Getting divorced...

[NewbieJr 540]

I have to agree with you on this one. While I have not been divorced before, my parents were. It was much better for me to see a healthy relationship rather than a fake one. My wife's parents were married for about 50 years, but they spent 10+ years not sleeping in the same bed and something like 3 years not even speaking with each other.

Sorry to hear that. That's no way to grow up. And that is surely more damaging to a child than parents who divorce.

[gocolts 300]

I have to agree with you on this one. While I have not been divorced before, my parents were. It was much better for me to see a healthy relationship rather than a fake one. My wife's parents were married for about 50 years, but they spent 10+ years not sleeping in the same bed and something like 3 years not even speaking with each other.

Most kids from divorced families want their parents back together and don't give a fock about their parents sex life. I am not talking about the parents that actually fist fight in front of their kids or when one parent is an abusive fock. Of course those are not better situations compared to divorced situations. Also, I am not saying there are not other exceptions. THat is why the rick factor are just higher and not 100%. Hell, even kids with both parents that are outstanding fock up their lives.

 

Many divorced parents are too wrapped in their own lives and the kids get lost in the shuffle. THey are more worried about finding another partner than making sure their kids happy. How many times have you heard someone say "Well, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters". Those are the ones I am talking about, which is most often the case. I am sure your parents were not like that because I know you are a hell of a guy PFB.

 

I am not saying all divorced parents are trash and don't give a fock about their kids. I am just talking about risk factors going up. Take newbie for example. He focks around a lot and is having a good time. Nothing wrong with that since he is still involved in his daughter's life quite a bit. Since his daughter still has her daddy, her risk factors do not go up as high. But, most divorced parents are not like him. Many go months, even years, without seeing their kids. Some move away from one parent and cheat the kids out of life with the other parent. Some parents move in a new partner once a year and don't give a fock if the kid likes them or not. Over an entire childhood, that adds up to a lot of loss for the kid.

 

My only point was that the risk factors go up for a lot of bad things for children from divorced families. Not that all kids are completely focked from divorced parents no matter the situation.

[gocolts 300]

Sorry to hear that. That's no way to grow up. And that is surely more damaging to a child than parents who divorce.

Does everything confuse you??? All I said was the risk factors go up for kids from divorced families. Holy fock.

[Chronic Husker 85]

Divorce always works out well for kids. Who doesn't want two sets of presents at Christmas?

[shotsup 830]

I wanna get divorced but my wife won't let me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J/K

 

 

I just want to go back to being a man banging a lot of chicks

[NewbieJr 540]

Does everything confuse you??? All I said was the risk factors go up for kids from divorced families. Holy fock.

Why are you quoting me here. I was talking to PatsFatBoy?? I think it may be you who is confused, son.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Most kids from divorced families want their parents back together and don't give a fock about their parents sex life. I am not talking about the parents that actually fist fight in front of their kids or when one parent is an abusive fock. Of course those are not better situations compared to divorced situations. Also, I am not saying there are not other exceptions. THat is why the rick factor are just higher and not 100%. Hell, even kids with both parents that are outstanding fock up their lives.

 

Many divorced parents are too wrapped in their own lives and the kids get lost in the shuffle. THey are more worried about finding another partner than making sure their kids happy. How many times have you heard someone say "Well, as long as you're happy, that's all that matters". Those are the ones I am talking about, which is most often the case. I am sure your parents were not like that because I know you are a hell of a guy PFB.

 

I am not saying all divorced parents are trash and don't give a fock about their kids. I am just talking about risk factors going up. Take newbie for example. He focks around a lot and is having a good time. Nothing wrong with that since he is still involved in his daughter's life quite a bit. Since his daughter still has her daddy, her risk factors do not go up as high. But, most divorced parents are not like him. Many go months, even years, without seeing their kids. Some move away from one parent and cheat the kids out of life with the other parent. Some parents move in a new partner once a year and don't give a fock if the kid likes them or not. Over an entire childhood, that adds up to a lot of loss for the kid.

 

My only point was that the risk factors go up for a lot of bad things for children from divorced families. Not that all kids are completely focked from divorced parents no matter the situation.

 

I am not sure the divorce is the cause of those risk factors. If you are an absent parent, the divorce is just another symptom of that. In other words, whether they stay married or not, they are not good parents that want to spend time with their kids.

 

I do think that not having two adults around can offer opportunities for kids to get into trouble. It is simple mathematics.

[TAS 2]

Congrats I guess. Also, sorry if I came off like an ass in my argument with listen2me.

