Idea of at some point dying freak you out?

[Cdub100 3,903]

No never. I die when I die I have no control over it so why worry about it.

[Chronic Husker 85]

And having an evil Ben Stiller force you into making quilts.

I'll have a nice cold glass of shut the hell up, thanks.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

I think that if at the end of the day (week/month/year/you life) you can look back and honestly tell yourself you made the world a better place, you can find your own peace knowing you didn't waste the life you had. Even if you die tomorrow you can be OK with that.

 

And I think this is where I am now with all of it. I am now more wanting to make a difference in the lives of the people around me who I love while I am still here. That gives me an inner peace and I will be okay with leaving knowing that the people I'm leaving behind have been touched in some way by my life.

 

[DuckStupid 40]

It's going to happen no matter what you do, so why fret over it. I'd rather it not happen while the kids are still young, but it's not like there's anything I can do to stop it from happening.

 

I don't give a fock about making this world a better place either. Fock that. I'm here to enjoy myself, and I'll continue to do that until I die.

[phillybear 366]

Death is scared of me.

[Ignignokt 0]

Pffffff....mortals.

[Electric Mayhem 35]

That is the religious crossroads that I face now. When I was a kid, I went to church, believed, I didn't know anything else. My grandparents were very influential in the church, being their grandson was a prideful thing around there. Then I started to question the validity of the idea of a "God" and his son, the miracles, and locusts, and parting seas, and whatnot. The "threat" of hell, the "reward" of heaven. The Bible can read like a Sci-Fi novel.

 

I almost feel as though I am letting them down with my thoughts. And if it is real, I better get my act together, or I will be working a pitchfork. Or having one worked in my arse.

 

I don't know if this helps or hurts your situation... but my Mom (no you don't get a can size on Mom) was a nun when she was much younger. Full born again, shaved head, celibate, the whole thing. On day in their little group they were praying for everyone's problems. "We pray to help Ms. BlahdyBlah get better from sickness, we pray that Mr. SoandSo gets a job soon to get financial stability." My Mom thought... "wait... why are we praying so this guy can get a job? What about all the other people that need a job? That's not really fair." And it all went downhill from there. It took a while for her to go to the 'dark side' of being agnostic, but now we have long conversations regarding the world's religions and how hard it is to break from what has been force fed into your mind since birth. We both think I should infiltrate religions, become a prominent figure, and then show the followers the truth to guide them to freedom from religion.

 

In other words - think for yourself. Research it out. READ. Knowledge and understanding should tell you what choice to make, not other people with bias and motive.

[Woble Eth 11]

I don't know if this helps or hurts your situation... but my Mom (no you don't get a can size on Mom) was a nun when she was much younger. Full born again, shaved head, celibate, the whole thing. On day in their little group they were praying for everyone's problems. "We pray to help Ms. BlahdyBlah get better from sickness, we pray that Mr. SoandSo gets a job soon to get financial stability." My Mom thought... "wait... why are we praying so this guy can get a job? What about all the other people that need a job? That's not really fair." And it all went downhill from there. It took a while for her to go to the 'dark side' of being agnostic, but now we have long conversations regarding the world's religions and how hard it is to break from what has been force fed into your mind since birth. We both think I should infiltrate religions, become a prominent figure, and then show the followers the truth to guide them to freedom from religion.

 

In other words - think for yourself. Research it out. READ. Knowledge and understanding should tell you what choice to make, not other people with bias and motive.

 

I am not sure what to think. In a way, it makes sense, but then again it has been force-fed to you as a kid. I went to church, Vacation Bible School as a kid, had chuch friends, spent time there other days than Sunday as a kid, and believed in all they told me. God, is wonderful son, Adam and Eve, the resurection, how someone actually died for me.... etc.

 

Then again, it all seems like such a wonderful and convenient story. Be good and believe in the Lord, and you will go to heaven. Ok, I stay on the straight and narrow, be nice to people, do good things, and I will be rewarded with this trip to heaven. Now if I am bad, I go to hell. Purgatory. Seems pretty scary, especially the way that Hollywood shows it. Red devil, teeth, horns, tail, pitchfork. Pretty freaky. Who would want to go there??? I better be GOOD!!! And for a majority of society, it seems to work. That and morals and being raised right (although that usually means religion was in the household to some degree).

 

I was reading and found a quote by Socrates. It basically says that to be fearful of death is pretentious, because you are pretending to understand the unknown.

 

I am not sure about you, but much of what we are fearful of is the unknown. Not knowing is scary, because we are left to opinions, stories, and ideas of those before us.

