Dookie And The Divorce Gods

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

So tonight I come home from a long day of dealing with Isaac work and the wifey has a look of angst written all over her face. She's pissed off about something and to be quite honest, I didn't even ask what was wrong. So I go about my usual Friday routine and prepare to cut the grass as there is only a few minutes of daylight left in the day. We are having a B-Day party for my daughter tomorrow and I need the yard to look nice. Being so fawking busy with work, I had to cut my lawn in total darkness tonight and i nailed it. Cut, bag, and trim. I'm so proud of my work that I drink my first beer before I start the blower. As I walk into the kitchen to grab said cold beer and cool off for a minute I ask her about how great the lawn looks. She tells me, Mrs. Bunny: What's up with the dookie on the carpet in the bathroom? Me: On the horseshoe sky blue shag carpet thing around the crapper that tells everyone how white trash we are? That one? MRS Bunny: Yup! Me: Sorry babe. I took a sh!t and some of the wippings must have hit the floor. Didn't realize some hershey kisses hit the floor. I'll clean it up. Mrs. Bunny: Between the piss on the floor and now the sh!t stains on the carpet, you need to get it together. NOTE( I am 6'3 and have really big bawls. When I piss, it splatters. When I wipe, I can't sit. It's just the facts of life. I have to stand to wipe the bunger and there is nothing more I can do about it.) Mrs. Bunny: I've had it. Me: Try standing up to piss and then wipe after a good hard sh!t and not make a mess. Mrs.Bunny: There are two wemens in this house who never piss on the floor and never leave dookie on the mat. Me: GOOD! I should have bought the fawking buday toilet so I wouldn't have to see the monthly remnants of aunt flow between the two of you who refuse to flush the toilet after you two give blood. Mrs. Bunny: So this is my fault? Me: I can wipe sh!t off the floor. I can't wipe it off the blue shag carpet white trash horseshoe thing. It's me or it!!! Mrs. Bunny: I'm done with you!

[shotsup 832]

Sorry but I call BS .....MRS Bunny LOVES it when I piss on her. Did I say LOvES it !!!!

[NorthernVike 2,080]

Wait till shes asleep and drop duce on her forehead.

[MTSkiBum 1,594]

Carpet in the bathroom

 

Time for a home project to tile the bathroom floor.

[Secret Asian Man 26]

Wait till shes asleep and drop duce on her forehead.

 

[Mookz 1,287]

I still don't understand how dookie is hitting the floor just because you stand up to wipe.

[Herbivore 905]

I agree with Mrs Bunny - Wipe your ass Dirtbag.

[penultimatestraw 473]

I still don't understand how dookie is hitting the floor just because you stand up to wipe.

He wipes with the carpet.

 

Bunny, is your wife threatening to divorce you over this?

[OldMaid 1,838]

You know I you, but I have to agree with Mrs. Bunny on this one. Dingleberries on the carpet is a deal breaker.

[The Elevator Killer 497]

He wipes with the carpet.

 

Bunny, is your wife threatening to divorce you over this?

 

If she is I could of used this story about 20 years ago.

[penultimatestraw 473]

If she is I could of used this story about 20 years ago.

Did your superlative bowel habits prolong a failing marriage?

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Aren't those carpets there to catch excrement and urine? I mean, you don't clean them, do you, you just go get another one.

[The Elevator Killer 497]

Did your superlative bowel habits prolong a failing marriage?

 

 

No. But I could of been divorced a lot earlier.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

Aren't those carpets there to catch excrement and urine? I mean, you don't clean them, do you, you just go get another one.

 

 

That's what I said. It's one like this but its skyblue.

[shotsup 832]

That's what I said. It's one like this but its skyblue.

Yeah you are right

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

White Trash

[nikki2200 4]

I'm pretty sure in your marriage vows it doesn't say anything about removing your spouse's excrement from various decorations or furniture or corners of the house. If my boyfriend/husband shat on the floor/carpet and expected me to clean it up (this is assuming they are not in the late stages of cancer and are in perfect health but just "missed" when they were trying to hit the toilet), I would not afford them any more leniency than I would my cat (who doesn't know any better btw). If the cat shiits on the floor, it's going to pay a visit to the nearest Chinese food market. The boyfriend/husband shiits on the floor... divorce court and that is clearly being kind.

