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TAS

Getting divorced...

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I'm very sorry to hear that. :(

 

Do you have a lot of property/assets? I mean, more than most people?

 

If not, my suggestion is that you and your spouse try to work out an agreement on how to split the property and debts. Do you have kids? If so you will also want to work out an agreement on custody and child support. Do this as a dissolution and not a contested divorce.

 

If you can't agree then you will probably have to get lawyers and spend a ton of money fighting each other in court. In the end your legal bills may far exceed the money that you are fighting over. I see it happen all the time. My advice is to avoid this result if at all possible.

 

Also you obviously don't want to bring the kids in to your sh!t. Don't use them as a weapon against each other, ever. Unfortunately I see that all the time too.

 

If you do have a lot of assets then I would recommend consulting with an attorney.

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11 years married, 14 together.

 

Go to mediation. Go to counseling. Do something other than divorce.

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I'm very sorry to hear that. :(

 

Do you have a lot of property/assets? I mean, more than most people?

 

If not, my suggestion is that you and your spouse try to work out an agreement on how to split the property and debts. Do you have kids? If so you will also want to work out an agreement on custody and child support. Do this as a dissolution and not a divorce.

 

If you can't agree then you will probably have to get lawyers and spend a ton of money fighting each other in court. In the end your legal bills may far exceed the money that you are fighting over. I see it happen all the time. My advice is to avoid this result if at all possible.

 

Also you obviously don't want to bring the kids in to your sh!t. Don't use them as a weapon against each other, ever. Unfortunately I see that all the time too.

 

If you do have a lot of assets then I would recommend consulting with an attorney.

We have a house...that is it in terms of property. She wants it and can't afford it.

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Go to mediation. Go to counseling. Do something other than divorce.

agreed. with 3 kids and one thats really small, you will be part of each others lives until you both pass on.

 

what happen?

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Go to bank and take out $200 in cash from checking account

1 - Plastic storage container from Walmart (as big as you can find). Pay cash

1 - Plastic storage container from Walmart (just smaller than the first). Pay cash.

6 - 50lb bags of lime from Home Depot. Pay cash.

1 - chain saw and 1 roll of duct tape from Home Depot (purchase at different Home Depot). Pay cash.

 

Find secluded area in the woods, chop up body using a chain saw. Put body parts in smaller storage container. Mix with 2 bags of lime. Seal container with duct tape. Put smaller container in larger container. Fill left over area with lime.

 

Dig 6 foot hole. Stick container in hole. Fill with dirt and mix remaining lime.

 

Tell no one. :ninja:

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Go to mediation. Go to counseling. Do something other than divorce.

 

Sound advice but I no longer am in love. She is not either but has not come to grips with that yet. The writing has been on the wall for years.

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Come out to Cali for a few days...Or better yet fly me out to Hawaii. I'll help you drink all your problems away :cheers:

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why are you getting divorced??

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agreed. with 3 kids and one thats really small, you will be part of each others lives until you both pass on.

 

what happen?

 

Not any 1 thing actually. On my end just a realization that her and I are good parents and could probably go through life's journey just fine, but are not great friends and are not in love the way folks who are married should be.

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BTW, you live in Hawaii, right? You can find court forms here: http://www.courts.state.hi.us/self-help/courts/forms/court_forms.html

 

And this looks like a useful resource: http://www.lawhelp.org/HI/StateSubTopics.cfm/County/%20/City/%20/demoMode/%3D%201/Language/1/State/HI/TextOnly/N/ZipCode/%20/LoggedIn/0/iTopicID/463/sTopicImage/T_Family.gif/bAllState/0

 

 

But also I agree with those who say you should try to work it out if possible. At least give counseling, etc. a shot if you haven't already.

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If you can't agree then you will probably have to get lawyers and spend a ton of money fighting each other in court. In the end your legal bills may far exceed the money that you are fighting over.

 

This.

 

We were together for 18 years, married 15. In the end we just sat down and filed everything jointly. NH is a 50-50 state so no one was raped and pillaged. Courts look favorably at two people who can work things out.

 

With kids that small, do everything you can to try and get this into mediation/counseling. Trust me on this. Your kids will be devastated.

 

I wish you the best, buddy.

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We have a house...that is it in terms of property. She wants it and can't afford it.

 

The likely reality is that you'll have to sell the house. If she can't afford it then she won't be able to refinance it in her name only.

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Sound advice but I no longer am in love. She is not either but has not come to grips with that yet. The writing has been on the wall for years.

