UPDATORED: Oh, it is focking ON!

[davebg 0]

I live in a pretty nice condo development in northern NJ right on the Hudson. My place has a balcony (in my case a deck, as I'm on the "ground" floor) like everyone, but I also have a large stone patio that extends off of it.

 

Well, twice now in the last few weeks (since it got really cold) I have found dog sh|t on my patio, which is odd b/c...well...I don't have a dog.

 

Last night I discovered that the lady who moved in about six months ago a couple of floors directly above me has a dog...a big dog. Since she's the only person above me who has a dog, I went up there to alert her to the problem.

 

What a focking weirdo.

 

First thing I do is introduce myself by telling her my name and that I live downstairs.

 

Her reaction? Focking crazy ###### doesn't even tell me her name!

 

When I pressed her about the dog, she told me that it's an old dog and it doesn't always make it outside, but that she tried to "keep up" w/the crap on her balcony.

 

I told her that a balcony is NOT a dog run, nor is it an appropriate place for her dog to use as a toilet. If the dog is so infirmed that it can't make the elevator ride down a few floors, then maybe she should have moved into a place w/a backyard, not a fifth floor condo. I also pointed out that people have seen the dog left out there for extended periods of time, so it's not as if the dog is about to have an emergency and she lets the dog out on the balcony to keep it from making a mess in the elevator.

 

I told her that it had better not happen again or we were going to have a serious problem and that she'd find any future piles of dog sh|t smeared all over the door to her unit.

 

This morning I reported that skank to the management office.

 

WTF is wrong w/people? More to the point, how did this dirty slob afford a place in my development? I guess what they say is true...you can't buy class...either you have it or you don't.

[Guest Davaco]

I live in a pretty nice condo development in Harlem.

 

fixed

[Isotopes 1]

In one sentence you are talking about smearing dog sh!t on her door and then a few sentences later you are talking about HER not having any class.

[davebg 0]

fixed

Yeah, well, dogs sh|tting on balconies? I could easily see where you might confuse my place for Harlem.

[RLLD 3,455]

Not too much to expect people to take care of their animals, but you could have tried to be a little more diplomatic up front.

 

Sicking the criminals (management assoc) on he was really mean too

[Franknbeans 46]

dog shit+paper bag+fire=payback

[phillybear 364]

You could always focus on the fact that when the lady drops dead of a heart attack in her condo, her dog will have chewn off most of her dead face by the time the body is discovered.

[davebg 0]

In one sentence you are talking about smearing dog sh!t on her door and then a few sentences later you are talking about HER not having any class.

The next time will have been the THIRD time her dog would have literally dropped a bomb from her balcony onto my fenced-in patio. I have already reported her to the management office. Short of trying to embarrass her sorry ass out of the building by posting stuff about her in the elevator and other common areas, what would you recommend?

 

It was pretty clear from my conversation w/her that she didn't really think she had done anything wrong and didn't plan to change how she handles the dog.

 

I paid a lot for my place. It's worth even more. I'm not about to let some scumbag move in and roon it for me and everyone else.

[KSB2424 3,083]

Place a large flower pot / tomato plant at the falling poop impact zone. The old bag gets to live in filth, and you get free fertilizer, everybody wins!

[frank 2,144]

Next time you go up there, wear a t-shirt that says, "My name is dave-bag and I will mess you up!"

[davebg 0]

dog shit+paper bag+fire=payback

Can't. Indoors.

 

Hence resorting to plan B...dog sh|t on the door.

[Franknbeans 46]

I'm not about to let some scumbag move in and roon it for me and everyone else.

too late. Welcome to scumville.

[davebg 0]

Not too much to expect people to take care of their animals, but you could have tried to be a little more diplomatic up front.

 

Sicking the criminals (management assoc) on he was really mean too

Actually, since she in a neighbor and we hadn't met previously I approached her very calmly and politely (I know, hard to believe.) However, her reaction (or lack thereof) when I introduced myself and infromed her of the problem (she didn't even appologize) put a quick end to that.

 

I reported her to the management b/c it's the first step in getting them to fine her ass every time I find a pile on my property.

[Strike 3,974]

It sounds to me like you and your neighbor could use a little counseling together.

