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vuduchile

Squirting

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1. It tastes like sh!t.

How do you know this?

The sh1t taste part :unsure:

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:banana:

 

Do you write for a living? That was well written....I even googled parts of it to see if you copied from elsewhere....

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: Very nicely done.

 

Drobs story was kick ass too.

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Start with the shocker?

I don't know what either one of those things mean. Then again, I haven't been laid in over 6 years and will never have sex again. :(

 

So I LOVE these kinds of threads. :thumbsup:

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You can go to work, you can be the boss

Imma be the owner, be a thought donor

Imma go hard like a mutha fockin' boner

Imma make the beat put the people in a coma

You can be a geek or a rolling stoner

 

I woke up in the mornin, hard like morning wood in the mornin'

Woke up thinking about microphonin'

ET own the mic phone the homeland

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I don't know what either one of those things mean. Then again, I haven't been laid in over 6 years and will never have sex again. :(

 

So I LOVE these kinds of threads. :thumbsup:

 

Shocker = two in the pink one in the stink.

Spocker = two in the pink two in the stink.

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Shocker = two in the pink one in the stink.

Sprocker = two in the pink two in the stink.

HA. I have actually done the Shocker then. :headbanger:

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As I'm closing the door, I see the asparagus and think, ok yeah, this will be good.

 

 

AS soon as I read this I knew where it was going and continued reading like it was a Robert Ludlam page turner .......

 

:first: It is an early GOY posting :thumbsup:

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....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym

 

Only you yourself can smell it and not hurl - this made me spit me beer out - just a little :cheers:

 

drob made a funny (but didn't win this thread.......yet :ninja: )

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Don't forget the GI Joe (cause it looks like their kung fu grip) = four in the stink one in the pink.

 

 

Shocker = two in the pink one in the stink.

Sprocker = two in the pink two in the stink.

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I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.

After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(

Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

Did you go back and finish? :dunno:

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Did you go back and finish? :dunno:

No, went back in the room and she apologized repeatedly...i did the same and blamed the alcohol for making me sick. Told her I need to sleep, passed out next to her..woke up at like 5 am with those same what the fock am i doing here thoughts in my head ..woke her up at 6, drove her to her sisfers or whatever it was, gave her a cd of my nephews band and off she went.

This was like 6 months after being separated and single for the first time in my adult life.

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No, went back in the room and she apologized repeatedly...i did the same and blamed the alcohol for making me sick. Told her I need to sleep, passed out next to her..woke up at like 5 am with those same what the fock am i doing here thoughts in my head ..woke her up at 6, drove her to her sisfers or whatever it was, gave her a cd of my nephews band and off she went.

This was like 6 months after being separated and single for the first time in my adult life.

Revenge is sweet. :thumbsup:

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I had one girlfriend who did this; only one ever. It's not pee and its not 'squirting'. To be honest I'm not sure what it is either. It's clear and doesn't really smell of anything (in my experince) yet its alot of it. Like wet the bed as if you peed kinda deal. She never seemed to freak out when it happend (as if she peed) and I really didn't ever have the nerve to ask "What in the hell is that?" either.

 

One of lifes mysteries I guess? :dunno:

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It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

 

 

Hmmmm - Sperm must be pee then. It comes out the pee hole :unsure:

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I literally JUST discovered my first squirter. Like yesterday.

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I literally JUST discovered my first squirter. Like yesterday.

You should start your own thread about it. :doh:

  • Like 1

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Nikki never responded to my comment about the pus coming out of her puss. :dunno:

Maybe you should have asked tiki? :dunno:

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So, I'm eating my wife out a few months ago, and she starts going wild due to some 2-hole finger banging I'd just introduced to the normal lick hard and fast routine.

 

I'm working her for quite awhile and as my neck starts to ache and my wrist starts to stiffen, I'm heartened by her acceptance,....no.... her ENTHUSIASM for this newly discovered dirt box stimulation. In my mind, I know it will eventually lead to a some wild butt secks. Thusly, I start to get really wound up.

