phillybear 366 Posted June 7, 2007 FOCK OFF. Seriously. I am finishing tying the knots that bind this lovely young lady to the train tracks. I glance up from my work. Through the moonless night, I can see a locomotive’s light ever so slowly approaching. The woman slowly is regaining consciousness. After groggily processing the situation, the dawning realization leads to a blood curdling scream into the night. No one is around to hear. The train comes closer. Tugging on the knots to test their resolve, I twirl my long willowy mustache, straighten out my top hat and black cape and laugh with evil intention. “Bwhahahaha!!!!” as I scamp into the bushes, I furtively glance from side to side, waiting for the inevitable rescue by some hero. The train is approaching quickly. She screams again. No sign of a hero. Closer. Scream. Nobody. Closer. Scream. Nothing….*YES* Her decapitated head rolls down the slight incline. I pluck my prize, lovingly close the eyelids shut, and gently place the head into a burlap sack. I stride into the darkness with happy feet….I awaken with a start. That was a very vivid dream. Feeling supremely exhausted, I swing my feet over the edge of the bed. I notice a train schedule on the floor. I note that this is odd, as I absentmindedly twirl the mustache glued to my face. For breakfast, I enjoy a tomato from my neighbor’s garden. Certainly, I can appreciate the effort they exert in their raising such tasty vegetables, and their naivety for blaming the theft on forest creatures. They seem a bit perplexed by the sinister intelligence of these woodland thieves of uprooting the plants and salting the earth of their garden before they leave. As I am sitting on the bus, traveling to work, I debate the merits of what to plan for an upcoming day off. Tentatively, I decide to stop by a burn unit of the hospital, and have staring contests with people with no eyelids. The elevator *dings* open, and my fellow passenger walks confidently into the hallway. “Whoops, wrong floor.” He turns to return to the elevator. This annoys me to no end. Nice job, slapnuts. Wrong floor? How hard is it to push the button 1,2,3 or 4. Fock you. As I grind my teeth with frustration, I frantically push the close button like an 80 year old blue haired grandmother crystal meth addict playing video poker. It’s a photo finish between the elevator door and his hand. Just as the doors slide shut, a hand juts into its path. Quickly, I bend down and clamp my teeth onto the index finger. With a yelp of anguish, the left hand is retracted, but with only 4 digits. The door closes shut with a *snick*. The elevator moves upwards as I study the finger in my palm. Walking down to my office, I test my recent acquisition by picking wax out of my ear. It digs quite nicely as the finely manicured fingernails make for an ideal scooper. A co-worker across the mezzanine waves a hello. I respond with not a single, not a double, but the rare and elusive triple finger point greeting. Fock off. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NorthernVike 2,098 Posted June 7, 2007 I dont know why your furious, seems like your day is going as planned. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thorshammer 0 Posted June 7, 2007 now that IS quality.... Fock off! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 7,961 Posted June 7, 2007 Why do you put so much effort into something so unfunny? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phillybear 366 Posted June 7, 2007 Why do you put so much effort into something so unfunny? I write for my own amusement. You are now banned from reading these threads in the future. Go drown in a puddle of AIDS. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGavin 790 Posted June 8, 2007 You are now banned from reading these threads in the future. Go drown in a puddle of AIDS. But before you do get Phillybear a cup of coffee will ya errand boy. not that he needs the jolt Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Giants Fan 85 Posted June 8, 2007 This totaly seems like the writing of a friend of mine named Jim Viera. Dunno ... where you get this from ... but it's intentional obscurity, still smoked and flavored ... it reminds me, of an old friend. I recognize it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RicemanX 20 Posted June 8, 2007 I am finishing tying the knots that bind this lovely young lady to the train tracks. You lost me there, because all I could think about was... Can size? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Giants Fan 85 Posted June 8, 2007 Thread ROONED Who are you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
