To those with a son and a daughter

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

How much different did you treat each while raising them? More lenient on the girl? The exact same? Just found out we are having a boy so I get one of each.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

The boy used to get a swat now and again... I find it very hard to do the same thing to his little sister. She's just so much littler.

[wiffleball 4,631]

Congratulations! And make sure you give my very best to the father too.

[wiffleball 4,631]

As the least qualified guy to give parenting advice here, let me do so.

 

The 'sounds good in theory award' of the century goes to any so-called expert who says you should discipline your children the same and consistently. That doesn't even work when you have two kids of the same gender, much less two different genders.

 

Love your kids consistently, but recognize that what works for one may not work at all for the other. One may hate the idea of Being in Time Out and the other one may absolutely love the idea. Read them as any other parent would. Find what works as both motivation and Punishment and go from there.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

I am a father, not a friend. Lesson over.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

As the least qualified guy to give parenting advice here, let me do so.

 

The sounds good in theory award of the century goes to any so-called expert says you should discipline your children the same and consistently. That doesn't even work when you have two kids of the same gender, much less two different genders.

 

Love your kids consistently, but recognize that what works for one may not work at all for the other. One may hate the idea of Being and Time Out and the other one may absolutely love the idea. Read them as any other parent would. Find what works as both motivation and Punishment and go from there.

It was like that with me and my brother. I despised being grounded, so I did my best to not get locked up inside the house. Him on the other hand, he didn't care one bit. He would just read in his room.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

I am a father, not a friend. Lesson over.

Agreed on that.

 

I have always wanted a son. Most guys do, but I wanted one because I never had a dad. So I figured since I didn't get to have one growing up, I would want a son to kind of make up for it.

[TheNewGirl 1,020]

I don't know that I treated mine differently as they were little (Boy is now 14, girl is 11).

 

You are kind of perpetuating the stereotypes that girls = need to be treated like a delicate flower.

 

The older child will pick up on this treatment and you might be setting yourself up for some pretty strong sibling rivalry.

 

I am about 3.5 years older than my brother and he was treated differently as he was the "younger baby" of the two of us. There is STILL that happens to this day that they treat him differently, and it shows in his personal choices and in his life. He has a difficult time standing up for himself to his wife and children, etc. Of course, this has more to do with birth order, but don't create a girl that is babied or can't be a strong woman someday.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

I don't know that I treated mine differently as they were little (Boy is now 14, girl is 11).

 

You are kind of perpetuating the stereotypes that girls = need to be treated like a delicate flower.

 

The older child will pick up on this treatment and you might be setting yourself up for some pretty strong sibling rivalry.

 

I am about 3.5 years older than my brother and he was treated differently as he was the "younger baby" of the two of us. There is STILL ###### that happens to this day that they treat him differently, and it shows in his personal choices and in his life. He has a difficult time standing up for himself to his wife and children, etc. Of course, this has more to do with birth order, but don't create a girl that is babied or can't be a strong woman someday.

If I actually was to let the Geek bored indirectly raise my kids, then I should probably be neutered. I am just curious as to what other people did and how it turned out.

 

I will not raise a daughter who cannot take care of herself. As soon as she is old enough she is getting into some type of martial arts. I want her to be able to dismember or decapitate anyone who even thinks of harming her.

 

I also refuse to give preferential treatment because of age. I don't want to be the parent that let's the youngest get away with murder, just because he is the baby. My goal is to be as fair as I can be but to also teach each of them that life isn't fair.

[DankNuggs 305]

I think it depends on their personalities. From my experience growing up, my older brother was very well behaved, I was the hell raiser. I got some benefit of the doubt due to my brothers generally good behavior.

 

My oldest son is a hell raiser. Very head strong, opinionated and stubborn... most 3 yr olds probably are. My younger boy is 6 months old, so we'll see what his temperment is.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Boy gets condoms and an atta-boy when getting caught playing doctor. Girl gets locked in closet until she is 30.

[wiffleball 4,631]

Also you should provide just as many dresses and dolls as you do jeans and sports equipment. No need to burden the poor little guy with your old timey mindset about genders and whatnot.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

I think it depends on their personalities. From my experience growing up, my older brother was very well behaved, I was the hell raiser. I got some benefit of the doubt due to my brothers generally good behavior.

