Why I No Longer Want To Be Gay

[edjr 5,556]

I no longer want to be gay. I know that on the surface this statement reeks of the denial, self-loathing and internalized homophobia commonly associated with accepting and integrating ones gayness but truth is, I just don’t want to be gay anymore. It has outlived its usefulness. I have experienced all aspects of the life and can safely say that it no longer speaks to the person that I am or want to become. I didn’t always feel this way.

Initially I came to this community searching for love, intimacy and brotherhood. In return, I got shade, infidelity, loneliness and disunity. The self-loathing in this community forces you to encounter a series of broken men who are self-destructive, hurtful, cruel and vindictive towards one another. I have struggled to adapt my moral code to fit the behaviors concomitant with the lifestyle but it seems that the lifestyle is forcing me too far away from everything I love and value. No matter how many times I try to purge my perception of its firmly held beliefs and skewed biases, the same classic stereotypes of gay men keep rearing their ugly heads. The indiscriminate sex, superficiality, unstable relationships, self-hatred, peter pan syndrome, closeted connections, ageism, shade, loneliness, preoccupation with sex, prejudice, aversion to intimacy all seem to come out of the ground I thought they were buried under. Gay men just seem to find it difficult to transcend the stereotypes and clichés attached to the life and it is becoming disheartening.

It has been seven years since I decided to live my life as an openly gay male and it has not been an easy road. It has been fraught with much pain and misery that I initially tried to mask with alcohol, drugs, sex and parties. In the beginning it was hard to admit that I liked other men. But I did and it was a very freeing experience. It gave me the opportunity to assert my identity when for years I struggled with this. It gave me a chance to be my own activist and stand up in the face of opposition from family, friends and society as a whole. I took pride in my gay pride and felt as though I were apart of something greater than myself, a movement of men who loved other men and who were unafraid to show it. Our love was supposed to be a revolutionary act. But the truth is, we didn’t love each other; we were just infatuated with the idea of belonging and going against the grain. We loved the freedom and taboo of rebelling against societal mores. The love that we thought was intricate to the spelling of our revolution was just a knife that we turned in on ourselves under the guise of fun and good times.

Personally I believe that love is sacrifice and not many gay men are willing to sacrifice for their brethren nowadays. Initially this spirit of self-sacrifice was salient during the AIDS crisis in the early 80’s and 90’s when resources were scarce and people were afraid. But now, there seems to be a preoccupation with the seduction of risk, as gay men play with matches, hoping to ignite meaningful connections in their never ending self-discovery. The grand prize of intimacy is often forfeited for the immediate gratification of a casual encounter on craigslist or a geo-social hook up on Grindr. Cars have become the new bedrooms and sex is not followed with pillow talk but rather phrases such as: “Blo and Go,” “Pump and Dump” and “Skeet and Leave”. The life is starting to look a lot like a slow death simmering on low heat and it doesn’t hold the same appeal that it once did to me. It is a life in serious need of renovations.

Men also used to be men and approached you with a modicum of chivalrous courage. Now they hide behind electronic masks or position themselves in close proximity to you at clubs hoping you initiate contact only to arrogantly dismiss your advances in an attempt to project their own discomfort. I have noticed that a lot of gay men seem to only want a challenge and live for the elusive. They want men who do not want them, men who resemble the emotional distance or absence of their fathers.

I am too young to long for the good old days but this life makes you miss what it meant to be gay. It makes you long for the times when a guy would greet you and offer you a drink as opposed to his size and sexual stats. The middleman of courtesy has been eliminated and replaced with an immoral devil who chaperons your destruction daily. It just isn’t worth it anymore. And while I recognize my attractions to men, I choose to no longer associate myself with a life that lives outside of morality and goodness. The gay life is like the love of a bad boy whose attention and love you initially covet but eventually outgrow. It’s just not where I see myself anymore.

 

[jerryskids 5,191]

Congrats. Did Naomi ghost write that for you?

[rholio 339]

Huh, would have sworn it was because Charles Manson claims he's bi-sexual.