 

Shiit like this just makes me sad. Give it counseling. There is a reason you guys fell in love. Try and find it again. A third party could really help. At least give it a shot for your kids.

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This.

 

We were together for 18 years, married 15. In the end we just sat down and filed everything jointly. NH is a 50-50 state so no one was raped and pillaged. Courts look favorably at two people who can work things out.

 

With kids that small, do everything you can to try and get this into mediation/counseling. Trust me on this. Your kids will be devastated.

 

I wish you the best, buddy.

 

Thanks Tiki! I moved out in November and my kids are awesome. Very strong independent people. They are very attached to their mother so have spent most of the time with her.

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The likely reality is that you'll have to sell the house. If she can't afford it then she won't be able to refinance it in her name only.

 

Can we be divorced and my name stay on the deed?

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They are very attached to their mother so have spent most of the time with her.

Lock them back up in the basement.

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Can we be divorced and my name stay on the deed?

 

Your name could stay on the deed but then you would still own the house together. And the deed is separate from the mortgage anyway. You can remove your name from the deed but still be liable for the mortgage. Now if you want to keep your name on the mortgage that will be very very easy because that is what your lender wants you to do. But one thing you should think about is do you want to be on the hook for a mortgage for a house you don't live in?

 

This might be a good link for you to check out: http://www.bills.com/need-to-remove-name-from-a-joint-mortgage/

 

It really depends on your own financial and living situation though so I don't think I can help you out a lot at this point.

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Your name could stay on the deed but then you would still own the house together. And the deed is separate from the mortgage anyway. You can remove your name from the deed but still be liable for the mortgage. Now if you want to keep your name on the mortgage that will be very very easy because that is what your lender wants you to do. But one thing you should think about is do you want to be on the hook for a mortgage for a house you don't live in?

 

This might be a good link for you to check out: http://www.bills.com...joint-mortgage/

 

It really depends on your own financial and living situation though so I don't think I can help you out a lot at this point.

 

Thanks IGW, appreciate the linkage!

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why are you getting divorced??

 

I am not in love, to put it honestly. She is a great Mom and a genuinely nice person. We were never what I would consider good friends, did not communicate particularly well, different interests, different friends. It's amazing we lasted as long as it did.

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Post nekkid pics of her from 14 years ago. :dunno:

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Post nekkid pics of her from 14 years ago. :dunno:

 

Would if I had them. Pretty lady.

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Thanks IGW, appreciate the linkage!

 

If you're certain that divorce is the only outcome here, try to work things out beforehand with a property settlement agreement that would survive a judgment of divorce.

 

If you find that you must stay on the deed to the marital home, but will not live there, make sure you are still on the homeowner's insurance.

 

If you find that you must deed your interest in the home to your wife/ex-wife, get the mortgagee's consent first(if/when you deed your interest in the home to your wife, the lender may deem it cause to accelerate the loan).

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So sorry to hear TAS. I don't have any information to add other than I'll pray for you and the wife and children tonight for a resolution. What the resolution is, I don't know, but I'll pray one comes to you and it is crystal clear.

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So sorry to hear TAS. I don't have any information to add other than I'll pray for you and the wife and children tonight for a resolution. What the resolution is, I don't know, but I'll pray one comes to you and it is crystal clear.

Thanks JTB...all but the financial/children have been decided. We both have come to terms that we are moving on with our lives with the best interest of the kids on the forefront.

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Can we be divorced and my name stay on the deed?

 

Yes, but I view this as the first chink in the armor. I know this will sound bitter or mean, but you need to keep your guard up. No matter how civil things may look at times, your wife is one pube from turning on you in a second. Especially when you say she still hasn't accepted things. All it will take is one GF or her mother to put a bug in her ear and it's on.

 

- If you want to pay for the house, try to get the lawyers to factor that in as part of your monthly obligations to her

- Try as hard as you can to get 50/50 physical custody. That will at least eliminate some of your monthly obligations. In Indiana, even with 50/50 custody, the spouse that makes the most pays the other one. Simple worksheet, no debating it.

 

But, if as you say, you've 'decided' on everything, you can hopefully get it all in writing before she changes her mind. Best of luck man.

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Yes, but I view this as the first chink in the armor. I know this will sound bitter or mean, but you need to keep your guard up. No matter how civil things may look at times, your wife is one pube from turning on you in a second. Especially when you say she still hasn't accepted things. All it will take is one GF or her mother to put a bug in her ear and it's on.

 

- If you want to pay for the house, try to get the lawyers to factor that in as part of your monthly obligations to her

- Try as hard as you can to get 50/50 physical custody. That will at least eliminate some of your monthly obligations. In Indiana, even with 50/50 custody, the spouse that makes the most pays the other one. Simple worksheet, no debating it.

