Should your spouse be your best friend?

[Cdub100 3,369]

Its really tough to maintain friendships as you get older. Between work, marriage and family, their aint a lot of extra time.

 

I regularly hang out with a couple friends, see a few others every month or so, and take trips once a year with another half dozen. From what I can tell, this is more than most of the people. But we dont have kids and only work part time. How many friends do you interact with regularly, including your best friend?

 

I have 3 close friends one of which being my best friend. We don't hang out much maybe 6-8 times a year but we talk over text a couple times a week. We are all part of a larger email chain of about 8 people who are also friends. Usually every monday someone sends a Monday Meeting (MM) email about what we did over the weekend. Over time the topics have changed from doing early 20s stuff to house and family stuff. Each week we start a new email chain.

 

I also have some people I work with that are pretty good friends I see them every work day. We are part of a google chat of 8 people totally different from the people above and we talk about sh1t we are doing, work and fun stuff.

 

Treat your wife like your wife and your friend like your friend. It's just cringy when people say my wife is my best friend.

[Kopy 489]

Mine is. I don't think it has to be that way but when you outkick your coverage like I did, it's great.

Same here.

Not only that. But she's also the only person I know that puts up with my crap.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,592]

I wouldn't care if my friend developed an "hourglass" figure. I would if my wife did.

[TheNewGirl 1,020]

If you say your spouse is your best friend you're probably one of those people who don't have friends anyway. Like one of those desperate losers who finally got some tang and now she controls your whole life. Or you're a needy basic chick who also didn't have friends and finally has a man around to tell you what to do. One of those people who dress up their pets. A night out is hitting up the local DQ for an extra large blizzard and binge watching anime on netflix. You're one of those people who always ask, "can my wife come too" when the guys are planning a dudes night. Only to never be invited again.

 

 

As a chick, no. He doesn't "tell me what to do" and we've been together for almost 20 years, so it's not like I FINALLY have a man.

 

I have found that as I've gotten older, having a few close female friends and my BF hubs, I am good. I want to spend time with him and our kids more than anything, I would honestly rather go on trips as a family than spend $$ on "girls trips" where I can do basically the same things. I don't have a need to sit around and about him to my friends, so why "get away?" Our kids are 16 and almost 13, so things aren't like when they were small and you wanted to get out for a while.

 

We are also able to enjoy hobbies together and as a couple now, kids don't always have to be there.

 

He has a few guy friends he hangs with, I am not usually invited and I don't ask to come along.

 

However...he does have a friend that "guys night" almost always magically falls on "date night" and dudes wife will show up randomly at their location, or she will just come along. Not a lot of the guys like her, so that particular friend isn't invited as often anymore, so I think that part of your statement is true.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

If I ask someone who their best friend is and they respond with "my wife", I will roll my eyes. Give me a break.

 

The question isn't framed to rank your best guy friend vs your wife. Anyone that answers that way is either terrified or their wife or doesn't have any friends.

[Reality 2,710]

Your wife is your wife and your best friends are for golf trips (insert whatever hobby/activity you are into), draft parties, yadda yadda. if you bring your wife to a draft party, know that every other guy there focking hates you. A GUYS guy knows when to bring his woman and when to not when hanging out, he doesn't need to be told. He just gets it, if you have a good woman, she gets it as well. Love couple's night out, love guy's night out, love girl's night out.. Daddy gets to sit home, watch the kids and do whatever the fock we want (this all gets easier as the kiddos get older) while Mom lets off some steam with the girls? Fock yea, sign me up. She'll probably wake you up with your d!ck in her mouth when she gets home.. Like I said though, you'll have to have you a good one for that to go down. Most of you are probably sh!t out of luck in that department.

 

If you don't know why both are great to have, that's on you. Just one example, we do a golf scramble charity every year, huge event, raise a lot of money for charity. Golf scramble for the guys by day and a silent auction fancy dinner that night for everybody and their wives. Hanging out with your buddies all day playing golf, wife on standby ready to look smoking hot coming that night for dinner, auction, dancing etc. Some of the guys out there trying to get some golf in, hearing from their woman all day, when will you be done? When do I need to be ready? What time should I be there? Fock that, get you a girl who understands these sorts of events. Life will be good.

