DaveBG's marriage counseling update thread

[davebg 0]

So, we didn't go to counseling last week b/c of the holidays, but we did go this week.

 

Frankly, things have been going well over the past week or two. Mrs. DaveBG and I have been getting along rather well and, even better, we've been having lot's of sex.

 

So, in this week's session, the topic that I wanted to discuss was Mrs. DaveBG's crazy mom and how we are going to handle her.

 

The woman is out of control and Mrs. DaveBG is in complete agreement.

 

Now, I'm sure many of you out there are saying, "Yeah, yeah...my MIL is crazy too...welcome to the wonderful world of marriage."

 

Well, let me tell you a little story...

 

Last Wednesday was Passover...so we went to a seder at my sister's in-law's...them, plus my family, plus my in-laws. Well, Mrs. DaveBG and I were battling traffic to get there when she gets a call from her folks. They are stuck in traffic...have been driving for 3 hours (from Queens to Livingston, NJ.)

 

Well, NO DUH you are stuck in traffic...you are driving right past Yankee Stadium when the game lets out. How her dad could have made this mistake is beyond me since the screwball reads every focking NY paper from front to back every day and is a huge sports fan...so he's GOT to know there was an afternoon game.

 

So, they decide to bail and I am like

 

Then they really get into it w/Mrs. DaveBG...I don't know exactly what they are saying, but I can hear them tag-teaming her over the phone...mom yells, then hands the phone off to dad to yell while she takes a breath...rinse, repeat.

 

Finally, Mrs. DaveBG screams, "ENOUGH...you two are focking adults...ACT LIKE IT! You can drive from Queens to Florida no problem, but can't get from Queens to NJ!?!"

 

Mrs. DaveBG decided the best course of action was to ignore their calls for the next couple of days.

 

Care to guess how many times they tried to call Mrs. DaveBG's cell on Thursday?

 

38 FOCKING TIMES!!!

 

So, the counselor and I suggested (and Mrs. DaveBG agreed) that we had to set firm limits. For the next 30 days they can't call her unless it's an emergency (like someone is bleeding or on fire.) Mrs. daveBG will call once/day. If her mom gets abusive or whatever, Mrs. DaveBG hangs up. If her mom calls back, then I call Verizon and put a block on the phone. If Mrs. DaveBG's folks show up on our doorstep (they've done that in the past when Mrs. DaveBG & them have gotten in fights) the guardhouse will be instructed to turn them away.

 

We'll see if it works...if they listen to Mrs. DaveBG. If not I get involved and MAKE SURE her parents understand and follow the rules, which, while I'm sure it would be quite satisfying to me, probably isn't the best course of action, but may be the only alternative left to us.

[CurlyNight 0]

Yowza with the mil! Glad to hear things are still going well!

[Franknbeans 46]

Glad to hear things are looking up

[brinett9 0]

So you didn't totally own her at counseling this week?

[Electric Mayhem 35]

What kind of crappy psychologist tells anyone to just hang up on a family member? That is HORRIBLE advice. Honestly what he shoudlhave said was:

 

If your wife ever feels uncomfortable on teh phone she needs to tell the parent:

 

"The wasy you are talking to me right now makes me uncomfortable. Pleas either change the tone of your voice (or whatever) or we will have to have this discussion when you are able to have it in a manner that we are both comfortable with."

 

Hanging up on someone is not the way to handle it, i dont think. it just aggravates the situation.

[JScott 20]

:popcorn:

[davebg 0]

What kind of crappy psychologist tells anyone to just hang up on a family member? That is HORRIBLE advice. Honestly what he shoudlhave said was:

 

If your wife ever feels uncomfortable on teh phone she needs to tell the parent:

 

"The wasy you are talking to me right now makes me uncomfortable. Pleas either change the tone of your voice (or whatever) or we will have to have this discussion when you are able to have it in a manner that we are both comfortable with."

 

Hanging up on someone is not the way to handle it, i dont think. it just aggravates the situation.

Yeah...Mrs. DaveBG has tried that. Frankly, it has gotten way beyond that point. Most of the time she can't get a word in edgewise and they just yell right over her. Other times they pretend to listen as it goes in one ear and out the other.

 

I mean, you can't reason w/someone who's crazy enough to call 38 times in one day and not realize that there is anything wrong w/that.

