penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 24, 2018 Very sorry to hear that. If it definitely has to happen then my advice is to do it as a dissolution/uncontested divorce. You agree on everything as far as how property will be split. Its way easier than a contested divorce and you dont have to involve lawyers. Dont have a bunch of fighting and airing of dirty laundry in open court. Though thats usually tied to custody more than property. This...but you really have to be on good terms. No lawyers, no conflict. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bier Meister 1,513 Posted March 24, 2018 Sorry to hear bb. I hope it can be salvaged, but if not take care of yourself. Good luck amigo. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,913 Posted March 24, 2018 Sorry brother.. you saw it coming, but it still sucks. Pretty much. What bothers the most, is she loves and hates me. I could put my love eyes on and turn this around. I'm choosing to do not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745 Posted March 24, 2018 Pretty much. What bothers the most, is she loves and hates me. I could put my love eyes on and turn this around. I'm choosing to do not. The two statements bothers me the most and choosing not to seem incongruous. Wanna clarify? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmh6476 750 Posted March 24, 2018 So sorry to hear that it is actually happening man. I haven't been through it and hope to never do so, so I'll defer to others who have advice and just offer to be her to chat. ditto 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 24, 2018 Get yourself set up in a place ASAP and take as manybhousehold items as possible. As you mentioned, theres not a lot of money, but there are surely things you can use that cost money to replace. Why waste cash on those things if you dont have to? Take some time and divide up stuff so that both of you can function as adults in your own spaces without having to start from scratch. When I divorced and moved to form CT to Chicago, I had to buy all kinds of furniture and housewares sh!t. I cussed myself every time I plunked down the card thinking about how much of that sh!t Id left behind. Nah, be the bigger person and don't sweat the small stuff. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BunnysBastatrds 1,913 Posted March 24, 2018 The two statements bothers me the most and choosing not to seem incongruous. Wanna clarify? I love the b!tch and the life we have, but I hate to see it end. I still love her. I love our house and memories. I married her for a reason. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745 Posted March 24, 2018 I love the b!tch and the life we have, but I hate to see it end. I still love her. I love our house and memories. I married her for a reason. Just dont think you can fix the problems? Thats kinda where I was when I bailed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Filthy Fernadez 2,696 Posted March 24, 2018 Good luck BB. As others have stated: 1. Be there for your kid 2. Clean up your act i.e. you're 50, not 20. Look 12-15 years down the road to retirement. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shotsup 832 Posted March 24, 2018 Nah, be the bigger person and don't sweat the small stuff. You are a dbag as usual. He is saying be fair and take 50/50 - how is that not being the bigger person ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 5,890 Posted March 24, 2018 Sorry to hear it BB. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vuduchile 1,941 Posted March 24, 2018 Nah, be the bigger person and don't sweat the small stuff.Easy to say when its 2 doctors with huge disposable incomes splitting up. Not so simple when its 2 people whove recently been teetering on the edge of financial ruin. They both need some basic essentials. No reason to waste money on stuff thats already there. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted March 24, 2018 It's very important to sweat the small stuff when there is little to no money left to just blow on new things Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Get yourself set up in a place ASAP and take as manybhousehold items as possible. As you mentioned, theres not a lot of money, but there are surely things you can use that cost money to replace. Why waste cash on those things if you dont have to? Take some time and divide up stuff so that both of you can function as adults in your own spaces without having to start from scratch. When I divorced and moved to form CT to Chicago, I had to buy all kinds of furniture and housewares sh!t. I cussed myself every time I plunked down the card thinking about how much of that sh!t Id left behind. This is the kind of thinking that can lead to lawyers and contested divorces. Divide up the property amicably and be prepared to just let some things go. That $500 you spend on new silverware and dishes would be immediately swallowed up by an attorney plus probably 20 grand more and a whole lot of unnecessary hand wringing and heart ache to boot 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
porkbutt 861 Posted March 24, 2018 man up and fix it. you made vows. get your sh;t together Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
29 Guests 29 Posted March 24, 2018 So sorry to hear that it is actually happening man. I haven't been through it and hope to never do so, so I'll defer to others who have advice and just offer to be her to chat. yeah, this. and my daughter still loves the mardi gras stuff you sent. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 It's very important to sweat the small stuff when there is little to no money left to just blow on new things Its about not biting off your nose to spite your face. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 You are a dbag as usual. He is saying be fair and take 50/50 - how is that not being the bigger person ? Its funny, I have some friends that are good divorce lawyers. They all say the same thing. When a new client comes in the door they say Im happy to do whatever you want but I would really strongly suggest that you guys work together and resolve this through a quick mediation. Its against the attorneys own financial interest because a protracted divorce fighting about everything down to the potted plant equals a sh1t ton of legal fees. But like I said, they are good and ethical attorneys (yes they do exist) and in good conscience they try to dissuade their clients from that path. But nobody ever listens. They might say yes at first but then as soon as the b1tch wants the desk that was in YOUR OFFICE for years and years, by god that cannot stand!! Well I want the focking bedroom set then; all of it! And how come shes getting one more holiday than me with the kids while were at it??! Next thing you know theyve each spent 30 grand or more just to beat each other up and end up worse off. So yeah, maybe try to avoid that if you can. Be prepared to concede on some relatively meaningless sh1t if thats what it takes. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted March 24, 2018 Its about not biting off your nose to spite your face. Well of course not. I mean don't just say. Have it all! When he can take half of the housewares that could save hundreds. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 5,890 Posted March 24, 2018 Dont forget the fiesta ware! That sh1t adds up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Well of course not. I mean don't just say. Have it all! When he can take half of the housewares that could save hundreds. Youll be in the same boat from the sound of it. But with a kid so much worse. My advice is to concede out the ass on property and hope you come out well on custody/visitation Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Dont forget the fiesta ware! That sh1t adds up. All bunny needs is the beads and crawfish 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted March 24, 2018 Youll be in the same boat from the sound of it. But with a kid so much worse. My advice is to concede out the ass on property and hope you come out well on custody/visitation It's going to be every other weekend. But she said I can see them more often. The problem is she will live 1.5 hours away. That doesn't include Chicago rush hour, which can easily add another hour since I would be driving south suburbs to north suburbs Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 24, 2018 You are a dbag as usual. He is saying be fair and take 50/50 - how is that not being the bigger person ?Dividing things perfectly 50/50 isn’t always possible - there is a fine line between “fair” and petty, and getting exactly half of the flatware ain’t worth creating conflict. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 24, 2018 This is the kind of thinking that can lead to lawyers and contested divorces. Divide up the property amicably and be prepared to just let some things go. That $500 you spend on new silverware and dishes would be immediately swallowed up by an attorney plus probably 20 grand more and a whole lot of unnecessary hand wringing and heart ache to bootYep. Not only are some things unsplittable, but you probably value them differently than your spouse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 It's going to be every other weekend. But she said I can see them more often. The problem is she will live 1.5 hours away. That doesn't include Chicago rush hour, which can easily add another hour since I would be driving south suburbs to north suburbs Get it in writing Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted March 24, 2018 Get it in writing Well yeah, lawyers will draft this stuff up after we agree to it all. To submit to the court Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
penultimatestraw 473 Posted March 24, 2018 Easy to say when its 2 doctors with huge disposable incomes splitting up. Not so simple when its 2 people whove recently been teetering on the edge of financial ruin. They both need some basic essentials. No reason to waste money on stuff thats already there. Exactly why wealthy people never have bitter divorces Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mmmmm...beer 691 Posted March 24, 2018 Bunny packing to leave. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Bunny packing to leave. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Well yeah, lawyers will draft this stuff up after we agree to it all. To submit to the court Might depend on the state but you most likely dont need lawyers if youre agreeing to it all. You could employ a mediator if you want to make sure all the i s are dotted and the t s crossed. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted March 24, 2018 Might depend on the state but you most likely dont need lawyers if youre agreeing to it all. You could employ a mediator if you want to make sure all the i s are dotted and the t s crossed. Idk. I have heard of a specific judge in my county being really hard on the men. I knew a guy who had his wife sign an agreement as to how much he would pay her. The judge rejected it and told him he was going to pay more Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Idk. I have heard of a specific judge in my county being really hard on the men. I knew a guy who had his wife sign an agreement as to how much he would pay her. The judge rejected it and told him he was going to pay more If its child support thats pretty much set by formula and theres nothing you can do about it. As far as what you legally owe anyway. Maybe she doesnt hold you to it but then if you ever piss her off shes coming after you for 50k in arrears. The secret is to have shared custody so you dont get completely screwed on the child support amount, although I hope you would want shared custody anyway not just for financial reasons Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mmmmm...beer 691 Posted March 24, 2018 Was supposed to be this one! Hah.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 Was supposed to be this one! Hah.. Thats weird, it was that one before Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mmmmm...beer 691 Posted March 24, 2018 Thats weird, it was that one before I'm so good at the computer machine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerryskids 5,191 Posted March 24, 2018 Thats weird, it was that one before I know right. Also you are being a helpful fake lawyer in this thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sho Nuff 719 Posted March 24, 2018 Bunny packing to leave. Or if he negotiates poorly Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,310 Posted March 24, 2018 I know right. Also you are being a helpful fake lawyer in this thread. Im passionate about the stupidity of most contested divorces. Especially when people put their kids in the middle of it 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