 

I've got a very large group of guy friends, 15'ish. We are pretty spread out these days geographically but, that doesn't stop us from getting together and cutting up.

[TheNewGirl 1,020]

 

 

I've got a very large group of guy friends, 15'ish. We are pretty spread out these days geographically but, that doesn't stop us from getting together and cutting up.

 

I don't think that anyone is saying that doesn't happen when your spouse is your BF.

 

I still hang out with my girl friends, do happy hours and pedicures and all of that. BUT...when something good/bad happens, or I am excited about something, need advice, or just need to talk to someone, he is the one I go to 100% of the time.

[fandandy 3,311]

I've got a very large group of guy friends, 15'ish. We are pretty spread out these days geographically but, that doesn't stop us from getting together and cutting up.

 

- Mashal Saad al-Bostani

 

[naomi 343]

Going a little dramatic here but this thread made this verse come to my mind: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

[bandrus1 413]

I don't think it's wrong if your wife is or isn't your best friend

[nzoner 936]

I've been quiet on this subject but now that i have a few drinks in me I'd like to just say I wish my wife was just a friend.Don't want to get into all my personal BS but will say I envy all of you who have a mate that's either your friend or best friend.

 

You have it good my friends and i toast you

[Cdub100 3,369]

 

 

As a chick, no. He doesn't "tell me what to do" and we've been together for almost 20 years, so it's not like I FINALLY have a man.

 

I have found that as I've gotten older, having a few close female friends and my BF hubs, I am good. I want to spend time with him and our kids more than anything, I would honestly rather go on trips as a family than spend $$ on "girls trips" where I can do basically the same things. I don't have a need to sit around and ###### about him to my friends, so why "get away?" Our kids are 16 and almost 13, so things aren't like when they were small and you wanted to get out for a while.

 

We are also able to enjoy hobbies together and as a couple now, kids don't always have to be there.

 

He has a few guy friends he hangs with, I am not usually invited and I don't ask to come along.

 

However...he does have a friend that "guys night" almost always magically falls on "date night" and dudes wife will show up randomly at their location, or she will just come along. Not a lot of the guys like her, so that particular friend isn't invited as often anymore, so I think that part of your statement is true.

 

Yeah that's your husband you're supposed to do that stuff and it's great you enjoy it.

 

Honestly calling your wife or your husband your best friend is degrading. That's your wife/husband it's WAY more than a best friend. Calling your spouse your best friend is needy and sad.

[5-Points 2,716]

It's obvious that some geeks in this thread chose to marry the wrong woman.

[wiffleball 4,631]

It's obvious that some geeks in this thread chose to marry the wrong woman.

And more so, vice versa.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I don't think it's wrong if your wife is or isn't your best friend

That is, I find, the biggest trap women fall into in a marriage. They always compare their marriage to their friends (idealized and whitewashed) media (fictitious) etc.

 

If you have been together for a while and what you have works for you, congratulations, leave it alone.

 

My wife and I share very few hobbies. We spend a good deal of time doing our own thing. We have learned. For example, when we travel, some days she will go shopping at the big mall, which I hate, and I will go to some museum or historical thing that I know doesnt interest her in the slightest. Meet ya here for dinner honey.

 

Men, of course, fall into the trap of idealizing single life. We tend to remember it far better and wilder than it truly was.

 

I live a pretty transient life these days. I dont really have any LOCAL friends much. I mean, a few guys to drink with occasionally, but I barely know them and in a year, someone will be gone and thats that.

 

So wife wins best friend pretty much by default on a day to day basis. But I have some friends from way back that hear things she never would (mostly because I know she wouldnt want to.)

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

Having been married twice now, I find an interesting question...

 

How much are you YOURSELF around your wife? I mean, how much, if any, do you filter yourself? Act a little better?

 

My ex wife never heard me fart in 8 years. Didnt like cursing, so I tried to speak more civilly. At the end, I kind of realized the whole damn thing was largely an act.

