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Recidivist

***Official*** Banned from Mexican Eatery

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No, it was not a Taco Bell. There is a small chain (three) of Mexican restaurants down here. Their food is pretty good and they enjoy a loyal clientele. They all share the same name, followed by Uno, Dos, etc. They used to be under one ownership and as such were fairly uniform and consistent. However, they are now each independently owned and Number Dos has slipped in quality.

 

Late yesterday afternoon I went over to a friend's house to drink, drug and kick his a$s in Madden. When his wife returned home, she announced she wanted take out from Numero Dos (the closest of the three establishments). I had previously cautioned them of their decline, but they were undeterred. WTF I figured, I hadn't eaten all day so I decided to get something as well. Not only would I call in the order, heck, I'll go pick it up and pay for it too. What can I say . . . I was raised right.

 

At this juncture, it is paramount to understand that Recidivist does not and will not eat cheese. I do not know how more clearly and explicitly I can make this point. My cheese-induced psychotic episodes are legendary. When placing an order, I go to great lengths to stress how important it is that my food is completely and totally cheeseless. I've been known to request to speak to someone else when placing an order if I have the slightest reservation about the initial call-taker's comprehension of the English language (yes, I could improve my fluency in Spanish, but this is America goddammnit).

 

I placed the order and was satisfied that my request for a "steak fajita burrito without cheese" would be fulfilled. I went to the restaurant at the prescribed time and was advised it would be a "few more minutes . . . perhaps you'd like to have a drink in the bar?". Great idea, as I had left my beer in the car and was indeed thirsty. I went to the bar and orderd a shot of Patron silver. I immediately realized shooting tequila is an ineffective time-killing activity. I promptly ordered another shot and downed it.

 

After 10 minutes my food arrived. Before leaving, I needed to check my order to make sure it was cheeseless. As I opened the lid, I smelled it before I saw it. Focking drenched in cheese. It looked like that Primus album cover. I told myself to cool out, they would fix it.

 

I politely informed them of their error. At first they wanted to suggest one hadn't been made. Stay cool I kept telling myself. Sure enough, the order had been taken correctly, but the beaner in the back neglected to take note of the "NO CHEESE" written next to it. It'll take 5 minutes to fix I was told.

 

Alright, back to the bar. This time, I just went ahead and ordered a double Patron silver. Ten minutes later, my food is back and looks to be correct - no cheese on the exterior of the burro. Cool.

 

Back at my friend's house he and his wife were aware of the hold-up and eagerly awaiting the arrival of their meal. We sit down to eat. I cut open my burrito and to my absolute horror I discover that they used the same cheese laden steak pieces. The outside was clean, but the innards were totally contaminated. These fockers do not understand "No Cheese". At this point, I'm still cooled out. I resolve to not be upset, I'll just call them up, advise them of their error, and request they deduct the $13.95 for my steak fajita burrito from the credit card charge. That's fair.

 

I called, advised them of the situation and my request. I was asked to hold on a moment. A woman (who turns out is the owner) gets on and asks what the problem is. I coolly and politely recount the events that have thus transpired and my seemingly wholly reasonable request for a refund. Her response? "That's not possible, as we do not put cheese on the inside." I told her that in this instance, it appears the kitchen violated their recipe as there is a distinct and appreciable quantity of cheese on the inside of this particular burrito.

 

After repeated denials on her part and protestations to the contrary on mine, she tells me that if I want a refund of any kind, I would have to come in so she could see this cheese covered meat I was complaining about. Flabbergasted, I advised the dear woman that the last thing she wanted was for me to return to her establishment. No return, no refund she maintained. At approximately this point I uttered my first F-bomb (in gerund form, modifying "nuts") and the line went dead.

 

My buddy, being the great friend he is, insists that I have no choice but to press on for the refund. In fact, he wants to come and watch (which he did from a safe distance while not letting on he was in anyway remotely associated with moi).

 

Upon my entrance to the restaurant, I shout out "WHERE'S THE MANAGER? I'M HERE TO SHOW HER MY MEAT!" The place was about 3/4 full at the time and I had commanded everyone's attention as I was speaking as loudly and lasciviously as possible. The hostess was just staring at me, mouth agape, so I implored her to "GO GET HER! SHE ASKED TO SEE MY MEAT AND I AM HERE TO SHOW IT TO HER!"

