ToadSprocket 12 Posted June 5, 2017 It was my fault. I lost my temper. My wife's friend Cindy was visiting us. I had been mowing the grass when my wife called out to me that dinner was ready. By the time I had finished mowing, both of them had already eaten. So I sit down to eat and Cindy says aloud that her husband always eats when she does. Then I hear her say that her husband always wears a tie at the dinner table. A few other things I didn't hear. Then she has the audacity to say to my wife but within my earshot that I smell bad. So I got up and poured my chicken alfredo over her head. Showered really quickly and waited for the cops because I knew she would call them. The cops understood the situation and actually gave me a chance to avoid being taken in custody by saying it was an accident. I didn't. I said I did it on purpose. And off to jail I went. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Hand 482 Posted June 5, 2017 What? She called the cops because you poured chicken alfredo over her head? Why would you even let someone like that in your house? What were you charged with? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ToadSprocket 12 Posted June 5, 2017 What? She called the cops because you poured chicken alfredo over her head? Why would you even let someone like that in your house? What were you charged with? Aggravated Assault Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cruzer 1,992 Posted June 5, 2017 Omg, are you serious? But yea, seriously - is pouring food on somebody considered assault? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parrot 789 Posted June 5, 2017 Holy focking coincidence - Me too! It was 25 years ago, but I spent Saturday night in jail. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frank 2,140 Posted June 5, 2017 That's using your noodle. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Strike 3,884 Posted June 5, 2017 So, have you and your wife had the discussion yet about her never being allowed in your house again? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
parrot 789 Posted June 5, 2017 Surprised you would go to jail for that. I would think they would just hit you with some poultry fine. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore troubadour 12,403 Posted June 5, 2017 So this other guy puts a tie on every night for dinner? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Filthy Fernadez 2,696 Posted June 5, 2017 CAN SIZE for alfredo sauce (and t!ts) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Djgb13 2,338 Posted June 5, 2017 Good job. B1tch had it coming Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Herbivore 888 Posted June 5, 2017 Surprised you would go to jail for that. I would think they would just hit you with some poultry fine. What do you think is right...2 or 3 chickens. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frozenbeernuts 1,652 Posted June 5, 2017 Sounds like a real kunt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brad GLuckman 518 Posted June 5, 2017 What kind of lunatic wears a tie to dinner every night? Is that his thing or hers? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tanatastic 2,061 Posted June 5, 2017 I also heard she sued you for slander when you said "Nah nah nah boo boo, I'm better than you!". Christ you two are immature. See HT, THIS is something you should say "grow up" to. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore troubadour 12,403 Posted June 5, 2017 I also heard she sued you for slander when you said "Nah nah nah boo boo, I'm better than you!". Christ you two are immature. See HT, THIS is something you should say "grow up" to. I just want to see some good movies like they used to make. The more money this super hero kids stuff makes the more Hollywood will keep spitting it out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
frank 2,140 Posted June 5, 2017 If you have to go to court, you should just read your original post to the judge. Did anyone in jail ask what you were in for? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TimmySmith 2,782 Posted June 5, 2017 You should have put a tie on, then dumped it on her head. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,617 Posted June 5, 2017 I don't even know how to react to this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cruzer 1,992 Posted June 5, 2017 Note to self: if ever invited to dinner at Toad's house, don't wear a tie, and compliment him on his funky BO. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patriotsfatboy1 1,432 Posted June 5, 2017 So, have you and your wife had the discussion yet about her never being allowed in your house again? You mean his wife, right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tanatastic 2,061 Posted June 5, 2017 Surprised you would go to jail for that. I would think they would just hit you with some poultry fine. I would imagine any officer would just roll their eyes and leave upon hearing this ridiculous story. There are actual domestic battery scenarios happening and they get called out because a grown man dumped food on someone for insulting them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Hand 482 Posted June 5, 2017 I would imagine any officer would just roll their eyes and leave upon hearing this ridiculous story. There are actual domestic battery scenarios happening and they get called out because a grown man dumped food on someone for insulting them. I can't believe the cops even showed up for this let alone taking him away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore troubadour 12,403 Posted June 5, 2017 I would imagine any officer would just roll their eyes and leave upon hearing this ridiculous story. There are actual domestic battery scenarios happening and they get called out because a grown man dumped food on someone for insulting them. This does not fit the criteria for domestic violence. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bandrus1 413 Posted June 5, 2017 That's using your noodle. I appreciate this Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tanatastic 2,061 Posted June 5, 2017 I can't believe the cops even showed up for this let alone taking him away. They had to show up. No doubt the story was embellished on the phone. Something like, "Help I'm being TERRORIZED by a man!". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted June 5, 2017 Of course he should have went to jail. You can't just dump food on someones head without any repercussions. That's the type of stuff crazy people do. Ask her to leave maybe. Divorce your b1tch wife for even inviting her over, but dumping a plate of food on her head is beyond weird. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Djgb13 2,338 Posted June 5, 2017 Of course he should have went to jail. You can't just dump food on someones head without any repercussions. That's the type of stuff crazy people do. Ask her to leave maybe. Divorce your b1tch wife for even inviting her over, but dumping a plate of food on her head is beyond weird. It's a waste of perfectly good food is what it is Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nzoner 936 Posted June 5, 2017 At least you smelled good for the holding cell. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Hand 482 Posted June 5, 2017 Of course he should have went to jail. You can't just dump food on someones head without any repercussions. That's the type of stuff crazy people do. Ask her to leave maybe. Divorce your b1tch wife for even inviting her over, but dumping a plate of food on her head is beyond weird. What about throwing a drink in someones face? A felony? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted June 5, 2017 What about throwing a drink in someones face? A felony? You should go to jail if the person wanted to press charges. Tell your reasons to the judge. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
5-Points 2,695 Posted June 5, 2017 That's using your noodle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,079 Posted June 5, 2017 I don't even know how to react to this. That's because you would nevah have wasted a plate of chicken alfredo. 30,000 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted June 5, 2017 That's because you would nevah have wasted a plate of chicken alfredo. 30,000 I'd sit on that number if I were you. It has a nice look. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wiffleball 4,617 Posted June 5, 2017 That's because you would nevah have wasted a plate of chicken alfredo. 30,000 Congrats on 30K. And, Alfredo Sauce is gross. It is the Italian version of Ranch Dressing. Focking heart attack on a plate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iam90sbaby 2,079 Posted June 5, 2017 This gives angel hair pasta a new meaning. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Hand 482 Posted June 5, 2017 You should go to jail if the person wanted to press charges. Tell your reasons to the judge. Go to jail for what exactly? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites