The Legend of Blood Ninja (not pron)

[football_scooter 0]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 C0ck of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me b!tch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

-------------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a b!tch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate:Who are you?

Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm...Yes

DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja:How did you know?

Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate:What the f**k?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t

DirtyKate:F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B!tch.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

 

------------------

 

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"

J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and ######. You know, rollin with tha homies and ######.

Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.

Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.

Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6: It likes that.

J-Dogg: aight.

Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...

J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...

Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...

Partner6: WTF?!

J-Dogg: Oh ######, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only f*ck women...

J-Dogg: ###### just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

Partner6: You dipshit.

J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...

J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

 

------------------

 

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8: Who the f*ck are you?

J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg: F*ck me, F*ck me.

J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.

Partner8: Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8: Good one romeo.

J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.

Towards your room.

The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"

J-Dogg: So you ready to f*ck then?

Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg: ...

Partner8: ?

J-Dogg: I'm spent.

 

------------------

 

Jdogg:Hey

QT-Pie:Hey

Jdogg:whats goin on

QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?

Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?

QT-Pie:what does that mean?

Jdogg:what are you wearing?

QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.

Jdogg:Garter belt?

QT-Pie:Ummm...no.

Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?

QT-Pie: uh, okay.

Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.

Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your p*ssy stink from here.

QT-Pie: WHAT?!

Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.

Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.

Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my d!ck puppet. I put on a little play.

QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.

Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.

QT-Pie: A stripe?

Jdogg: I need a sandwich.

QT-Pie: You're a freak.

Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

 

------------------

 

Girl: Hi

Boy: hello

Boy: who is this?

Girl: just a someone?

Boy: A someone I know?

Girl: nope

Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

Girl: well sorrrrrry

Girl: I just wanted to chat with you

Boy: why?

Girl: nevermind your an azzhole

Boy: Hey wait a minute

Girl: yes?

Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

Girl: paranoid?

Boy: yes

Girl: of what?

Girl: me?

Boy: No. I'm in hiding.

Girl: LOL

Boy: Don't f*cking laugh at me!

Boy: This ###### is serious!

Girl: What are you hiding from?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: gimme a f*cking break

Boy: I'm serious.

Girl: I don't get it

Boy: The cops are after me.

Girl: For what?

Boy: I'm wanted in three states

Girl: For???

Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.

Boy: I had sex with a turkey.

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You are f*cking sick.

Boy: Send me your picture.

Girl: why?

Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.

Girl: One of what?

Boy: The cops.

Girl: I'm not a cop i told you

Boy: Then send me your picture.

Girl: hold on

Boy: Hurry up.

Boy: Are you there?

Boy: f*ck you, cop!

Girl: Hey sorry

Girl: I had to do something for my mom.

Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Boy: Weren't you!?

Girl: thats not it

Boy: Then what?

Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Boy: Most cops aren't

Girl: IM NOT A F*CKING COP YOU D!CKHEAD!

Boy: Then send me the picture.

Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?

Boy: Just send it through here.

Girl: alright *PIC*

Girl: Did you get it?

Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.

Girl: That was me back in may

Girl: I've lost weight since then.

Boy: I hope so

Girl: what?!?

Girl: that hurt my feelings.

Boy: Did it?

Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

Girl: yes

Boy: Alright let me find it.

Girl: kks

Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*

Girl: this isn't you.

Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!

Girl: You don't look like that.

Boy: How the hell do you know?

Girl: cause your profile has another picture.

Boy: The profile pic is a fake.

Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.

Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.

Girl: Go f*ck yourself

Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture

Boy: Now my d!ck won't get hard for a week.

Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.

Girl: you hurt me.

Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!

Boy: Why would I do that?

Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you

Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

Girl: FUC YOU!!!

Boy: You'd break both of his legs.

Girl: You're a F*CKing azzhole.

Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.

Girl: No you aren't

Boy: You're right. I'm not.

Boy: HAARRRRR!

Girl: I'm done with you

Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.

Girl: I'm putting you on ignore

Boy: Wait a sec

Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.

Boy: Wanna start over?

Girl: No

Boy: I'll eat your p*ssy

Girl: You'll what?

Boy: You heard me.

Boy: I said I'd eat your p*ssy.

Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your p*ssy?

Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Boy: Well I'm not like most men.

Boy: I get excited in different ways.

Girl: Like what?

Boy: Do you really wanna know?

Girl: I don't know

Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.

Girl: I'm afraid to

Boy: Why?

Girl: cause

Boy: cause why?

Girl: well lets see

Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?

Boy: Nope

Girl: well its strange to me

Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

Girl: I didn't say that

Boy: So is that a yes?

Girl: I guess so.

Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Boy: Are you willing?

Girl: What do you need me to do?

Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.

Girl: ???

Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Boy: ok?

Boy: Hello?

Girl: You can't be serious

Boy: Oh yes I am!

Boy: It's my fantasy.

Girl: this is retarded

Boy: Do you want it or not?

Girl: Yes I want it.

Boy: Then you'll do it for me?

Girl: sure

Boy: Ok. Here we go.

Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet p*ssy.

Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.

Girl: mmmm yeah

Boy: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Boy: You gotta do better than that!

Boy: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your p*ssy get more moist with every stroke.

Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

Girl: mmmmmm you are good

Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

Boy: going limp

Girl: HARRRRRRR

Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.

Boy: going limp

Girl: this is stupid

Boy: ...still limp

Boy: Do it!

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Boy: I turn you around to lick your azzhole.

Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Boy: I see ###### nuggets hanging from the hair around your azzhole.

Girl: WTF?!?!?

