Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
cmh6476

Dilemma - with self-serving interests

Recommended Posts

1 minute ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Wrong. 

Nope.  If she was unfit, that is one thing, but he hasn't said that.  He is jumping up and down like a child because he's not getting what he wants.  It's only going to get worse when db turns into stepdad, which sorry to say, sounds really possible.  Time for CMH to get an attitude adjustment, which will pay off in long game, and that is what he should be playing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

Nope.  If she was unfit, that is one thing, but he hasn't said that.  He is jumping up and down like a child because he's not getting what he wants.  It's only going to get worse when db turns into stepdad, which sorry to say, sounds really possible.  Time for CMH to get an attitude adjustment, which will pay off in long game, and that is what he should be playing.

So the kids memories of times with his dad don’t count? Sorry, this is a lifelong memory this deal here, not a Royals game in May. If that kid and his father are going to that game they should be together. Everyone else should recognize that and back the fock off. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Hardcore troubadour said:

So the kids memories of times with his dad don’t count? Sorry, this is a lifelong memory this deal here, not a Royals game in May. If that kid and his father are going to that game they should be together. Everyone else should recognize that and back the fock off. 

It's a football game on her weekend.  If he can't supply memories outside of Arrowhead, there is a problem.  And also mom is trying to take football to bond the kid to db and her dad, I assume she isn't doing it out of spite.  And if she is, it's still the right move to let it go.  CMH can still relive the game after.  

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

It's a football game on her weekend.  If he can't supply memories outside of Arrowhead, there is a problem.  And also mom is trying to take football to bond the kid to db and her dad, I assume she isn't doing it out of spite.  And if she is, it's still the right move to let it go.  CMH can still relive the game after.  

Nope. One father. He gets dibs on this stuff. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Wrong. 

Sounds personal. Sorry dude.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
 
 
 
 
3
11 minutes ago, cmh6476 said:

I also realize that I have a step-dad I love.  And a father I lost to a heart-attack when he was 49 and I was 29.  And as much as there are things I enjoy doing with my step-dad I also realize how much time and opportunity was lost with my dad because my parents divorced when I was a teenager.  You only get one life.  You only get one dad.  I can sit back and take the high road and that's probably the best option and what I should do.  But my son may not have many opportunities to share these kinds of experiences with his dad either.  And as much as it seems selfish, to me it kind of is worth fighting for too.

It is absolutely what you should do. By continuing on your low road path you are sacrificing those opportunities. 

Dude we all get it. It's not right for her to hurt you the way that she did. It's not right for her to keep her from your son. It sucks and none of it's fair. 

You're going to have to make a choice. Continue to be a d1ck and feel morally right. OR swallow your pride play ball with the beotch and get the experiences with your son you so desperately want. You can't have them both.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, sderk said:

Sounds personal. Sorry dude.

Wrong again. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Hardcore troubadour said:

Nope. One father. He gets dibs on this stuff. 

He should have done "dibs" when he was in front of a judge. Since he didn't, he gets what he gets and doesn't get upset.  Once again, she isn't doing it out of spite.  It's not like she is making the kid miss the game (which she could definitely do).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look on the bright side, cmh.  Your ex might be being a kvnt over this, but at least she's not forcing your son to wear dresses and take hormones to turn him into a girl.  Could be a lot worse. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 
 
 
 
2 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

He should have done "dibs" when he was in front of a judge. Since he didn't, he gets what he gets and doesn't get upset.  Once again, she isn't doing it out of spite.  It's not like she is making the kid miss the game (which she could definitely do).

I disagree. She is totally doing it to hurt him. CMH said he's been a huge d1ck head this is an easy way for her to get back at him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, DonS said:

Look on the bright side, cmh.  Your ex might be being a kvnt over this, but at least she's not forcing your son to wear dresses and take hormones to turn him into a girl.  Could be a lot worse. 

