What's The Most Fawked Up Dirty Sex Talk You've Heard Or Used?

[BunnysBastatrds 1,908]

The first night I fawked my soon to be wife "stab me baby!!!" I was like, really? Looking back, I wish I would have gone into the kitchen and gotten a steak knife and, you know.

 

The worst was a chick who said to me whilst going down her (40dd) "You do that way better than Daddy does"

 

Don't know why or how I kept going. But the following morning we were eating breakfast and I asked why she said that. Samantha: He was good for somethin. Me: Check please!

[joneo 529]

[NorthernVike 2,079]

[bandrus1 413]

You are forgiven my son

[MDC 5,875]

"Are those the panties your mother laid out for you."

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

Chick once told me "I'm your sister.....I'm your sister"

[bandrus1 413]

Chick once told me "I'm your sister.....I'm your sister"

And you went running out of her closet?

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

And you went running out of her closet?

No, I made her lick mom to shut her up.

[supermike80 1,284]

Yeah wondering why Mike hasnt locked THIS one yet!

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I had a Chinese chick on top. Raw dogging it. When it became time for me to make my quick withdrawal, she tried to stop me, and said "gei wo baobei" or, "give me a baby."

 

I managed to hold back just long enough to put my hands on her hips, and launched her off me. She bounced off the edge of the bed and onto the floor.

 

-----

 

I also hate being called daddy. It weirds me out. I usually respond by calling them mommy. They say that's weird, and I say, "yeah, see my point."

 

And then you meet the chick that likes it. Ugh.

[NewbieJr 540]

"Fock my mouth"

"Stuff both holes"

"Come on my foot"

 

 

That was all in June so far.

[tubby_mcgee 686]

I had a Chinese chick on top. Raw dogging it. When it became time for me to make my quick withdrawal, she tried to stop me, and said "gei wo baobei" or, "give me a baby."

 

I managed to hold back just long enough to put my hands on her hips, and launched her off me. She bounced off the edge of the bed and onto the floor.

 

 

 

[vuduchile 1,940]

I was once watching a movie (non porn) with an annoying chick where the guy was roughly drilling his girl, pulling her hair, pushing her face into the floor, etc. When he was done, he just left without even saying goodbye.

 

She turned to me and said "I wish you'd fock me like that".

 

So, I pushed her down, took a couple strokes in the vag, then pulled out and shoved it in her arse. She screamed, and squirmed, then eventually settled into a groove.

 

When I finished, I dressed quickly and left just as she was saying, "wow, you took me to another level." I never returned any of her calls.

[Bert 1,087]

 

"Come on my foot"

 

 

[WhiteWonder 2,171]

"Your dad does it way better"

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

You can leave the light on.

[NewbieJr 540]

lol No lie. This was when she was on all fours on the bed. And I was standing on the floor. I sometimes wish I would hide my phone and put it on Voice recorder.

[lickin_starfish 1,477]

I don't get all the "call me daddy" stuff. It's creepy.

[vuduchile 1,940]

I don't get all the "call me daddy" stuff. It's creepy.

Agreed. It even creeps me out when people use it in a non-sexual way.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,580]

It's not bad for some reason when a Puerto Rican slut calls you Papi

[Voltaire 4,552]

Speak joneo, speak, d@mmit!

[parrot 789]

"You're going to eat that cantaloupe when you're done with it!"

[Voltaire 4,552]

I had a Chinese chick on top. Raw dogging it. When it became time for me to make my quick withdrawal, she tried to stop me, and said "gei wo baobei" or, "give me a baby."

 

 

The difference between us.

 

When this line was used on me, it turned me on in a powerful way and I loaded her up every day for a couple of weeks, got her pregnant that first month, married her the second, and have been married now for ten years.

[shotsup 830]

"Fock my mouth"

"Stuff both holes"

"Come on my foot"

 

 

That was all in June so far.

What's his name ?