 

This time around, I dont do that. I fart, I curse, and so does she.

 

I did draw a line at sh!tting. You can pee while Im in the shower. If you have a code brown, gonna have to hold it.

[wiffleball 4,631]

Like I said in the OP, think it's just too much to put on one person to be your 'everything'.

 

I've known both genders to do that, then wake up one day and blame their partner because their life isn't 'enough'.

 

"Ooh, he/she was so controlling! I have no life of my own!"

 

Really? For 12 years did you ever try to go back to college? Join a softball league? Make some friends? Play Fantasy Football? Volunteer at the church?

 

One of my favorite lines ever for a TV show comes from West Wing:

----------

At a certain point, you cease to be a victim and instead, become a willing participant in your own victimization.

----------

 

You shouldn't ask or expect your partner to fill every possible void in your life.

 

And if you get the sense that your partner is doing the same with you? You should realize that eventually he or she is going to end up resenting you for it. Not thanking you.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

Calling your spouse your best friend is needy and sad.

That's how I look at it. I have a best friend. It doesn't mean in some strange ranking system he is above my wife.

[wiffleball 4,631]

That's how I look at it. I have a best friend. It doesn't mean in some strange ranking system he is above my wife.

Agreed. Most of the time, she's on top of him!

[Brad GLuckman 518]

Agreed. Most of the time, she's on top of him!

 

oh no you didn't!!

[penultimatestraw 473]

Like I said in the OP, think it's just too much to put on one person to be your 'everything'.

I've known both genders to do that, then wake up one day and blame their partner because their life isn't 'enough'.

"Ooh, he/she was so controlling! I have no life of my own!"

Really? For 12 years did you ever try to go back to college? Join a softball league? Make some friends? Play Fantasy Football? Volunteer at the church?

One of my favorite lines ever for a TV show comes from West Wing:

----------

At a certain point, you cease to be a victim and instead, become a willing participant in your own victimization.

----------

You shouldn't ask or expect your partner to fill every possible void in your life.

And if you get the sense that your partner is doing the same with you? You should realize that eventually he or she is going to end up resenting you for it. Not thanking you.

Yeah, I think it is healthy to have other friends and some non shared interests. Either way, there is no single person with whom I want spend all my time.

 

For the people whose spouse is considered their best friend, how many other opposite sex friends do you have? In general, outside of romance guys tend to hang out with other guys, and chicks with other chicks. Theres a reason for that, as men and women tend to have different ideas of what constitutes fun. Whenever mixed gender groups develop, somebody always seems to get romantically involved.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Having been married twice now, I find an interesting question...

How much are you YOURSELF around your wife? I mean, how much, if any, do you filter yourself? Act a little better?

My ex wife never heard me fart in 8 years. Didnt like cursing, so I tried to speak more civilly. At the end, I kind of realized the whole damn thing was largely an act.

This time around, I dont do that. I fart, I curse, and so does she.

I did draw a line at sh!tting. You can pee while Im in the shower. If you have a code brown, gonna have to hold it.

ive also been married twice, and disagree about bodily functions around your partner. Of course you should be open and honest with your spouse, willing to be unfiltered and vulnerable around them. But I don’t see value in farting, belching, sh!tting, etc. in their presence - why would you treat them with less courtesy/respect than a total stranger?

 

I’m not saying you can never fart around them, but I don’t think doing so makes the partnership stronger or more “real”.

[wiffleball 4,631]

Of course you should be open and honest with your spouse, willing to be unfiltered and vulnerable around them. But I dont see value in farting, belching, sh!tting, etc. in their presence - why would you treat them with less courtesy/respect than a total stranger?

 

.

For one thing, I would hope that I'm not living with a total stranger.

 

BIG difference between not shitting your pants in the conference room and holding in your gas until your side's cramp in your own living room.

[penultimatestraw 473]

For one thing, I would hope that I'm not living with a total stranger.

BIG difference between not shitting your pants in the conference room and holding in your gas until your side's cramp in your own living room.