 

But, if as you say, you've 'decided' on everything, you can hopefully get it all in writing before she changes her mind. Best of luck man.

listen to this man, wish I had or heeded this type of advice when I was traveling that road.

Don't let her guilt you into paying for the house so she can keep the same lifestyle while you suffer. A happy father is what the kids need.....not the "stuff"

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But, if as you say, you've 'decided' on everything, you can hopefully get it all in writing before she changes her mind. Best of luck man.

 

What constitutes "getting it in writing"?

 

I'm also going through a split with the wife. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, division of property, she's getting the house, etc. I trust her and believe it'll be fine, but obviously I want to have my ass covered in case she turns all woman on me somewhere down the line.

 

We both want to avoid using lawyers as money is tight already.

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Sorry to hear,I can only chime in on the kids issue as my parents divorced when I was in 5th grade and it sucked getting used like a pawn in chess,don't let that happen.

 

Good luck.

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What constitutes "getting it in writing"?

 

I'm also going through a split with the wife. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, division of property, she's getting the house, etc. I trust her and believe it'll be fine, but obviously I want to have my ass covered in case she turns all woman on me somewhere down the line.

 

We both want to avoid using lawyers as money is tight already.

 

Put it all on a dissolution/uncontested divorce form and file it in court. You'll do a hearing, they'll grant the divorce, and then you'll have it covered. Well except for child custody and child support--she can move to modify that down the road.

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IGotWorms, do you practice family law?

 

I have in the past, but I really didn't care for it. You see people ruin themselves and their kids just to spite their ex. The only people who "win" are the lawyers getting paid to sling sh!t at each others' clients.

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What constitutes "getting it in writing"?

 

I'm also going through a split with the wife. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, division of property, she's getting the house, etc. I trust her and believe it'll be fine, but obviously I want to have my ass covered in case she turns all woman on me somewhere down the line.

 

We both want to avoid using lawyers as money is tight already.

 

Dang man. Sorry to hear that. I know you two just celebrated the birth of your first.

 

Sorry about your situation too TAS.

 

Wish you both the best. :(

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What constitutes "getting it in writing"?

 

I'm also going through a split with the wife. We have agreed on 50/50 custody, division of property, she's getting the house, etc. I trust her and believe it'll be fine, but obviously I want to have my ass covered in case she turns all woman on me somewhere down the line.

 

We both want to avoid using lawyers as money is tight already.

 

I guess my point to TAS was don't meander around, wasting time. If she's agreeable and everything is going 'well', get it drawn up, signed and filed in the courts as soon as possible. Up until that point, it's your ass if she changes her mind. And that 'money is tight' aspect...your ass will end up paying for the entire thing if she wants to press it, especially if you're in the wrong with anything. She can always go back and change her mind after it's final (challenge you for more money, try for full custody) but at least at that point the cost and effort to her will help keep her in line.

 

Here is one little detail that did just come to mind. The Indiana worksheet had me locked in at 1100.00 a month to her. Nothing I could do about that. 700 of it went to daycare, the other 400 went to her. As my daughter got older, my daycare expenses got less and less. Now that she's 10, I pay about 60 bucks a week for school aftercare. If you don't word it correctly in the divorce, as your child care costs go down, the difference will go to her. In my case, I'd be paying her close to 900 bucks a month right now had I not thought of that.

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We have a house...that is it in terms of property. She wants it and can't afford it.

 

Oh, that's okay. She'll set you up and accuse of abuse. That'll get her the kids and exclusive possession of the house which you will be made to pay for until the youngest is 18.

 

My condolences.

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And you're also getting a lot of really sh!tty advice here.

 

Mistake #1 - Moving out. She gets the upper hand on the house.

 

Mistake #2 - Leaving the kids with her "most of the time because they're so attached to her." She gets the upper hand on the kids and will leverage that for the maximum of cash and prizes she can get.

 

Mistake #3 - Don't you EVER deed the house to her while remaining on the mortgage. Frankly, it shocks me to my core that so many people do this. If you're on the hook for the house, be on the hook for whatever equity that there may ultimately be. To relinquish any actual claim to the real estate while remaining financially responsible for payment (and leaving your credit at SERIOUS risk in someone else's control)... may be the most retarded focking thing anyone can do.

 

You obviously have a lot to learn. Consult an attorney sooner rather than later. You've already worsened your position on all of the most important things to you going forward and those mistakes are not easily undone nor overcome.

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