Spinoff: how long should you wait before getting engaged/married?

[penultimatestraw 473]

Of course this varies, but I think most chicks will hang around for a couple years while you make your decision. The older people get, the quicker the process.

 

I waited 3 years for both my current and ex-wife, so that may or may not be the right answer. Married within a year of being engaged with both as well. What about you?

[frank 2,144]

26 years and counting.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

I knew 2 weeks after meeting my wife she was the one. Proposed 2 months later and got married 8 months after meeting her.

[listen2me 23 1,541]

4 or 5 years. Then dump them.

[Bier Meister 1,513]

depending on age of those involved, i think about 2-3 years to propose, then about a year engagement is fair for both sides.

 

 

we were on the younger side so we dated for about 5, engaged for about 1 - 1 1/2. we both wanted to get out of grad school before marriage.

[IGotWorms 3,310]

Very dependent on circumstances. Generally I would say any earlier than 2 years from when you start dating to the actual date of marriage is probably too short.

 

If it's more than 4 years or so you're really pushing it. That number could be extended though if you spend time apart (like a long distance relationship) or if you're in collidge

[MDC 5,890]

I think this is almost entirely circumstantial.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

I think dating for a year or two plus at least one year of living together.

[MTSkiBum 1,594]

I had to check my Facebook timeline, it was 15 months from first date to wedding for me. Allot of the same people that are giving tbbom crap now were giving me crap a few years ago.

 

Best decision ever

[MDC 5,890]

It was 16 months from first date to marriage. I don't think Titans is making a mistake became se of the speed. It's because he went from abusing marriage to ex-pat manwh0re to engaged in seemingly a year and a half. He seems almost manic and I worry this may be a rash decision he regrets.

[Drizzay 645]

I propose we support a one-month limit on going steady
I think it will keep people more able to deal with weird situations
And get to know more people
I think if you're ready to go out with Johnny
Now's the time to tell him about your one-month limit
He won't mind, he'll apreciate your fresh look on dating
And once you've dated someone else you can date him again
I'm sure he'll like did
Everyone will appreciate it
You're so novel, what a good idea
You can keep you time to yourself
You don't need date insurance
You can go out with whoever you want to
Every boy, every boy, in the whole world could be yours
If you'll just listen to my plan
The Teenage Guide To popularity

[Voltaire 4,556]

It was 16 months from first date to marriage. I don't think Titans is making a mistake became se of the speed. It's because he went from abusing marriage to ex-pat manwh0re to engaged in seemingly a year and a half. He seems almost manic and I worry this may be a rash decision he regrets.

After his year manwh0ring, he's been with this one for a year which is long enough to know. Then another year engagement.

 

He's also 38.

[MDC 5,890]

After his year manwh0ring, he's been with this one for a year which is long enough to know.

 

He's also 38.

He's a big boy and doesn't need my approval. I see red flags like crazy and would hate to see a guy who's turned his life around now headed owned making a major mistake. I like Titans so I hope I am wrong.

[rholio 339]

Engaged a month after meeting. 3 year engagement, married 28yrs and counting.

[Voltaire 4,556]

He's a big boy and doesn't need my approval. I see red flags like crazy and would hate to see a guy who's turned his life around now headed owned making a major mistake. I like Titans so I hope I am wrong.

 

Admittedly, I got engaged/married too quickly both times so maybe I'm not the best one to ask but a year of living together and another year of engagement is plenty of time.

[dain11279 927]

Never, women are assh0les

[Big Guy 1,400]

Now that I'm older, I think it's best to either marry young (20's) so you can have lots of kids and enjoy them for a long time, or wait until you're old so you can take care of another as well as being taken care of.

 

I waited until I was 40

[Djgb13 2,338]

If you just met someone then no way in hell should you be married in under 6 months. The military was HORRIBLE for this. People would get out of basic and head to their tech schools. They'd see the opposite sex and end up being married within 3 months. EVERY single one of my friends or people I knew that did that are now divorced.