[Hardcore troubadour 12,580]

Come on my foot is just stupid. Sounds made up.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

 

The difference between us.

 

When this line was used on me, it turned me on in a powerful way and I loaded her up every day for a couple of weeks, got her pregnant that first month, married her the second, and have been married now for ten years.

 

I sure hope it was a different woman.

[Thornton Melon 542]

My ex-wife, Vanessa....during sex, she used to scream out her own name.

[vuduchile 1,940]

My ex-wife, Vanessa....during sex, she used to scream out her own name.

Wtf? Really?

[supermike80 1,284]

Wtf? Really?

Froom!!!

[supermike80 1,284]

Will you stay and cuddle?

[Voltaire 4,552]

 

I sure hope it was a different woman.

 

Likely not. I extracted a promise of minimum four kids from her and she's reneged on the last one despite three near-perfect ones.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,580]

My ex-wife, Vanessa....during sex, she used to scream out her own name.

Lol! Fockin Rodney!

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

Wtf? Really?

Thats a rodney dangerfield quote roflmao

[edjr 5,547]

My ex-wife, Vanessa....during sex, she used to scream out her own name.

 

[Meglamaniac 380]

Mid 90s I moved in with a buddy for about a month while the new place I was moving into was remodeled. We went to college together and this was an on campus house for staff. My buddy was messing around with one of the students, nothing serious just some fun, we will call her Jules.

 

So one day I'm off work just laying on the sofa watching a movie and the phone rings, pick it up and it's Jules asking for my buddy, I let her know that he is at work and tell her I will let him know she called. She say don't hang up, what are you doing right now? I said I'm watching a movie, she says, I'm bored want to have some phone sex? I'm like, ummm OK, it was weird, I had never done phone sex and it was a chick messing around with a friend, but I just went with it, figured I'd let her have her fun. So she starts telling me what she is doing and asks me if I'm touching myself thinking about her, I play along and say yes, she's like don't lie, don't tease me, pull that thing out and start stroking it, she moves on to what she wants me to do with her to include tying her up and using whatever part of her I want. She was very good and I indeed was getting aroused so I decided WTF and I started working one out. I guess my breathing gave me away because she really got into it and was telling me she was about to and that she wanted me to do the same and that is exactly what I did, it was a mess, getting up to clean up and around the corner comes Jules bolting towards that door, " that was fun, catch you later" as she heads out.

 

Never told my buddy and she never mentioned it again when I saw her. To this day I wonder how long she was watching me while she was on the phone with me.

[NewbieJr 540]

Come on my foot is just stupid. Sounds made up.

I'm sure anything other than, 'Dear, you're too heavy to lay on me like that" sounds made up to you, Ross. This thread isn't really for you

[Hardcore troubadour 12,580]

I'm sure anything other than, 'Dear, you're too heavy to lay on me like that" sounds made up to you, Ross. This thread isn't really for you

If it were true, wouldn't she say feet, and not foot? Would it matter which foot? She's not missing one, is she?

[NewbieJr 540]

If it were true, wouldn't she say feet, and not foot? Would it matter which foot? She's not missing one, is she?

Her feet were three feet apart. She said foot. "mindblown:

 

Stick to things more your speed Ross. You are out of your element here.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,580]

Her feet were three feet apart. She said foot. "mindblown:

 

Stick to things more your speed Ross. You are out of your element here.

Does she have an extra toe on one of them? Maybe a bunyon? It's extra toe, isn't it? She is from rural Pennsylvania, right?

[NewbieJr 540]

Does she have an extra toe on one of them? Maybe a bunyon? It's extra toe, isn't it? She is from rural Pennsylvania, right?

So sad that there was a good thread going and you just couldn't stand the fact that people were talking about things you could never imagine, so you decided to try to hijack it.

 

If you want, I can private message you a few ideas to pretend your wife or an ex girlfriend said that would be a little sexy. But please allow a thread to go on without making it about you and your jealousy just once. Mmkay?