[Electric Mayhem 35]

I am not sure what to think. In a way, it makes sense, but then again it has been force-fed to you as a kid. I went to church, Vacation Bible School as a kid, had chuch friends, spent time there other days than Sunday as a kid, and believed in all they told me. God, is wonderful son, Adam and Eve, the resurection, how someone actually died for me.... etc.

 

Then again, it all seems like such a wonderful and convenient story. Be good and believe in the Lord, and you will go to heaven. Ok, I stay on the straight and narrow, be nice to people, do good things, and I will be rewarded with this trip to heaven. Now if I am bad, I go to hell. Purgatory. Seems pretty scary, especially the way that Hollywood shows it. Red devil, teeth, horns, tail, pitchfork. Pretty freaky. Who would want to go there??? I better be GOOD!!! And for a majority of society, it seems to work. That and morals and being raised right (although that usually means religion was in the household to some degree).

 

I was reading and found a quote by Socrates. It basically says that to be fearful of death is pretentious, because you are pretending to understand the unknown.

 

I am not sure about you, but much of what we are fearful of is the unknown. Not knowing is scary, because we are left to opinions, stories, and ideas of those before us.

 

 

I think you need to take a personal journey to educate yourself on the religion you have devoted yourself to as well as others throughout history. There are plenty of books out there that go into the actual history of the Bible. it was basically a whole mess of handed down stories that a group compiled together based on the general basis of Jesus' teachings. From what my mother tells me, the ONLY phrase in the entire Bible that can be traced back to Jesus words is "yaway" or "father". Everythign else is just Aesop's Fables handed down through the generations in a huge example of playing 'telephone'.

 

But as i siad - don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself. It won['t be easy, but it will be enlightening.

[dolfan06 1]

This is a soul-searching thread!

[PartyHair 0]

This is a soul-searching thread!

 

Who're you kidding? You don't even have a soul.

[dolfan06 1]

Who're you kidding? You don't even have a soul.

 

More comments like this and I may have to revoke some of my offers to have sex with you!@

[peenie 1,915]

I was thinking about it yesterday.

i was thinking about it yesterday. i dropped my daughter off at mcdonald's (her summer job) and before i pulled off i saw some elderly people coming out of the restaurant.

i just watched them for a while until they got in their car and pulled off. i thought about how i would be that old one day and no one would remember me and the way i looked now.

that one day i would be dead. for a split second i got a wierd feeling so i stopped thinking about it and realized i was boiling like a lobster in my car.

damn, it sure was hot yesterday!

[Woble Eth 11]

I think you need to take a personal journey to educate yourself on the religion you have devoted yourself to as well as others throughout history. There are plenty of books out there that go into the actual history of the Bible. it was basically a whole mess of handed down stories that a group compiled together based on the general basis of Jesus' teachings. From what my mother tells me, the ONLY phrase in the entire Bible that can be traced back to Jesus words is "yaway" or "father". Everythign else is just Aesop's Fables handed down through the generations in a huge example of playing 'telephone'.

 

But as i siad - don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself. It won['t be easy, but it will be enlightening.

 

Certainly worth taking a look. Thanks.

[wiffleball 4,790]

Man, I'm just waitig for the focking day. The idea of living to 80 (or hell, next year), freaks me out.

[JT 137]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

[Brown Eyed Girl 1]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

 

Great post JT.

Your words are a real inspiration.

[TAS 2]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

Wow! Point well taken. Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you live 'til 100!

[Fervid Ro 0]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

 

hugmeat.

[dolfan06 1]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

 

Quality. Thanks and best wishes.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

So can I get overly personal and ask what the transplant is for?

[JT 137]

Wow! Point well taken. Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you live 'til 100!

 

Appreciate the kind words from you and others. Keep a good thought. Whether you call it prayer, karma, cosmic intervention, whatever, I'm a believer in the power of positive thoughts.

 

had to laugh when I read your 'live til 100' comment. Knew an old guy who used to tell me that his goal was to die on his 100th birthday...shot by a jealous husband.

[Ignignokt 0]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

Won this thread and, apparently, life.

[JT 137]

So can I get overly personal and ask what the transplant is for?

 

No problem. I've got genetic emphysema as a result of Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. Need a double lung transplant. Also happen to be 6'8", which further narrows the already slim availability of donor lungs. If you happen to see any real tall drifters by the side of the road.....

 

You can learn more at http://www.alpha1.org/

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

No problem. I've got genetic emphysema as a result of Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. Need a double lung transplant. Also happen to be 6'8", which further narrows the already slim availability of donor lungs. If you happen to see any real tall drifters by the side of the road.....

