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Super NFL Rant: lockdown prognostications (fancy way of sayin’ educated guesses) *Credit to brotherbrock for some extremely quotable Rivers/Bears shade, and Byrdman5 for coining the phrase "Fitzmagic" which I'm stealing forever. Lets start this off with my man…Aaron “NFL QB GOD” Rogers. What was that last Sunday? That was Rodgers showing us the Bears are who we thought they were. Sit down and watch as THE 1st round HOF/GOAT/QB dismantles them, on one leg and rips out Khalil Mack’s heart with the greatest comeback win ever! Khalil Mack is really entertaining though. That guy can do it all, except play QB and make his team score more than 6 points in the second half, poor guy. I somehow entirely missed the fact that one of my old favorites, Chucky is back as a coach with the RAIDERS!! While this excites me a lot – not because I think he is any good as a coach, this is fuckin’ great for beer drinking every time they show his “angry chucky face”. Didn’t his last tenure as a coach in Tampa confirm he sucks? Tony Dungy called and thanks Gruden for winning a Superbowl with his team, against his old team where you knew all the plays in advance...good job Chucky, gold star. He’ll be fired at the end of the year, then he can go back to telling Raiders and Bucs stories, and lamenting the “tuck rule” in the broadcast booth. Ahh…good old plucky Eli Manning. So apparently throwing swan-dive-deep hail-Mary passes all game into double and triple coverage is a thing now? Also, just induct Saquon Barkley into the HOF now, he’s clearly the best RB we’ve ever seen. Brady to Gronk connection is alive and well…at least for 6 games until Gronk breaks his fibula/tibula/scapula/collarbone/arm or whatever season ending injury he gets this year happens. Smoke ‘em while you got ‘em people, Gronk is a part-time FF player now, then the rest of the season he’ll be on your IR. Let’s move on to the Steelers! Le’Veon Bell was busted night-clubbing in Miami late Monday night, so Pitt took him off their official depth chart, and changed their Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated”. Until Bell comes back Connor filled in admirably, but he’s not going to get to go up against the Browns every week. At some point, they need Bell back, and Ben needs to stop going full retard with the INTs. Jets are apparently some sort of good football team now? Who cares? I have never willingly sat down to watch a Jets game, I don’t intend to start now. Then again, they made Matty Stafford look pretty stupid by picking him 4 times. My 8-year waiting game to for Stafford to become an elite QB is on a 10-year timeline. According to Chargers insider Brotherbrock: Allegedly Phillip Rivers spent all of practice on Tuesday throwing the ball as hard as he could at his receivers' ankles and screaming "What!? You wouldn't catch it anyway!" Remember, it’s always the WR’s fault Phillip, always. “Fitzmagic” is back! Remember once upon a time when Fitzpatrick strung 4 good games together for the Bills and they signed him to a big contract? Then he was the ultimate journeyman with journeyman beard to bounce around the league…but GOD DAMN IS THAT NOT A MAGNIFICENT BEARD? You know this man went to Hahvahd right? That means he’s SMART and can read defenses and such! On with the picks! Baltimore Ravens at Cincinnati Bengals (-1) – This will be a close one, but Ravens DST looked really good. Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons (-5.5) – Not confident on this one but maybe Matt can put a good game together. Indianapolis Colts at Washington Redskins (-5.5) – Skins looked pretty decent last week Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans (-1) – Pretty much a pick em, I like the Texans roster more. Philadelphia Eagles (-3) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Fitzmagic 2 weeks in a row? I doubt it, Eagles DST is scary. Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers (-5) – Sorry Pitt, you gotta prove it. KC are a hella good team, I like them to cover that spread. Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (-3) – Fins always seem to play the Jets close. Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5) at Buffalo Bills – That’s a big ass spread, but what is Buffalo going to do if they fall behind? Throw deep passes? Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers (-1) – Obviously I’m a Rogers homer, I think if GB could handle Chicago pass rush they can handle the vikes. Cleveland Browns at New Orleans Saints (-8.5) – I was briefly tempted to take the Browns to cover, but I don’t think Taylor can keep pace with Brees. Detroit Lions at San Francisco 49ers (-5.5) – You know I like Stafford….but I like winning money more. Arizona Cardinals at Los Angeles Rams (-12.5) – This line is Ridiculous. Also I am a Gurley owner...but the Cards will cover…maybe. New England Patriots (-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars – I was briefly tempted to take the Jags, but I think NE win by 3. Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos (-5.5) – Raiders did not inspire much confidence at all last week, I really like Denver here, expect to see lots of angry chucky-face. New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-3) – I think Dallas rebound. Eli looked like…well bad Eli. Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears (-3.5) – I’m ok with Wilson on the road to cover.