 

My oldest son is a hell raiser. Very head strong, opinionated and stubborn... most 3 yr olds probably are. My younger boy is 6 months old, so we'll see what his temperment is.

I was a really good kid growing up. I hated being grounded so staying out of trouble was worth it to me. Well at least until my Junior year in high school. I was still a good kid, I just discovered I liked to drink at that age.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

Also you should provide just as many dresses and dolls as you do jeans and sports equipment. No need to burden the poor little guy with your old timey mindset about genders and whatnot.

Is it really important? I didn't realize this. Thanks for the heads up. We will be able to save money on clothes if we just use all of my daughters old skirts and such.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

Also you should provide just as many dresses and dolls as you do jeans and sports equipment. No need to burden the poor little guy with your old timey mindset about genders and whatnot.

Hah, right after I responded my wife comes up to me with a few outfits asking if they are ok for a boy or too girly.

[cmh6476 748]

My kids think I treat them all different. My oldest daughter, 11 tends to think I treat the other two better and do more with them. For me I think discipline changes as they get older and how they respond to the discipline. I act like I am mad at my 6 yr old daughter and she gets her feeling hurt and start crying. I can ground, chastise, take things away from my 11 yr old and she will roll her eyes and tell me why I'm not fair to her.

 

I try to make sure I spend time with each of them individually, doing things they each like to do. My kids get to do a lot of sh!t other kids their age don't get to do. I'm a pretty focking cool dad.

[29 Guests 29]

Double standards suck.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

My kids think I treat them all different. My oldest daughter, 11 tends to think I treat the other two better and do more with them. For me I think discipline changes as they get older and how they respond to the discipline. I act like I am mad at my 6 yr old daughter and she gets her feeling hurt and start crying. I can ground, chastise, take things away from my 11 yr old and she will roll her eyes and tell me why I'm not fair to her.

 

I try to make sure I spend time with each of them individually, doing things they each like to do. My kids get to do a lot of sh!t other kids their age don't get to do. I'm a pretty focking cool dad.

That's good man

 

Though I thoroughly enjoy how innocent my daughter is and I appreciate she will not be this small forever, I can't wait for her to get older so we can do more stuff that she can appreciate. She did love the aquarium a few weeks ago. I am probably going to take her to Lego land next week. There is also a trampoline place that has time set aside for toddlers. Hopefully I have time to take her there too. Well I am laid off so I have time... Though a lot of it has been dedicated to night school and improving my welding skills. As much as I like to spend time with her while I am laid off, making myself more marketable is pretty damn important right now.

[TD Ryan2 314]

My daughter is almost 4 years older than my son.

Their ages, personalities,and genders require that they are treated slightly "differently" - each one is motivated differently - each personality is different, so as a parent, it is important that I understand the best way to "connect" or "reach" each child in order to guide them.

 

For both of them, the underlying message is always, "don't worry about being perfect, be brave, and try - you may fail, you may soar, but always give your best".

 

Of course, safety is a non-negotiable issue with both - "if you read in the newspaper that some kid got hurt doing what you were just doing- -would you feel bad or just think what a stupid thing that was to do".

 

And having those two philosophies is a balancing act... can't live in a bubble, but can't light yourself on fire either.

 

They're both doing well in school and activities - I've probably screwed something up on them, but bottom line: keep 'em safe, encourage them to find their way to becoming who/what they really want to be. Gender... and age... doesn't change any of that.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

My daughter is almost 4 years older than my son.

Their ages, personalities,and genders require that they are treated slightly "differently" - each one is motivated differently - each personality is different, so as a parent, it is important that I understand the best way to "connect" or "reach" each child in order to guide them.

 

For both of them, the underlying message is always, "don't worry about being perfect, be brave, and try - you may fail, you may soar, but always give your best".

 

Of course, safety is a non-negotiable issue with both - "if you read in the newspaper that some kid got hurt doing what you were just doing- -would you feel bad or just think what a stupid thing that was to do".

 

And having those two philosophies is a balancing act... can't live in a bubble, but can't light yourself on fire either.

 

They're both doing well in school and activities - I've probably screwed something up on them, but bottom line: keep 'em safe, encourage them to find their way to becoming who/what they really want to be. Gender... and age... doesn't change any of that.