 

You can learn more at http://www.alpha1.org/

 

Thanks for the honesty. The reason that I ask is that I know more about kidney disorders and the corresponding transplants. I did not want to get into specifics if you did not feel comfortable with it. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and I will be on the lookout for the tall drifters.

[JT 137]

Won this thread and, apparently, life.

 

That's a very gracious and humbling thing to say. Thank you. All any of us can do is our best. Sometimes it's not so great, but we just have to keep trying.

 

 

Thanks for the honesty. The reason that I ask is that I know more about kidney disorders and the corresponding transplants. I did not want to get into specifics if you did not feel comfortable with it. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and I will be on the lookout for the tall drifters.

 

Hey, I wouldn't wish ill on anyone. If you just happened to have an exacto, a coleman cooler and an insurance company that doesn't ask many questions, well, que sera.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

That's a very gracious and humbling thing to say. Thank you. All any of us can do is our best. Sometimes it's not so great, but we just have to keep trying.

Hey, I wouldn't wish ill on anyone. If you just happened to have an exacto, a coleman cooler and an insurance company that doesn't ask many questions, well, que sera.

 

There are plenty of NBA players that are collecting paychecks for sitting on a bench that would be of more use if we only....

 

 

Just thinking out loud.

[Giants Fan 85]

Seriously, ever since 9/11, I have not been afraid to die.

[mulletia 0]

since death is inevitable how could I possibly be freaked out?

[Ilov80s 0]

Ummm....Drugs are bad...Mmmmkay....

 

being self-centered, narrow-minded, and ignorant isn't so great either

[Woble Eth 11]

I'm dying. Even if I get the transplant surgery, my life expectancy is nowhere near normal. In short, it will take a couple miracles for me to see 60 years of age. I'm 48 now. Tick, tock.

 

My thoughts about dying haven't changed much in the time since I was diagnosed, but my thoughts about living have. Like many people, I spent a good portion of my younger years living for fun, the old 'hell, if I die, I'll at least have had a great time'. When dying became a real thing I didn't stop having fun (though I can't do all the stuff I once did). I started taking a look at whether I was living my life for me, or to make a contribution of some sort to those around me.

 

I'm not a particularly religious guy, and the notion of living a good life in order to earn some reward in the afterlife doesn't float my boat. Doesn't mean that it's wrong or misguided, just not a motivating factor for me. I now consciously focus on living a good life because it's the only legacy you ever get the chance to leave. I don't sit around wondering if those that have died are in heaven or hell. I just remember the things they did that have had an impact on me, positive or negative.

 

Regardless what your belief system, dying shouldn't be scary. If you believe in an afterlife, you should look forward to heaven, or have already determined that you don't care about hell. It's living well that's scary. Doing the right thing when your natural instinct might be to do the easy thing. Expressing a real emotion to someone when it's so much simpler to blow it off wih a sarcastic remark. Can't bare your soul (?) when you're gone. Have to do it now.

 

That's my two cents, for whatever it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. It's cathartic for me to verbalize this stuff.

 

I am just blown away by your insight. You make a world of sense and have given me much to think about and I appreciate it. I would think about it in the past and it would subside - but the last few days it has really gripped me and consumed my thoughts. I am glad I started the thread as well and glad you found it helpful as well. You have helped as much as you think you have been helped. Indeed.

[Woble Eth 11]

There are plenty of NBA players that are collecting paychecks for sitting on a bench that would be of more use if we only....

Just thinking out loud.

 

Hmmm.... Actually most of the Sixers already lack a heart, so maybe the lungs won't be missed either!

 

In all seriousness, thanks again for the insight.

 

since death is inevitable how could I possibly be freaked out?

 

I don't follow.

[Franknbeans 46]

And I think this is where I am now with all of it. I am now more wanting to make a difference in the lives of the people around me who I love while I am still here. That gives me an inner peace and I will be okay with leaving knowing that the people I'm leaving behind have been touched in some way by my life.

 

you can begin be showing us your cans

[JT 137]

The timing of this borders on the surreal, but this is really how it happened.

 

Last night, after posting my thoughts on this thread and reading the extremely kind (and probably undeserved) replies from some of you, I toddled off to bed. At about 2:00 the phone rang. It was the lead doctor from the transplant unit to offer me some lungs. I know, almost too coincidental to believe, but what can I tell you? Life's funny like that.