[donhaas 18]

Harlem's actually got some nice places

[RLLD 3,455]

Actually, since she in a neighbor and we hadn't met previously I approached her very calmly and politely (I know, hard to believe.) However, her reaction (or lack thereof) when I introduced myself and infromed her of the problem (she didn't even appologize) put a quick end to that.

 

I reported her to the management b/c it's the first step in getting them to fine her ass every time I find a pile on my property.

 

I would like to perhaps help further but since you didnt post a CAN SIZE

[parrot 789]

Try the old severed dog's head in her bed trick. She'll get the message.

[Riddlen 1]

hondo?

[davebg 0]

I would like to perhaps help further but since you didnt post a CAN SIZE

She was an older (50's), slightly hunched over, troll-like creature...if I HAD to guess, I'd say she's got some 38B flapjacks, but that's complete speculation on my part.

[RLLD 3,455]

Try the old severed dog's head in her bed trick. She'll get the message.

 

 

OHHH OHHH!! A 'how can I smite" thread!!

[davebg 0]

Harlem's actually got some nice places as long as you're not white and it's still daylight out.

fixored

[supermike80 1,285]

So let's see:

1) We have an old lady with an old dog who poops all over her balcony.

2) Since it is apparent she is not going to correct this, DaveBG will now smear said poop all over her door

 

Well, you said your property was worth a lot more, not for long.

Can't see anyone wanting to buy a place with these conditions

[davebg 0]

So let's see:

1) We have an old lady with an old dog who poops all over her balcony.

2) Since it is apparent she is not going to correct this, DaveBG will now smear said poop all over her door

 

Well, you said your property was worth a lot more, not for long.

Can't see anyone wanting to buy a place with these conditions

I'm hoping repeated fines by the management office will either force her to change her behavior or force her OUT!

 

I've already got the neighbors directly above and below her on my side. I've lived in this place for almost five years and never had a problem w/any of my fellow residents. I don't envision any of them being at all pleased w/this dirtbag in our building.

 

ETA: And she's not so old that she can't walk the dog. This isn't some frail old lady w/a walker we're talking about.

 

ETA 2: And maybe smearing the dog crap all over her door is too much. I might just slop in on to the underside of her doorknob so she doesn't notice it until it's squishing between her fingers.

[Franknbeans 46]

Step 1: Cut a hole in the box

[davebg 0]

I just posted this little nugget on our community message board.

Topic: So much for our nice, clean community

 

I live in 305 XXXXX Ct. and have not only a balcony/deck, but also one of the enclosed patios. Recently (like over the past few weeks since it's gotten really cold out) I have noticed dog crap on my patio, which is kind of odd since I don't have a dog.

 

My relatively new neighbor a couple of flights up in 505 XXXXX Ct. DOES have a dog, though. A big dog...that she apprently lets out on her balcony.

 

Apparently the dog is too old and infirmed (or someone's too lazy) to go outside and do it's business.

 

I have calmly tried to discuss the matter w/Mrs. Dog Crap in 505 XXXXX Ct., but I wasn't exactly left w/the impression that she planned to stop letting her dog use her balcony as a dog run. Heck, I didn't even get an 'I'm sorry.'

 

I have also informed the management office.

 

I just wanted everyone else at IH to know what kind of people are moving in and becoming our neighbors.

[Strike 3,974]

Dude, seriously, you couldn't wait to see if it happens again before posting it for everyone to see? Just because she didn't seem like she was going to stop it doesn't mean she won't. You could have given her the opportunity to comply before making a mountain out of a molehill.

[phillybear 364]

Dude, seriously, you couldn't wait to see if it happens again before posting it for everyone to see? Just because she didn't seem like she was going to stop it doesn't mean she won't. You could have given her the opportunity to comply before making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

Leave him alone. He knows what he is doing.

 

More chaos = more gooder entertainment.

[Strike 3,974]

Leave him alone. He knows what he is doing.

 

More chaos = more gooder entertainment.

 

Sorry. I know in your world she would already be dead.

[donhaas 18]

fixored

 

Have you been there lately? There's a starbucks on every corner...

