Anyone do the cologuard screening?

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

Poop in a box?  My insurance covered it...

Hot chick at post office as I place box on counter...

Oh..that's nice...

Im like...

[Djgb13 2,338]

Not a box. But the VA has where you send it in an envelope. Haven’t done it cause I’m not about to go rooting around in my own feces like a psychopath. So when I go to appointments I just give them a sample while I’m there 

[jerryskids 5,192]

My wife did one (not sure of the brand) ~4 years ago and it indicated a colonoscopy.  Everything was fine, but since my dad died of colon cancer, she made me get one as well.  I had a few polyps which were benign but because of that and my family history, I'm going in for another anal probe in a few weeks.  I'm sure I'll post here during the explosive diarrhea prep.  

Seriously, it's not so bad.  In my case the anesthesiologist was a hottie, hopefully she is still there to enjoy my post-probe farts. 

Point is, we ain't getting younger, do your tests.  Which reminds me I'm also due for a finger probe (prostate). 

[wiffleball 4,639]

I always got the impression that the colorguard girls were the ones that were too ugly to be cheerleaders, too clumsy be on the dance team, but still wanted to play the whole look at me game. I mean, I guess being the hottest girls in band camp is a thing?

https://images.app.goo.gl/bZTF4HLjJ2jb6bRHA

[Alias Detective 1,179]

No, I’m not a dog.

[jerryskids 5,192]

32 minutes ago, wiffleball said:

I always got the impression that the colorguard girls were the ones that were too ugly to be cheerleaders, too clumsy be on the dance team, but still wanted to play the whole look at me game. I mean, I guess being the hottest girls in band camp is a thing?

https://images.app.goo.gl/bZTF4HLjJ2jb6bRHA

Yeah, I saw colorguard the first time I read it. 

[peenie 1,690]

I have a colonoscopy scheduled in 10 days. I have never had any issues with my health until recently. For some strange reason food goes in but it's not coming out. Like 10 days at a time, nothing. 

So doctor recommended a colonoscopy. 

My older friends and family say that I'm just getting old and need to eat prunes.

Geez, really? 

[jerryskids 5,192]

1 hour ago, peenie said:

I have a colonoscopy scheduled in 10 days. I have never had any issues with my health until recently. For some strange reason food goes in but it's not coming out. Like 10 days at a time, nothing. 

So doctor recommended a colonoscopy. 

My older friends and family say that I'm just getting old and need to eat prunes.

Geez, really? 

You should try swallowing semen, I used to tell chicks all of the time that it fixed all ills.  

Seriously though, good luck, hope everything turns out fine. 

[wiffleball 4,639]

Geez, Peenie-ing your own Dumps?

[the s is ilent 69]

1 hour ago, peenie said:

I have a colonoscopy scheduled in 10 days. I have never had any issues with my health until recently. For some strange reason food goes in but it's not coming out. Like 10 days at a time, nothing. 

So doctor recommended a colonoscopy. 

My older friends and family say that I'm just getting old and need to eat prunes.

Geez, really? 

My wife had the same problem. The Doc had her eat radioactive pellets to track their movement through her intestinal tract via X-rays. 

Turns out she had what they call a "dead" colon that was unable to perform the constriction  necessary to push waste toward and out of her abdominal tract. 

We tried drug therapy as a solution to no avail and eventually she had to have 90% of her colon removed. She now has a 6 inch section of functional colon with few side effects. 

The doctor provided us with a post-op picture of him in full operation scrubs proudly holding the removed section of diseased colon like it was a large snake he had captured in my wife's bowels. I was amazed at the size and volume of tissue removed from my wife's body.

To fill the void left by the dead colon they installed/implanted a gortex sponge to support her remaining intestinal tract. Over time scar tissue developed and attached the sponge to the back of her abdominal wall along her spine. Imagine cleaning a fish, after the guts are removed you can see exposed backbone. This is where the scar tissue developed that created discomfort to the point of pain management via drug therapy. Although operable, it is basically a reverse of the entire process that my wife is not willing to do.

Start to finish we're in for about $750K. Insurance covered 80%. I guess we were lucky? to only lose $150k

That whole dead colon thing was a real pain in the a$$ and I wouldn't worry much if I was you...

 

 

[wiffleball 4,639]

47 minutes ago, the s is ilent said:

My wife had the same problem. The Doc had her eat radioactive pellets to track their movement through her intestinal tract via X-rays. 

Turns out she had what they call a "dead" colon that was unable to perform the constriction  necessary to push waste toward and out of her abdominal tract. 

We tried drug therapy as a solution to no avail and eventually she had to have 90% of her colon removed. She now has a 6 inch section of functional colon with few side effects. 

The doctor provided us with a post-op picture of him in full operation scrubs proudly holding the removed section of diseased colon like it was a large snake he had captured in my wife's bowels. I was amazed at the size and volume of tissue removed from my wife's body.

To fill the void left by the dead colon they installed/implanted a gortex sponge to support her remaining intestinal tract. Over time scar tissue developed and attached the sponge to the back of her abdominal wall along her spine. Imagine cleaning a fish, after the guts are removed you can see exposed backbone. This is where the scar tissue developed that created discomfort to the point of pain management via drug therapy. Although operable, it is basically a reverse of the entire process that my wife is not willing to do.

Start to finish we're in for about $750K. Insurance covered 80%. I guess we were lucky? to only lose $150k

That whole dead colon thing was a real pain in the a$$ and I wouldn't worry much if I was you...

 

 

Man, I know a guy who coulda gotten you a whole new wife for like 5 grand and a plane ticket - coach. 

You coulda told the old one to get off her (literal) Dead Ass and get to steppin. 
 

 

jk. Wishing you guys all the best. That really blows. 

 

[wiffleball 4,639]

I wonder if you could implant like a  foot of colon into a woman's vajoozle. 

Think about it; The thing just tugging and squeezing and pulling on you like a python on a hamster.

Plus, no matter what side comes up  - heads or tails - it's always anal!  

[peenie 1,690]

3 hours ago, the s is ilent said:

My wife had the same problem. The Doc had her eat radioactive pellets to track their movement through her intestinal tract via X-rays. 

Turns out she had what they call a "dead" colon that was unable to perform the constriction  necessary to push waste toward and out of her abdominal tract. 

We tried drug therapy as a solution to no avail and eventually she had to have 90% of her colon removed. She now has a 6 inch section of functional colon with few side effects. 

The doctor provided us with a post-op picture of him in full operation scrubs proudly holding the removed section of diseased colon like it was a large snake he had captured in my wife's bowels. I was amazed at the size and volume of tissue removed from my wife's body.

To fill the void left by the dead colon they installed/implanted a gortex sponge to support her remaining intestinal tract. Over time scar tissue developed and attached the sponge to the back of her abdominal wall along her spine. Imagine cleaning a fish, after the guts are removed you can see exposed backbone. This is where the scar tissue developed that created discomfort to the point of pain management via drug therapy. Although operable, it is basically a reverse of the entire process that my wife is not willing to do.

Start to finish we're in for about $750K. Insurance covered 80%. I guess we were lucky? to only lose $150k

That whole dead colon thing was a real pain in the a$$ and I wouldn't worry much if I was you...

 

 

Whoa, what a story. Unimaginable. Glad to hear your wife is still alive and kicking. So sorry she had to go through such an ordeal. . I don't know what is going on but food is not coming out. So....