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4/4 straight up picks boys, not that last weekend was extremely difficult to predict…fine I was 2 out of 4 if you bet against the spread, KC and Arizona didn’t cover, whatever, I’m still great, shut it. This is a lengthy rant that is chock full of goodness, so prepare yourselves for the epic-ness that follows. That said, that Arizona Green Bay game was some seriously entertaining sh1t! I’ve never seen as crazy a finish as that in years! I knew Rodgers was gonna hit that hail-Mary! Then the OT coin flip thing. Then Palmer somehow hits Fitz uncovered in the open field and I’m all high off the Rodgers Hail-Mary then I’m yelling like “NOOOO!!! DON’T LET FITZ RUN FREEEEEEE IN THE OPEN FIELD!” 75 yards later they’re in scoring range. Shovel pass to Fitz for the TD to win. Wow. Damn, that’s some good football right there! Entertainin’ sh1zz, even if GB lost, least it was good. Other games went about as expected. NE looks like a juggernaut with no glaring weaknesses (Reid seriously bro, can you learn to manage a game clock after like 20 seasons?). Carolina looked pretty dominant then went to sleep in the second half. Denver barely got out of that game alive, the Steelers might have won with a bunch of backups if not for an untimely fumble by their 3rd string RB. So back to predicting winners, I’m not even gonna think too hard about my picks this week… NE (-3.0) @ DEN – This is being hyped as some sort of Brady vs. Manning bowl? Come on, Manning is all of a sudden going to become a clutch playoff QB against his nemesis? Am I hyped? No I am certainly not hyped after watching Manning derp his way to a lackluster win last week. He completed what, like 2 passes over 20 yards? Everything else was dink and dunk underneath. Manning’s passes were high, floaty and often off the mark. (Oh but he had 6 drops, so it’s not his fault!) He had 6 passes dropped because he was leading his receivers too much and too high. Manning did not pass the eye test for me, I don’t care what the stat line says. Manning’s arm is running on like 10% juice, and 90% willpower, it’s getting painful to watch him throw 10 yard floaters that feel like they have a 5 second hang time. Maybe under perfectly optimal conditions (Good pocket, time, gets his body into the throw) he can throw a decent spiral, but a lot of the time they look like dead ducks floating out of there. Defense and Field goals aren’t enough firepower to beat the Pats. NE cover and win, Eventually, your QB actually has to make a play in the playoffs to win the game, and Manning just can’t do it. Sportswriters might not be willing to hang him out to dry out of respect, but I am, he’s done, I haven’t seen him look remotely like a good playoff QB in a season and a half, and yes, I’m a huge Manning homer saying that. I predict we’ll be seeing a lot of Manning-face next week. You know the face... Anyway… Arizona @ Carolina (-3.0) – Arizona looked good on defense, but Palmer was off target on a lot of his throws, that’s a concern. In fact, Palmer looked really shaky to me, I think that finger is a big issue for him. The Panthers have a great defense, despite faltering a bit last week. I don’t think the cards have enough juice to get past Super-Cam at home. I think Carolina probably have the potential to bury Arizona, but then they have a good defense, so they may hang in there. I’d be really surprised if we’re not looking at a Patriots vs. Panthers Superbowl rematch. Then we find out if Cam is for real in the big dance. GET FOCKING HYPE cuz Super-Dabbing-Newton-Cam dethrones dreams for Beli/Brady 5 time Superbowl era! Hype boys, serious Hype. If this does turn out to be a Denver – Arizona Superbowl, I’ll be extremely surprised, I can guarantee you the league wants that Pats/Panthers matchup instead (Heisman top draft pick vs. 4 time Superbowl winner is way more marketable). Expect the refs to act accordingly to make this happen. J

