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kilroy69

A girl I used to date killed herself yesterday

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Actually shot herself (Which is about as rare as a black serial killer)I am 43 and I have never known anyone that has killed themselves personally. We lived together for about a year (34b) and she was incredibly fun. I am SURE I have actually told you about her in the past as she was super wild in the bedroom.  I am in shock. Really. Still. I did not sleep well last night thinking about her and the teenage kid she left behind. She was a nice person. Hell I was banging her as little as 4 months ago. It is just. Its just odd to me. 

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I'll take "Jokes that write themselves" for $2,000 Alex

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I've read about this disorder. Girl lowers her standards deep into the basement, sleeps with a dude way below her level, wakes up one day and hates herself for it. BOOM shotgun to the chin. 

 

Sucks man. sorry to hear. 

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Suicide rates amongst adults is increasing at an alarming rate.  I know several who have killed themselves over the years.  It is definitely said and you feel for the people left behind.

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2 minutes ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

Suicide rates amongst adults is increasing at an alarming rate.  I know several who have killed themselves over the years.  It is definitely said and you feel for the people left behind.

I just can not stop thinking that I can't imagine leaving my son behind. 

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My best friend from high school killed himself a few years ago. I hadn't seen him in years. We had a falling out over a chick, yadda yadda.

Went to the funeral. It was a bad scene. The parents blamed the wife, so the funeral was kind of a feuding camp situation.

Third of my high school friends to die. Kinda fucks you up a bit. 

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Look on the bright side.  Now you got a one-upper story to tell.  Next time some schmuck tells you that his ex became a lesbian you can say Oh yeah.  Well, mine...

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8 minutes ago, kilroy69 said:

I just can not stop thinking that I can't imagine leaving my son behind. 

I am not a mental health professional, but my understanding is that the things that go on in their heads and how they feel causes them such pain that they cannot continue on regardless of the impact.  My guess is that they know the pain they will be causing, but they think it is far less than what they have been going through for a long time.

Really hard for those of us without mental illness to understand.  :dunno:

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1 minute ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

I am not a mental health professional, but my understanding is that the things that go on in their heads and how they feel causes them such pain that they cannot continue on regardless of the impact.  My guess is that they know the pain they will be causing, but they think it is far less than what they have been going through for a long time.

Really hard for those of us without mental illness to understand.  :dunno:

Right.  Is just strange to me.  I know were all big bad bullies here that have no feelings but it just breaks my heart. 

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1 minute ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

I am not a mental health professional, but my understanding is that the things that go on in their heads and how they feel causes them such pain that they cannot continue on regardless of the impact.  My guess is that they know the pain they will be causing, but they think it is far less than what they have been going through for a long time.

Really hard for those of us without mental illness to understand.  :dunno:

It's something the average person cannot understand.  In the depths of clinical depression and anxiety, your brain informs you that suicide is an option.  It's not directing to suicide, just throwing out options.  Eventually suicide is the only one that makes sense.  

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11 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

It's something the average person cannot understand.  In the depths of clinical depression and anxiety, your brain informs you that suicide is an option.  It's not directing to suicide, just throwing out options.  Eventually suicide is the only one that makes sense.  

We have not dated in a long time and we only banged a few times in the last year. She had never shown any signs at least to me that anything was mentally wrong. (other than banging me obviously. )

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1 minute ago, kilroy69 said:

We have not dated in a long time and we only banged a few times in the last year. She had never shown any signs at least to me that anything was mentally wrong. 

If you were looking for signs of depression and anxiety, I am sure they were there. She was still a long way from suicide back then so it's also likely that life trauma had exacerbated her symptoms. 

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13 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

If you were looking for signs of depression and anxiety, I am sure they were there. She was still a long way from suicide back then so it's also likely that life trauma had exacerbated her symptoms. 

Years ago I dated a girl who was manic depressive. At the time, I had no idea what manic depression was. I just thought, wow, that chick is crazy. Getting angry at anything and everything in her way at a freaking moments notice. Quitting jobs and getting new ones at the drop of a hat. Then, a couple years later I heard about what it is and I thought back, ohhhhhh, that's what that was. Since that time I know that she has been married and divorced 3 times.

