Titts and Ass
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:10 AM
My general surgery rotation consists of many specific types of clinics, each with its own character, flavor, and uniquely horrific odor. There's vascular clinic (gangrenous foot odor), pre-op clinic (straight poo), general surgery clinic (a pouperri of rectal abscess with colostomy bag undigested poo), and so on. Yesterday consisted of eight solid hours of two very special clinics. The proctology clinic and the breast clinic.
First the proctology clinic:
Having posted about my rectum adventures already in here, I would instead like to share some of the pathology I have discovered in this delightful clinic. To begin, I should point out that if doing digital rectal exams (DREs) were all this clinic was about, it wouldn't be that big a deal. After all, I've developed so much as a future doctor over the last two months that, when confronted by another medical student on my team who was in disbelief that I had gone and done a DRE on the first patient I saw without any initial suggestion by a superior to do so, I responded, quite poetically, "Ya dude, you just gotta jump right in, embrace the anus." Surely, these are words to live by.
Anyways, proctology clinic is far more painful than that, because this clinic is concerned less with what's deep inside the buttwhole (colon, prostate, etc.) than with what is immediately inside and outside the anus (hemorrhoids, abscesses, fistulas, fissures, leprechauns, spare change, and banana residue). To top things off, in order to examine this area more completely than with visual and tactile inspection alone, some twisted genuis has developed the anoscope. This device allows the trained medical professional to not only see all of the lovely anal ridges, folds, and associated pathology in and around the rectum, but also allows us to visualize what you ate for dinner yesterday, the brand of corn you bought at Safeway last week, and, for some patients who make their way through this clinic, your current condom preferences. Needless to say, in proctology clinic time flies by faster than you can say "Did he really stick a gerbil up there?". In fact, the only thing more fun than getting to do anoscopies five times was getting to do a final one on a woman with a rectal prolapse, meaning the inside of her ass had fallen out and was literally hanging on the outside.
In this clinic, I have not only learned a vast amount about breast pathology, I have also learned a valuable lesson about lowering one's expectations whenever possible. While there is nothing inherently sexual about any medical or clinical exam. I'm not going to pretend that me or any other guy sent to work at a breast clinic isn't always hoping and praying that the next patient who walks in the exam room has breasts that resemble the breasts attached to Meagan Fox much more so than the breasts attached to her great-grandmother Mildred. Shockingly, this dream has yet to be realized. However, I have had the chance to examine many an older woman's breasts in this clinic and have come to a conclusion that will startle and disappoint Breast Men. There is a downside to massive breasts. So why is that? Well, the obvious answer, one universally known, is gravity. I've already had the pleasure of examining some older large chested women whose breasts are closer to their knees than their feet are, and let me tell you, no bra, stool, or forklift will make those things get to where they are supposed to be. Yet, a more important second factor comes into play, one that may not be initially obvious to the amateur breast inspector. What you may not know is that, at least for county hospital patients who have often not been informed of the latest breakthroughs in personal hygiene, the bigger the breast, the bigger the fold between breast and abdomen, which means the more potential space there is for any number of foreign objects, bacteria, mold, or any other atrocious thing to fester in between this area for days, months, and even years at a time. You think I'm joking? You are mistaken, my friend, because I bear witness to many of the horrors I have just described, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty. Does this mean that smaller breasts are better than bigger breasts, going against conventional wisdom and pornographic standards that reach back decades, if not millenia? Tough question, one that I don't yet feel qualified to answer yet.
I think I've rambled on enough, but I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into the world of the surgical clinic. Feel free to resume your lives, your breast hygeine, and your self-exploration with the extra long, rigid anoscope you just ordered from Amazon.
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:17 AM
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:18 AM
And not the old saggy titty pics either.
Why can't you go into plastic surgery and show us the 'after' photos
Being an ass hole is all part of my manly essence
You guys have no focking clue what happened so you really should just shut it..
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:32 AM
To begin, I should point out that if doing digital rectal exams (DREs) were all this clinic was about, it wouldn't be that big a deal.
You new name now Dr. DRE.
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:42 AM
You new name now Dr. DRE.
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:48 AM
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:57 AM
You new name now Dr. DRE.
I got my finger on the trigger so niggaz wonder why
But livin in the city it's do-or-die
Posted 14 September 2010 - 11:05 AM
I got my finger on the sphincter so niggaz wonder why
But livin in the city it's do-do-or-die
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:36 PM
Like a car crash, I can't not look at Medstudents threads about his clinic days.
Posted 14 September 2010 - 10:52 PM
nikki2200: But STAY ON TOPIC. This thread is about shooting water out of your ass
jgcrawfish: i'm bleeding and screaming and the guinnea pig is flopping around on the desk
SUXBNME: One unfortunate or funny thing that I did do was have my buddy take a pic of my weiner
Posted 15 September 2010 - 07:01 PM
Since this bored was obviously lacking yesterday without my prose.
Brother, don't pimp your writing and then proceed with a demitome filled with grammatical problems.
Posted 15 September 2010 - 10:17 PM
23 (+/-) half marathons
4 full marathons
1 ultra marathon (50k)
1 half Ironman
Look. At. Me.
Posted 16 September 2010 - 10:28 PM
But, do I try to do better every day?