[IGotWorms 3,310]

Sounds to me like a little b!tch who likes to whine

[IGotWorms 3,310]

Also I didn't appreciate the mental image of edjr pumping and dumping in the back of a sh!tty Scion car

[TimmySmith 2,782]

And we thought that marriage would end the universal self loathing.

[parrot 789]

And we thought that marriage would end the universal self loathing.

 

And hey, we gave it like a week.

[cmh6476 750]

NTTAWWT

[edjr 5,556]

Also I didn't appreciate the mental image of edjr pumping and dumping in the back of a sh!tty Scion car

 

[edjr 5,556]

Congrats. Did Naomi ghost write that for you?

 

Right?

[HenryHill9323 65]

Nobody is buying these threads as anything but pure troll bait. That's fine, it's a message board whatever. I'm just asking what kind of person dedicates seemingly hours of his time posting this stuff every day for more than a decade? I think we know the answer is "A total focking loser."

You don't get much more pathetic than that. I'd rather be gfiafp for the rest of my life than live in your shoes for a day.

I no longer want to be gay. I know that on the surface this statement reeks of the denial, self-loathing and internalized homophobia commonly associated with accepting and integrating ones gayness but truth is, I just don’t want to be gay anymore. It has outlived its usefulness. I have experienced all aspects of the life and can safely say that it no longer speaks to the person that I am or want to become. I didn’t always feel this way.

 

Initially I came to this community searching for love, intimacy and brotherhood. In return, I got shade, infidelity, loneliness and disunity. The self-loathing in this community forces you to encounter a series of broken men who are self-destructive, hurtful, cruel and vindictive towards one another. I have struggled to adapt my moral code to fit the behaviors concomitant with the lifestyle but it seems that the lifestyle is forcing me too far away from everything I love and value. No matter how many times I try to purge my perception of its firmly held beliefs and skewed biases, the same classic stereotypes of gay men keep rearing their ugly heads. The indiscriminate sex, superficiality, unstable relationships, self-hatred, peter pan syndrome, closeted connections, ageism, shade, loneliness, preoccupation with sex, prejudice, aversion to intimacy all seem to come out of the ground I thought they were buried under. Gay men just seem to find it difficult to transcend the stereotypes and clichés attached to the life and it is becoming disheartening.

 

It has been seven years since I decided to live my life as an openly gay male and it has not been an easy road. It has been fraught with much pain and misery that I initially tried to mask with alcohol, drugs, sex and parties. In the beginning it was hard to admit that I liked other men. But I did and it was a very freeing experience. It gave me the opportunity to assert my identity when for years I struggled with this. It gave me a chance to be my own activist and stand up in the face of opposition from family, friends and society as a whole. I took pride in my gay pride and felt as though I were apart of something greater than myself, a movement of men who loved other men and who were unafraid to show it. Our love was supposed to be a revolutionary act. But the truth is, we didn’t love each other; we were just infatuated with the idea of belonging and going against the grain. We loved the freedom and taboo of rebelling against societal mores. The love that we thought was intricate to the spelling of our revolution was just a knife that we turned in on ourselves under the guise of fun and good times.

 

Personally I believe that love is sacrifice and not many gay men are willing to sacrifice for their brethren nowadays. Initially this spirit of self-sacrifice was salient during the AIDS crisis in the early 80’s and 90’s when resources were scarce and people were afraid. But now, there seems to be a preoccupation with the seduction of risk, as gay men play with matches, hoping to ignite meaningful connections in their never ending self-discovery. The grand prize of intimacy is often forfeited for the immediate gratification of a casual encounter on craigslist or a geo-social hook up on Grindr. Cars have become the new bedrooms and sex is not followed with pillow talk but rather phrases such as: “Blo and Go,” “Pump and Dump” and “Skeet and Leave”. The life is starting to look a lot like a slow death simmering on low heat and it doesn’t hold the same appeal that it once did to me. It is a life in serious need of renovations.

 

Men also used to be men and approached you with a modicum of chivalrous courage. Now they hide behind electronic masks or position themselves in close proximity to you at clubs hoping you initiate contact only to arrogantly dismiss your advances in an attempt to project their own discomfort. I have noticed that a lot of gay men seem to only want a challenge and live for the elusive. They want men who do not want them, men who resemble the emotional distance or absence of their fathers.