Must be tough to live with that.

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45 minutes ago, kilroy69 said:

I just can not stop thinking that I can't imagine leaving my son behind. 

We are becoming increasingly narcissistic.....I absolutely despise people who kill them selves and leave kids behind..i think they are awful people and I will never waver on that feeling.  

Sorry you lost your friend...Sorry her teenaged kid now has to live the rest of his life with this burden around his head.    I feel terrible for him

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21 minutes ago, kilroy69 said:

We have not dated in a long time and we only banged a few times in the last year. She had never shown any signs at least to me that anything was mentally wrong. (other than banging me obviously. )

 Did you just start having sex recently or something? Are you a late bloomer perhaps? You reallly should be over it at this point. Just sayin, it shouldn't be a big deal anymore. 

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1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

 Did you just start having sex recently or something? Are you a late bloomer perhaps? You reallly should be over it at this point. Just sayin, it shouldn't be a big deal anymore. 

No need to be an asshat

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1 hour ago, kilroy69 said:

Actually shot herself (Which is about as rare as a black serial killer)I am 43 and I have never known anyone that has killed themselves personally. We lived together for about a year (34b) and she was incredibly fun. I am SURE I have actually told you about her in the past as she was super wild in the bedroom.  I am in shock. Really. Still. I did not sleep well last night thinking about her and the teenage kid she left behind. She was a nice person. Hell I was banging her as little as 4 months ago. It is just. Its just odd to me. 

I used to hang out with at girl who killed herself the old fashioned way. She jumped in front of a train. I didn't really know her well, as we only shared time drinking and watching the x-files after our bartending gig . Seems she had a darker side to her than I thought. 

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7 minutes ago, sderk said:

Years ago I dated a girl who was manic depressive. At the time, I had no idea what manic depression was. I just thought, wow, that chick is crazy. Getting angry at anything and everything in her way at a freaking moments notice. Quitting jobs and getting new ones at the drop of a hat. Then, a couple years later I heard about what it is and I thought back, ohhhhhh, that's what that was. Since that time I know that she has been married and divorced 3 times.

Must be tough to live with that.

A relative was married to a bi-polar who also had a bi-polar sibling.  Must run in the family.  They definitely got worse as they got older.  Neither is/was interested in getting help for it, and there is no living with them.  Divorce is inevitable.

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1 minute ago, TimmySmith said:

A relative was married to a bi-polar who also had a bi-polar sibling.  Must run in the family.  They definitely got worse as they got older.  Neither is/was interested in getting help for it, and there is no living with them.  Divorce is inevitable.

Right. It's curious about the getting help part. I can completely understand the thoughts of "I don't want to be dependent on a drug for the rest of my life to be "normal". " But, it is impossible for me to put myself in their situation.

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1 minute ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

It comes naturally to him and he can really excel at it.  :lol:

It's true. 

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Just now, sderk said:

Right. It's curious about the getting help part. I can completely understand the thoughts of "I don't want to be dependent on a drug for the rest of my life to be "normal". " But, it is impossible for me to put myself in their situation.

True, it is impossible. A typical bi-polar, in my experience, is getting enough of their life done to justify them felling "normal".  They don't realize that everything they do is at the expense of others.  They appear self absorbed.  Everything MUST be done on their terms.  Help could be drugs and therapy.  They are generally huge self medicators so therapy is out of the question in their minds.

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16 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

 Did you just start having sex recently or something? Are you a late bloomer perhaps? You reallly should be over it at this point. Just sayin, it shouldn't be a big deal anymore. 

No but this is the very first person I have ever known that killed themselves. We did not have a love type of relationship. We had a fock like rabbits type so its not like I am hung up on her as an ex. This is someone who live in a very small podunk town in a series of podunk towns. Its not like she was in NYC where you could go a lifetime not seeing someone. 

