Jump to content



Photo

Squirting


  • Please log in to reply
62 replies to this topic

#1 vuduchile

vuduchile

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,942 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:35 AM

So, I'm eating my wife out a few months ago, and she starts going wild due to some 2-hole finger banging I'd just introduced to the normal lick hard and fast routine.

I'm working her for quite awhile and as my neck starts to ache and my wrist starts to stiffen, I'm heartened by her acceptance,....no.... her ENTHUSIASM for this newly discovered dirt box stimulation. In my mind, I know it will eventually lead to a some wild butt secks. Thusly, I start to get really wound up.

As she starts to reach the tipping point, she arches her back and I start to feel a warm, wet sensation in my mouth and on my face. It was not so much a squirt, but more of an ooze. It had no taste or smell, but there was a lot of it. I thought it felt a little thick, but that could've been my tongue going a little numb. Anyway, I kept going until she was finished. In the heat of the moment, all I can think is that I've become such a skilled cunnilngus master that I've unleashed a squirter. I am awesome. I turn her over, finish in 2.35 seconds flat and then jump off to get cleaned up.

She goes to take a shower and I'm left to deal with my own mess and whatever catastophe has befallen the sheets. No big deal. I notice a wet spot about the size of a basketball and grab a towel. The towel is useless against this sea of vaginal fluid. The sheet and the mattress pad are both soaked thru, so I strip the bed, throw the top sheet down on the matress, throw the blanket on top of that and call it a night.

We've done the same sort of thing several times since that night, sans the excess water works.

Fast forward to yesterday.

After work I needed to make something quick for dinner. Pasta it is. Yes, I do all the cooking at our house. My wife does all the cleaning. (Except, apparently post secks bed linen sanitation) Not only am I an skilled giver of orgasms, but I also handle my share of domestic duties. Aren't I quite the catch?

First I grill some chicken and get the pasta water boiling. I then start searching the fridge for vegetables. I grab a zuchinni, some mushrooms, and some sun dried tomatoes. As I'm closing the door, I see the asparagus and think, ok yeah, this will be good.

The pasta turned out great. The wife loved it, I thought it was decent, my sons wouldn't even look at it. They both opted for chicken nuggets, carrots, apples, and yogurt instead. They never eat what I cook, but that's another story.

We spend a few hours with my sons and then hustle them off to bed. Neither of us had mentioned it verbally, but we were on the same horny page for some reason, and wanted to get to bed early too.

We get into it and eventually work ourselves into a the same situation as previously mentioned. She's on her back, I'm working her over with the tongue and 2 fingers. (1 in each hole)

She starts to get off and again, I start to feel the wet ooze, but this time it's different. It has a.... uh...a...taste and...uh..wait a minute....that smell, is that????

I'm trying to mentally process this as she's spasming and jerking. Well, do you know how your pee smells after you've eaten asparagus? Yep. This realization finally hits me as I'm slurping that asparagus pee like a dog slurps toilet water. It's everywhere. In my mouth. I can't spit it out, so I swallow it. It's dripping off my face as she gets on all fours. I have nothing to wipe it with, so I let it drip down my chin, onto my chest and onto her azz.

I get my nut and off we go to clean up. I say nothing. Rather, I go about the business of destroying the evidence as before. This time, I remove the sheets, and go to the bathroom downstairs. I shower and thoroughly brush my teeth, mouth, throat, larynx, tonsils, esophagus, thyroid and upper intestine. I toss the toothbrush afterwards.

I still haven't said anything to her and I've decided I'm not going to because:

A. It would make her self concious about me going down on her, and I really like doing that

B. She might somehow associate the pi$$ing with having a finger in her bunghole, and I really like fingering her bunghole

C. I've tasted worse things than that aspargus pee

D. I'll never again serve asparagus on a night when I know I'm going to get some action

I'm going to lunch with her now. I think I'll try Mexican. What could possibly go wrong with that?

#2 NewbieJr

NewbieJr

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 45,561 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:45 AM

Your wife could well be peeing during her orgasms. but there are girls who actually squirt vaginal fluid that isn't urine.
Mine is small, but the head spins.

#3 nikki2200

nikki2200

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 10,186 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:51 AM

Your wife could well be peeing during her orgasms. but there are girls who actually squirt vaginal fluid that isn't urine.


It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

It's much better collecting stray kats and crapping your pants on occasion. Trust me.


#4 tubby_mcgee

tubby_mcgee

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,084 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:54 AM

So....


:banana:

Do you write for a living? That was well written....I even googled parts of it to see if you copied from elsewhere....
"Sandusky and his attorney have come up with all kinds of excuses for why Sandusky continuously showered with young boys... for the touching and the nakedness. He was showing them how to soap up, was one. He was a "tickle monster," was another.Let's hope the judge sends Sandusky away for the rest of his days, into the general population at a federal prison, not a protected one.Let's see how the tickle monster goes over with those guys." ~Rick Reilly, ESPN.COM

#5 tubby_mcgee

tubby_mcgee

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,084 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:55 AM

It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.