 

Not at all!

 

Thanks!

[gocolts 300]

I am not sure the divorce is the cause of those risk factors. If you are an absent parent, the divorce is just another symptom of that. In other words, whether they stay married or not, they are not good parents that want to spend time with their kids.

 

I do think that not having two adults around can offer opportunities for kids to get into trouble. It is simple mathematics.

I am not just thinking out loud here. I am simply relaying information found in studies from U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services that say that the risk factors go up for kids from divorced parents.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I am not just thinking out loud here. I am simply relaying information found in studies from U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services that say that the risk factors go up for kids from divorced parents.

 

Oh, I did not want to imply that you were hypothesizing. However, those studies don't show that the divorce causes the issues. Merely that they happen together. That was more my point.

 

I think that, all things being equal, people would prefer that they not get divorced. However, I would rather show my kids what a well-adjusted divorcee looks like than a miserable husband.

[gocolts 300]

Oh, I did not want to imply that you were hypothesizing. However, those studies don't show that the divorce causes the issues. Merely that they happen together. That was more my point.

 

I think that, all things being equal, people would prefer that they not get divorced. However, I would rather show my kids what a well-adjusted divorcee looks like than a miserable husband.

Got it. Makes sense to me too. I also agree with you here.

[listen2me 23 1,529]

Children from divorce are more likely to commit suicide, become teenage parents themselves, have behavioral problems, drop out of school, end up in prison, do drugs, run away from home, etc...

 

Compared to those with 2 happy parents or just 2 parent homes in general.

 

Like was said before...

 

Single parent split homes vs. An unhappy 2 parent home.

[gocolts 300]

Compared to those with 2 happy parents or just 2 parent homes in general.

 

Like was said before...

 

Single parent split homes vs. An unhappy 2 parent home.

The studies I have seen never separate the two.

 

They just look at kids from divorced parents vs kids with married parents. Kids from divorced households risk factors for bad things go up. All that means is that the RISK goes up for kids from divorce, not that ALL kids from divorce are worse off no matter the situation.

[gocolts 300]

Like was said before...

 

Single parent split homes vs. An unhappy 2 parent home.

 

THat is a myth. Kids generally don't give a fock about your happiness, they just want their family to stay together. Hell, when you divorce, you are changing nearly every aspect of their lives. Change is hard enough for adults, let alone the children.

 

Kids often blame themselves for their parents divorce even though that is likely never the case. They are children. They are not equipped to know about all of the intricacies of relationships. Most of the time, kids from divorced families want their parents to get back together more than anything else.

 

 

Of course if you can't control yourselves and fight like cats in dogs in front of your kids, divorce might be better in the long run. If one parent is abusive, that is not a good way to raise a child either. There are lots of exceptions, but just simply being unhappy is not one of them.

 

Far too many get divorced because they think the grass is always greener on the other side or they just no longer are in love with their spouse. THose are the selfish focks that tell themselves anything to justify bailing, including that their kids would be better off.

[Savage Beast 1]

but are not great friends and are not in love the way folks who are married should be.

 

Really??????????????????

 

What married couple is?

 

Most married people are not best friends with their spouse. My brother is my best friend, not my wife. And as far as the love thing goes, the infatuation with a new spouse wears off over time as we age. But real love has nothing to do with infatuation and sex. I have real love for my friends and family, but I don't have sexual feelings or infatuation of any kind towards them. But I still love them to death, and I would not walk out on them because we faced a few rough times together. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage by any stretch of the imagination, and tearing a family apart is the worse crime a man/woman can commit, no matter by which method he/she tears it apart.

[Me_2006 14]

I love that this thread boiled down into "LISTEN TO MYYYYYY POINT OF VIEW YOU IGNORANT MOTHERFOCKER!!!!!" I can't imagine why there are so many focked up marriages in this country.

 

 

 

On topic, TAS, come to Kentucky and I'll hook you up with some college ladies. They probably dig the Hawaii thing and that you can kick the shiit out of people. I'll be young wingman and you can step in and save me if I get drunk and mouthy to a big, rough MFer.

[nikki2200 4]

Gocolts... I think you may be generalizing too much. Personally, I used to wish my parents got a divorce when I was a teenager - I mean I really did. I just wanted them to be done with it. They didn't get into WT fights; it was more silent passive aggressive stuff, but it was obvious that they were not in love but they stayed together because they were Catholic and were going to go to hell if they left each other. I was fully aware that they were both miserable, even though they never said it or ever showed an outward sign of it. I think witnessing that has led to my own commitment issues. I want to be happy. I never wanted to be in a situation like they were. Completely unhappy but staying in the marriage because they "promised" they would. After 35 years I finally found out WHY their relationship was so bad. And now.... I just want my parents to be happy (and I always did - when I was young I would hope they would get a divorce so they could both be happy) and if they had done it when I was a teenager it would have been a lot better for me. They absolutely weren't happy when they were together for 35 years. Kids aren't dumb.

