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The Soilost

[ ** OFFICIAL 2018 SOILOST RANKINGS ** ]

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Folks, I humbly thank you for all the kind words from those who used my rankings last year to win their leagues. After having to lay off a year due to some court nastiness with my ex-wife over my patented software system, I was more determined than even to fine-tune my rankings even more - to great success.

 

My comprehensive rankings have included family background, stadium volume levels, the economy, hurricanes and spirituality.

 

Obviously, the distraction of player’s taking a knee during the National Anthem had to be factored in this year, as did the fact that so many folks decided not to watch the NFL last year. Plus the distraction caused by all these wacky presidential tweets.

 

So here they are, my 2018 rankings:

 

QUARTERBACK

 

  1. Patrick Mahomes – Mahoooommmes, Mahomes on the raaaannngge …
  1. Eli Manning – Well you better hide your heart, your loving heart. Eli’s a-comin’ and the cards say … TOUCHDOWN!
  2. Tyrod Taylor – T-bone won’t be giving Browns fans the shaft they’re all too used to. Maybe being losers will no longer be part of their culture. Browns are playoff bound. Mark it down!
  3. Case Keenum – Denver is going to get a Case full of winnin'!
  4. Ben Roethlisberger – Roethlisbunghole is motivated.
  5. Deshaun Watson – Deshaun will not desuck this year.
  6. Jimmy Garoppolo – No crapoppolo here!
  7. Russell Wilson – Still a pretty good No. 1 quarterback for your team.
  8. Jared Goff – They went to Jared!
  9. Tom Brady – He’s closer to Depends than Pop Warner, but he’s got another good year left.

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

  1. Alvin Kamara – Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kam-a-Kameleon. You come and go. You come and go. Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams. Black and gold. Black and gold not green.
  2. Saquon Barkley – Oooooooooh Saquon you seeeeee by the dawn’s touchdown light.
  3. Kareem Hunt – Mo’ Kareem pie after the end-zone TD money shot!
  4. Jay Ajayi – Jajajajajajajajajajajajajaja!!!!
  5. Nick Chubb – Browns will get them some Chubby!
  6. Rashaad Penny – Penny lane, baby!
  7. Todd Gurley – No Gurley man here.
  8. Royce Freeman – Royce rolls.
  9. Kerryon Johnson – Kerryon my wayward son. There’ll be points when you are done.
  10. Ezekiel Elliott – Elliott won’t smelliott.

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

  1. JuJu Smith Schuster – [philcollins] Ju-Ju-schudio! [/philcollins]
  2. Adam Thielen – He’s lookin’ California but Thielen Minnesota!
  3. Tyreek Hill – Tywreckin’ ball.
  4. Christian Kirk – Sister Christian motorin’.
  5. Devin Funchess – Bunches of Funchess!
  6. Odell Beckham Jr. – Old Bloody Jockstrap is back in the saddle.
  7. Chris Hogan – Ball-hoggin’ Hogan, they call him.
  8. Davante Adams – Has a pretty good QB throwing him the rock.
  9. Golden Tate – Tate worm all day.
  10. Kenny Stills – You can’t kill this Kenny, you bastages!

Now go win your leagues!

 

Peace out.

 

The Soilost

 

:bandana:

Edited by Mike FF Today
2018?
  • Like 2

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A Phil Collins reference followed immediately by a Soundgarden reference...BRAVO!

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A Phil Collins reference followed immediately by a Soundgarden reference...BRAVO!

agreed. golf clap...

 

thanks for the wisdom soloist

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Nice. We was having trouble figuring out if I wanted Old Bloody Jockstrap or Ball Hoggin' Hogan this year. This makes the decision easy. Thanks Soilost!

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Love it but I believe I am detecting a Funchess fanatic here. I think he was on this list last year too. Are you related?

 

The built in FF team names is a nice hidden gem that takes the Soilost rankings to the next level! Bravo!

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Eli and Mahomes as the top QB?

No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list?

 

This whole thing is ABSURD, I want to play in your league

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No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list?

 

I was surprised to not see Mack Brown up there too, but Dustin Hopkins is a kicker, bro. You just lost all your credibility.

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Does the tyrod injury change anything?

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QUARTERBACK

 

  1. Patrick Mahomes – Mahoooommmes, Mahomes on the raaaannngge …

:ninja:

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would've been a lot better if he didn't have Eli, Tyrod, and Keenum 2,3,and 4...

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would've been a lot better if he didn't have Eli, Tyrod, and Keenum 2,3,and 4...

He has Eli at 1. Along with Mahomes.

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On ‎8‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 7:13 AM, Phil Simms 11 said:

Eli and Mahomes as the top QB?

No Brown or Hopkins on the RB list?

 

This whole thing is ABSURD, I want to play in your league

 

Man, you should have taken that Mahomes advice ESPN was giving out.  I couldn't find Brown and Hopkins on the RB list either.  I know they are there somewhere.... 

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58 minutes ago, oldtimer said:

 

Man, you should have taken that Mahomes advice ESPN was giving out.  I couldn't find Brown and Hopkins on the RB list either.  I know they are there somewhere.... 

Luckily I did draft him 

 

 

 

My team in that league was kicking ass all year but lost in playoffs and I didn't get a dime. 

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