Boy: They stink really bad.

Girl: OMG STOP!!!

Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Boy: I ram it up your ass.

Girl: YOURE A F*CKING PYSCHO!!

Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Boy: And turn you into a f*cking candy apple...

Boy: I kick you in the face!

Girl: F*CK YOU AZZHOLE!!

Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Boy: Your parrot flys away.

Boy: ...going limp again.

Boy: Hello?

Boy: Say it!

Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

 

[Chronic Husker 85]

I just posted this a couple weeks ago.

[football_scooter 0]

I just posted this a couple weeks ago.

 

I first read it years ago. I think it's worth reviving every few months.

 

Didn't mean to step on your toes there...maybe someone new will get to enjoy it?

[TheNewGirl 1,020]

This never gets old!!!

[SUXBNME 1,324]

This never gets old!!!

 

 

What she said

[SUXBNME 1,324]

Bump for Big Pete

[ZeroTolerance 582]

"I put on my robe and wizard hat" is one of the most legendary sentences in internet history.

[SUXBNME 1,324]

"I put on my robe and wizard hat" is one of the most legendary sentences in internet history.

 

I more partial to the ass / battleship reference, but they are all good

[Big_Pete 0]

I LOVE his threads....

I dont care how often they are revisited, they never get old, just like TNG said!

 

I got tears from reading this!

Too focking funny!

now that we have BloodNinja sightings again, he needs to entertain us some more!

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I just posted this a couple weeks ago.

 

So did I, but it was a few months ago

http://www.fftodayforums.com/forum/index.p...5817&st=40#

[Big_Pete 0]

Boy: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Boy: You gotta do better than that!

Boy: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

 

 

Bump for Big Pete

Thanks sux. You must have noticed my comments on the other topic!

[SUXBNME 1,324]

Boy: uh oh ...going limp.

Girl: Har

Boy: You gotta do better than that!

Boy: Your picture was really bad.

Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Thanks sux. You must have noticed my comments on the other topic!

Yep

 

I was re-reading them at work earlier, and tears were coming to my eyes also

 

If you are good with the controls on this bored, you could find out who BloodNinja really is.

Personally, I don't recommend it. After I found out, it gave me a scary mental picture

[jerryskids 5,188]

Yep

 

I was re-reading them at work earlier, and tears were coming to my eyes also

 

If you are good with the controls on this bored, you could find out who BloodNinja really is.

Personally, I don't recommend it. After I found out, it gave me a scary mental picture

I thought everyone knew.

[Big_Pete 0]

I thought everyone knew.

I have no clue. and I have no clue how to hunt out alias's

[SUXBNME 1,324]

I thought everyone knew.

 

Well, I assume that it's our Saw living near, tree hugging, bird with anti stripes.

[Big_Pete 0]

Well, I assume that it's our Saw living near, tree hugging, bird with anti stripes.

huh? you think it's Saw? I will never believe that!

[SUXBNME 1,324]

huh? you think it's Saw? I will never believe that!

 

No..not Saw..Saw living near

[Big_Pete 0]

spottedowl

I'm wrong, i'm almost sure of it

[SUXBNME 1,324]

spottedowl

I'm wrong, i'm almost sure of it

 

 

Shhhh.....

[Big_Pete 0]

Shhhh.....

holy crap, I guessed right?

[bloodninja 0]

holy crap, I guessed right?

 

So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

[SUXBNME 1,324]

So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

 

:bows down:

 

[Big_Pete 0]

So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

since when is 12"'s girl?

alsonotreally

[spottedowl 1]

Suck my feathers

[SUXBNME 1,324]

Suck my feathers

 

STFU hippie boy

[spottedowl 1]

STFU hippie boy

 

Do me a favor, learn me tha art of wife beating using clothes

[SUXBNME 1,324]

Do me a favor, learn me tha art of wife beating using clothes

Jealous of my manly physique are you?

 

Don't make me post more goat pics

[jets24 6]

Rhinos don't wear shirts

[spottedowl 1]

Rhinos don't wear shirts

 

Or pants.

[kpbuckeye 2]

I just posted this a couple weeks ago.

 

so? someone else posted it before you did. STFU.

[spottedowl 1]

so? someone else posted it before you did. STFU.

 

I'm not wearing pants again. WTF? Last I remember I was talking to SUX. Should I start Lundy, Dunn, Barlow, or McAllister?

[cgod 0]

I'm not wearing pants again. WTF? Last I remember I was talking to SUX. Should I start Lundy, Dunn, Barlow, or McAllister?

Put your pants on when you're talking to me!!!

[spottedowl 1]

Put your pants on when you're talking to me!!!

 

Rhinos don't wear clothes while posting on a message board. Wait...I wasn't talking to you. GFIAFP

[TommyGavin 788]

this is the first I've seen this and it really made my Sunday morning coffee even more enjoyable!

Kick ASS!

[bloodninja 0]

this place is strange

[kpbuckeye 2]

I'm not wearing pants again. WTF? Last I remember I was talking to SUX. Should I start Lundy, Dunn, Barlow, or McAllister?

 

 

 

 

duce

[bloodninja 0]

duce

 

Dunn it is, thanx.

[spottedowl 1]

duce

 

Do you have some Deuce mojo going on here?

[kpbuckeye 2]

Do you have some Deuce mojo going on here?

 

 

[Big_Pete 0]

I dont know why this particular time I felt compelled to share this hilarity, but I emailed a few of my friends this thread! BN/SO, you are a legend!

when do we get new material?