Yep...people just tell themselves it vaginal fluid as not to ruin it for themselves or their partners. Makes it sound so much sexier than "She peed all the fock over me"
"Sandusky and his attorney have come up with all kinds of excuses for why Sandusky continuously showered with young boys... for the touching and the nakedness. He was showing them how to soap up, was one. He was a "tickle monster," was another.Let's hope the judge sends Sandusky away for the rest of his days, into the general population at a federal prison, not a protected one.Let's see how the tickle monster goes over with those guys." ~Rick Reilly, ESPN.COM

#6 vuduchile

vuduchile

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,942 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 10:58 AM

:banana:

Do you write for a living? That was well written....I even googled parts of it to see if you copied from elsewhere....


The only stuff I've ever written has been posted here. Most of that was years ago and is lost unless someone archived it. My dad is a retired writer for the Wall St. Journal.

#7 Franknbeans

Franknbeans

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 14,529 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:07 AM

It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

wrongo, chongo

www.maximusgluteus.com

 

 

 


Anything less, and you may as well get your ladyparts waxed and join the PTA

 


#8 The Next Generation

The Next Generation

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 6,016 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:15 AM

The only stuff I've ever written has been posted here. Most of that was years ago and is lost unless someone archived it. My dad is a retired writer for the Wall St. Journal.


As entertaining a read as it was, it was still a major fail! Can size of wife? :dunno:
Resistance is Futile!

#9 NewbieJr

NewbieJr

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 45,561 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:25 AM

It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

No it's not. In some, maybe. But there are many females who actually ejaculate vaginal fluid.
Mine is small, but the head spins.

#10 IGotWorms

IGotWorms

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 31,325 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:28 AM

Good story :thumbsup:

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:

#11 kutulu

kutulu

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 49,372 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:30 AM

Good story :thumbsup:

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:


I only seen it once in the flesh, but I share this point of view. Certainly did not seem like urine from my POV.

#12 BLS

BLS

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 10,807 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:31 AM

F5, F5, F5.


Something's wrong. Pics aren't loading.

KENYAN - GUN HATER 2012 FORWARD!

Minnesota Carry permit, conceal and carry, Minnesota, Conceal, Chandler's, Hastings, St. Paul, Minneapolis, .


#13 penultimatestraw

penultimatestraw

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 5,863 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:43 AM

I don't think it is pee. Tasting/smelling like asparagus only means the breakdown products of the asparagus are secreted in vaginal secretions as well. They are both ultrafiltrates of the blood, I'd assume.

As an aside there are a couple of odd things about aspargusuria. Possessing the enzyme which breaks down asparagus into the foul byproduct and the ability to smell it aren't universal. Apparently the French do both well.

#14 NorthernVike

NorthernVike

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 26,424 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 11:43 AM

Of course I read this while I'm eating my lunch. :lol:

Being an ass hole is all part of my manly essence

 

 



You guys have no focking clue what happened so you really should just shut it..

 


#15 vuduchile

vuduchile

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,942 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:32 PM

As entertaining a read as it was, it was still a major fail! Can size of wife? :dunno:


34 B. Her cans weren't in play here, thus rendering their size irrelevant. I only have 2 hands.

She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.

#16 The Next Generation

The Next Generation

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 6,016 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:42 PM

34 B. Her cans weren't in play here, thus rendering their size irrelevant. I only have 2 hands.


toes?

She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.


:lol:
Resistance is Futile!

#17 edjr

edjr

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 80,239 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:43 PM

You put your tongue down there? ewwwwwwwww

posty


#18 penultimatestraw

penultimatestraw

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 5,863 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:48 PM

I just figured out a solution to this mystery. Urine pH typically around 5-6, while the blood is pH 7.4. Buy some litmus paper that differentiates pH well enough to see a color difference between those values. Think of a creative way to incorporate the paper into your sexcapades (or use it for clean up, but do so quickly!). A pH greater than 7 is unlikely to be urine (though not impossible). If you need more conclusive proof, you'll need to trick her into urinating on the strips for comparison.

#19 vuduchile

vuduchile

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,942 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:51 PM

Good story :thumbsup:

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:


This is what I thought the first time it happened. No smell, no taste, lots of excess fluid. She has orgasmed many times since that first time and did not squirt or ooze like that until last night.

If it's not pee, where does it come from? Where is this fluid stored? Why doesn't it happen every time with all women?