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Yeah, I'm sure that has to suck.  I've never had a true friend kill them self, but I've had an acquaintance do it (though some of us are still thinking it was a murder disguised as suicide).  The guy had 1 daughter in college and the other a junior in H.S.  That kind of thing is very hard on the friends and family.  It's really tough to deal with.  Things that many cling to, to help them move on was the premise that he was in a lot of pain, felt that this way was best for everyone, and that his pain is over now.

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That's really sad. Could never imagine the depths of sadness one must feel to actually take their own life. Sorry to hear.

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2 hours ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

I am not a mental health professional, but my understanding is that the things that go on in their heads and how they feel causes them such pain that they cannot continue on regardless of the impact.  My guess is that they know the pain they will be causing, but they think it is far less than what they have been going through for a long time.

Really hard for those of us without mental illness to understand.  :dunno:

This is how I feel.  It is hard to empathize.  Also I'm fortunate to not have any friends/family who committed suicide.

1 hour ago, TimmySmith said:

A relative was married to a bi-polar who also had a bi-polar sibling.  Must run in the family.  They definitely got worse as they got older.  Neither is/was interested in getting help for it, and there is no living with them.  Divorce is inevitable.

But... we've got people in our family with bipolar and depression.  Hell, my wife's inlaw's family as well.  Cousin in wife's family self-medicates.  Inlaw family won't get help.  Both ended in divorce.  Again, it is hard to empathize but clearly there is some bad brain wiring so I try to not think bad of them.

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I have a family member who “tried” to commit suicide three times by swallowing pills with household cleaner and later anti freeze. Each time he seeverrly burned his esophagus and was really lucky to be able to speak. The first one was alarming. The second time was like “Not again.”

By the third time even this guy’s parents were like “Shiit or get off the pot already, loser.”

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32 minutes ago, Cruzer said:

That's really sad. Could never imagine the depths of sadness one must feel to actually take their own life. Sorry to hear.

I never tried, but ive looked down the barrel of a gun and considered it. I get how they feel. Just numb. Hopeless. Hating yourself. And you're so tired. People don't really get the physical symptoms of severe depression. It is exhausting. Just the effort it takes to keep up the facade is draining as hell. There is actually physical pain at times.

I remember once my whole family took me to flemings for my birthday. The strain of pretending to be happy was more than I could bear. I went into the bathroom and just broke down sobbing and shaking for a couple minutes.

Went to a shrink. Gave me drugs and sent me to therapy. I went once. The therapist tried three times to convert me to Christianity, and I asked where the bathroom was and left. I couldn't afford it regularly anyway. My insurance didn't cover it. 

I then numbed myself out for several years with antidepressants, Xanax (anxiety and depression usually go hand in hand) and copious amounts of weed. There are a couple years I only vaguely have memories of really.

Fortunately I seem to have moved past all that, although the anxiety still flares up from time to time.

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Sad story.

One of my good friends in HS his dad shot himself with a shotgun out of no where. Now that I’m older it’s really strange to think about. He was a successful attorney, I mean really successful. Had a nice house, his son(my friend) was driving a brand new sports car, wife was a really pretty woman and out of nowhere kills himself. 

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3 hours ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

It's true. 

Why don’t you ever take the time to think before you post ?  Just because it comes into your “brain” doesn’t mean you should always write it down and hit submit

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6 minutes ago, nospk said:

Why don’t you ever take the time to think before you post ?  Just because it comes into your “brain” doesn’t mean you should always write it down and hit submit

Who dis? 

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20 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Who dis? 

Deflected wide of the topic

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Just now, nospk said:

Deflected wide of the topic

I got nothin. Who are you? Have you posted here before? 

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1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

I got nothin. Who are you? Have you posted here before? 

You use the wod dis... you got dissed. Go ahead and act like you own the place and continue to look like a fool son

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50 minutes ago, tanatastic said:

4 months of regret so deep she finally pulled the trigger.

That or she finally got the results of her HIV test.

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7 minutes ago, nospk said:

You use the wod dis... you got dissed. Go ahead and act like you own the place and continue to look like a fool son

Well, I am the number one rated poster. So, who are you? What's your story? How long have you been posting here? 

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