Fair enough, but I’m not gonna ask her to pull my finger or hold the lighter.

[wiffleball 4,631]

Fair enough, but Im not gonna ask her to pull my finger or hold the lighter.

 

 

Well you got to save something for the anniversary.

[5-Points 2,716]

Yeah, I think it is healthy to have other friends and some non shared interests. Either way, there is no single person with whom I want spend all my time.

 

For the people whose spouse is considered their best friend, how many other opposite sex friends do you have? In general, outside of romance guys tend to hang out with other guys, and chicks with other chicks. Theres a reason for that, as men and women tend to have different ideas of what constitutes fun. Whenever mixed gender groups develop, somebody always seems to get romantically involved.

Of course it's healthy to have other friends and non shared interests. My wife and I aren't joined at the hip. She has her hobbies, I have mine and we have some in common. She has her friends, I have mine and we have some in common. If we always did everything together it would make for some rather mundane conversations as we wouldn't be able to share anything new with each other.

 

That said, we tend to socialize more often with our friends in common and we tend to engage in activities that we both enjoy more often than going our separate ways to do things solo or with others. That is either because we relocated and most of the friends that we've made here we made together or scheduling conflicts with older friends that live farther away makes it harder to get together these days.

 

Friends come and go. If you marry the right person they're there for life. It just makes sense that that would be the person with whom you would want to spend the majority of your time.

[Djgb13 2,338]

Nah. There are things that my friends and I have fun doing that my wife just cant or wouldnt do. Spades being one of them

[MDC 5,877]

Nah. There are things that my friends and I have fun doing that my wife just cant or wouldnt do. Spades being one of them

Theres nothing your wife cant or wont do with me.

[Bier Meister 1,512]

Theres nothing your wife cant or wont do with me.

she is eager to please

[penultimatestraw 473]

Of course it's healthy to have other friends and non shared interests. My wife and I aren't joined at the hip. She has her hobbies, I have mine and we have some in common. She has her friends, I have mine and we have some in common. If we always did everything together it would make for some rather mundane conversations as we wouldn't be able to share anything new with each other.

That said, we tend to socialize more often with our friends in common and we tend to engage in activities that we both enjoy more often than going our separate ways to do things solo or with others. That is either because we relocated and most of the friends that we've made here we made together or scheduling conflicts with older friends that live farther away makes it harder to get together these days.

Friends come and go. If you marry the right person they're there for life. It just makes sense that that would be the person with whom you would want to spend the majority of your time.

Reasonable post. I definitely spend the majority of time with my wife, value her company and trust her above all others. I just dont consider her my best friend, but I think its kinda semantic at this point.

[frank 2,144]

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

I guarantee that the ones who say their wife should be, and they believe that their current wife is their best friend, they have the best relationships with their wives.

 

Those that think their wife shouldn't be their best friend, I bet they have a less enjoyable relationship with their wife on average

[shorepatrol 1,735]

Your woman is a special category. Yeah, shes my best friend, but in a wholly different way.

 

Shes my best friend in the trust and confide and help each other way. Hanging out, women suck at that generally.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewziegler/married-your-best-friend?bfsource=ovthpcontrol

[5-Points 2,716]

I guarantee that the ones who say their wife should be, and they believe that their current wife is their best friend, they have the best relationships with their wives.

 

Those that think their wife shouldn't be their best friend, I bet they have a less enjoyable relationship with their wife on average

[Hardcore troubadour 12,592]

I guarantee that the ones who say their wife should be, and they believe that their current wife is their best friend, they have the best relationships with their wives.

 

Those that think their wife shouldn't be their best friend, I bet they have a less enjoyable relationship with their wife on average

You're giving marriage advice now?

[trumpurethra 42]

Lol you guys are fockin ghey

[5-Points 2,716]

Lol you guys are fockin ghey

Wife left you, huh?

[shorepatrol 1,735]

Wife left you, huh?

His boyfriend. He misses eating his azz

[jerryskids 5,172]

You're giving marriage advice now?

Maybe he learned from his mistake?