 

white people are buying it up

 

I feel less safe in sheboygan

[davebg 0]

Dude, seriously, you couldn't wait to see if it happens again before posting it for everyone to see? Just because she didn't seem like she was going to stop it doesn't mean she won't. You could have given her the opportunity to comply before making a mountain out of a molehill.

First of all, it's happened twice already.

 

Second of all, I don't know where you live or what kind of upbringing you had, but letting your large dog (vistors have actually asked my upstairs neighbor what the deal is w/the "wolf" on the balcony above) use the balcony of your fifth floor unit as a toilet is not a "molehill" IMO.

 

Third, you were not there and did not see her reaction (or lack of one) when I confronted her w/the problem. Her answer to me was that "she tries to keep up" (cleaning up the poop.) What about the piss? If the dog's sh|tting there, it's p|ssing there. Maybe I should wait until I'm sitting on my patio this spring/summer on the nice furniture the Mrs. and I bought and we start getting sprinkled?

 

This is an upscale, gated community w/very good property values. I'm not about to let some lazy b|tch roon it.

 

This problem is going to get nipped in the bud...I will see to that.

[Strike 3,974]

First of all, it's happened twice already.

 

Second of all, I don't know where you live or what kind of upbringing you had, but letting your large dog (vistors have actually asked my upstairs neighbor what the deal is w/the "wolf" on the balcony above) use the balcony of your fifth floor unit as a toilet is not a "molehill" IMO.

 

Third, you were not there and did not see her reaction (or lack of one) when I confronted her w/the problem. Her answer to me was that "she tries to keep up" (cleaning up the poop.) What about the piss? If the dog's sh|tting there, it's p|ssing there. Maybe I should wait until I'm sitting on my patio this spring/summer on the nice furniture the Mrs. and I bought and we start getting sprinkled?

 

This is an upscale, gated community w/very good property values. I'm not about to let some lazy b|tch roon it.

 

This problem is going to get nipped in the bud...I will see to that.

 

But you just put her on notice. A reasonable person would at least let her prove that she's the b!tch you're making her out to be. You've just proven to her that you're the douche she thought you were. If I were her and I saw that you posted about it it would just piss me off and make me want to fock with you more. And she's got a vertical advantage you don't have in the focking with you dept. But hey as Phillybear said, this will just be more entertainment for us so

[JScott 20]

I live in a pretty nice condo development in northern NJ right on the Hudson.

 

You lost me right here.

 

 

 

urbanlegend

[DAVID RUFFIN 1]

It's Clintons fault

[Guest Davaco]

 

Third, you were not there and did not see her reaction (or lack of one) when I confronted her w/the problem. Her answer to me was that "she tries to keep up" (cleaning up the poop.) What about the piss? If the dog's sh|tting there, it's p|ssing there.

 

dont eat yellow snow

 

 

:itsatip:

[TheNewGirl 1,030]

Man, you're a cry baby.

 

At any rate, this might not have been the first time you found dog-doodie on your balcony, but this is obivously the first time you've met her. I think that immediately jumping th gun and reporting her, and then posting it was a mistake.

 

I would have alerted her to the problem and let her know that next time, you'd report her to the management. It's like you didn't even give her a chance to prevent it from happening in the future....all because she didn't tell you her name (which being an old lady, maybe she thought you were some psycho neighbor), and she didn't apologize, but she did give excuses, "Dog cant make it outside all the time, blah blah blah..." which in old people language is like an apology...

 

I think you need to chill out, see if the dog does it again. Write her a letter, or write one to the management, naming dates and conversations that you've had with her, and give her a copy. If you're going to prove anything, you have to prove that it's been happening over time, not just a one time deal...meaning that you've SPOKEN to her more than once about the problem.

 

I think it's kinda sad that you want to force someone out of their home because they aren't living up to YOUR expectations.

 

WOW, I think I just described your wife in that last sentence, too.

 

Also, I woudl think that since your wife makes so much money, you'd be in a house and not have to worry about neighbors upstairs, or their poopy doggies.

[davebg 0]

Man, you're a cry baby.

 

At any rate, this might not have been the first time you found dog-doodie on your balcony, but this is obivously the first time you've met her. I think that immediately jumping th gun and reporting her, and then posting it was a mistake.

