Long term care

[penultimatestraw 473]

My mother-in-law just had a big stroke. She's recovering fairly well, but still looks like she may be too much for her husband to handle alone. My wife is their only child, and is spending every waking moment trying to help out. At some point we're gonna have to make a decision about putting her in a facility, and even by geek standards that sh!t is expensive.

 

When we burn out caring for her, we're faced with depleting all her parents resources until she qualifies for Medicaid (which pays for Nursing homes, albeit sh!tty ones) or paying upwards of 10K a month to foot the bill ourselves.

 

She doesn't have long term care insurance, but one of my coworkers asked about it. At this point it will probably prohibitively expensive, too, but I was wondering if any of you had experience with it.

 

As an aside, I've been through this process before, when my ex and I attempted to take care of my 96 year old grandmother at home while simultaneously working 80+ hours a week. We eventually placed her in a home, but not before it took a big toll on our marriage. Unless you are fabulously wealthy or have a big family willing to share the burden, what else can you do?

[Bier Meister 1,513]

My thoughts pen. I have not had to address these needs yet. frightening how costly these services are.

[Djgb13 2,338]

What about a caregiver? I know plenty of people that utilize them. A lot of the older folks who come to my office to see the doctor have a caregiver that takes them to their appointments and looks after them. Seems a lot cheaper than a nursing home

[vuduchile 1,941]

Sorry you're dealing with this pen. Best wishes for you and your family.

 

Although not quite there yet, my wife and I will soon be facing a similar conundrum with her mom. I'd be interested to hear from others who've managed to navigate these issues.

 

She just has had spinal surgery, she's had knee and hip surgery. She lives in a house that's too big and expensive for her to maintain. She doesn't wanna leave there. She can't afford help and doesn't have long term care insurance.

 

The thought of having with us here isn't pleasant. Not sure what we will do, but it drives me crazy that nobody has a plan.

[Alias Detective 1,179]

My mother-in-law just had a big stroke. She's recovering fairly well, but still looks like she may be too much for her husband to handle alone. My wife is their only child, and is spending every waking moment trying to help out. At some point we're gonna have to make a decision about putting her in a facility, and even by geek standards that sh!t is expensive.

When we burn out caring for her, we're faced with depleting all her parents resources until she qualifies for Medicaid (which pays for Nursing homes, albeit sh!tty ones) or paying upwards of 10K a month to foot the bill ourselves.

She doesn't have long term care insurance, but one of my coworkers asked about it. At this point it will probably prohibitively expensive, too, but I was wondering if any of you had experience with it.

As an aside, I've been through this process before, when my ex and I attempted to take care of my 96 year old grandmother at home while simultaneously working 80+ hours a week. We eventually placed her in a home, but not before it took a big toll on our marriage. Unless you are fabulously wealthy or have a big family willing to share the burden, what else can you do?

I get at least one no every day when I ask people to discuss LTC and their plan to pay for it.. There are solutions, legal and insurance based, to HELP protect from what you have already and are getting ready to experience again.

 

How much LTC insurance do you have or are you going to out your heirs in the same position as you?

 

I suggest a LTC policy in combination with a life insurance policy. A hybrid if you will. Remember, the purpose of insurance is to shift risk. By this I mean, you may pay $200,000 total for $700.000 of LTC If needed. With a plan tied to life insurance your heirs will receive at least the premium paid in in a tax free death benefit if the LTC is never needed.

[wiffleball 4,638]

Couple things. Best option is in home care supplemented by your own self provided care.

 

If you try to go for a 24/7 in home care, it will cost you approximately the same or more than just putting her in a long-term care facility. Obviously depends on your choices.

 

What you may not be aware of is there are very few beds available for Medicaid only candidates. If that's the choice you go with, act fast. From my experience, and you really don't have time to shop around. They could have 100 free beds, and only one or two if that available for strictly Medicaid.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

My mother-in-law just had a big stroke. She's recovering fairly well, but still looks like she may be too much for her husband to handle alone. My wife is their only child, and is spending every waking moment trying to help out. At some point we're gonna have to make a decision about putting her in a facility, and even by geek standards that sh!t is expensive.

 

When we burn out caring for her, we're faced with depleting all her parents resources until she qualifies for Medicaid (which pays for Nursing homes, albeit sh!tty ones) or paying upwards of 10K a month to foot the bill ourselves.

 

She doesn't have long term care insurance, but one of my coworkers asked about it. At this point it will probably prohibitively expensive, too, but I was wondering if any of you had experience with it.