[paradoxical 1]

[GettnHuge 1]

crazy

[Mephisto 15]

Hanging up works perfectly fine after one warning.

 

And if anyone tried to call me 38 times and it wasn't a focking emergency, they would go right into the block list... without warning.

 

Also, having a "common battle" can do wonders for getting closer. Mutual support focusing on the same goal should prove to be a pretty good moment for the two of you despite how close-to-the-edge your marriage is. The tough part will be continuing in a positive directly beyond that.

 

Nice to see you weren't a complete focking ###### this past session... dickweed.

[Cdub100 3,380]

Your wife talks to her mom every day? I talk to my parents once a month if that!

[hoytdwow 202]

If the MILs # comes up on caller ID, I don't answer.

[davebg 0]

Your wife talks to her mom every day? I talk to my parents once a month if that!

First of all, I think that daughters probably talk to their parents more often than sons (in general.)

 

Second, she's an only child, so no siblings to take the pressure off.

 

Third, her mom sees nothing wrong w/calling 38 times in one day...if I can get it down to once/day where Mrs. DaveBG initiates the call at her/our convenience that would be a world of improvement.

[CurlyNight 0]

Your MIL wouldn't happen to have email, would she? Back in the day when I was really splitting hairs with my mom, I would tell her that if she wants to contact me, it needs to be via email. Caller ID helped me enforce the rule during that time. That was the rule until she mellowed out. Worked like a charm.

[Mephisto 15]

Third, her mom sees nothing wrong w/calling 38 times in one day...if I can get it down to once/day where Mrs. DaveBG initiates the call at her/our convenience that would be a world of improvement.

 

Understate much?

[davebg 0]

If the MILs # comes up on caller ID, I don't answer.

That's not much of a solution when the MIL calls 38 times in a single day.

 

Then you just have to turn the phone off, which means that I can't get in touch w/my wife when I need to.

 

Hell, Mrs. DaveBG's 97 year old grandfather knows his daughter is nuts too...he takes the damn phone off the hook for days at a time.

 

turning the phone off/leaving it off the hook is not an option.

 

Your MIL wouldn't happen to have email, would she? Back in the day when I was really splitting hairs with my mom, I would tell her that if she wants to contact me, it needs to be via email. Caller ID helped me enforce the rule during that time. That was the rule until she mellowed out. Worked like a charm.

Getting the in-laws a compooter is the last thing I need...then they'll be calling ME 38 times/day for technical support.

 

No thanks.

[Recidivist 1]

With a MIL like that, you should never have to apologize to anyone for smoking pot. Your wife should consider herself lucky you haven't resorted to harder drugs.

[CurlyNight 0]

Well the thing about email or any form of written communication is there is less emotion involved, as in being in the heat of the moment thing. While my mom wasn't near as bad, our conversations were always her getting her word in and shutting down anything I had to say. If I didn't think like her, off she went and you couldn't get a word in edge wise. I just flat out told her if you want to have contact with me and you can't talk like a civilized person, then I'm not picking up the phone- but because I care, I want you to stay in touch (ie, email, letters, etc). Now I have a bro so I had some of the burden taken off of me as we've helped each other out. In her case though being the only child, she has a lot of power if her parents value her remaining in touch with them. Sometimes you need to just lay it out for them that this is it or else, and more than likely they will shape up for fear of losing their kid. Can't hurt to try. It worked for me. As my mom gets older she is mellowing out a bit, but still has that fire in her and I need to steer her the right way again when it happens.

[davebg 0]

With a MIL like that, you should never have to apologize to anyone for smoking pot. Your wife should consider herself lucky you haven't resorted to harder drugs.

It's funny b/c before we left for dinner that Wednesday night I told Mrs. DaveBG that I was off the wagon...no way I'm going to seder w/my family, my brother-in-law's family and my in-laws w/out getting fried out of my t|ts.

[Churchill610 0]

So......what are the Top 5 topics her folks harangue her about? Are you in each of the top 5, or only a few? Just wonderin'.............

[davebg 0]

So......what are the Top 5 topics her folks harangue her about? Are you in each of the top 5, or only a few? Just wonderin'.............

Her parents focking love me.

 

Mrs. DaveBG's mom has this mental problem whereby she lives vicariously through her daughter. That results in a lot of jealousy on the part of Mrs. DaveBG's mom. She's jealous of Mrs. DaveBG and her life...jealous of the close reationship my mom & sister have w/one another (as in why doesn't she have that w/Mrs. DaveBG), yadda, yadda, yadda...

