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How do you maintain friendships?


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#1 cmh6476

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 11:32 AM

This is probably one of those threads where I feel like I'm sharing too much, but meh whatever.  Maybe some of you will identify as being in the same kind of boat :bench:

 

 

Growing up I always though of myself as an extrovert, but any more find myself leaning towards doing things in isolation and in the absence of others.  Granted, things are busy as sh!t so down town isn't very frequent and I probably do enjoy closing out the outside world.  My job is very social, so I'm constantly with people who I consider friends and mingling and having small talk and collaborating with all walks of life.

 

Where I find myself lacking is engaging in genuine relationships where I can openly share about things which bother me with people I consider close friends.  Most of who I consider my close friends are guys I hung out with in high school.  Now we don't see each other much and I don't talk to most of them real often.  At work I'm at the top of the food chain, so it's hard to build close friendships when everyone sees you as the boss.  So it's really tending to kids activities and occasionally socializing with folks, but I feel I am lacking in finding guys I consider true, close friends that I converse with on a regular basis.

 

Real long way around the question I was getting to.  Have any of you found ways to connect to new friendships (perhaps moved to new communities, wanting to branch out more...) and found that you were successful in doing so?

 

Would be interested in getting some ideas.  TIA and PIIHB


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#2 tanatastic

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 11:57 AM

It’s hard to do because new people are fake and flaky. I used to have legions of friends, social outings every week, always involved in this or that. Now friends have either moved away or started families (essentially dead). That’s all over, now I see movies alone and lucky to see anyone once a month. I’d trade my happily married life in a heartbeat for lots of money and being single.

#3 penultimatestraw

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 03:35 PM

I've had luck making good friends, but it's tough when people get settled and have families. Met most through work or shared activities (hiking, climbing) - I think the latter is a better way to keep the friendship. I push to go on trips together, which takes a little prodding sometimes. Of course free time and $ are much more scarce with kids, but most of my friends with them figure out a way to get a break from parenting (usually grandparents). Finally, and probably most importantly, I try to maximize free time. I don't take on extra responsibility at work, and try to keep life simple so I can focus on people/experiences I care about. It also helps to have an understanding wife, who realizes we don't have to spend 100% of our leisure time together.

 

Or you can try posting more  :dunno:



#4 vuduchile

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:22 PM

Try grinder

#5 Djgb13

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:25 PM

I keep in touch with all my friends whether is text or a phone call. I tend to make friends easy and usually people want to keep in touch or hang out. Been a little more difficult just cause of where Im at now but that will change next month just cause I wont be around old people anymore.

#6 Gladiators

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:35 PM

I dont really. Work and family are my priorities. I get together with friends occasionally, but it is pretty rare. When my boys are grown up and out of the house, I will have much more time for friends.

#7 penultimatestraw

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:38 PM

I keep in touch with all my friends whether is text or a phone call. I tend to make friends easy and usually people want to keep in touch or hang out. Been a little more difficult just cause of where Im at now but that will change next month just cause I wont be around old people anymore.

You're young. I don't know about the OP, but it gets a lot tougher to maintain friendships once people settle into their careers and families.



#8 Djgb13

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:41 PM

You're young. I don't know about the OP, but it gets a lot tougher to maintain friendships once people settle into their careers and families.


Im on the east coast and still maintain a close friendship with my buddy in Cali as well as one in Washington. The key is effort. Also, Im just the type to always keep in touch and make plans.

#9 Hardcore troubadour

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 05:43 PM

I keep in touch with all my friends whether is text or a phone call. I tend to make friends easy and usually people want to keep in touch or hang out. Been a little more difficult just cause of where Im at now but that will change next month just cause I wont be around old people anymore.


What happens next month?

#10 penultimatestraw

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 09:29 PM

Im on the east coast and still maintain a close friendship with my buddy in Cali as well as one in Washington. The key is effort. Also, Im just the type to always keep in touch and make plans.

Good for you. You're right that it requires effort.