 

I am too young to long for the good old days but this life makes you miss what it meant to be gay. It makes you long for the times when a guy would greet you and offer you a drink as opposed to his ###### size and sexual stats. The middleman of courtesy has been eliminated and replaced with an immoral devil who chaperons your destruction daily. It just isn’t worth it anymore. And while I recognize my attractions to men, I choose to no longer associate myself with a life that lives outside of morality and goodness. The gay life is like the love of a bad boy whose attention and love you initially covet but eventually outgrow. It’s just not where I see myself anymore.

 

[Frank M 181]

It is a choice, ed. Ask any of the Geek Bored homophobes, they'll tell you.

[edjr 5,556]

It is a choice, ed. Ask any of the Geek Bored homophobes, they'll tell you.

 

From reading that, he sure does make it seem like it is a bit of a a choice.

 

I guess the living in the open as a gay man is a choice.

[SUXBNME 1,324]

I'm gonna stick it in out a while longer.

[parrot 789]

Do I dare ask what "shade" is?

[OldMaid 1,838]

Do I dare ask what "shade" is?

You either must be older than dirt, or live under a rock.

 

 

There... I just threw some shade at you.

[KSB2424 3,082]

I did always wonder if ghey men (on average) are less monogamous than straight men. Or is that a sterotype not founded in truth?

 

I prolly shouldn't tell this story but ......here goes.

 

I went to a ghey bar once. With my girlfriend (at the time) dammit!@#! No funny ideas.

 

My live in GF and I had two neighbors in our apartment complex that were a young ghey couple. They were pretty cool and we became friends with them. It was one of their birthdays and we went out to dinner and bar hopping with them along with several other friends in their cirlce. A motley crew, some ghey, some straight. Well towards the end of the night they wanted to hit up "their" bar, so I went along. No big deal, contrary to popular belief just because I lean right politically I'm not some homophobe. The bar/club was actually pretty cool. I will admit it was a tad bit weird,but it was cool, me and the GF just posted up at the bar and ordered a drink and socialized with those we came with. Then I had to take piss, which leads me to the point of this story.

 

I meander into the mens room and as soon as I open the door there is some dude sitting up on the sink getting blown by some other dude. I just look the other way and proceed to the urinal and start pissing then I hear some moaning and stuff coming from the stall at the end and see four legs in the stall. I pee and quickly get the fock out of there. I tell my GF, we pay our tab, tell eveyone goodbye and how much fun we had then called taxi out of there as I simply felt a bit uncomfortable at that point.

 

I mean damn, is that how it always is? It played right into the sterotypes the dude that wrote this OP is saying.

[porkbutt 861]

It is a choice, ed. Ask any of the Geek Bored homophobes, they'll tell you.

do you have a problem with someone who is gay trying to seek help to not be gay?

[edjr 5,556]

I did always wonder if ghey men (on average) are less monogamous than straight men. Or is that a sterotype not founded in truth?

 

I prolly shouldn't tell this story but ......here goes.

 

I went to a ghey bar once. With my girlfriend (at the time) dammit!@#! No funny ideas.

 

My live in GF and I had two neighbors in our apartment complex that were a young ghey couple. They were pretty cool and we became friends with them. It was one of their birthdays and we went out to dinner and bar hopping with them along with several other friends in their cirlce. A motley crew, some ghey, some straight. Well towards the end of the night they wanted to hit up "their" bar, so I went along. No big deal, contrary to popular belief just because I lean right politically I'm not some homophobe. The bar/club was actually pretty cool. I will admit it was a tad bit weird,but it was cool, me and the GF just posted up at the bar and ordered a drink and socialized with those we came with. Then I had to take piss, which leads me to the point of this story.

 

I meander into the mens room and as soon as I open the door there is some dude sitting up on the sink getting blown by some other dude. I just look the other way and proceed to the urinal and start pissing then I hear some moaning and stuff coming from the stall at the end and see four legs in the stall. I pee and quickly get the fock out of there. I tell my GF, we pay our tab, tell eveyone goodbye and how much fun we had then called taxi out of there as I simply felt a bit uncomfortable at that point.