 

Donor is a 28 yr old male, 6'7", 235 lb. No tattoos, no evidence of IV drug use, fantastic oxygen count, no hepatitis, HIV-. Only living relative is his grandmother who signed consent forms for transplant. They're mine. Ah, but here's the catch. He was recently sentenced to federal prison, and died as a result of an assault in the pen. Because it's a crime under investigation we're only provided basic info. So no way to know for certain whether the assault was sexual in nature, who might have been involved, etc. HIV often avoids detection for 60-90 days after exposure. So I can have the lungs, but may well be exposing myself to a myriad of std's, including the big one. Less than an hour to make up my mind.

 

As should be obvious by the fact that I'm writing this post, I declined the lungs. My health has stayed pretty steady for the last 6 months, and I'm still functioning well ahead of what's expected for someone with my degree of lung impairment. The doc understood and this doesn't jeopardize my place in line for the next suitable lungs. But we've waited nearly a year for this call, with no idea how long it could be til the next.

 

In all the millions of scenarios that I've mulled over the last couple years, this one never came up. I never envisioned myself turning down healthy lungs while gasping for air after walking 20 yds. Still hard to believe that I could make the words come out of my mouth.

 

It's funny, but addressing this topic here last night really helped me in this situation. I was able to find a bit of peace, reflecting on the earlier discussion, that helped me get past the panic in my head. I know it helped me in calming my wife and convincing her we were doing the right thing. So I want to let you know that it's often the little things that make the difference so many of us are looking to make. Life isn't full of lightning strikes; more like little shocks to get our attention. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and sharing in a sense of the most bizarre 12 hours I hope to ever experience.

[Franknbeans 46]

The timing of this borders on the surreal, but this is really how it happened.

 

Last night, after posting my thoughts on this thread and reading the extremely kind (and probably undeserved) replies from some of you, I toddled off to bed. At about 2:00 the phone rang. It was the lead doctor from the transplant unit to offer me some lungs. I know, almost too coincidental to believe, but what can I tell you? Life's funny like that.

 

Donor is a 28 yr old male, 6'7", 235 lb. No tattoos, no evidence of IV drug use, fantastic oxygen count, no hepatitis, HIV-. Only living relative is his grandmother who signed consent forms for transplant. They're mine. Ah, but here's the catch. He was recently sentenced to federal prison, and died as a result of an assault in the pen. Because it's a crime under investigation we're only provided basic info. So no way to know for certain whether the assault was sexual in nature, who might have been involved, etc. HIV often avoids detection for 60-90 days after exposure. So I can have the lungs, but may well be exposing myself to a myriad of std's, including the big one. Less than an hour to make up my mind.

 

As should be obvious by the fact that I'm writing this post, I declined the lungs. My health has stayed pretty steady for the last 6 months, and I'm still functioning well ahead of what's expected for someone with my degree of lung impairment. The doc understood and this doesn't jeopardize my place in line for the next suitable lungs. But we've waited nearly a year for this call, with no idea how long it could be til the next.

 

In all the millions of scenarios that I've mulled over the last couple years, this one never came up. I never envisioned myself turning down healthy lungs while gasping for air after walking 20 yds. Still hard to believe that I could make the words come out of my mouth.

 

It's funny, but addressing this topic here last night really helped me in this situation. I was able to find a bit of peace, reflecting on the earlier discussion, that helped me get past the panic in my head. I know it helped me in calming my wife and convincing her we were doing the right thing. So I want to let you know that it's often the little things that make the difference so many of us are looking to make. Life isn't full of lightning strikes; more like little shocks to get our attention. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and sharing in a sense of the most bizarre 12 hours I hope to ever experience.

Party on Wayne

[dolfan06 1]

Wow. I'm not sure I would have passed on the lungs, std's or not.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

The timing of this borders on the surreal, but this is really how it happened.

 

Last night, after posting my thoughts on this thread and reading the extremely kind (and probably undeserved) replies from some of you, I toddled off to bed. At about 2:00 the phone rang. It was the lead doctor from the transplant unit to offer me some lungs. I know, almost too coincidental to believe, but what can I tell you? Life's funny like that.

 

Donor is a 28 yr old male, 6'7", 235 lb. No tattoos, no evidence of IV drug use, fantastic oxygen count, no hepatitis, HIV-. Only living relative is his grandmother who signed consent forms for transplant. They're mine. Ah, but here's the catch. He was recently sentenced to federal prison, and died as a result of an assault in the pen. Because it's a crime under investigation we're only provided basic info. So no way to know for certain whether the assault was sexual in nature, who might have been involved, etc. HIV often avoids detection for 60-90 days after exposure. So I can have the lungs, but may well be exposing myself to a myriad of std's, including the big one. Less than an hour to make up my mind.