 

As she retreated to the back, I was glaring back at any customer or employee who had the temerity to attempt eye contact with me. Soon this fat POS (turns out was the owner's son) comes waddling out from the back. He got about 20' from me when I shouted "WHAT, YOU WANT TO SEE MEAT TOO?" He stopped in his tracks and returned from whence he came.

 

Soon, the woman I spoke to on the phone came out followed by her husband. They looked none too happy. I announced that I "BROUGHT MY MEAT FOR YOU TO LOOK AT". I was shocked that she actually intended to check it out before granting a refund. I obliged her by picking out several pieces. I would hold a piece up for her inspection, shout "LOOKS LIKE CHEESE TO ME!" and discard each piece onto the floor. After the fourth piece she told me she would need my credit card to process the refund. I told her that was "ABSOLUTEFUCKINGBULLSHIT" as she already had all my info at her disposal.

 

Her husband left briefly and returned with the refund slip and meekly stated that I was no longer welcome at Numero Dos. "THAT'S FOCKING PRESUMPTUOUS. YOU SHOULD REMAME THIS PLACE EL BANO".

 

On my way out the door I advised everyone "YOU ALL LIVE IN FILTH."

 

On the ride home my friend expressed regret in that he would have probably eaten my burrito dinner.

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the moral of the story: drinking tequila and doing drugs often ends in embarrassing yourself in public.

I thought doing that just makes you post funny stories like TuckerMax, just minus the sex :thumbsdown: very well written story I must say. That's why I have a certain someone already picked out to write my story, as I tend to not be a very good writer.

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I told her that in this instance, it appears the kitchen violated their recipe as there is a distinct and appreciable quantity of cheese on the inside of this particular burrito.

 

You are still my hero.

 

That's brilliant and well written. :thumbsdown:

 

I may have to plan a trip to Miami to see the GF's folks so we can hang out. Maybe even get some mexican, sans cheese.

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the moral of the story: drinking tequila and doing drugs often ends in embarrassing yourself in public.

 

My favorite part was where he said, "what can I say, I was raised right." and then follows with a story which includes drinking and drugs before getting in the car (which apparently already has an open can of beer in it), and then all the crazy behavior that follows.

 

Great story, though. That's the kind of thing that makes the workday a little less tedious. :lol:

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No, it was not a Taco Bell. There is a small chain (three) of Mexican restaurants down here. Their food is pretty good and they enjoy a loyal clientele. They all share the same name, followed by Uno, Dos, etc. They used to be under one ownership and as such were fairly uniform and consistent. However, they are now each independently owned and Number Dos has slipped in quality.

 

I may have to plan a trip to Miami to see the GF's folks so we can hang out. Maybe even get some mexican, sans cheese.

 

Are these restaurants in Miami? Please share the name :doublethumbsup:

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Absolutely well done!

I am pleasantly surprised at the geek board today..

A poop thread with true hilarity, and a well written, funny story in another one.

 

Could we be headed back to the good ol' days?

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Look at ME!!!#@!#@!

 

:lol:

 

not eloquent enough to write your own? maybe you could ask MDC to spin you up a nice story.

 

Are these restaurants in Miami? Please share the name :)

 

you lost me. :cry:

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Are these restaurants in Miami?

 

Nope. North Broward County.

 

 

 

I may have to plan a trip to Miami to see the GF's folks so we can hang out. Maybe even get some mexican, sans cheese.

 

Or we could just do a bunch of lines :thumbsup:

 

Either way :thumbsup:

 

whats up with not eating cheese? :D

 

 

Freud would probably trace it back to shortly before my 5th birthday when my mother abruptly stopped breast feeding me. I haven't been keen on dairy products ever since.

 

 

Love the story, and feel you were right in theory, but if I was one of the innocent patrons:

 

If you had acted like that to me, I would of punched you in the focking adam's apple as hard as I could.

 

I did nothing to any of the patrons other than to gaze upon them menacingly, much in the same manner Travis Bickle might.

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You are still my hero.

 

That's brilliant and well written. :pointstosky:

 

I may have to plan a trip to Miami to see the GF's folks so we can hang out. Maybe even get some mexican, sans cheese.

 

 

I concurr..... :dunno:

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In general, the writing is way overdone, and overwrought almost to the point of psychosis. And the underlying bizarre drug habits and long-windedness of this poster lead me to assign a grade of C-.

 

HTH

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Ah. I know the chain. Name starts with a B.

 

 

It's not La Bamba, if that's what you were thinking. I have no beef with those folks or with Numeros Uno & Tres. It's just those focks at Dos :huh:

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this story had me rolling.