 

As an aside, I've been through this process before, when my ex and I attempted to take care of my 96 year old grandmother at home while simultaneously working 80+ hours a week. We eventually placed her in a home, but not before it took a big toll on our marriage. Unless you are fabulously wealthy or have a big family willing to share the burden, what else can you do?

Had a similar situation. It was a big factor in why my marriage crumbled.

 

She refused to put her in a facility. Even when I was having to rush home several times a day to lift her out of the floor, or help her use the bathroom. I eventually insisted. We couldn't do it by ourselves anymore.

[penultimatestraw 473]

I get at least one no every day when I ask people to discuss LTC and their plan to pay for it.. There are solutions, legal and insurance based, to HELP protect from what you have already and are getting ready to experience again.

 

How much LTC insurance do you have or are you going to out your heirs in the same position as you?

 

I suggest a LTC policy in combination with a life insurance policy. A hybrid if you will. Remember, the purpose of insurance is to shift risk. By this I mean, you may pay $200,000 total for $700.000 of LTC If needed. With a plan tied to life insurance your heirs will receive at least the premium paid in in a tax free death benefit if the LTC is never needed.

I have long term care ins offered through work, plus two disability policies. Don't know the exact dollar value off hand. No life insurance, as my wife is gainfully employed and we have no children.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Sorry you're dealing with this pen. Best wishes for you and your family.

 

Although not quite there yet, my wife and I will soon be facing a similar conundrum with her mom. I'd be interested to hear from others who've managed to navigate these issues.

 

She just has had spinal surgery, she's had knee and hip surgery. She lives in a house that's too big and expensive for her to maintain. She doesn't wanna leave there. She can't afford help and doesn't have long term care insurance.

 

The thought of having with us here isn't pleasant. Not sure what we will do, but it drives me crazy that nobody has a plan.

Sounds like she should sell her home to help offset the cost of her care. As you know, the market is very favorable for sellers right now. The big question is, where does she live in the interim, before requiring assisted living or a more skilled (nursing) facility?

[penultimatestraw 473]

What about a caregiver? I know plenty of people that utilize them. A lot of the older folks who come to my office to see the doctor have a caregiver that takes them to their appointments and looks after them. Seems a lot cheaper than a nursing home

A 24-hour private nurse is quite expensive. A part-time less skilled caregiver less so. Hopefully we can get by with the latter.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Couple things. Best option is in home care supplemented by your own self provided care.

 

If you try to go for a 24/7 in home care, it will cost you approximately the same or more than just putting her in a long-term care facility. Obviously depends on your choices.

 

What you may not be aware of is there are very few beds available for Medicaid only candidates. If that's the choice you go with, act fast. From my experience, and you really don't have time to shop around. They could have 100 free beds, and only one or two if that available for strictly Medicaid.

Yeah, I'm very aware that Medicaid beds are tight. Hopefully we can go with some variation of option one.

[Alias Detective 1,179]

I have long term care ins offered through work, plus two disability policies. No life insurance, as my wife is gainfully employed and we have no children.

Does your work LTC stay with you after you retire?

Disability is not LTC

[penultimatestraw 473]

Does your work LTC stay with you after you retire?

Disability is not LTC

Good question - I don't know. I realize disability ins isn't LTC, but if I become disabled it will go a long way to offsetting the cost of my care.

[Alias Detective 1,179]

Good question - I don't know. I realize disability ins isn't LTC, but if I become disabled it will go a long way to offsetting the cost of my care.

Diisability plans generally pay 67% of wages. You decide if that's enough of if a supplementation may be necessary.

 

And your 2 plans likely cover different things. 1 is prolly short term and the other long term.

[Alias Detective 1,179]

A 24-hour private nurse is quite expensive. A part-time less skilled caregiver less so. Hopefully we can get by with the latter.

It would be nice not to have to choose.

[patweisers44 697]

Went thru this in the past few years with my FIL. My MIL passed away and she was his caregiver, he had Parkinson's and required full-time care with many things (help with meals, getting dressed ,etc). We built a 480 sq. ft addition on our house for him, my wife quit her job and stayed home with him, I was there to help evenings and weekends, but it was a lot of care nonetheless. Our other bedrooms are upstairs so we slept with a baby monitor. It was like having a young child again.

 

FIL passed away last fall, but we both rest comfortably knowing the last four years of his life were as good as they possibly could have been, given all the circumstances. Not gonna lie though, it was grueling, tiresome and incredibly difficult.