 

A middle aged man who cannot control himself enough to hit the toilet bowl while taking a dump, and leaves shiit on the floor for his wife and daughter to see/step in/smell seriously needs to re-evaluate what he is doing with his life.

 

hth

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

I'm pretty sure in your marriage vows it doesn't say anything about removing your spouse's excrement from various decorations or furniture or corners of the house. If my boyfriend/husband shat on the floor/carpet and expected me to clean it up (this is assuming they are not in the late stages of cancer and are in perfect health but just "missed" when they were trying to hit the toilet), I would not afford them any more leniency than I would my cat (who doesn't know any better btw). If the cat shiits on the floor, it's going to pay a visit to the nearest Chinese food market. The boyfriend/husband shiits on the floor... divorce court and that is clearly being kind.

 

A middle aged man who cannot control himself enough to hit the toilet bowl while taking a dump, and leaves shiit on the floor for his wife and daughter to see/step in/smell seriously needs to re-evaluate what he is doing with his life.

 

hth

 

 

Bad aim is nothing to be ashamed of. Bad judgement is? Good luck Nikki. Aim well.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I'm pretty sure in your marriage vows it doesn't say anything about removing your spouse's excrement from various decorations or furniture or corners of the house. If my boyfriend/husband shat on the floor/carpet and expected me to clean it up (this is assuming they are not in the late stages of cancer and are in perfect health but just "missed" when they were trying to hit the toilet), I would not afford them any more leniency than I would my cat (who doesn't know any better btw). If the cat shiits on the floor, it's going to pay a visit to the nearest Chinese food market. The boyfriend/husband shiits on the floor... divorce court and that is clearly being kind.

 

A middle aged man who cannot control himself enough to hit the toilet bowl while taking a dump, and leaves shiit on the floor for his wife and daughter to see/step in/smell seriously needs to re-evaluate what he is doing with his life.

 

hth

 

What if you get blood on the toilet seat?

[The Elevator Killer 497]

What if you get blood on the toilet seat?

 

Then you should change your diet.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

Updater: The shag carpet horshoe thingy around the toilet is gone. Tiny fragments of dookie are not justified in keeping it and I won a small battle of the bathroom war. I still wipe standing up and can clean said dookie parts off the floor without leaving a small stain for all to see. A win win for me. It's the small battles that we win that are important, Or so I'm told.

[shotsup 832]

[drobeski 3,061]

you must be one fat smelly fock

[shovelheadt 61]

Updater: The shag carpet horshoe thingy around the toilet is gone. Tiny fragments of dookie are not justified in keeping it and I won a small battle of the bathroom war. I still wipe standing up and can clean said dookie parts off the floor without leaving a small stain for all to see. A win win for me. It's the small battles that we win that are important, Or so I'm told.

 

I'm not seeing why this is causing you so many problems. I've seen some 400lb bastages that can't reach their own ass, somehow manage to not get sh1t all over the bathroom floor. For some reason I picture you walking around with a sh1t stripe on your shirt tail.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

you must be one fat smelly fock

 

 

Not at all. 6'3 and 210. I'm quite handsome and the ladies love me. I like my ass to be very clean. If every once in a while a little dookie hits the floor and I have to clean it up, so be it.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

Not at all. 6'3 and 210. I'm quite handsome and the ladies love me. I like my ass to be very clean. If every once in a while a little dookie hits the floor and I have to clean it up, so be it.

 

Maybe if you did not have so many c0cks up your ass on a regular basis, your sphincter would not be so worn out and you could keep those dookies from slipping out.

[OldMaid 1,838]

Maybe if you did not have so many c0cks up your ass on a regular basis, your sphincter would not be so worn out and you could keep those dookies from slipping out.

You'd think with all the alcohol in his system, his dookie would just evaporate.

[Frank M 181]

In 46+ years of life on this earth, I have not once left sh1t on the bathroom floor.

 

Well, make that not once in the 36 years that I've actually been wiping on my own.

[OldMaid 1,838]

In 46+ years of life on this earth, I have not once left sh1t on the bathroom floor.

 

Well, make that not once in the 36 years that I've actually been wiping on my own.

Somebody wiped your a$$ until you were 10?