So after going 11-2 HTH last week I’m feeling kind of confident and full of myself...but this week has some really tough matchups to consider, especially against the spread... Thursday, November 6 Browns at Bengals -6, 44 I like the Browns to cover this spread and keep it close. HTH there is no way I don’t go with the Bengals who have won 14 in a row at home. Sunday, November 9 Jaguars vs. Cowboys OFF (at London) No line? This is stupid, perhaps they feel the lines can be fixed as there isn’t really a home team. Also the #CowboySUK twitter tag was one of the most unintentionally hilarious backfires I’ve ever seen. Anyway, Cowboys Dolphins at Lions -3 (even), This is a case of they don’t know what to do, so they make it the standard “spot the home team 3 points” game. I like Miami as a road dog. Chiefs -1.5, at Bills The Line opened at KC -2.5 so obviously people are betting them down. KC has solid run game, good defense. Bills are running the tandem of “Boobie” Dixon (When did Boobie stop being a cool name to call your kids?) and some other rookie scrub RB. Orton is due for a down game. I like the Chiefs, I think Reid potato chip munches his way to victory in a close one. 49ers at Saints -3.5, Saints are the real deal, they’re rising, meanwhile the 49ers are tanking. Who Dey? Saints won 11 in a row at home, they’re back for a playoff push, just watch. Titans at Ravens -10, Holy fracking remember the Titans? This spread is ridiculous, I mean common, Baltimore are 1-9 ATS. Give me the Road Dog Titans. Steelers -4, at Jets Peanut butter Jet sandwiches, that’s what Steelers eat. You do know Ben threw 12 touchdowns in the last 2 weeks? You do know the Jets have only covered the spread 1 time this season? Steelers. Falcons -1, at Bucs This is the grossest, nastiest game ever. Ugh...so bad. This line opened with the Bucs at -1, now shifted to Falcons being favored? The betting public has no clue, avoid this crap at all costs. Just give me the home team Bucs and call it a day. Broncos -11.5, at Raiders That’s a lot of Road points. Do I care? Is it time for Peyton to put his foot on the gas now that he’s got his letdown game out of the way? Yes it is, he might throw 5 TDs, and run one in just because he can. Broncos. Rams at Cardinals -7, I have learned my lesson with this division. Cards will win, but not by a converted touchdown. Give me a healthy dose of the Rams to keep it close. Giants at Seahawks -9, Oakland gave Seattle a run for their money last week, something is going on with that team. I’ll take the points. Giants. Bears at Packers -7, Considering Green Bay already pulverized Chicago AT HOME by more than this spread, I have no problem betting on the Packers. Maybe smokin’ Jay Cutler will surprise me, but more likely Rodgers will be discount double checking his way to multiple TD’s to Jordy Nelson. Brandon Marshall may finally go fully postal on Cutler this week. Hilarious: INTERCEPTED TEXT: Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall Clear The Air Monday, November 10 Panthers at Eagles -5.5, Guess who’s back? Sanchize the QB to save your franchize! Seriously though, McCoy is running well again, Eagles aren’t going to lose this game. All Sanchez has to do is just give the ball to Maclin and McCoy and not faceplant into his o-linemen (causing another butt-fumble) to win. Eagles.