like it is irreparable but I don' t agree that every marriage that is headed on a downward spiral is irreparable. I think my own parents had a bit of a rough patch where they argued frequently but they got through it. now with their kids moved out and both retired, they enjoy life with each other.

 

 

 

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Scary, isn't it? Happy as ever. Loads of laughs every day. It's a home and family born of FFT and, to my knowledge, the only ***OFFICIAL*** love connection. And if not, certainly the one that has lasted that long.

 

And of course, plenty of focking. Sometimes, I even catch them.

 

Congrats! Glad to hear it worked out. My wife and I are going on a fantastic 4 years after meeting through an online chat board...both looking for the phone sechs.

 

Weird, but I've always been comfortable with weird.

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Scary, isn't it? Happy as ever. Loads of laughs every day. It's a home and family born of FFT and, to my knowledge, the only ***OFFICIAL*** love connection. And if not, certainly the one that has lasted that long.

 

And of course, plenty of focking. Sometimes, I even catch them.

 

Glad to hear that after the shiot you went through. How did the kid(s. can't remember) from the first mariage adjust?

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Happiness or not, it is important for parents to remain together rather than getting a divorce because of the sake of the kids. Children need a father and mother around at all time to raise them up right. If kids are in a single or divorced family, it is almost guaranteed they grow up to be complete sh!t.

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Happiness or not, it is important for parents to remain together rather than getting a divorce because of the sake of the kids. Children need a father and mother around at all time to raise them up right. If kids are in a single or divorced family, it is almost guaranteed they grow up to be complete sh!t.

 

When did your parents split up? :banana:

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If kids are in a single or divorced family, it is almost guaranteed they grow up to be complete sh!t.

 

So you purposely go out of your way to sound focking retarded 100% of the time? I mean, some of your schtick is pretty damn funny, but it's all running together lately.

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So you purposely go out of your way to sound focking retarded 100% of the time? I mean, some of your schtick is pretty damn funny, but it's all running together lately.

 

You must be completely clueless about social and psychological issues, but countless studies show that a child with an omnipresent mother and father grows up to be a far more well adjusted and productive member of society than a product of a single parent, same sex parents, or divorced parents. Not only is it not schticky, it's extremely logical.

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Expecting a draft from her today. We agreed in certain terms to finance and children. I will keep you posted. I assure you the reasons are just and not without the children being on the forefront. As you all know, a tough time for all involved. Everybody is affected; family, friends, kids, etc. We will handle it the best way we know how.

 

Thanks again for advice and otherwise.

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Expecting a draft from her today. We agreed in certain terms to finance and children. I will keep you posted. I assure you the reasons are just and not without the children being on the forefront. As you all know, a tough time for all involved. Everybody is affected; family, friends, kids, etc. We will handle it the best way we know how.

 

Thanks again for advice and otherwise.

 

 

Hang in there. All the best for your future. Hope you find your happiness.

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If kids are in a single or divorced family, it is almost guaranteed they grow up to be complete sh!t.

:lol:

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11 years married, 14 together.

 

You did it all wrong. You shoulda spent the next 9 months telling the rest of us how we envy your perfect life.......with your hot wife, hot tub, and great house. :music_guitarred:

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Expecting a draft from her today. We agreed in certain terms to finance and children. I will keep you posted. I assure you the reasons are just and not without the children being on the forefront. As you all know, a tough time for all involved. Everybody is affected; family, friends, kids, etc. We will handle it the best way we know how.

 

Thanks again for advice and otherwise.

 

I'm not as far along as you, but I feel confident in telling you that scotch and vag are the key to getting through this. Trust me.

 

:thumbsup: good luck!

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Everybody is affected; family, friends, kids, etc. We will handle it the best way we know how.

 

This is true and selfish to say. As a close couple in our group got divorced it was a strain on all of us. Wimmens wanted to stay friends the the woman and the guys - really didn't care either way LOL. But seriously when you have a party which one do you invite ? Both ? They were not ready to be together socially - maybe one day but it has effected the group of friends, including the kids of the group.

