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Riddlen

Would you dump a girlfriend if you found out she has MS?

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:banana: My wifes friend (28, woman, Bs) found out she has MS.. It appears to be minor thus far, but it can get worse and has some affect on her day to day life. If it does get worse, we are talking wheel chair and more. She has been dating a guy for about 18mo, they are in love, live separately (though shes at his place about 50% of the time) and otherwise happy. If you are the guy, are you sticking around? She was diagnosed 5-6 months ago and has had 2 "attacks" I think. He seems to be sticking around which got me thinking whether or no I would have. Its sorta buying a car when you know it has engine problems. I love my wife, but if she got some potentially debilitating disease BEFORE we were engaged even, not sure what I would have done. I'd like to think ?I would have stuck around, buts thats a HUGE deal. We are talking the rest of your life and he technically has the chance to "get out" before any real commitment is made. :cheers:

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This happened to my wife's cousin...she got MS and offered to back out of the marraige. The dude didn't. She was so so for I'd guess 10 years...then went rapidly down hill. Now she is in a home, can't feed herself, move, etc etc etc. I don't know if I would have done what he did. They are still married and he visits her, I'd guess about 1-2 times a month (its about a 2 hour drive), but he does have a girlfriend now, I hear. They never had kids...I wonder if he will now cause unless he wants to be a really old Dad, his time is running out...he's about 45.

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I only skimmed over this, but honestly? 18 months and no commitment, the guy is still within the window for leaving. It's a dueshe bag move and I would move to another state if I were him, but I would say it's justifiable.

 

In high school, I dated a girl for about two months and I really started to like her, she was gorgeous (of course). She went to a foreign country and was hit by a car pretty severely, had some minor brain damage. She had 6 months of rehab. She was noticeably different, inwardly and outwardly when she returned. During that time, I had gotten back together with my ex-girlfriend (who I had dated for two years total)without ever calling the one who was hit. When she returned, it was awkward and we never really talked again, it was just assumed that it was over. I feel like a ###### to this day and I'm sure she still hates me, wherever she is, but I was 17 and it was two months . . . WTF do you expect? Besides, I liked my ex more.

 

Being engaged or married? I would never even think of it. You make a commitment, you love that person, those problems are your problems.

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It's a personal choice that you can't just say yes or no to.

 

Personally, if I would have gotten diagnosed with MS before Mrs. Toro and I got married, I would have broken it off with her. If you truly love someone, you want to see them happy no matter how bad it would hurt you.

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One of my best friends went through this - his GF was diagnosed, they got married a while back and are expecting their first child in just a couple weeks. She has been doing well - on a very strict diet that seems to be keepin gthe symptoms in check. Supposedly the new treatments for MS are excellent and you can live a full life without ever having it catch up to you. The diet she is on really seems to have helped enourmously.

 

Man, I hope she never degrades like the above poster's cousin's wife. She's really a sweet girl (34B, now with being pregger more like 36C) and i would hate to think they will have to go through a sh1tty situation in the future.

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This happened to my wife's cousin...she got MS and offered to back out of the marraige. The dude didn't. She was so so for I'd guess 10 years...then went rapidly down hill. Now she is in a home, can't feed herself, move, etc etc etc. I don't know if I would have done what he did. They are still married and he visits her, I'd guess about 1-2 times a month (its about a 2 hour drive), but he does have a girlfriend now, I hear. They never had kids...I wonder if he will now cause unless he wants to be a really old Dad, his time is running out...he's about 45.

My cousin's wife was also just diagnosed at age 40. Sounds to me like the guy is a d1ck...only visits 1-2 per MONTH? It is your wife for cripes sake. Sounds like a real d1ck move to me.

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My cousin's wife was also just diagnosed at age 40. Sounds to me like the guy is a d1ck...only visits 1-2 per MONTH? It is your wife for cripes sake. Sounds like a real d1ck move to me.

yeah the girlfriend isn't helping his non-d1ckness either.

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I'm far too selfish to deal with that later on in life. :(

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My cousin's wife was also just diagnosed at age 40. Sounds to me like the guy is a d1ck...only visits 1-2 per MONTH? It is your wife for cripes sake. Sounds like a real d1ck move to me.