 

Basically, it's all about Mrs. DaveBG's mom...for example, she's always bugging Mrs. DaveBG about when we're going to have a baby, but it's not about Mrs. DaveBG having a baby, it's about Mrs. DaveBG's mom becoming a grandmother.

[brinett9 0]

"Do we have anything resembling a plan?"

 

"Ride 'till we find them. Kill them all."

[Strike 3,974]

If her mom is jealous of your wife just have your wife tell her how crappy your marriage is and that you're in counseling in a last ditch desperation effort to save it. That should take care of it

[Snuff 10]

My MIL rocks. I smoke weed with her.

[Mephisto 15]

Her parents focking love me.

 

Mrs. DaveBG's mom has this mental problem whereby she lives vicariously through her daughter.

 

Translation: Your MIL wants to bang you!

[Churchill610 0]

Her parents focking love me.

 

Mrs. DaveBG's mom has this mental problem whereby she lives vicariously through her daughter. That results in a lot of jealousy on the part of Mrs. DaveBG's mom. She's jealous of Mrs. DaveBG and her life...jealous of the close reationship my mom & sister have w/one another (as in why doesn't she have that w/Mrs. DaveBG), yadda, yadda, yadda...

 

Basically, it's all about Mrs. DaveBG's mom...for example, she's always bugging Mrs. DaveBG about when we're going to have a baby, but it's not about Mrs. DaveBG having a baby, it's about Mrs. DaveBG's mom becoming a grandmother.

 

 

 

Then what's her dad pissin' & moanin' about??

[jerryskids 5,204]

This thread is not nearly as interesting as the past ones.

 

Please fock it up next week and report.

 

TIA

[brinett9 0]

This thread is not nearly as interesting as the past ones.

 

Please fock it up next week and report.

Agreed. A session where the wife and/or counselor run from the room in tears would be nice.

[davebg 0]

Translation: Your MIL wants to bang you!

I'd imagine that would look something like this and I'm sceered.

[SigEp316 0]

these are much better when you guys are fighting

[thedanzone 2]

I'd imagine that would look something like this and I'm sceered.

 

You know what they say about the daughter looking just like the mother as they age!

[kutulu 1,545]

How about the sex? She taking it up the pooper?

[TheNewGirl 1,030]

I am glad to hear that things are going better this week.

 

In laws are tough. My MIL is the type that will also call the house every 30 minutes until someone answers the phone. VERY focking annoying.

 

I talk to my parents via the phone MAYBE once every couple of days. I will email my mom at work, or she will email me sometimes too. My dad is retired, and tends to get bored, so I might hear from him now a bit more than I used to.

[jerryskids 5,204]

I am glad to hear that things are going better this week.

 

In laws are tough. My MIL is the type that will also call the house every 30 minutes until someone answers the phone. VERY focking annoying.

 

I talk to my parents via the phone MAYBE once every couple of days. I will email my mom at work, or she will email me sometimes too. My dad is retired, and tends to get bored, so I might hear from him now a bit more than I used to.

Are you an only child?

[TheNewGirl 1,030]

Are you an only child?

 

No, I have a younger brother. Hubby also has an older brother...but he lives a good 2 hours away from MIL, which might be why we hear and see frm her so much more often.

 

My brother rents his own place with his GF, but I have a feeling that he's over at my parents house A LOT.

 

I don't think that my parents can talk and email hm like they can me, though. He's got a job that doesn't keep him near a computer all day long like they do/did.

[jerryskids 5,204]

No, I have a younger brother. Hubby also has an older brother...but he lives a good 2 hours away from MIL, which might be why we hear and see frm her so much more often.

 

My brother rents his own place with his GF, but I have a feeling that he's over at my parents house A LOT.

 

I don't think that my parents can talk and email hm like they can me, though. He's got a job that doesn't keep him near a computer all day long like they do/did.

Just asked because it seems like the kinda behavior from your MIL seems to often happen with an only child.

 

I'd have hubby explain to her that she needn't do that; if you don't answer it is because you are either out or focking like rabbits, and to just leave a message.

[Franknbeans 46]

My MIL rocks. I smoke weed with her.

I bone mine