 

I mean damn, is that how it always is? It played right into the sterotypes the dude that wrote this OP is saying.

 

Gay dudes fock like rabbits, well the skinny ones. Is that why they are skinny?

 

You should check out some of the stories/videos on Freddie Mecury. Dude was a wh0re.

[Frank M 181]

do you have a problem with someone who is gay trying to seek help to not be gay?

 

No, I feel sorry for people who have allowed society to tell them that they need to change themselves because of who they're attracted to.

[edjr 5,556]

 

No, I feel sorry for people who have allowed society to tell them that they need to change themselves because of who they're attracted to.

 

 

 

Or unable to marry whomever they wish and be as miserable as everyone else

[porkbutt 861]

 

No, I feel sorry for people who have allowed society to tell them that they need to change themselves because of who they're attracted to.

yeah it's always big bad society's fault. society is moving the other way..is it not? maybe they don't want to subject themselves to a disease filled life of anal sex? have you ever looked at the numbers on CDC for men having sex with men? maybe they believe deep down inside that there is something wrong with it? but really i'm just curious because i read a story about a gay guy who doesn't want to be gay and was seeking help..and now he's getting crap from the LGBT community for trying to change. also stories coming out about banning counseling to help gays not be gay.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

 

No, I feel sorry for people who have allowed society to tell them that they need to change themselves because of who they're attracted to.

So you feel sorry for yourself?

[HenryHill9323 65]

So you feel sorry for yourself?

I feel sorry for him too.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I did always wonder if ghey men (on average) are less monogamous than straight men. Or is that a sterotype not founded in truth?

 

I prolly shouldn't tell this story but ......here goes.

 

I went to a ghey bar once. With my girlfriend (at the time) dammit!@#! No funny ideas.

 

My live in GF and I had two neighbors in our apartment complex that were a young ghey couple. They were pretty cool and we became friends with them. It was one of their birthdays and we went out to dinner and bar hopping with them along with several other friends in their cirlce. A motley crew, some ghey, some straight. Well towards the end of the night they wanted to hit up "their" bar, so I went along. No big deal, contrary to popular belief just because I lean right politically I'm not some homophobe. The bar/club was actually pretty cool. I will admit it was a tad bit weird,but it was cool, me and the GF just posted up at the bar and ordered a drink and socialized with those we came with. Then I had to take piss, which leads me to the point of this story.

 

I meander into the mens room and as soon as I open the door there is some dude sitting up on the sink getting blown by some other dude. I just look the other way and proceed to the urinal and start pissing then I hear some moaning and stuff coming from the stall at the end and see four legs in the stall. I pee and quickly get the fock out of there. I tell my GF, we pay our tab, tell eveyone goodbye and how much fun we had then called taxi out of there as I simply felt a bit uncomfortable at that point.

 

I mean damn, is that how it always is? It played right into the sterotypes the dude that wrote this OP is saying.

A bunch of us went with a gay friend to gay club in law school a few times. I knew better than to go in the bathroom though. The gas station next door was my pisser.

 

Based on the crap going on in the public part of the club, I'll be damned if I wanted to see what happens in the relative privacy of the men's room.

[parrot 789]

You either must be older than dirt, or live under a rock.

 

 

There... I just threw some shade at you.

 

Just because it's true doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Anyone who does not cotton to the gay culture is a homophobe, and that includes gays.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

Anyone who does not cotton to the gay culture is a homophobe, and that includes gays.

Now now now, that would be like calling a black person a racist.

[drobeski 3,061]

Anyone who does not cotton to the gay culture is a homophobe, and that includes gays.

yep, fake faggutphobe outrage.

[edjr 5,556]

Anyone who does not cotton to the gay culture is a homophobe, and that includes gays.

 

No different than blacks, or messicans or mooslims.

 

The Liberal PC movement has set us back 200 years.

 

I weep for America

[Frank M 181]

Anyone who does not cotton to the gay culture is a homophobe, and that includes gays.