[Mungwater 588]

Somebody wiped your a$$ until you were 10?

 

His uncle helped him

[Frank M 181]

Somebody wiped your a$ until you were 10?

 

You say that like it's weird.

 

[Frank M 181]

His uncle helped him

 

Well, he wasn't my real uncle. That would definitely be weird.

[nikki2200 4]

What if you get blood on the toilet seat?

 

That's never happened. And if there is some offchance weird occurrence that something disgusting happens in the bathroom while I am in there... I WOULD CLEAN IT UP. I mean nothing even really disgusting happens in the bathroom because I know how to effectively use a toilet bowl, but if I didn't I wouldn't expect that my man should expect to step in a pile of ###### while walking into the bathroom in his socks or bare feet. Because that is ###### disgusting and inconsiderate. But that's just me.

[ELVIS! 12]

That's never happened. And if there is some offchance weird occurrence that something disgusting happens in the bathroom while I am in there... I WOULD CLEAN IT UP. I mean nothing even really disgusting happens in the bathroom because I know how to effectively use a toilet bowl, but if I didn't I wouldn't expect that my man should expect to step in a pile of ###### while walking into the bathroom in his socks or bare feet. Because that is ###### disgusting and inconsiderate. But that's just me.

 

Do you need some more Lemon Pledge?

[BunnysBastatrds 1,914]

 It happened again last night. dejavu all over again. New lady again this time. I did my best to clean the tiny amount that was there and put the (now grey horse shoe one) in the laundry basket. She say a tiny spec and freaked out. We have a grey back up and she tossed the other one. Please God, take me soon. 

[kutulu 1,545]

TL;DR, who pooped on who and how much support do you have to pay?

[Bier Meister 1,513]

 a bear and rabbit are chittin in the woods...

[BeachGuy23 500]

9 hours ago, BunnysBastatrds said:

 It happened again last night. dejavu all over again. New lady again this time. I did my best to clean the tiny amount that was there and put the (now grey horse shoe one) in the laundry basket. She say a tiny spec and freaked out. We have a grey back up and she tossed the other one. Please God, take me soon. 

LMFAO

Boyo the problem ain't them it's you.

SAD

[Cdub100 3,380]

On 9/15/2012 at 12:30 AM, BunnysBastatrds said:

So tonight I come home from a long day of dealing with Isaac work and the wifey has a look of angst written all over her face. She's pissed off about something and to be quite honest, I didn't even ask what was wrong. So I go about my usual Friday routine and prepare to cut the grass as there is only a few minutes of daylight left in the day. We are having a B-Day party for my daughter tomorrow and I need the yard to look nice. Being so fawking busy with work, I had to cut my lawn in total darkness tonight and i nailed it. Cut, bag, and trim. I'm so proud of my work that I drink my first beer before I start the blower. As I walk into the kitchen to grab said cold beer and cool off for a minute I ask her about how great the lawn looks. She tells me, Mrs. Bunny: What's up with the dookie on the carpet in the bathroom? Me: On the horseshoe sky blue shag carpet thing around the crapper that tells everyone how white trash we are? That one? MRS Bunny: Yup! Me: Sorry babe. I took a sh!t and some of the wippings must have hit the floor. Didn't realize some hershey kisses hit the floor. I'll clean it up. Mrs. Bunny: Between the piss on the floor and now the sh!t stains on the carpet, you need to get it together. NOTE( I am 6'3 and have really big bawls. When I piss, it splatters. When I wipe, I can't sit. It's just the facts of life. I have to stand to wipe the bunger and there is nothing more I can do about it.) Mrs. Bunny: I've had it. Me: Try standing up to piss and then wipe after a good hard sh!t and not make a mess. Mrs.Bunny: There are two wemens in this house who never piss on the floor and never leave dookie on the mat. Me: GOOD! I should have bought the fawking buday toilet so I wouldn't have to see the monthly remnants of aunt flow between the two of you who refuse to flush the toilet after you two give blood. Mrs. Bunny: So this is my fault? Me: I can wipe sh!t off the floor. I can't wipe it off the blue shag carpet white trash horseshoe thing. It's me or it!!! Mrs. Bunny: I'm done with you!

This is a true story and I'll fight anyone who says it's fake.