 

But a word to the wise: I have a buddy who's a picky eater. He won't eat onions, catsup, pickles, jalepenos, mayo, etc. So of course he loves burgers, burritos, etc, which have all that crap in 'em.

 

Now I occasionally don't get onions on my burger unless they're grilled, as they cause occasional heartburn, and well who needs that.

 

But I've never once had a place fock up and put onions on my burger/taco/etc. I ask them once, politely, and clearly for no onions. They repeat the order back to me and when they say, "no onions", I say, "no onions, right". Always works out great.

 

My buddy does what you did...goes to great lengths to over-stress that he doesn't want onions, pickles or whatever the offending condement of the day is. Repeats it 3 or 4 times and occasionally asks for someone else if he believes that he was not understood. And to no one's amazement whatsoever, he gets onions, pickles, mayo EVERY TIME.

 

My theory is that he annoys the piss outta the people at the restaurant by talking to them like they're focking idiots, and as a direct result they taint his food intentionally. I don't think it's right, but I can understand why someone might do this. "I'll give ya no cheese you focking gringo!" - or something to that effect.

 

Of course it could all be a simple mistake. Twice. Seems unlikely though.

 

Great story though...post of the day. :ninja:

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this story had me rolling.

 

But a word to the wise: I have a buddy who's a picky eater. He won't eat onions, catsup, pickles, jalepenos, mayo, etc. So of course he loves burgers, burritos, etc, which have all that crap in 'em.

 

Now I occasionally don't get onions on my burger unless they're grilled, as they cause occasional heartburn, and well who needs that.

 

But I've never once had a place fock up and put onions on my burger/taco/etc. I ask them once, politely, and clearly for no onions. They repeat the order back to me and when they say, "no onions", I say, "no onions, right". Always works out great.

 

My buddy does what you did...goes to great lengths to over-stress that he doesn't want onions, pickles or whatever the offending condement of the day is. Repeats it 3 or 4 times and occasionally asks for someone else if he believes that he was not understood. And to no one's amazement whatsoever, he gets onions, pickles, mayo EVERY TIME.

 

My theory is that he annoys the piss outta the people at the restaurant by talking to them like they're focking idiots, and as a direct result they taint his food intentionally. I don't think it's right, but I can understand why someone might do this. "I'll give ya no cheese you focking gringo!" - or something to that effect.

 

Of course it could all be a simple mistake. Twice. Seems unlikely though.

 

Great story though...post of the day. :lol:

I agree with everything you've stated.

I hate Mayo, Sour Cream, Guac (except for 1 of my ex's.. damn it was great).

So when I order stuff, I just simply and nicely say "no mayo please" and then they read it back and they always say "no mayo" and I say "perfect" ... and I've only once gotten mayo on my stuff, but it was at a fast food place, so what you gonna do right? Someone out there was probably like "WTF? There's no mayo on my burger !@#@!" :lol:

And I've also had friends who get pissed and go to extremes, and for whatever reason, they always seem to get their order messed up... cant be coincidence..

And yes, this is easily post of the day :lol: :first:

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Yea and you're always more drunk than you realize. I doubt you were as calm as you claim. Either way, funny story and they focked up. Its funny to see peoples reactin when you do something "crazy." Putting people in awkward positions is always funny.

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he should have stripped naked and slathered the contents of the burrito all over himself, screaming, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM EXPOSED TO CHEEEEEEEEESE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!?!?!?!?"

 

Now THAT would have been worth the ban. :thumbsup:

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or..

"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FOCK A STRANGER IN THE AZZ!!!! YOU SEE THIS LARRY? YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FOCK A STRANGER IN THE AZZ!!!"

and then naturally bust the crowbar out on their restaurant till they give you your burro with no cheese! :doublethumbsup:

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They all share the same name, followed by Uno, Dos, etc.

to lazy to type tres ? :doublethumbsup:

 

I wasnt going to read this "book" but from the responses, went back and read it, greata story.

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It's not La Bamba, if that's what you were thinking. I have no beef with those folks or with Numeros Uno & Tres. It's just those focks at Dos :thumbsup:

Nope, not la Bamba. If I'm not mistaken, Dos is in Deerfield Beach.

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to lazy to type tres ? :thumbsup:

 

I wasnt going to read this "book" but from the responses, went back and read it, greata story.

 

 

I never read threads this long, but I knew it would be worth it.

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