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Mungwater

Bios for groomsmen?

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I'm in a wedding next month, the bride is a little weird.. Early 30s virgin.. Anyway, she just asked the groomsmen for bios because she wrote one for the bridesmaids for their website.

 

First off, nobody gives a except the attention hookers. Also, do you know how dangerous it would be to give groomsmen freedom to do that?

 

I'm going to go subtle and use the story line from karate kid on how I met my wife, but some dudes are going to go pretty inside and nasty, I can just feel it

 

Have the geeks ever heard of something like this?

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Never heard of it, but it is her day... Just comply and be subtle like you mentioned...

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a 30 year old virgin? Your buddy is a nutjob. Sex is a very important part of adult healthy relationships. What if she does not like it? What if she is really crappy and just lays there like a dead fish? I would not recommend ANYONE getting married before they A. Have sex and B. Live together. if you fail to do either of these your marriage is not going to survive.

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...Anyway, she just asked the groomsmen for bios because she wrote one for the bridesmaids for their website.

 

A wedding website? Oh gawd - she already sounds exhausting.

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Early 30s virgin..

 

I'm out

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The Groomsmen should write each others bios. :thumbsup:

Or, as he might be suggesting above, they should all be thinly veiled stories lifted from movies.

 

I was born a poor black child......

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Weddings have turned into competitions between friends to see who can outdo the other.

My sister in laws is this weekend. Marrying a guy that everyone is convinced is gay, 11 bridesmaids and 500+ people. She's about 34, way too old to have that many

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My sister in laws is this weekend. Marrying a guy that everyone is convinced is gay, 11 bridesmaids and 500+ people. She's about 34, way too old to have that many

 

Anyone older than zygote is too old to have 11 bridesmaids.

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Anyone older than zygote is too old to have 11 bridesmaids.

Fock - even Kate Middleton only had 4 when marrying a Prince.

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Fock - even Kate Middleton only had 4 when marrying a Prince.

You just outed yourself by knowing this.

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You just outed yourself by knowing this.

I have a trove of useless information in my head. :(

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I have a trove of useless information in my head, some of it might even NOT be ghey. :(

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And I hate all that stuff. Hate the stupid gender parties for babies and all that other crap too. Maybe I'm too jaded but Jesus Christ why does everyone have to turn everything into a loooook at meeeee!! moment these days??

 

Get off my lawn! :mad:

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If its used to announce the groomsmen as they enter the reception this might be cool. Work with me here....imagine that cool background music that they used to play at the Bulls games when introducing the starting lineups...."Groomsman #1 is 6 foot 3, from Erie Community College, he once banged three separate chicks on the same day his junior year of college and prides himself on never EVER having caught an STD................ Nate "Stoner" Stone!!!!!!! STONE!"

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If its used to announce the groomsmen as they enter the reception this might be cool. Work with me here....imagine that cool background music that they used to play at the Bulls games when introducing the starting lineups...."Groomsman #1 is 6 foot 3, from Erie Community College, he once banged three separate chicks on the same day his junior year of college and prides himself on never EVER having caught an STD................ Nate "Stoner" Stone!!!!!!! STONE!"

Like, hire Michael Buffer from UFC to make the announcements? That would be cool. :D

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Like, hire Michael Buffer from UFC to make the announcements? That would be cool. :D

Or Norm McDonald from KFC.

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Weddings have turned into competitions between friends to see who can outdo the other.

I think its facebook..Miserable, socially disconnected people flailing in vain to project a life of envy....

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And I hate all that stuff. Hate the stupid gender parties for babies and all that other crap too. Maybe I'm too jaded but Jesus Christ why does everyone have to turn everything into a loooook at meeeee!! moment these days??

 

Get off my lawn! :mad:

Its ok Old Man Clemons .... I agree with you...

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I went to a wedding where they were going to do groomsman bios. Here is a sample of why they decided to skip the idea. I thought this one was funny, but it was pretty tame compared to others:

 

After winning the "Fierce Competitor Award" in a jack-off competition in college, (I came in First and Third) I started wondering if my little swimmers might be of above average number and vigor. I went to a sperm bank and had myself tested. They had magazines, but I brought my own pictures of vintage tractors. Before you go judgin', look at a few vintage Fords. Anyway, sure enough, I had sperm gushers like a wave of Pharaohs chariots with jet packs. The doctor at the bank helped me with a bio that skipped my uncle's particulars and the fact that he was not the first of the lineage to be so cured. The ladies lined up for thawed out spooge and everything was good.

 

I did start to wonder about the direct injection market and placed an ad. I offered a cut-rate on the sperm bank and swore to god I would never say "hi" if I met the injectees on the street. If I do not seem to know you at the reception, I am just honoring the bargain and another go is $50, just like the last time. I am wondering if any of your kids crucify frogs or anything similar. I never did that stuff; just wondering about your kids.

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If its used to announce the groomsmen as they enter the reception this might be cool. Work with me here....imagine that cool background music that they used to play at the Bulls games when introducing the starting lineups...."Groomsman #1 is 6 foot 3, from Erie Community College, he once banged three separate chicks on the same day his junior year of college and prides himself on never EVER having caught an STD................ Nate "Stoner" Stone!!!!!!! STONE!"

That would be Sirius by The Alan Parsons Project...

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That would be Sirius by The Alan Parsons Project...

Thanks. I have heard it a million times and never knew what it was. :thumbsup:

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Like, hire Michael Buffer from UFC to make the announcements? That would be cool. :D

 

I did a wedding a couple years ago and they wanted me to do the announcements like a sort of Boxing/Wrasslin style.

 

so I got real liquored up and did my best.

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I did a wedding a couple years ago and they wanted me to do the announcements like a sort of Boxing/Wrasslin style.

 

so I got real liquored up and did my best.

AAAAANND IN THE RED CUMBERBUND, from Kenosha Wisconsin, WE HAVE THE GROOM! HES LONG, STRONG, AND ABOUT TO GET THE FRICTION ON WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!

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AAAAANND IN THE RED CUMBERBUND, from Kenosha Wisconsin, WE HAVE THE GROOM! HES LONG, STRONG, AND ABOUT TO GET THE FRICTION ON WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!

 

:clap:

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