 

For a long time my chest would tighten up and I would have a feeling of panic when I thought about marrying someone I was with. Like I was trapped. And I would do things to sabotage long term relationships because the concept of marriage was the equivalent of jail to me. Stuck with someone for the remainder of time on earth who you end up hating. Ironically, now that my parents have gotten divorced, I no longer get that chest tightening panic stricken feeling about marriage anymore. That could also be because I am older now, but the timing is interesting.

 

Also I want to point out that over 50% of marriages end in divorce and the child suicide rate is pretty damn low and even though kids from divorced families may be more likely to get into trouble, that really doesn't mean anything at the end of the day. The vast majority of children from divorced parents come out perfectly fine and live normal successful lives. And the ones who don't, probably would go down the same path because it was probably a pretty shiitty family situation in the first place.

[Savage Beast 1]

I can't imagine why there are so many focked up marriages in this country.

 

It's because being a selfish @sshole quitter is the American way.

[NewbieJr 540]

THat is a myth. Kids generally don't give a fock about your happiness, they just want their family to stay together. Hell, when you divorce, you are changing nearly every aspect of their lives. Change is hard enough for adults, let alone the children.

 

Kids often blame themselves for their parents divorce even though that is likely never the case. They are children. They are not equipped to know about all of the intricacies of relationships. Most of the time, kids from divorced families want their parents to get back together more than anything else.

 

 

Of course if you can't control yourselves and fight like cats in dogs in front of your kids, divorce might be better in the long run. If one parent is abusive, that is not a good way to raise a child either. There are lots of exceptions, but just simply being unhappy is not one of them.

 

Far too many get divorced because they think the grass is always greener on the other side or they just no longer are in love with their spouse. THose are the selfish focks that tell themselves anything to justify bailing, including that their kids would be better off.

Dude, you sound like you're stuck in 1954. Once Ozzie and Harriet went off the air, the bullsh!t myths about kids automatically turning to a lifge of crime were widely dispelled. I'm, sure there are many instances of kids in broken homes making bad choices. And there are just as many kids in tradional mother/father homes making bad choices.

Now, where I'll agree with you is if the parents start being selfish and living a wild single lifestyle and start paying less attention to their children. That obvioulsy will have an affect on the child. But if both parents remain attentative and caring, there is absolutely zero evidence that these kids have a higher risk of going down the wrong path.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Dude, you sound like you're stuck in 1954. Once Ozzie and Harriet went off the air, the bullsh!t myths about kids automatically turning to a lifge of crime were widely dispelled. I'm, sure there are many instances of kids in broken homes making bad choices. And there are just as many kids in tradional mother/father homes making bad choices.

Now, where I'll agree with you is if the parents start being selfish and living a wild single lifestyle and start paying less attention to their children. That obvioulsy will have an affect on the child. But if both parents remain attentative and caring, there is absolutely zero evidence that these kids have a higher risk of going down the wrong path.

 

What if one of the parents turns orange?

[NewbieJr 540]

What if one of the parents turns orange?

Kids are resiliant. They can deal. Or peel.

[TAS 2]

Really??????????????????

 

What married couple is?

 

Most married people are not best friends with their spouse. My brother is my best friend, not my wife. And as far as the love thing goes, the infatuation with a new spouse wears off over time as we age. But real love has nothing to do with infatuation and sex. I have real love for my friends and family, but I don't have sexual feelings or infatuation of any kind towards them. But I still love them to death, and I would not walk out on them because we faced a few rough times together. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage by any stretch of the imagination, and tearing a family apart is the worse crime a man/woman can commit, no matter by which method he/she tears it apart.

 

Got it.

[TAS 2]

I love that this thread boiled down into "LISTEN TO MYYYYYY POINT OF VIEW YOU IGNORANT MOTHERFOCKER!!!!!" I can't imagine why there are so many focked up marriages in this country.

 

 

 

On topic, TAS, come to Kentucky and I'll hook you up with some college ladies. They probably dig the Hawaii thing and that you can kick the shiit out of people. I'll be young wingman and you can step in and save me if I get drunk and mouthy to a big, rough MFer.