#11 MDC

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 09:32 PM

Effort is key. It is infinitely harder with kids, especially if your friends dont have any.
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#12 penultimatestraw

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 09:38 PM

Effort is key. It is infinitely harder with kids, especially if your friends dont have any.

True. Some good friends try scheduling stuff with us, but invariably we end up acting as baby sitters if the kids are included. Makes me reluctant to hang out with them.

 

Also there are issues with single and married folks remaining friends, though none are insurmountable.



#13 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 10:09 PM

True. Some good friends try scheduling stuff with us, but invariably we end up acting as baby sitters if the kids are included. Makes me reluctant to hang out with them.
 
Also there are issues with single and married folks remaining friends, though none are insurmountable.


Yep. Once a friend has kids, theyre pretty much dead. You can go by for dinner occasionally, but yeah, you end up watching the kids the whole time.

And when your friend gets married, the new wife doesnt like him running with the single crew anymore.

The holy grail of friends when youre married with no kids is a couple friend. One where you actually like hanging with the guy, and the women like each other too, and neither one annoys the opposing side to death. That is very hard to find I have found.

#14 cmh6476

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 10:13 PM

I find challenges when frustrated with the spouse. She has peers she can vent about me to at work. I can't bring family matters to work, so at lot of times I find myself letting sh-t weigh on me.

:bench:

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#15 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 10:18 PM

I find challenges when frustrated with the spouse. She has peers she can vent about me to at work. I can't bring family matters to work, so at lot of times I find myself letting sh-t weigh on me.

:bench:


Women dont realize that their lives would be far easier if they encourage us to go off with the boys and blow of steam. Let us vent a little.

#16 Hardcore troubadour

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 10:33 PM

My Fantasy league keeps us together.

#17 cmh6476

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 11:05 PM

Women dont realize that their lives would be far easier if they encourage us to go off with the boys and blow of steam. Let us vent a little.

she does and actually encourages it for that reason. Just seems easier not to make plans sometimes than to do so.

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#18 cmh6476

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 11:06 PM

My Fantasy league keeps us together.

well yeah we draft once per year then it's text messages after that :dunno:

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#19 Hardcore troubadour

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Posted 20 May 2018 - 11:10 PM

well yeah we draft once per year then it's text messages after that :dunno:


We have a summer meet, in season day at the bar, and a dinner in January. 4x a year all together, for the most part.

#20 tanatastic

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 01:00 AM

Damn you guys are spot on in this thread. Pens story of ending up a babysitter, effort is key etc, lots of nail on the head stuff. When we hang out with my brother and kids, every conversation becomes about them, everywhere you go needs an extra hour of prep to wrangle them, cant cuss, cant be loud when they nap, its just a drag. Friends wife wont ever let him go out because he should be home giving her a break from terrible childcare for two Rugrats, yet she just forced him to have a third, smart.

Also same, fantasy league is only time we can all text and talk. Honestly, women ruin everything. Id rather bang whoors and just live with my buddies like Im 25 til I die.

#21 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 01:30 AM

Women dont realize that their lives would be far easier if they encourage us to go off with the boys and blow of steam. Let us vent a little.

Mine does. I try and encourage her to do the same, but she basically just hangs out with her parents when we're not together. Never understood why she comes home with hair tussled, clothes untucked, smelling like bleach.  :dunno:



#22 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 01:32 AM

she does and actually encourages it for that reason. Just seems easier not to make plans sometimes than to do so.

Nothing worth doing is easy. You gotta put forth effort if you want your situation to improve.



#23 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 02:29 AM

Mine does. I try and encourage her to do the same, but she basically just hangs out with her parents when we're not together. Never understood why she comes home with hair tussled, clothes untucked, smelling like bleach.  :dunno:


My ex would always make me pay for it if I went out with the guys. I mean Fock, I was working 80 some odd hours a week, but Id get the guilt trip if I wanted to go to a buddies house.

Twenty million questions. Did you drink, did you smoke weed, blah blah.

Of course shed go out with her girls regularly. To a show or nice restaurant or something that actually cost us money. Shed even have the gall to ask me to drive her, as driving at night makes her nervous.