 

I am kinda guessing...but this dude took care of her for years when she was wheelcare bound and married her after knowing what might come. Like I said, it's at least a 2 hour drive...Malden MA, to almost the NY border. He works for the city, house his own house, but is far from rich. And she is pretty much helpless, needs help with EVERYTHING..can't feed her self, dress, herself...you get the idea. I wouldn't call him a d1ck...I think he hung in there about as long as he could.

 

yeah the girlfriend isn't helping his non-d1ckness either.

 

True, but he's got another 20 years or so...should he basically be alone that whole time? I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but it is a tough situation to be in... for both of them.

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Anyone thats says yes to this subject is a heartless bastard. MS runs in my family, my aunt, grandma and great aunt and grandma all have it, different stages of course. Although they say it's only 60% hereditary....we are that 60% I guess. I'm not blood related therefore my chances are slim to none, but if you really loved the person or want a relationship with them why would this alter that :dunno: There are different forms and stages, some worse then others, but thats like saying you'll leave your girlfriend if she gets in a serious accident and loses her leg or something else.....which is a ###### AND superficial move. If you don't love the person that is one thing, but if you've been together a few months and care for the person, then bail once something like this happens...number one you didn't love them...number two your a focking ###### and deserve to have the samething happen to you :cheers: Just my opinion of course :(

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I am kinda guessing...but this dude took care of her for years when she was wheelcare bound and married her after knowing what might come. Like I said, it's at least a 2 hour drive...Malden MA, to almost the NY border. He works for the city, house his own house, but is far from rich. And she is pretty much helpless, needs help with EVERYTHING..can't feed her self, dress, herself...you get the idea. I wouldn't call him a d1ck...I think he hung in there about as long as he could.

True, but he's got another 20 years or so...should he basically be alone that whole time? I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but it is a tough situation to be in... for both of them.

 

You also have to take into account HER side of it. Would you want to spend the rest of your life making the person that you love clean your ass, dress you, and basically do everything for you.

 

There is a point to where you must release your husband/wife from day-to-day responsibilities of caring for you. I would make my wife put me into a home nearby and require her to visit once a week and buy me a bad ass tv. I would even get a divorce if she wanted to remarry. The point is: I would rather die or be the most miserable person on earth than to watch her suffer for 20 years.

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Interesting twist - - - what if YOU contracted MS? Would you want your wife/fiance to leave you so they wouldn't have to suffer through your pain?

 

Um, you don't "contract" MS. It's not a disease you get by sneezing on someone. :(

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You also have to take into account HER side of it. Would you want to spend the rest of your life making the person that you love clean your ass, dress you, and basically do everything for you.

 

There is a point to where you must release your husband/wife from day-to-day responsibilities of caring for you. I would make my wife put me into a home nearby and require her to visit once a week and buy me a bad ass tv. I would even get a divorce if she wanted to remarry. The point is: I would rather die or be the most miserable person on earth than to watch her suffer for 20 years.

 

I agree with this...if it was to the point were they had to be in a special facility because they could not tend to themselves...maybe when I'm 80 and he's 90...but not at 30 or 40...I couldn't do that to him.

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You also have to take into account HER side of it. Would you want to spend the rest of your life making the person that you love clean your ass, dress you, and basically do everything for you.

 

There's people into regression that do this every day and get off on it.

 

Of course, that takes a rare "special" kind of relationship.

:headbanger:

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I agree with this...if it was to the point were they had to be in a special facility because they could not tend to themselves...maybe when I'm 80 and he's 90...but not at 30 or 40...I couldn't do that to him.

 

Actually, I completely disagree. At 80 or 90, the other person doesn't have much else going on and is better equipped to spend a majority of their time with you. At 30 or 40, you have LOTS of other things going on, which might include raising kids and a career and with your partner having MS, not only do you need great insurance but you need to be able to make some very good money to support everyone.

 

You cannot work full time, raise kids, and take care of someone that is like that.

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:headbanger:

Actually, I completely disagree. At 80 or 90, the other person doesn't have much else going on and is better equipped to spend a majority of their time with you. At 30 or 40, you have LOTS of other things going on, which might include raising kids and a career and with your partner having MS, not only do you need great insurance but you need to be able to make some very good money to support everyone.