 

I would have alerted her to the problem and let her know that next time, you'd report her to the management. It's like you didn't even give her a chance to prevent it from happening in the future....all because she didn't tell you her name (which being an old lady, maybe she thought you were some psycho neighbor), and she didn't apologize, but she did give excuses, "Dog cant make it outside all the time, blah blah blah..." which in old people language is like an apology...

 

I think you need to chill out, see if the dog does it again. Write her a letter, or write one to the management, naming dates and conversations that you've had with her, and give her a copy. If you're going to prove anything, you have to prove that it's been happening over time, not just a one time deal...meaning that you've SPOKEN to her more than once about the problem.

 

I think it's kinda sad that you want to force someone out of their home because they aren't living up to YOUR expectations.

 

WOW, I think I just described your wife in that last sentence, too.

 

Also, I woudl think that since your wife makes so much money, you'd be in a house and not have to worry about neighbors upstairs, or their poopy doggies.

First off, the point is that I shouldn't have to give her time to correct the problem b/c there shouldn't have been a problem in the first place. Your fifth floor balcony is NOT a toilet for your dog. End of discussion. We are a very pet friendly development (we even have our own dog run on the property) and the rules regarding where it is and is not appropiate for your dog to do its business are clearly outlined in the by-laws. That she would even consider this to be an option is

 

Second, yes, Mrs. DaveBG and I both make good money. That's why we can afford to live in a place that would sell on the open market for around $675-725k. New development in our area runs anywhere from $600-900K+ for a one bedroom starter condo. Sorry if we went the responsible route and actually purchased a home we could afford, rather than over-extending ourselves like so many of our fellow Americans.

[TheNewGirl 1,030]

First off, the point is that I shouldn't have to give her time to correct the problem b/c there shouldn't have been a problem in the first place. Your fifth floor balcony is NOT a toilet for your dog. End of discussion. We are a very pet friendly development (we even have our own dog run on the property) and the rules regarding where it is and is not appropiate for your dog to do its business are clearly outlined in the by-laws. That she would even consider this to be an option is

 

Again, I would have just restated the rules to her, then, or written a letter and included a copy of those rules. I think that being the bigger person in this situation and not freaking out like you did would have helped you more in the long run than going looney on her and threatening to smear dog poop all over her doors.

 

Are you a part of the condo association committee or whatever they call those people? Are you a part of the management on the committee? If not, then just a "talking to" would have probably sufficed. That's just my opinion.

 

Running off and telling the management immediately, and also threatening her is making you look bad. She can turn around and say that she feels that she needs her dog for protection from neighbors like you...ones that make threats to old, single women, etc.

[30 Fat, Bald & Texan 5]

Haven't you ever seen Me, Myself and Irene? It's really simple.

 

Steal her newspaper, drop trow on her doorstep, knock on the door, proceed to poop on her doorstep while reading her newspaper.

[Nomad99 406]

But you just put her on notice. A reasonable person would at least let her prove that she's the b!tch you're making her out to be. You've just proven to her that you're the douche she thought you were. If I were her and I saw that you posted about it it would just piss me off and make me want to fock with you more. And she's got a vertical advantage you don't have in the focking with you dept. But hey as Phillybear said, this will just be more entertainment for us so

 

As much as I hate to agree with davebg, he is right in this matter. The lady is no spring chicken.....she has been walking the planet long enough to know that YOU DON'T USE A BALCONY AS A CRAPYARD FOR YOUR DOG.......If she don't get it by now....no amount of sweet casual hinting or asking is going to produce the desired change of habit. She is either ignorant or arrogant or both.........all infractions punishable by direct & sustained pressure on both her & the condo bored & continued verbal confrontation whenever possible. Maybe some of you live in a neighborhood that you are willing to see go to $hit(pun intended) due to your inability to face down an A$$clown like this but I don't. Fock with her till she wises up or moves

[TAS 2]

If I'm her and the fines aren't to heavy, or being enforced by the management, I'd let my dog keep crapping on your patio. And if you had the stones to actually gather up the dog poop and walk it up to my place to smear on the door, I'd set up some sort of hidden camera type thingamabopper and turn it in to the police and have your ass arrested. Or not???