 

As she starts to reach the tipping point, she arches her back and I start to feel a warm, wet sensation in my mouth and on my face. It was not so much a squirt, but more of an ooze. It had no taste or smell, but there was a lot of it. I thought it felt a little thick, but that could've been my tongue going a little numb. Anyway, I kept going until she was finished. In the heat of the moment, all I can think is that I've become such a skilled cunnilngus master that I've unleashed a squirter. I am awesome. I turn her over, finish in 2.35 seconds flat and then jump off to get cleaned up.

 

She goes to take a shower and I'm left to deal with my own mess and whatever catastophe has befallen the sheets. No big deal. I notice a wet spot about the size of a basketball and grab a towel. The towel is useless against this sea of vaginal fluid. The sheet and the mattress pad are both soaked thru, so I strip the bed, throw the top sheet down on the matress, throw the blanket on top of that and call it a night.

 

We've done the same sort of thing several times since that night, sans the excess water works.

 

Fast forward to yesterday.

 

After work I needed to make something quick for dinner. Pasta it is. Yes, I do all the cooking at our house. My wife does all the cleaning. (Except, apparently post secks bed linen sanitation) Not only am I an skilled giver of orgasms, but I also handle my share of domestic duties. Aren't I quite the catch?

 

First I grill some chicken and get the pasta water boiling. I then start searching the fridge for vegetables. I grab a zuchinni, some mushrooms, and some sun dried tomatoes. As I'm closing the door, I see the asparagus and think, ok yeah, this will be good.

 

The pasta turned out great. The wife loved it, I thought it was decent, my sons wouldn't even look at it. They both opted for chicken nuggets, carrots, apples, and yogurt instead. They never eat what I cook, but that's another story.

 

We spend a few hours with my sons and then hustle them off to bed. Neither of us had mentioned it verbally, but we were on the same horny page for some reason, and wanted to get to bed early too.

 

We get into it and eventually work ourselves into a the same situation as previously mentioned. She's on her back, I'm working her over with the tongue and 2 fingers. (1 in each hole)

 

She starts to get off and again, I start to feel the wet ooze, but this time it's different. It has a.... uh...a...taste and...uh..wait a minute....that smell, is that????

 

I'm trying to mentally process this as she's spasming and jerking. Well, do you know how your pee smells after you've eaten asparagus? Yep. This realization finally hits me as I'm slurping that asparagus pee like a dog slurps toilet water. It's everywhere. In my mouth. I can't spit it out, so I swallow it. It's dripping off my face as she gets on all fours. I have nothing to wipe it with, so I let it drip down my chin, onto my chest and onto her azz.

 

I get my nut and off we go to clean up. I say nothing. Rather, I go about the business of destroying the evidence as before. This time, I remove the sheets, and go to the bathroom downstairs. I shower and thoroughly brush my teeth, mouth, throat, larynx, tonsils, esophagus, thyroid and upper intestine. I toss the toothbrush afterwards.

 

I still haven't said anything to her and I've decided I'm not going to because:

 

A. It would make her self concious about me going down on her, and I really like doing that

 

B. She might somehow associate the pi$$ing with having a finger in her bunghole, and I really like fingering her bunghole

 

C. I've tasted worse things than that aspargus pee

 

D. I'll never again serve asparagus on a night when I know I'm going to get some action

 

I'm going to lunch with her now. I think I'll try Mexican. What could possibly go wrong with that?

 

:puke:

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:puke:

 

 

It could be. Likely from the dude that ate her out 2 hours earlier. :dunno:

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Also, my ex girlfriend GUSHED. It definitely wasn't pee as it no way could have come out the uretha with such quantity. I would compare the amount that would come out of a garden hose for about 1 sec. Totally doused the bed.

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Also, my ex girlfriend GUSHED. It definitely wasn't pee as it no way could have come out the uretha with such quantity. I would compare the amount that would come out of a garden hose for about 1 sec. Totally doused the bed.

That was my experience as well. And it kind of had an oily texture and a musky smell. Nothing like pee.

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