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vuduchile

Squirting

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So, I'm eating my wife out a few months ago, and she starts going wild due to some 2-hole finger banging I'd just introduced to the normal lick hard and fast routine.

 

I'm working her for quite awhile and as my neck starts to ache and my wrist starts to stiffen, I'm heartened by her acceptance,....no.... her ENTHUSIASM for this newly discovered dirt box stimulation. In my mind, I know it will eventually lead to a some wild butt secks. Thusly, I start to get really wound up.

 

As she starts to reach the tipping point, she arches her back and I start to feel a warm, wet sensation in my mouth and on my face. It was not so much a squirt, but more of an ooze. It had no taste or smell, but there was a lot of it. I thought it felt a little thick, but that could've been my tongue going a little numb. Anyway, I kept going until she was finished. In the heat of the moment, all I can think is that I've become such a skilled cunnilngus master that I've unleashed a squirter. I am awesome. I turn her over, finish in 2.35 seconds flat and then jump off to get cleaned up.

 

She goes to take a shower and I'm left to deal with my own mess and whatever catastophe has befallen the sheets. No big deal. I notice a wet spot about the size of a basketball and grab a towel. The towel is useless against this sea of vaginal fluid. The sheet and the mattress pad are both soaked thru, so I strip the bed, throw the top sheet down on the matress, throw the blanket on top of that and call it a night.

 

We've done the same sort of thing several times since that night, sans the excess water works.

 

Fast forward to yesterday.

 

After work I needed to make something quick for dinner. Pasta it is. Yes, I do all the cooking at our house. My wife does all the cleaning. (Except, apparently post secks bed linen sanitation) Not only am I an skilled giver of orgasms, but I also handle my share of domestic duties. Aren't I quite the catch?

 

First I grill some chicken and get the pasta water boiling. I then start searching the fridge for vegetables. I grab a zuchinni, some mushrooms, and some sun dried tomatoes. As I'm closing the door, I see the asparagus and think, ok yeah, this will be good.

 

The pasta turned out great. The wife loved it, I thought it was decent, my sons wouldn't even look at it. They both opted for chicken nuggets, carrots, apples, and yogurt instead. They never eat what I cook, but that's another story.

 

We spend a few hours with my sons and then hustle them off to bed. Neither of us had mentioned it verbally, but we were on the same horny page for some reason, and wanted to get to bed early too.

 

We get into it and eventually work ourselves into a the same situation as previously mentioned. She's on her back, I'm working her over with the tongue and 2 fingers. (1 in each hole)

 

She starts to get off and again, I start to feel the wet ooze, but this time it's different. It has a.... uh...a...taste and...uh..wait a minute....that smell, is that????

 

I'm trying to mentally process this as she's spasming and jerking. Well, do you know how your pee smells after you've eaten asparagus? Yep. This realization finally hits me as I'm slurping that asparagus pee like a dog slurps toilet water. It's everywhere. In my mouth. I can't spit it out, so I swallow it. It's dripping off my face as she gets on all fours. I have nothing to wipe it with, so I let it drip down my chin, onto my chest and onto her azz.

 

I get my nut and off we go to clean up. I say nothing. Rather, I go about the business of destroying the evidence as before. This time, I remove the sheets, and go to the bathroom downstairs. I shower and thoroughly brush my teeth, mouth, throat, larynx, tonsils, esophagus, thyroid and upper intestine. I toss the toothbrush afterwards.

 

I still haven't said anything to her and I've decided I'm not going to because:

 

A. It would make her self concious about me going down on her, and I really like doing that

 

B. She might somehow associate the pi$$ing with having a finger in her bunghole, and I really like fingering her bunghole

 

C. I've tasted worse things than that aspargus pee

 

D. I'll never again serve asparagus on a night when I know I'm going to get some action

 

I'm going to lunch with her now. I think I'll try Mexican. What could possibly go wrong with that?

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Your wife could well be peeing during her orgasms. but there are girls who actually squirt vaginal fluid that isn't urine.

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Your wife could well be peeing during her orgasms. but there are girls who actually squirt vaginal fluid that isn't urine.

 

It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

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It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

 

 

Yep...people just tell themselves it vaginal fluid as not to ruin it for themselves or their partners. Makes it sound so much sexier than "She peed all the fock over me"

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:banana:

 

Do you write for a living? That was well written....I even googled parts of it to see if you copied from elsewhere....

 

The only stuff I've ever written has been posted here. Most of that was years ago and is lost unless someone archived it. My dad is a retired writer for the Wall St. Journal.

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The only stuff I've ever written has been posted here. Most of that was years ago and is lost unless someone archived it. My dad is a retired writer for the Wall St. Journal.

 

As entertaining a read as it was, it was still a major fail! Can size of wife? :dunno:

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It's not vaginal fluid. It comes out the pee hole. It's pee.

No it's not. In some, maybe. But there are many females who actually ejaculate vaginal fluid.

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Good story :thumbsup:

 

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

 

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:

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Good story :thumbsup:

 

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

 

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:

 

I only seen it once in the flesh, but I share this point of view. Certainly did not seem like urine from my POV.