 

As should be obvious by the fact that I'm writing this post, I declined the lungs. My health has stayed pretty steady for the last 6 months, and I'm still functioning well ahead of what's expected for someone with my degree of lung impairment. The doc understood and this doesn't jeopardize my place in line for the next suitable lungs. But we've waited nearly a year for this call, with no idea how long it could be til the next.

 

In all the millions of scenarios that I've mulled over the last couple years, this one never came up. I never envisioned myself turning down healthy lungs while gasping for air after walking 20 yds. Still hard to believe that I could make the words come out of my mouth.

 

It's funny, but addressing this topic here last night really helped me in this situation. I was able to find a bit of peace, reflecting on the earlier discussion, that helped me get past the panic in my head. I know it helped me in calming my wife and convincing her we were doing the right thing. So I want to let you know that it's often the little things that make the difference so many of us are looking to make. Life isn't full of lightning strikes; more like little shocks to get our attention. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and sharing in a sense of the most bizarre 12 hours I hope to ever experience.

 

Amazing stuff. Good luck and I hope that your phone rings again tonight.

[JT 137]

Wow. I'm not sure I would have passed on the lungs, std's or not.

 

The principal reason that most transplants fail is infection. The literature I've been given goes so far as to say that a washcloth shouldn't be used more than once without laundering. Even something as innocuos as popping a zit is discussed (which rules out one of my favorite, secret hobbies!).

 

Your body wants to reject the donated organs; they don't belong. So the immune system has to be reduced far enough to convince the body to accept the transplant, while still being strong enough to fight off infection. It's a slippery slope. The doc stressed that even a lesser std could have catastrophic impact just by virtue of presenting an infection.

 

Had my last checkup shown a downward spiral similar to last year's, as opposed to having stayed very strong & steady the last 6 months, my decision probably would have been different. It's all a huge gamble. I'm just hoping to get another roll of the dice.

[biscuitman357 0]

I think, it does matter how close you are exposed to death on a regular basis.

 

I've worked different jobs in my life, and there were a few high risk jobs where I was exposed to the threat of death or the higher risk of death or just exposed to more dead or dying people in general.

 

I don't want to generalize, but the people I've seen dying, no matter what they probably said in life earlier, most go out screaming and begging for life. If there is any proof to me that God does not exist, it's watching the last ten seconds of a person's life, when you watch their eyes and their facial expressions. It's just pure fear there. That's it's all over and that you have no control over any of it. Some go quietly, but it's probably because death hits them as a surprise. Essentially they are lucky to be ignorant to the fact that they are dying, but most people aren't that lucky. Most go out in a whimper.

 

As for how I dealt with it, at least at work, it was like 99 percent pure boredom and 1 percent just pure out of control terror. You don't learn how to handle the fear or the terror any better, you just learn to defer it for later. You go home, you sit in the shower and you forget how long you've been in there until the water starts running cold because the hot water heater is all used up. But over time, you get hardened to it, you just don't think about it anymore.

 

Watching people die has taught me alot, mostly in that last ten seconds of life, what you see, that fear. It's isn't so much the fear of the unknown. It's the fear of regret. The idea that you wasted all that time worrying about so many unimportant things and trivial things and old grudges. Or that you never pursued the dreams in your life, the ones you were too afraid to chase. The girls you loved but never told them. Those last ten seconds, your whole life doesn't flash before your eyes, I just think its the parts you knew you could have changed but didn't.

 

Death is life's great motivator. It makes you think about making the most of your time. Sure death is scary, but living with alot of ###### regret is way worse than death can ever be. I think movies have made it all wrong for people, the bad guy dies at the end, so people associate death = punishment. And since everyone dies, everyone thinks death is a form of punishment for them. But I think the movies have it all ###### up. If you kill the bad guy, he no longer has to deal with life's bullshit, no more taxes, no more nagging wife, no more ungrateful kids, no more mortgage payments, no more stress, no more worries, no more heartache. Hell, the dead bad guy gets the better end of the deal at the end of the movie versus the good guy. If you really wanted to make the bad guy suffer, line up his kids and loved one, execute them all, and let the bad guy live. Let him live with that torment the rest of his life. Now thats some real ###### punishment.

 

Life with regret is the punishment, not death. The only people who have to worry about death are the people who don't have their house in order. They have to suffer for those ten seconds and realize they were always dead in the first place.

 

To the guy with the lung issue, sorry man, best of luck to you. Best of luck to your family too man.

[TAS 2]

You come across as being not only articulate but sincere as well. I reflect often on things I could have done as well as should be doing. Although I can't promise anything, your story has rekindled my faith that hope exists! Good luck to you again!