 

You cannot work full time, raise kids, and take care of someone that is like that.

 

I think you confused what I was saying...at 80 or 90...when your both about to die and your partners condition gets worse I would be there to tend for them. AT 30 or 40 when they are starting to go downhill and need to be hospitalized...thats when I would ask my husband to go finder another woman to fulfil his sexual needs since I'm laying in a bed unable to out out

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:headbanger:

 

I think you confused what I was saying...at 80 or 90...when your both about to die and your partners condition gets worse I would be there to tend for them. AT 30 or 40 when they are starting to go downhill and need to be hospitalized...thats when I would ask my husband to go finder another woman to fulfil his sexual needs since I'm laying in a bed unable to out out

 

Sexual needs? You are laying there. What else does he need? (besides a ball gag)

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Sexual needs? You are laying there. What else does he need? (besides a ball gag)

 

Laying there in the hospital? Yeah, that will make the marriage last :headbanger: I would never want someone to be forced to stay with me out of pity...if he was unhappy I would want him to move on.

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Hmm.

 

I dont' know what I would do.

 

Before I married my husband, I learned that he has some health issues. He doesn't have a spleen...removed it because his red and white blood cells started to attack each other, removing his spleen was the way to go. This happened to his brother as well, so we know it's genetic. MANY members of his family have died from Polycystic Kidney Disease, his father had his kidney's removed in October of 2003 and as a result has had MANY complications since then.

 

Now, I KNOW that these things aren't like MS. However, the chances of my husband contracting something like meningitis, or another illness that can turn deadly, are higher. The chances of him developing PCKD by the time he's 40 is pretty high as well.

 

I still married him. I still had kids with him knowing that these things are likely hereditary...and I didn't get any kind of genetic testing on my kids, or myself when I was pregnant - even when they offered it.

 

MS can be controlled, and they have some great meds out there. I work with a lady who has it, and you'd never know unless she told you.

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I totally agree Toro.

And it's purely a personal choice. If I was in a serious relationship and I got diagnosed with MS, I'd tell the girl about it and tell her that there is a good chance it'll get pretty bad and give her a chance to leave. If she had it, and I really did love her, I'm sure she'd do the same for me, but there is no way in hell I'd leave her cause of it. My love isn't something I throw around easily, so for me to actually love someone, you bet your azz I'd still be with her....

Now, like Toro said, say when me and said g/f or wife were in our late 30's or 40's, and she had to be in a home (which wouldn't be easy to do in the first place, but these things happen), I'd try to get her nearby, but if that wasn't an option, and she was a few hours away, I"d probably only be able to see her a few times a month. People forget that 2 hours away is really 4 hours (return trip) and then you work what, usually 9-5? so it would be straight from work to the home, tack on at least another hour cause of rush hour traffic, then spend how much time with her? what is enough? (also plays a role in not seeing her that often, the guilt of how much time you SHOULD spend there) and then return home, probably roll in around midnight. That's no fun. Plus add on watching your wife suffer and be in pain, either that or be so drugged up that she's barely conscience. :headbanger:

Anyways, After probably 6 months of that, I'd probably get our marriage annuled (if dibilitating illness is grounds) and just get another girlfriend.

If I was the one with MS, I WOULD NOT want my wife to see me in a home being so far gone that she had to feed me or clean my azz after I shat myself. And if she wanted a divorce/anulment, I'd give her one cause I'd understand.

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My ex-boyfriend's mom has MS. He had mono a year ago and apparently that can have something to do with developing MS later in life. He also has the heredity part going for him, but men are less likely to develop MS than women.

 

He was diagnosed with throat cancer right after the mono and all that really led me to have to do a lot of thinking about what I might have been getting myself into. At that point we'd been dating for less than three months. I stuck around through his treatment and all that and he ended up taking a job in South Africa, so it was all really a moot point, anyway.

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Laying there in the hospital? Yeah, that will make the marriage last :headbanger: I would never want someone to be forced to stay with me out of pity...if he was unhappy I would want him to move on.

