Draft Day Speeches

[Haverchuck 0]

Every year on draft day, we present last year's champion with their championship banner. The champ then gets a 5-10 minute speech. Almost every year, it's the same speech over and over again. It's basically the champ just giving reasons why he won and makes fun of the bad picks that everyone else had made.

 

I was curious if this is done in most leagues and if there were any creative speeches that you've heard over the years. Are there any other traditions that you do in your league that makes it unique?

[mgs316 14]

That sounds very gay.

 

We get to the bar and start drinking, then start drafting once everyone shows up.

[RSersen 0]

That sounds very gay.

 

^

 

There's no way I'm going to a draft and listening to someone prattle on about their team last year for 10 focking minutes.

 

Reasons why I won - "I had higher waiver priority than you and got Michael Vick." The end. How does that take 5-10 minutes?

[Joey Gladstone 33]

We have this guy address our league

 

[IGotWorms 3,297]

"What's my name? FOCK YOU, THAT'S my name!"

 

 

But seriously, you guys give speeches in your league? WTF? This isn't focking Toastmasters.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

The very concept of this idea brought this scene from Braveheart to mind for two reasons;

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_daP1IWY28o

 

1. The idea that I want to listen to some clueless fock speak insults me.

 

2. Throw the focking homersechual know it all out a frigging ten story window.

 

 

/thread.

[archiedoggie 0]

The speech could be funny if you have funny people in your league. Most people I know arent funny enough to listen to for 5 minutes, let alone 10. But if they said things like, "I knew who you were targetting because one night I found your cheat sheet in your nightstand... after banging your wife". Thats funny imo

 

As for calling it gay? Well, I know gay guys that could kick your ass in or outside of a fantasy league (they might do other things to it afterwards, but they would kick it.)

[ralphster 274]

All the wtf gay responses are unnecessary.

 

Our league presents the trophy and hands out winnings during a Superbowl bbq we host each year. Usually the league champ hosts it (and spends a good portion of the winnings on the party). Sometimes the champ will say a few words, but most of the time we all poke fun and talk shiz at each other over draft choices, ww pickups, etc. It's a great tradition time with the guys (some of whom I don't really talk to at all save for FF season) - one that I'd wish on all of you cantankerous baddies any day

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

 

As for calling it gay? Well, I know gay guys that could lick your ass in or outside of a fantasy league (they might do other things to it afterwards, but they would lick it.)

 

[mgs316 14]

The speech could be funny if you have funny people in your league. Most people I know arent funny enough to listen to for 5 minutes, let alone 10. But if they said things like, "I knew who you were targetting because one night I found your cheat sheet in your nightstand... after banging your wife". Thats funny imo

 

As for calling it gay? Well, I know gay guys that could kick your ass in or outside of a fantasy league (they might do other things to it afterwards, but they would kick it.)

 

Awesome, gay internet tough guy. <-now that i think about it, the dancing banana...

[Haverchuck 0]

This will be our 18th season and the speeches started about 10-12 years ago. Draft weekend is the only time we all see each other being that we all live in different parts of the country now, so we try to keep the traditions going as much as we can. It actually has been very entertaining in past years, although recently it has lost some creativity.

 

We have had slide shows with incriminating pictures of other owners, powerpoint presentations, and youtube videos included in the speeches over the years.

[PackYourNut 47]

Our winner has to buy the first round of dances at the strip joint after the draft!

[IGotWorms 3,297]

The speech could be funny if you have funny people in your league. Most people I know arent funny enough to listen to for 5 minutes, let alone 10. But if they said things like, "I knew who you were targetting because one night I found your cheat sheet in your nightstand... after banging your wife". Thats funny imo

 

That's not funny at all.

[nobody 2,031]

We have this guy address our league

 

 

 

This would be pretty awesome. Show up in the suit with the slicked back hair and the chalk board.

 

 

Let me have your attention for a moment. 'Cause you're talkin' about what...you're talkin' 'bout...b¡tchin' about that pick you shot, some son of a b¡tch want to get injured, somebody don't want what you're trading, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth, let's talk about something important.

 

Let's talk about something important. (sees Someone drinking a beer).

 

Put that beer down. Beer is for closers only. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not funkin' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from FFToday. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

 

You call yourself a Fantasy Football player, you son of a b¡tch?

 

 

You don't have to listen to this 'cause the good news is you've already lost. The bad news is you got all you got, just one night to try to be a winner, starting with tonight's draft. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this years prize. As you all know, first prize is this championship banner. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is you suck. Third prize is your suck even more. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got sleepers. FFtoday paid good money. Get their names and draft them. You can't draft the sleepers you're given, you can't draft sh¡t, you are sh¡t, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out.

 

 

[Your plant says:] The sleepers are weak.

 

 

Baldwin: The sleepers are weak? The fuckin' sleepes are weak? You're weak. I've been in this league 15 years ...

 

[Your plant says:] What's your name?

 

 

fuck you, that's my name. You know why mister? Cause you drafted Chad Henne last year, I drafted Arian Foster. That's my name. And your name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't draft them? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life. Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you fuckin' faggots.

(Flips the blackboard)

 

ABC. A, Always, B, Be, C, Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Interest. Are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks. Decision. Have you made your decision for Christ? And action. AIDA. Get out there. You got the prospects coming in, you think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the field lest he wants to score. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their points. Are you going to take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem, pal?

 

 

[Pull out a picture of your best player last year]

You see this guy? You see this guy?

 

 

That guy rushed for more yards than your whole team. I scored 970,000 points last year, how much you score? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a sh¡t. Good father. fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to win this league, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you coksucker. You can't take this, how can you take missing a waiver pickup. If you don't like it, leave. I can sit here tonight, the materials you got, draft myself 15 studs. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

 

 

Try and do likewise. AIDA. Get mad you son-of-a-b¡tch. Get mad. You know what it takes to draft a champion? It takes brass balls to draft a champion. Go and do likewise, gents. The players are out there, you pick them up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out in this draft tonight and close... close. It's yours, if not, you're going to be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying. Bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: "Oh yeah, I used to be a fantasy football league. It's a tough racket."

 

[Hold up your cheat sheets]

These are the sleepers. These are the Haverchuck sleepers. And to you, they're gold. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. And to answer your question, pal: Why am I here? I came here because your commish asked me to. He asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and kick your fuckin' ass out of the league because a loser is a loser.

[Phurfur 70]

That sounds very gay.

 

We get to the bar and start drinking, then start drafting once everyone shows up.

 

That is our exact format.

[Phurfur 70]

All the wtf gay responses are unnecessary.

 

Our league presents the trophy and hands out winnings during a Superbowl bbq we host each year. Usually the league champ hosts it (and spends a good portion of the winnings on the party). Sometimes the champ will say a few words, but most of the time we all poke fun and talk shiz at each other over draft choices, ww pickups, etc. It's a great tradition time with the guys (some of whom I don't really talk to at all save for FF season) - one that I'd wish on all of you cantankerous baddies any day

 

That sounds kind of sad. Do you pass out participation trophies?