 

:dunno:

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This is true and selfish to say. As a close couple in our group got divorced it was a strain on all of us. Wimmens wanted to stay friends the the woman and the guys - really didn't care either way LOL. But seriously when you have a party which one do you invite ? Both ? They were not ready to be together socially - maybe one day but it has effected the group of friends, including the kids of the group.

 

:dunno:

 

Exactly!

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You must be completely clueless about social and psychological issues, but countless studies show that a child with an omnipresent mother and father grows up to be a far more well adjusted and productive member of society than a product of a single parent, same sex parents, or divorced parents. Not only is it not schticky, it's extremely logical.

 

Please link to a couple of them, thanks.

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Please link to a couple of them, thanks.

 

I have the facts on my side. Go prove me wrong. Oh, but you can't, can you? Nobody can match wits with the master. My wits are unapproachable, unconceivable, unprecedented, unpregnable, unpreventable. I'm completely without peers. In fact, my wits can't even be called merely human wits. They are beyond. Therefore, I'm witless.

 

phillybear wins again, phillybear wins again. :pointstosky:

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ITT, "countless" = zero. :thumbsup:

 

Go link me to those zero studies.

 

phillybear wins again, phillybear wins again. :pointstosky:

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Please link to a couple of them, thanks.

 

Here you go. took me 5 seconds to find this. I'm sure I can dig up 10 more in 2 minutes.

 

http://www.thehilltoponline.com/2.4839/children-in-single-parent-homes-and-emotional-problems-1.472758#.T1ZRHPXZWSo

 

Anyone who says kids are better off being from broken homes, than raised around "parents fighting" is a tard. While it's true that the kids are victims either way, the problem with this country is everybody wants to take the easy way out. Then they try to convince themselves that they're somehow doing the right thing. Do us all a favor and don't bring kids into the world, if you're too selfish to provide them with a proper upbringing.

 

/rant

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Here you go. took me 5 seconds to find this. I'm sure I can dig up 10 more in 2 minutes.

 

http://www.thehilltoponline.com/2.4839/children-in-single-parent-homes-and-emotional-problems-1.472758#.T1ZRHPXZWSo

 

Anyone who says kids are better off being from broken homes, than raised around "parents fighting" is a tard. While it's true that the kids are victims either way, the problem with this country is everybody wants to take the easy way out. Then they try to convince themselves that they're somehow doing the right thing. Do us all a favor and don't bring kids into the world, if you're too selfish to provide them with a proper upbringing.

 

/rant

 

 

http://www.news.cornell.edu/releases/May04/single.parents.ssl.html

 

Over all, we find little or no evidence of systematic negative effects of single parenthood on children

 

I guess it helps to ignore the studies that disprove your theory and focus only on the ones that agree with you.

 

Here's another that provides a mixed view:

 

Research indicates that, on average, children who grow up in families with both their biological parents in a low-conflict marriage are better off in a number of ways than children who grow up in single-, step- or cohabiting-parent households. Compared to children who are raised by their married parents, children in other family types are more likely to achieve lower levels of education, to become teen parents, and to experience health, behavior, and mental health problems. And children in single- and cohabiting-parent families are more likely to be poor. This being said, most children not living with married, biological parents grow up without

serious problems.

 

In individual situations, marriage may or may not make children better off, depending on whether the marriage is “healthy” and stable.

 

http://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf

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And another thing that I'm right about...

 

Can you imagine the nightmare of being a kid in a divorce? You are forced to spend time with one parent or another every focking weekend. Court ordered. As a kid, I stayed away from my parents. Because I could actually have some fun. Play some sports, take a break from school. Instead, your selfish parents tie you to their hip and you have to go to an aquarium or bowling or eat pizza, again. Fock that. No wonder teens kill themselves.

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MY STUDIES > YOUR STUDIES BECAUSE MY STUDIES AGREE WITH ME!

 

Stop being such a focking idiot. Anyone can make statistics say whatever he wants if he tries hard enough. You are of the opinion that it's better for kids to grow up around parents who beat the living sh!t out of each other (and probably the kid too) than it is for the kid to grow up in a so-called "broken" home. I get it. That's your opinion. Please do not try to pretend that it's anything more than that.

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