[jerryskids 5,191]

I think there are two groups that we've seen represented in this thread:

1. The "I knew right away" crowd. If you had enough life experience/dating to truly recognize that this one is special, a relatively quick engagement/marriage is fine.

2. For the rest of us: minimum 2 years combined dating/engaged. Some of that time living together can help to make sure it is right.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

There is no right answer

[Brad GLuckman 518]

If you just met someone then no way in hell should you be married in under 6 months. The military was HORRIBLE for this. People would get out of basic and head to their tech schools. They'd see the opposite sex and end up being married within 3 months. EVERY single one of my friends or people I knew that did that are now divorced.

Ugh, I honestly think the military should not allow people to get married unless they are 22 years old. Ive seen the same thing. Its sad when everyone knows it isnt going to last except the poor guy doing it.

[5-Points 2,726]

My wife and I lived together for 3 years (25-28) before getting hitched. While it hasn't been entirely smooth sailing over the last 22 years, I believe that 3 year period of time served us well in the long run. We were completely aware of each other's faults when we agreed to make it "permanent".

 

So, in other words, the longer the better. If you're considering spending the rest of your life with somebody, there's no reason to rush the process.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

It all matters how old you are too. A 22 year old marrying a girl he has dated for 4 years is still a big mistake.

[shotsup 832]

There is no right answer

Is there a wrong answer ?

[tanatastic 2,061]

There are strict minimums I suggest. This assumes you are no longer dating and are an official couple (she is your GF).

 

GF/BF- 1 YEAR: Be together for a year living apart. This establishes the foundation of the relationship.

 

LIVE TOGETHER- 2YEARS: Then when you decide to move in together, live together for 2 years. Year 1 establishes the REAL relationship, aka the things you hate about each other and can adapt to. Year 2 establishes wether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and propose.

 

ENGAGEMENT- 6 MONTHS- You are now engaged and should be for at least 6 months. This is in case you need to abort and skip town.

 

DECIDE TO DIVORCE OR STAY AND HAVE KIDS- 1 YEAR: You are now married, my plan doesn't end here. The first year is trial marriage to decide if it was a good choice. After this period you are free to have kids if you want. Congrats, enjoy life...unless you have no money, in which case life sucks no matter what. Oh you thought all you needed was love? Wrong. The money problems will quickly get blamed on you. Enjoy a life of resentment or divorce.

 

So that's it. If you deviate from these minimums at all your relationship will fail, period.

[IGotWorms 3,310]

There are strict minimums I suggest. This assumes you are no longer dating and are an official couple (she is your GF).

 

GF/BF- 1 YEAR: Be together for a year living apart. This establishes the foundation of the relationship.

 

LIVE TOGETHER- 2YEARS: Then when you decide to move in together, live together for 2 years. Year 1 establishes the REAL relationship, aka the things you hate about each other and can adapt to. Year 2 establishes wether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and propose.

 

ENGAGEMENT- 6 MONTHS- You are now engaged and should be for at least 6 months. This is in case you need to abort and skip town.

 

DECIDE TO DIVORCE OR STAY AND HAVE KIDS- 1 YEAR: You are now married, my plan doesn't end here. The first year is trial marriage to decide if it was a good choice. After this period you are free to have kids if you want. Congrats, enjoy life...unless you have no money, in which case life sucks no matter what. Oh you thought all you needed was love? Wrong. The money problems will quickly get blamed on you. Enjoy a life of resentment or divorce.

 

So that's it. If you deviate from these minimums at all your relationship will fail, period.

Not bad but I think living together one year pre-marriage would suffice

[shotsup 832]

There are strict minimums I suggest. This assumes you are no longer dating and are an official couple (she is your GF).

 

GF/BF- 1 YEAR: Be together for a year living apart. This establishes the foundation of the relationship.