#20 vuduchile

vuduchile

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 3,942 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 01:07 PM

I just figured out a solution to this mystery. Urine pH typically around 5-6, while the blood is pH 7.4. Buy some litmus paper that differentiates pH well enough to see a color difference between those values. Think of a creative way to incorporate the paper into your sexcapades (or use it for clean up, but do so quickly!). A pH greater than 7 is unlikely to be urine (though not impossible). If you need more conclusive proof, you'll need to trick her into urinating on the strips for comparison.


No problem. I'll just put a big piece of that paper on the bed the next time we play Lady Doctor and The Patient With a Light Bulb Lodged in His Rectum.

#21 BunnysBastatrds

BunnysBastatrds

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 13,795 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 01:28 PM

I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.

All my flavors are guranteed to satisfy.


#22 kutulu

kutulu

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 49,372 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 01:35 PM

I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.


What I saw didn't seem very thick...almost like water, but I was not super close, but in the same room. :banana:

#23 IGotWorms

IGotWorms

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 31,325 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:01 PM

I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.


I agree with BunnysBastards. So I'm probably wrong.

#24 Little Rusty

Little Rusty

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 5,928 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

gross

Check out some of my ART and maybe even buy something ! B)

 

http://cristophers-d...try.pixels.com/

 

 

 


#25 drobeski

drobeski

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 43,553 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.
After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(
Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

#26 IGotWorms

IGotWorms

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 31,325 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:07 PM

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how drobeski met his wife. :wub:

#27 BunnysBastatrds

BunnysBastatrds

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 13,795 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:25 PM

I agree with BunnysBastards. So I'm probably wrong.



:music_guitarred:

All my flavors are guranteed to satisfy.


#28 420allstars

420allstars

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 2,365 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:29 PM

It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.


Perhaps you upload a short educational video for the fellas? :wub:

#29 listen2me 23

listen2me 23

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 9,733 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:39 PM

put it in her ass

#30 DanXIII

DanXIII

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 6,411 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:52 PM

It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex.


It was the man juice belonging to the guy she had banged two hours previously hth
The University of Alabama: 2009, 2011, 2012 National Champions

ROLL TIDE ROLL!!

#31 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 12,663 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:53 PM

I had a one nighter with a chick a few years ago. I went down on her, and when she finished, I almost drowned. It was a thick liquid that was very slick, like oil. I'd say she put out at least a cup of it.

It was pretty gross. Fortunately, we were on her side of the bed, so I didn't have to sleep in it. If that had become a regular thing, I'd have had to have gotten rubber sheets or something.
Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion that has ever infected the world.
-- Voltaire (The French one, not the Chinese one)

#32 dain11279

dain11279

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 4,309 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 03:41 PM

I would've bet everything I own that Newbie would be the first person to comment in this thread :lol:

This thread is gayer than my dad.


#33 NewbieJr

NewbieJr

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 45,561 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 03:54 PM

I would've bet everything I own that Newbie would be the first person to comment in this thread :lol:

Actually, I bet you were surprised I didn't start it. :thumbsup:
Mine is small, but the head spins.

#34 Thornton Melon

Thornton Melon

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 4,045 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 04:21 PM

She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.


Yeah, but it would've tasted better. Breast milk is yummy :wub:
Take it easy, take it easy...and don't get any on the walls!

#35 remote controller

remote controller

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 28,444 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 05:03 PM

I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.
After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(
Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

hahahahahah! $hit!!! :D

You win! :cheers:
--If your IQ were two points higher, you'd be a brick!--

#36 dain11279

dain11279

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 4,309 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 06:51 PM

Actually, I bet you were surprised I didn't start it. :thumbsup:


Haha yeah, either way

This thread is gayer than my dad.


#37 Chronic Husker

Chronic Husker

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 21,951 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 07:36 PM

Not exactly reading the Bible to a stripper but not bad.

:)
(drobeski @ Aug 16 2005, 04:17 PM)I'm not gay. HE was sucking MY cack.

#38 titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

titans&bucs&bearsohmy!

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 12,663 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 07:41 PM

Oh, btw, the fact that it tasted like asparagus funk doesn't mean its pee. I've been told (and some of the ladies of FFT have also agreed) that asparagus makes your spunk taste like sh!t too.

So reasons for never serving asparagus again...

1. It tastes like sh!t.
2. It might lessen your bj chances.
3. It makes the wife's squirt taste like sh!t.
Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion that has ever infected the world.
-- Voltaire (The French one, not the Chinese one)

#39 Chronic Husker

Chronic Husker

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 21,951 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 07:58 PM

Howard Stern used to have a guy that would smell vaginas on the show and could determine whether a woman was vegetarian or not.

:D
(drobeski @ Aug 16 2005, 04:17 PM)I'm not gay. HE was sucking MY cack.

#40 jets24

jets24

    FF Geek

  • Members
  • 10,804 posts

Posted 24 April 2012 - 09:00 PM

I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.
After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(
Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?


:lol::lol::lol:
Say your prayers.