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I don't think it is pee. Tasting/smelling like asparagus only means the breakdown products of the asparagus are secreted in vaginal secretions as well. They are both ultrafiltrates of the blood, I'd assume.

 

As an aside there are a couple of odd things about aspargusuria. Possessing the enzyme which breaks down asparagus into the foul byproduct and the ability to smell it aren't universal. Apparently the French do both well.

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As entertaining a read as it was, it was still a major fail! Can size of wife? :dunno:

 

34 B. Her cans weren't in play here, thus rendering their size irrelevant. I only have 2 hands.

 

She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.

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34 B. Her cans weren't in play here, thus rendering their size irrelevant. I only have 2 hands.

 

toes?

 

She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.

 

:lol:

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I just figured out a solution to this mystery. Urine pH typically around 5-6, while the blood is pH 7.4. Buy some litmus paper that differentiates pH well enough to see a color difference between those values. Think of a creative way to incorporate the paper into your sexcapades (or use it for clean up, but do so quickly!). A pH greater than 7 is unlikely to be urine (though not impossible). If you need more conclusive proof, you'll need to trick her into urinating on the strips for comparison.

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Good story :thumbsup:

 

That's some pretty damning evidence with the asparagus, but here's my problem: if it's pee, how come it doesn't normally taste/smell like pee? I'd think I would know pee when I see/smell/taste it. But I've been with a squirter before and I swear it was something different than pee.

 

Is it some kind of special odorless and largely tasteless (excepting asparagus) pee? :unsure:

 

This is what I thought the first time it happened. No smell, no taste, lots of excess fluid. She has orgasmed many times since that first time and did not squirt or ooze like that until last night.

 

If it's not pee, where does it come from? Where is this fluid stored? Why doesn't it happen every time with all women?

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I just figured out a solution to this mystery. Urine pH typically around 5-6, while the blood is pH 7.4. Buy some litmus paper that differentiates pH well enough to see a color difference between those values. Think of a creative way to incorporate the paper into your sexcapades (or use it for clean up, but do so quickly!). A pH greater than 7 is unlikely to be urine (though not impossible). If you need more conclusive proof, you'll need to trick her into urinating on the strips for comparison.

 

No problem. I'll just put a big piece of that paper on the bed the next time we play Lady Doctor and The Patient With a Light Bulb Lodged in His Rectum.

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I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

 

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.

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I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

 

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.

 

What I saw didn't seem very thick...almost like water, but I was not super close, but in the same room. :banana:

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I dated a girl that would get so wet that she could put out small marsh fires. And it wasn't pee. It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex. I'd use that same two finger move on her and she would start gripping my fingers until that fluid would start to come rushing out. I used to bring a shot glass to bed and fill it up with that thick tasty juice. She liked the way she tasted as much as I did.

 

I think it's the same secretion that makes wemens wet. Some women produce more of it.

 

I agree with BunnysBastards. So I'm probably wrong.

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I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.

After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(

Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

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It was a clear and thick liquid that tasted like sex.

 

It was the man juice belonging to the guy she had banged two hours previously hth

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I had a one nighter with a chick a few years ago. I went down on her, and when she finished, I almost drowned. It was a thick liquid that was very slick, like oil. I'd say she put out at least a cup of it.

 

It was pretty gross. Fortunately, we were on her side of the bed, so I didn't have to sleep in it. If that had become a regular thing, I'd have had to have gotten rubber sheets or something.

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I would've bet everything I own that Newbie would be the first person to comment in this thread :lol:

Actually, I bet you were surprised I didn't start it. :thumbsup:

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She once had some post partum boob leakage when I was banging her, but I didn't gorge on it like I did the asparagus p!ss, so it's not as good a story.

 

Yeah, but it would've tasted better. Breast milk is yummy :wub:

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I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.

After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(

Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

hahahahahah! $hit!!! :D

 

You win! :cheers:

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Oh, btw, the fact that it tasted like asparagus funk doesn't mean its pee. I've been told (and some of the ladies of FFT have also agreed) that asparagus makes your spunk taste like sh!t too.

 

So reasons for never serving asparagus again...

 

1. It tastes like sh!t.

2. It might lessen your bj chances.

3. It makes the wife's squirt taste like sh!t.

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I once had this cow who hounded me all night to blow me because she was heading back to florida the next day.

After enough beers I said fock it and took her to a hotel room...she said she loves to be fingered...so I procede and within 10 seconds she shot what was the most vile smelling stream of slime I ever witnessed....smelled like when you rub your finger on the side of your balls and sniff it after a long hard hot day at work or at the gym except 10 times more potent. It definitely wasnt pee, the stuff hit me in the shoulder and I freaked...started dry heaving right in front of her....almost puked, made it to the bathroom and dry heeved some more until I regained my composure. Took a good long hard look in the mirror and had another one of those "what the fock am I doing here" moments :(

Did I mention that when taking her bra off she had the body odor of a frenchman?

 

:lol::lol::lol:

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