 

LIVE TOGETHER- 2YEARS: Then when you decide to move in together, live together for 2 years. Year 1 establishes the REAL relationship, aka the things you hate about each other and can adapt to. Year 2 establishes wether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and propose.

 

ENGAGEMENT- 6 MONTHS- You are now engaged and should be for at least 6 months. This is in case you need to abort and skip town.

 

DECIDE TO DIVORCE OR STAY AND HAVE KIDS- 1 YEAR: You are now married, my plan doesn't end here. The first year is trial marriage to decide if it was a good choice. After this period you are free to have kids if you want. Congrats, enjoy life...unless you have no money, in which case life sucks no matter what. Oh you thought all you needed was love? Wrong. The money problems will quickly get blamed on you. Enjoy a life of resentment or divorce.

 

So that's it. If you deviate from these minimums at all your relationship will fail, period.

tl;dr

[tanatastic 2,061]

Not bad but I think living together one year pre-marriage would suffice

Nope, you don't peel off enough layers with 1 year. You need the 2nd to really find out what you can live with. Consider it secretly as a trial marriage. Rush into it after 1 year and the REAL relationship comes creeping out of the closet after you are married and it's too late. I lived with an ex and it took 2 years for her alcoholism to manifest. Would find hidden bottles in the closet and she would just disappear into the room and come out a different person an hour later.

tl;dr

Why do people think this is some kind of clever snark? Like I'm supposed to be miffed or upset or beg you to read my post? Never quite understood it. I don't give two rat focks.

[MTSkiBum 1,594]

There are strict minimums I suggest. This assumes you are no longer dating and are an official couple (she is your GF).

 

GF/BF- 1 YEAR: Be together for a year living apart. This establishes the foundation of the relationship.

 

LIVE TOGETHER- 2YEARS: Then when you decide to move in together, live together for 2 years. Year 1 establishes the REAL relationship, aka the things you hate about each other and can adapt to. Year 2 establishes wether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and propose.

 

ENGAGEMENT- 6 MONTHS- You are now engaged and should be for at least 6 months. This is in case you need to abort and skip town.

 

DECIDE TO DIVORCE OR STAY AND HAVE KIDS- 1 YEAR: You are now married, my plan doesn't end here. The first year is trial marriage to decide if it was a good choice. After this period you are free to have kids if you want. Congrats, enjoy life...unless you have no money, in which case life sucks no matter what. Oh you thought all you needed was love? Wrong. The money problems will quickly get blamed on you. Enjoy a life of resentment or divorce.

 

So that's it. If you deviate from these minimums at all your relationship will fail, period.

 

 

What about those of us who got married after 1 year. Seems to be a couple of us and I do not think my marriage is doomed, 2 kids later and we are going strong.

[naomi 343]

 

 

What about those of us who got married after 1 year. Seems to be a couple of us and I do not think my marriage is doomed, 2 kids later and we are going strong.

 

These are not the kind of things you want to bounce off tanatastic.

 

Not that there aren't things you would

[shotsup 832]

Why do people think this is some kind of clever snark? Like I'm supposed to be miffed or upset or beg you to read my post? Never quite understood it. I don't give two rat focks.

tl;dr

 

[giraldi02 470]

My wife and I dated for about four and a half years before I proposed. Got married a year and a half afterwards since we paid for about 90% of the wedding.

 

I don't think there's a timeframe per se...but I definitely think living together is a key requisite for marriage. You find out a lot about someone living with them

[jerryskids 5,191]

Nope, you don't peel off enough layers with 1 year. You need the 2nd to really find out what you can live with. Consider it secretly as a trial marriage. Rush into it after 1 year and the REAL relationship comes creeping out of the closet after you are married and it's too late. I lived with an ex and it took 2 years for her alcoholism to manifest. Would find hidden bottles in the closet and she would just disappear into the room and come out a different person an hour later.

Why do people think this is some kind of clever snark? Like I'm supposed to be miffed or upset or beg you to read my post? Never quite understood it. I don't give two rat focks.

 

So... it takes two years to find out if you drive your SO to drink? Seriously though, that is not a normal thing that would manifest after two years.

[Voltaire 4,556]

There are strict minimums I suggest. This assumes you are no longer dating and are an official couple (she is your GF).

 

GF/BF- 1 YEAR: Be together for a year living apart. This establishes the foundation of the relationship.

 

LIVE TOGETHER- 2YEARS: Then when you decide to move in together, live together for 2 years. Year 1 establishes the REAL relationship, aka the things you hate about each other and can adapt to. Year 2 establishes wether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person and propose.

 

ENGAGEMENT- 6 MONTHS- You are now engaged and should be for at least 6 months. This is in case you need to abort and skip town.

 

DECIDE TO DIVORCE OR STAY AND HAVE KIDS- 1 YEAR: You are now married, my plan doesn't end here. The first year is trial marriage to decide if it was a good choice. After this period you are free to have kids if you want. Congrats, enjoy life...unless you have no money, in which case life sucks no matter what. Oh you thought all you needed was love? Wrong. The money problems will quickly get blamed on you. Enjoy a life of resentment or divorce.

 

So that's it. If you deviate from these minimums at all your relationship will fail, period.

tl; don't agree

 

I could never put up with this. I wouldn't have the patience.

[tanatastic 2,061]

My wife and I dated for about four and a half years before I proposed. Got married a year and a half afterwards since we paid for about 90% of the wedding.

I don't think there's a timeframe per se...but I definitely think living together is a key requisite for marriage. You find out a lot about someone living with them

Live together for sure, it's proabbaly the most important part. That first year of living together is like a new honeymoon phase. Both people are on their best behavior. That's why I think year 2 is so key. The real people come out to play and you decide if the things you hate are things you are ok with or deal breakers.

tl; don't agree

 

I could never put up with this. I wouldn't have the patience.

 

Asian wives different, they just get picked out of a lineup or ordered online or set up by their fathers. Asians have no strong feelings or convictions of their own and live to serve their American husbands. Pretty sweet actually.

[Voltaire 4,556]

Asian wives different, they just get picked out of a lineup or ordered online or set up by their fathers. Asians have no strong feelings or convictions of their own and live to serve their American husbands. Pretty sweet actually.

Not quite. I never did experience the first explosion of her volcanic temper until three months after the ring went on. That was freaking scary. I's not realized such a small set of lungs could register on the Richter scale. The explosion hasn't been directed at me in over five years...

 

...my kids on the other hand get it three times a week at homework time.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

Not quite. I never did experience the first explosion of her volcanic temper until three months after the ring went on. That was freaking scary. I's not realized such a small set of lungs could register on the Richter scale. The explosion hasn't been directed at me in over five years...

 

...my kids on the other hand get it three times a week at homework time.

Yeah, they can go straight up dragon lady.

 

Filippino culture is kind of an odd mix of Latin America, Asia, and a huge dose of American. I've never seen one get really angry yet. Mine has never gotten above "very annoyed", and I can be an annoying fellow.

 

I have many American friends married to Chinese women. Th biggest mistake they make, I think, is trying to operate like their wife is American. I have noticed that you kind of HAVE to lay down the law firmly, and chew their ass when they cross the line. They don't seem to respect it if you are too nice to them.

 

That's what I saw in Henan anyway, which of course is an old school backwater.

 

I have one friend who met a girl online. Moved to zhengzhou and was married with a kid on the way six months later.

 

Now his in laws live with them, and if he goes out with his boys, she calls incessantly. We finally told him to try this. Go to a bar near the house. Drink. Ignore her calls. After an hour, go home and throw a fit. Chew her ass, tell her to leave him the Fock alone, etc. He tried it. It worked. For a while anyway.

 

It's that whole "head of family" title. It's much more of a big deal here than back home. Most American families are actually a matriarchy, at least day to day. Daddy may step in on the big sh!t. Here, daddy is god, and better act like it.