Dont have that problem anymore. The new woman never goes out herself, but doesnt give a fock if I do.

#24 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 02:30 AM

Damn you guys are spot on in this thread. Pens story of ending up a babysitter, effort is key etc, lots of nail on the head stuff. When we hang out with my brother and kids, every conversation becomes about them, everywhere you go needs an extra hour of prep to wrangle them, cant cuss, cant be loud when they nap, its just a drag. Friends wife wont ever let him go out because he should be home giving her a break from terrible childcare for two Rugrats, yet she just forced him to have a third, smart.

Also same, fantasy league is only time we can all text and talk. Honestly, women ruin everything. Id rather bang whoors and just live with my buddies like Im 25 til I die.


Its one of those the grass is always greener things I guess. Whichever state I am in, I find myself envying the other.

#25 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 03:49 AM

Its one of those the grass is always greener things I guess. Whichever state I am in, I find myself envying the other.

I don't think I have ever envied being a parent. I'm sure the early unconditional love is great, the sense of pride later, and depth of caring is unparalleled. But sacrificing decades of your life, right when you're at the sweet spot of youth/good health and earnings? No thanks.

 

And while sexual variety is great, dating sucks too.



#26 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 03:57 AM

I don't think I have ever envied being a parent. I'm sure the early unconditional love is great, the sense of pride later, and depth of caring is unparalleled. But sacrificing decades of your life, right when you're at the sweet spot of youth/good health and earnings? No thanks.
 
And while sexual variety is great, dating sucks too.


Oh Im with you on the parent thing. Fock that in the earhole. Good for those that want it and are wired for it. I dont and Im not. And neither are many who do it anyway.

I was talking about monogamy vs. singlehood. When things are good, I like being in a relationship. When things are off the rails, Id just as soon be dead as be there.

Singlehood is easy. Simple. Fairly unsatisying though. There no long term there, for me anyway.

#27 kilroy69

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 04:55 AM

By the time you are an adult you realize how shitty people really are.
Its still not a hummingbird.

#28 Baker Boy

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:11 AM

I don't think I have ever envied being a parent. I'm sure the early unconditional love is great, the sense of pride later, and depth of caring is unparalleled. But sacrificing decades of your life, right when you're at the sweet spot of youth/good health and earnings? No thanks.
 
And while sexual variety is great, dating sucks too.


Americans and Europeans are abandoning parenthood at an alarming rate, profoundly changing the nature of our societies, our politics and our cultures.

Last year, women in the U.S. had children at the lowest rate ever recorded. There were just 60.2 births for every 1,000 girls and women ages 15 to 44 in our country. As a result, there were fewer births in America last year – 3.85 million babies – than at any time since 1987. This was a 2 percent drop from 2016.
http://www.foxnews.c...ver-before.html

#29 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:44 AM

Americans and Europeans are abandoning parenthood at an alarming rate, profoundly changing the nature of our societies, our politics and our cultures.

Last year, women in the U.S. had children at the lowest rate ever recorded. There were just 60.2 births for every 1,000 girls and women ages 15 to 44 in our country. As a result, there were fewer births in America last year – 3.85 million babies – than at any time since 1987. This was a 2 percent drop from 2016.
http://www.foxnews.c...ver-before.html

Holy cr@p, that is a stupid article!



#30 Alias Detective

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:52 AM

This is probably one of those threads where I feel like I'm sharing too much, but meh whatever.  Maybe some of you will identify as being in the same kind of boat :bench:
 
 
Growing up I always though of myself as an extrovert, but any more find myself leaning towards doing things in isolation and in the absence of others.  Granted, things are busy as sh!t so down town isn't very frequent and I probably do enjoy closing out the outside world.  My job is very social, so I'm constantly with people who I consider friends and mingling and having small talk and collaborating with all walks of life.
 