 

Really? Who called this guy a homophobe? Because you surely wouldn't make something up that wasn't there. That would mean you were talking out of your ass.

 

I mean, you and porky and NV, sure, raging homophobes. This guy? Just someone who didn't find a promiscuous gay lifestyle to his liking. Doesn't make him a homophobe.

[KSB2424 3,082]

The best part of this thread is that the people browsing this forearm, not knowing ed jr., will read this and it looks like he is personally writing this to all of us. It's not in quotes or any preface or any link. Just edjr writing a post.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

 

Really? Who called this guy a homophobe? Because you surely wouldn't make something up that wasn't there. That would mean you were talking out of your ass.

 

 

Uh, I called him a homophobe because he is one. Blasted the gay lifestyle. I wish I could let him off the hook, but I can't. It's the right thing to do.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,913]

A bunch of us went with a gay friend to gay club in law school a few times. I knew better than to go in the bathroom though. The gas station next door was my pisser.

 

Based on the crap going on in the public part of the club, I'll be damned if I wanted to see what happens in the relative privacy of the men's room.

 

 

I've been to a few ghey bars in my time. They are actually fun before midnight. But after midnight they get weird. Drunk gheys wanting straight white meat can get scary. I've seen them slip mickeys in straight mens drinks. Tell straights that they'll tell their wives they fawked unless they let them suck their cack. Get mad and piss on each other in the bathroom. There's always a ghey couple that has the ugly old man with the young stud. The young stud is always half naked for his sugar daddy. Lots of drugs. It's a ghey Gremlin movie. Very entertaining.

 

I've also been to a bath house. I handled a claim where a straight white guy got caught by his wife there. He apparently fell down some steps and ooops.....he landed right on a d!ck up his ass. No, he actually fell down the stairs and busted his head wide open. He was brought to the emergency room. When the wife shows up, there's a couple of fru fru's and the owner crying outside of his room.That fawker had a lot of explaining to do.

 

I did my scene investigation at the spa during the day when there was no one there except me and the owners. Four stories of gheyness. Ghey statues. Ghey carpet. One floor with open rooms with beds, couches, and sex chairs. And more ghey statues. Another floor with bath, saunas, gym, and showers. Some open for public viewing, some private. A floor with a bar and disco. A glory hole room. If you are ghey and love sex, it's fantasy island.

 

And in a way, i'm kind of jealous and understand that being ghey has it's perks. We straights can't pay a membership fee at a club and have hot nekkid wemens walking around wanting to get sucked and fawked. If you're fairly attractive and you want to get laid, you go to the spa.

[edjr 5,556]

The best part of this thread is that the people browsing this forearm, not knowing ed jr., will read this and it looks like he is personally writing this to all of us. It's not in quotes or any preface or any link. Just edjr writing a post.

 

Who are you kidding? Who the fock comes here other than us?

[SUXBNME 1,324]

Congrats. Did Naomi ghost write that for you?

Nikkis dad

[Frank M 181]

Uh, I called him a homophobe because he is one. Blasted the gay lifestyle. I wish I could let him off the hook, but I can't. It's the right thing to do.

 

Oh, I see. You're trying to be clever. Again.

 

Too bad it didn't work for you.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

 

Really? Who called this guy a homophobe? Because you surely wouldn't make something up that wasn't there. That would mean you were talking out of your ass.

 

I mean, you and porky and NV, sure, raging homophobes. This guy? Just someone who didn't find a promiscuous gay lifestyle to his liking. Doesn't make him a homophobe.

Sorry buttercup I'm not a homophobe. I'm on record here that I voted against the ghey marriage ban in Minny. What you butt pirates do in the privy of your bedrooms is your business no one elses. Now go suck a cawk, phag.

[edjr 5,556]

Sorry buttercup I'm not a homophobe. I'm on record here that I voted against the ghey marriage ban in Minny. What you butt pirates do in the privy of your bedrooms is your business no one elses. Now go suck a cawk, phag.

 

You may as well call a black guy a nagger and then tell everyone you're not a racist

[wiffleball 4,638]

I dont want to be gay anymore either. Thank Godmy boyfriend still does.