 

You have no idea how tempting that sounds...actually was there about 10 years ago. Rolled through the Louisville bat joint and some haunted house place near by.

 

My game is probably not what it once was but would take you up on it in a heart beat. Let me get settled a bit and may just hit you up on it!!!!

[Frank M 181]

Really??????????????????

 

What married couple is?

 

Most married people are not best friends with their spouse. My brother is my best friend, not my wife. And as far as the love thing goes, the infatuation with a new spouse wears off over time as we age. But real love has nothing to do with infatuation and sex. I have real love for my friends and family, but I don't have sexual feelings or infatuation of any kind towards them. But I still love them to death, and I would not walk out on them because we faced a few rough times together. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage by any stretch of the imagination, and tearing a family apart is the worse crime a man/woman can commit, no matter by which method he/she tears it apart.

 

Hyperbole much?

 

[KSB2424 3,082]

I hope Tas the best, this post has nothing to do with him personally as I have no real idea of his personal life.

 

People get married way to fast and get divorced way to fast too. Being married isn't valued like it should be. It's a joke to some. People get married at the drop of a hat and as soon as they find real trouble in the marriage they bail. I don't know all the reasons why or what can be done to fix it but its not a good thing, that I do know.

 

You're a focking team for crying out loud. You support one another through thick and thin. When sshit goes down you have your partner that picks you up. It's not all about you, its about us. Fawking A, I sound like a Hallmark card but its damn true.

 

People are way too flippant about marriage.

[mobb_deep 917]

I hope Tas the best, this post has nothing to do with him personally as I have no real idea of his personal life.

 

People get married way to fast and get divorced way to fast too. Being married isn't valued like it should be. It's a joke to some. People get married at the drop of a hat and as soon as they find real trouble in the marriage they bail. I don't know all the reasons why or what can be done to fix it but it’s not a good thing, that I do know.

 

You're a focking team for crying out loud. You support one another through thick and thin. When sshit goes down you have your partner that picks you up. It's not all about you, it’s about us. Fawking A, I sound like a Hallmark card but its damn true.

 

People are way too flippant about marriage.

 

I think the constant here is that having a successful marriage (especially when children are involved) requires both parties be selfless. It sounds simple enough, but in reality goes against everything we're groomed towards, as we grow into adults. Modern day American Capitalism (Corporatism) is about being self-centrc, selfish, egotistical, etc. etc. The two are mutually exclusive imo.

 

[IGotWorms 3,297]

I hope Tas the best, this post has nothing to do with him personally as I have no real idea of his personal life.

 

People get married way to fast and get divorced way to fast too. Being married isn't valued like it should be. It's a joke to some. People get married at the drop of a hat and as soon as they find real trouble in the marriage they bail. I don't know all the reasons why or what can be done to fix it but it’s not a good thing, that I do know.

 

You're a focking team for crying out loud. You support one another through thick and thin. When sshit goes down you have your partner that picks you up. It's not all about you, it’s about us. Fawking A, I sound like a Hallmark card but its damn true.

 

People are way too flippant about marriage.

 

Agreed.

 

When you get married, it should be with the assumption that you will absolutely work through any problem that comes along. Divorce should only happen if it reaches a point where you truly, truly cannot make it work despite the best efforts of both spouses. Sometimes that happens, but more often than not it seems like one or both of the spouses just stop trying to make it work. And I mean really trying, with everything they have.

[Savage Beast 1]

Hyperbole much?

 

 

Bwahahahahahaha.................. I wish it were hyperbole. sadly, it's not.

 

What is the main thing that holds any free society and it's communities together, the glue if you will?

 

I'll answer this one for you. it's not money, it's not fame, it's not military power, it's not a huge federal government.

 

The correct answer is sound family structure. And the sound structure of the average American family has went all to hell ever since the sexual revolution in the 1960's. No wonder we have a welfare pandemic in the USA.

[Frank M 181]

Bwahahahahahaha.................. I wish it were hyperbole. sadly, it's not.

 

What is the main thing that holds any free society and it's communities together, the glue if you will?

 

I'll answer this one for you. it's not money, it's not fame, it's not military power, it's not a huge federal government.

 

The correct answer is sound family structure. And the sound structure of the average American family has went all to hell ever since the sexual revolution in the 1960's. No wonder we have a welfare pandemic in the USA.

 

I would think murder, rape, child molestation, just to name a few, are worse crimes than divorce, which, incidentally, isn't a crime.