Yeah the keeping safe but making sure they remain curious and want to explore, that seems like a balancing act. I was at a 1st bday party recently. My buddy's daughter is 3.5 months older than mine, so at the time of this party his daughter had just turned 2. He let his daughter roam around the party as I could sense he wanted his wife to relax and let her daughter roam around to explore. I was not comfortable letting my daughter roam around since we were at a VFW, not someones house. I understand not wanting to hover, but at that age they may still be picking food off the floor and eating it. I know my daughter was. Plus it isn't unheard of for kids to disappear from a place like that. Id rather wait until she knows that if someone who isn't me or her mom tries to carry her off shouldn't be carrying her off.

[TD Ryan2 314]

Yeah the keeping safe but making sure they remain curious and want to explore, that seems like a balancing act. I was at a 1st bday party recently. My buddy's daughter is 3.5 months older than mine, so at the time of this party his daughter had just turned 2. He let his daughter roam around the party as I could sense he wanted his wife to relax and let her daughter roam around to explore. I was not comfortable letting my daughter roam around since we were at a VFW, not someones house. I understand not wanting to hover, but at that age they may still be picking food off the floor and eating it. I know my daughter was. Plus it isn't unheard of for kids to disappear from a place like that. Id rather wait until she knows that if someone who isn't me or her mom tries to carry her off shouldn't be carrying her off.

 

I don't know that this balancing act ever really ends.

At 2 is your situation.

At 5, 6, 7 it's playing in the yard, in the street, up the street, in the woods?

At 11, 12, 13, it's staying home alone, babysitting, out with friends

At 15, 16, 17 it's driving and friends

At 18, 19, 20, it's boyfriends/girlfriends, parites

College... they're gone.. you hope you've given them the tools to make good decisions for themselves.

 

edit - the internet... don't forget the fockin' internet!

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

Mine are 14 and 17 girls and i hate them at this stage

[BunnysBastatrds 1,909]

Boy gets condoms and an atta-boy when getting caught playing doctor. Girl gets locked in closet until she is 30.

[vuduchile 1,940]

I understand not wanting to hover, but at that age they may still be picking food off the floor and eating it. I know my daughter was.

Some of the skankiest strippers/hookers in the world have worked the floors of America's VFW halls.

[dain11279 927]

Mine are 14 and 17 girls and i hate them at this stage

Can sizes?

[tanatastic 2,061]

Mine are 14 and 17 girls and i hate them at this stage

I feel the opposite.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

If you have a girl, how do you walk in the door after work to see a full on MMA match going on between your 14 & 16 year olds? That was what I had tonight when I got home.

[bandrus1 413]

I am a father, not a friend. Lesson over.

Awful

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I am a father, not a friend. Lesson over.

My guess is that you are neither.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

My guess is that you are neither.

Why's that? My guess is you're a great friend.

[bandrus1 413]

My guess is that you are neither.

And if the kids are smart you will die lonely

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

And if the kids are smart you will die lonely

Wow. Ok.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Why's that? My guess is you're a great friend.

I am not sure that I am either, but I am not conceited.

 

Actually, I probably should have not taken the cheap shot on that. I thought about deleting it, but you lobbed it up there and I couldn't resist.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

I am not sure that I am either, but I am not conceited.

 

Actually, I probably should have not taken the cheap shot on that. I thought about deleting it, but you lobbed it up there and I couldn't resist.

Classy bunch here. The other a-hole is the second one around here to say something about me being dead and my kids.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Classy bunch here. The other a-hole is the second one around here to say something about me being dead and my kids.

You reap what you sow. Don't be a pansy.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

You reap what you sow. Don't be a pansy.

Ive said shite like that? When? No biggie. Can't blame you for being white trash.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

I feel the opposite.

When they are sleeping maybe lol. Actually my oldest is coming back around my youngest is checking her boundaries of attitude

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Ive said shite like that? When? No biggie. Can't blame you for being white trash.

Really? You have the thinnest skin here.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,588]

Really? You have the thinnest skin here.

I'm fine man. You are what you are. Maybe teach your kids better than you were. It's not your fault, but you can end the cycle.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,652]

If you have a girl, how do you walk in the door after work to see a full on MMA match going on between your 14 & 16 year olds? That was what I had tonight when I got home.

Like playing around MMA or they were brawling? If it was brawling that is completely understandable. Women do not get along with each other.