 

I don't think you got my joke. :mad:

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at 1day through 1year, you owe the person nothing in the way of staying through diseases/MS/cancer etc... I've said the L word 3 times in my life, and it's taken me probably 1+years to say it... up until then, it's just puppy love and anything harsh is grounds for termination.

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Well, if the girl doesn't get married she'll always be a Ms.

 

just get married and become a Mrs and problem solved.

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Well, if the girl doesn't get married she'll always be a Ms.

 

just get married and become a Mrs and problem solved.

 

that was even worse than the headbanger cheese joke

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I guess I'm in the minority. Since MS is not a disease that affects your brain, I'd feel terrible for the wife who had to live through her decline, and is now wheelchair bound. She must be lonely as heck, and that certainly doesn't help when her d1ck husband ships her off 2 hours away, and then only visits twice a month, while hooking up on the side. Personally, I would have either tried to find a closer facility, investigated hiring home care, or looked to move closer to her. Ignoring her and banging another chick while still married to her would have prolly been pretty far down on my list of options.

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Guest Black Label Society

I'm still amazed at how many people cannot spell 'douche'. :cheers:

 

that's tough...

 

My dad has a buddy he works with who was dating a women in his younger years...they were happy, in love, etc. She found out she had terminal cancer.

 

He married her anyway, KNOWING she was going to die.

I thought it was very admirable.

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I'm still amazed at how many people cannot spell 'douche'. :dunno:

 

that's tough...

 

My dad has a buddy he works with who was dating a women in his younger years...they were happy, in love, etc. She found out she had terminal cancer.

 

He married her anyway, KNOWING she was going to die.

I thought it was very admirable.

plus you can use the sympathy card to get some random hotties to sleep with you. :cheers:

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I would absolutely dump her, but not before she gave me anal, just sayin.... :cheers:

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I would dump her in a second and try and bang her hot sister

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I guess I'm in the minority. Since MS is not a disease that affects your brain, I'd feel terrible for the wife who had to live through her decline, and is now wheelchair bound. She must be lonely as heck, and that certainly doesn't help when her d1ck husband ships her off 2 hours away, and then only visits twice a month, while hooking up on the side.

 

 

For the record...she is way past wheel chair bound. When she was, he was still taking care of her, but she is pretty much stuck in bed at this point. We are taking 24 hour a day care needed. Sure her mind is still there, but she can't talk at this point...basically the end is pretty near, I would guess.

 

I would dump her in the trash

 

 

Dude, that's a new low...even for you.

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He also has the heredity part going for him, but men are less likely to develop MS than women.

MS is not a hereditary condition. I know this because my dad had it and died from complications due to it in 95 after a 20+ year battle with it.

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I'm still amazed at how many people cannot spell 'douche'. :D

 

that's tough...

 

My dad has a buddy he works with who was dating a women in his younger years...they were happy, in love, etc. She found out she had terminal cancer.

 

He married her anyway, KNOWING she was going to die.

I thought it was very admirable.

 

he knew what he was doing. Didn't you see the Seinfeld where they learned that George's fiance passing away was the perfect story to get chick?

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MS is not a hereditary condition. I know this because my dad had it and died from complications due to it in 95 after a 20+ year battle with it.

 

It's not hereditary, but you have a better chance of developing it if there is a history of it in your family than someone with no MS in their family.

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I think the above siad it well with the mind thing. If her brain is still functioning - man, that's tough to just let them lie there alone. I couldn't do that.

 

If they couldn't even communicate? Ugh - that would be heartbreaking.

 

In regards to the original question - I'll defer to the ultimate in ethical/moral dilemma solving techniques: "What would a super hero do?" I think he/she'd evaluate the relationship. If you thought that person was 'the one' and you think you would have married him/her before finding out about the MS - then you stay. If you are just seriously dating but havent given thought to moving forward with teh relationship - it would be a good time to let it go.

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On a somewhat related note, this is what stairs were invented for. :cheers: :banana: :mad:

 

Staris were invented for making the decision on whether or not to stay with a significant other that finds out they have MS?

 

Wow, you learn something new every day. :rolleyes:

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Staris were invented for making the decision on whether or not to stay with a significant other that finds out they have MS?

 

Wow, you learn something new every day. :ninja:

 

Let me guess, you never made the honor roll? :P

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