[edjr 5,556]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxHw2CmdI9A

[frank 2,144]

Kill 'em all

Fixed.

ETA: grr, fixed it while I was posting.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Even if she has a full recovery you have no choice but to pay up in the meantime. My MIL had a life ending stroke, albeit not immediately. Took many months until my FIL was ready to let her go. It would have killed him to have to care for her, and he did not want to burden his daughters. So he paid the big money for care. It was the right thing.

[IGotWorms 3,310]

I had long term care insurance once through my employer, but lost it when I changed jobs. It was actually fairly decent IIRC and I only had to shell out a few bucks a month for it (employer picked up the rest).

 

Probably a good thing to have but just another thing to insure and just another drain out of the ol' paycheck.

 

Systemically, there has to be a better solution given that I'm sure so few people have the insurance. I guess that solution is Medicaid?

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I had long term care insurance once through my employer, but lost it when I changed jobs. It was actually fairly decent IIRC and I only had to shell out a few bucks a month for it (employer picked up the rest).

 

Probably a good thing to have but just another thing to insure and just another drain out of the ol' paycheck.

 

Systemically, there has to be a better solution given that I'm sure so few people have the insurance. I guess that solution is Medicaid?

I love how the cost of health insurance goes up and up and up... but it covers less and less and less. Vision is separate. Dental is seprtate. Long term care is separate.

 

Seems like that all falls under focking health to me.

[vuduchile 1,941]

Sounds like she should sell her home to help offset the cost of her care. As you know, the market is very favorable for sellers right now. The big question is, where does she live in the interim, before requiring assisted living or a more skilled (nursing) facility?

She's taken too much equity out of that house to make much of a profit on the sale.

[vuduchile 1,941]

Went thru this in the past few years with my FIL. My MIL passed away and she was his caregiver, he had Parkinson's and required full-time care with many things (help with meals, getting dressed ,etc). We built a 480 sq. ft addition on our house for him, my wife quit her job and stayed home with him, I was there to help evenings and weekends, but it was a lot of care nonetheless. Our other bedrooms are upstairs so we slept with a baby monitor. It was like having a young child again.

 

FIL passed away last fall, but we both rest comfortably knowing the last four years of his life were as good as they possibly could have been, given all the circumstances. Not gonna lie though, it was grueling, tiresome and incredibly difficult.

I could easily convert our detached garage into a guest house for my MIL, but she's too dumb and stubborn to discuss it seriously.

 

She could have her own kitchen, bath, and living space plus a nice 3 season room.

 

I feel like if she ever decides to seriously consider it, it will be too late. She's that type of person. No plan whatsoever. Just reacts to whatever the current crisis is.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Diisability plans generally pay 67% of wages. You decide if that's enough of if a supplementation may be necessary.

 

And your 2 plans likely cover different things. 1 is prolly short term and the other long term.

Yeah, that would be more than enough to cover LTC expenses in current dollars. I think I am probably OK, but you bring up good points that I should educate myself and decide if a separate LTC policy is necessary too. My wife has the work policy and a supplemental one, so she's probably good as well. My in-laws are a different story...

[penultimatestraw 473]

Went thru this in the past few years with my FIL. My MIL passed away and she was his caregiver, he had Parkinson's and required full-time care with many things (help with meals, getting dressed ,etc). We built a 480 sq. ft addition on our house for him, my wife quit her job and stayed home with him, I was there to help evenings and weekends, but it was a lot of care nonetheless. Our other bedrooms are upstairs so we slept with a baby monitor. It was like having a young child again.

 

FIL passed away last fall, but we both rest comfortably knowing the last four years of his life were as good as they possibly could have been, given all the circumstances. Not gonna lie though, it was grueling, tiresome and incredibly difficult.

I did the same for my grandmother for a couple years, except we both kept our jobs and supplemented her care with home health and adult daycare when she was able-bodied, home hospice when she wasn't. But she graduated hospice eventually.

 

When we moved to HI, she was placed in a facility. We thought we'd move her over once we got settled, but a divorce delayed things so she transferred closer to her sister, passing about a year later.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Even if she has a full recovery you have no choice but to pay up in the meantime. My MIL had a life ending stroke, albeit not immediately. Took many months until my FIL was ready to let her go. It would have killed him to have to care for her, and he did not want to burden his daughters. So he paid the big money for care. It was the right thing.

Yep. I suspect the same will happen with my FIL.