 

But it doesn't surprise me that a guy like you who loves to spout the Bible any chance he gets thinks that the ills of society are due to sex. Like Rick Santorum, sex seems to be all you Jesus Jumpers think about.

[KSB2424 3,082]

I would think murder, rape, child molestation, just to name a few, are worse crimes than divorce, which, incidentally, isn't a crime.

 

But it doesn't surprise me that a guy like you who loves to spout the Bible any chance he gets thinks that the ills of society are due to sex. Like Rick Santorum, sex seems to be all you Jesus Jumpers think about.

One doesn't have to be religious to believe that the foundation of 'family' is the basis for a strong community. That a strong community is the basis for a strong state. That a strong state is the foundation for a strong nation.

 

That's not religion, that's common sense.

 

The human species, and alot of other developed species on earth survival is predicated on the family or the flock or the pack or the herd. A male and a female unite, create offspring to keep the species going, and stick together as unit relying on each individual to provide (in their own way) for the family.

 

When that foundation breaks down. The house of cards comes with it.

[jerryskids 5,166]

The studies I have seen never separate the two.

 

They just look at kids from divorced parents vs kids with married parents. Kids from divorced households risk factors for bad things go up. All that means is that the RISK goes up for kids from divorce, not that ALL kids from divorce are worse off no matter the situation.

I wonder how much of the increased problems are due to the divorce per se, or due to the average parental ability of the divorcers. I suspect that on average, there is a higher incidence of divorce among lower income and lower educated people, who probably weren't the best parents to begin with.

 

Again, I'm talking average. This is absolutely no indictment on TAS or his ex, and I know plenty of rich educated people who are divorced.

[Frank M 181]

One doesn't have to be religious to believe that the foundation of 'family' is the basis for a strong community. That a strong community is the basis for a strong state. That a strong state is the foundation for a strong nation.

 

That's not religion, that's common sense.

 

The human species, and alot of other developed species on earth survival is predicated on the family or the flock or the pack or the herd. A male and a female unite, create offspring to keep the species going, and stick together as unit relying on each individual to provide (in their own way) for the family.

 

When that foundation breaks down. The house of cards comes with it.

 

I don't disagree with any of that. I'm married almost 17 years and am actively involved in my kids life. But the contention that divorce is the worst crime you can perpetrate on the family unit is absurd, and that the breakdown of society and the development of the welfare state is due to the fact that people like to fock other people and not feel guilty about it is simplistic at best.

[shovelheadt 60]

I need to see a study comparing 'kids in unhappy marriage vs. kids with divorced dad with mom suffering an untimely death'.

[TAS 2]

Lots of interesting views and opinions. To each their own.

[KSB2424 3,082]

Lots of interesting views and opinions. To each their own.

The thread evolved from you personally to an overall discussion regarding divorce and marraige. Every unique situation is different and I don't think anyone is saying divorce isn't the proper thing to pursue in certain situations. Elin Woods should have divorced Tiger Woods. A marriage that has lost all caring between one another and there has been a valid effort made to save it may be best to end up in divorce.

 

I think the point some are saying is more talking in general terms. About how a lot of people walk into marraige not really fully commited to begin with so as soon as difficulties arise they bail. That's all.

 

Good luck and hope it works out for you.

[IGotWorms 3,297]

The thread evolved from you personally to an overall discussion regarding divorce and marraige. Every unique situation is different and I don't think anyone is saying divorce isn't the proper thing to pursue in certain situations. Elin Woods should have divorced Tiger Woods. A marriange that has lost all caring between one another and there has been a valid effort made to save it may be best to end up in divorce.

 

I think the point some are saying is more talking in general terms. About how a lot of people walk into marraige not really fully commited to begin with so as soon as difficulties arise they bail. That's all.

 

Good luck and hope it works out for you.

 

Well said

[Kanil 519]

Really??????????????????

 

What married couple is?

 

Most married people are not best friends with their spouse. My brother is my best friend, not my wife. And as far as the love thing goes, the infatuation with a new spouse wears off over time as we age. But real love has nothing to do with infatuation and sex. I have real love for my friends and family, but I don't have sexual feelings or infatuation of any kind towards them. But I still love them to death, and I would not walk out on them because we faced a few rough times together. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage by any stretch of the imagination, and tearing a family apart is the worse crime a man/woman can commit, no matter by which method he/she tears it apart.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife IS my best friend and I could not imagine the world without her. Of course we've only been married 3.5 years so who knows how that will change in the future.

 

PS - We fart in front of each other. She even blasted one into my pillow when I went to the bathroom the other night. Biotch.