Where I find myself lacking is engaging in genuine relationships where I can openly share about things which bother me with people I consider close friends.  Most of who I consider my close friends are guys I hung out with in high school.  Now we don't see each other much and I don't talk to most of them real often.  At work I'm at the top of the food chain, so it's hard to build close friendships when everyone sees you as the boss.  So it's really tending to kids activities and occasionally socializing with folks, but I feel I am lacking in finding guys I consider true, close friends that I converse with on a regular basis.
 
Real long way around the question I was getting to.  Have any of you found ways to connect to new friendships (perhaps moved to new communities, wanting to branch out more...) and found that you were successful in doing so?
 
Would be interested in getting some ideas.  TIA and PIIHB


What do you need to share?

#31 Alias Detective

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:55 AM

True. Some good friends try scheduling stuff with us, but invariably we end up acting as baby sitters if the kids are included. Makes me reluctant to hang out with them.
 
Also there are issues with single and married folks remaining friends, though none are insurmountable.


Mix in a cocktail and stop being a whiney ######. You were a kid once too ya know.

#32 Alias Detective

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:56 AM

I find challenges when frustrated with the spouse. She has peers she can vent about me to at work. I can't bring family matters to work, so at lot of times I find myself letting sh-t weigh on me.
:bench:

Let it out. We are here for you.

#33 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:58 AM

Holy cr@p, that is a stupid article!


Yeah, I think they cut and pasted that straight out of a nazi family planning manual.

#34 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:59 AM

Mix in a cocktail and stop being a whiney ######. You were a kid once too ya know.

I'm planning on being an old person someday too, but I sure as he!! don't want to be involved in elder care.

 

Since parenthood is so wonderful, please enjoy your kids. Don't pawn them off on someone else. Especially somebody who chose not to have them.



#35 MTSkiBum

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 05:59 AM

Holy cr@p, that is a stupid article!

 
It includes teenage girls, it looks like this trend is a good thing.
 
 

Americans and Europeans are abandoning parenthood at an alarming rate, profoundly changing the nature of our societies, our politics and our cultures.

Last year, women in the U.S. had children at the lowest rate ever recorded. There were just 60.2 births for every 1,000 girls and women ages 15 to 44 in our country. As a result, there were fewer births in America last year – 3.85 million babies – than at any time since 1987. This was a 2 percent drop from 2016.
http://www.foxnews.c...ver-before.html

 

The teen birth rate fell 7 percent from 2016 to 2017, to a rate of 19 births per 1,000 teens ages 15 to 19.

https://www.livescie...lines-2017.html


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#36 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 06:02 AM

Let it out. We are here for you.

Agree. We will likely be as brutally honest as a true friend, and you can tell us to STFU with no repercussions on our internet relationship.



#37 Alias Detective

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 06:02 AM

I'm planning on being an old person someday too, but I sure as he!! don't want to be involved in elder care.
 
Since parenthood is so wonderful, please enjoy your kids. Don't pawn them off on someone else. Especially somebody who chose not to have them.


I have 2 boys and don't get the pawning off thing. Maybe I parent the right way but can you elaborate how you become a babysitter?

#38 MTSkiBum

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 06:05 AM

she does and actually encourages it for that reason. Just seems easier not to make plans sometimes than to do so.


I never "hung out" with my friends, so i may not be the best person to give advice. But my friends are the people i go fishing, hunting, bowling, etc with.

 

Join a bowling league, buy a boat, etc. Easier to find/keep friends that way.


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#39 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 06:06 AM

I have 2 boys and don't get the pawning off thing. Maybe I parent the right way but can you elaborate how you become a babysitter?

We hang out with friends, curious kids spend much of their time pestering us. Meanwhile parents are freed up to do adult things. After this cycle repeats itself a few times, friends actually ask us to babysit while they do something else.



#40 penultimatestraw

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Posted 21 May 2018 - 06:07 AM

I never "hung out" with my friends, so i may not be the best person to give advice. But my friends are the people i go fishing, hunting, bowling, etc with.

 

Join a bowling league, buy a boat, etc. Easier to find/keep friends that way.

Yep. Activity partners are easy friends.