Poor MDC :(

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, here’s the plan:  get your tickets. Tell the boy when he gets in the stadium to text you and you give him your location. The kids tells the other two a-holes he’s going to say hi to you and he’ll be right back. He doesn’t go back, tells them he wants to stay with you. Win-Win. You get to share the experience with your kid, and the other two are put in their place. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Ok, here’s the plan:  get your tickets. Tell the boy when he gets in the stadium to text you and you give him your location. The kids tells the other two a-holes he’s going to say hi to you and he’ll be right back. He doesn’t go back, tells them he wants to stay with you. Win-Win. You get to share the experience with your kid, and the other two are put in their place. 

Yeah, this goes back to the whole "putting the kid in the middle" issue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Strike said:

Yeah, this goes back to the whole "putting the kid in the middle" issue.

They're the ones putting the kid in the middle. Too late. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Cdub100 said:

I disagree. She is totally doing it to hurt him. CMH said he's been a huge d1ck head this is an easy way for her to get back at him.

Not totally, but it's a side effect.  IMO she wants the boy to bond with db, and that certainly won't fly, so she is bringing in Granddad to make it legit.  Poor Granddad is probably caught where he doesn't want to be, but he obviously wants to be there for his grandson.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a great opportunity to test your son's love for you.  Tell him how his mom cheated on you with new dad.  Give him all the details.  Then, tell him he has to choose between mom/new dad and you.  If he chooses mom/new dad, disown him.  If he chooses you, he needs to do everything in his power to make mom/new dad's life a living helll.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe the kid likes the db and the grandfather and mom is running interference.  :dunno:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Gladiators said:

This is a great opportunity to test your son's love for you.  Tell him how his mom cheated on you with new dad.  Give him all the details.  Then, tell him he has to choose between mom/new dad and you.  If he chooses mom/new dad, disown him.  If he chooses you, he needs to do everything in his power to make mom/new dad's life a living helll.

A little harsh, but if you smooth out the rough edges it might fly. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

It's a football game on her weekend.  If he can't supply memories outside of Arrowhead, there is a problem.  And also mom is trying to take football to bond the kid to db and her dad, I assume she isn't doing it out of spite.  And if she is, it's still the right move to let it go.  CMH can still relive the game after.  

\thread

Exactly...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This not about you, as a father your only interest should be in your son. Let your kid be a kid and enjoy the game with his grandfather and you should be excited for him. My God, it is only a football game and you are P&M like a baby. Someone has to be the adult here. Be a man and live up to your divorce agreement and leave your son out of it. That is the best example you can set.

 

 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I bet the kid grows up, moves to Denver, and hates the Chiefs forevermore. Or... hates football and wants to be a stay at home wife to his future husband.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

Does anyone else picture this as Jake in Two and a Half Men?  :dunno:

So CMH is Jon Cryer and db is Charlie Sheen.  Is that what you're saying? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, cmh6476 said:

Ok, this past summer found the culmination of a year-long divorce.  I never wanted the damn thing to happen and she just got to a point "where she couldn't do it anymore" blah blah blah.  So there have been times I've been a jerk.  There have been times I've flown off the handle.  There have been times I have made her feel guilty and probably about 2 inches tall.  And I've completely been an ass to this dude that she cheated on me with several years ago (supposedly was a one-off, she cut it off to try and make things work, whatever) and now just happens to pretty much be living in her duplex and probably sees my kids just about as much as I do.  Don't get me wrong the visitation rights aren't awful, but I want my kids all the damn time, and never intended to be a part-time parent.

Anyway, I do a lot of cool sh1t with my son.  We watched the Royals clinch the ALCS in '15 against the Blue Jays.  He was with me at both Chiefs playoff games last year.  He was with me yesterday.  And even though next weekend is mom's weekend, I had mentioned to him that I'd love to take him to the game Sunday as a birthday treat which is later this month.

So as I texted his mom earlier this week to suggest that if the Titans and Chiefs would happen to win, I would like to take him.  There was some delay and then I get "we've actually talked about that game and he already has plans to go if it happens."

Fock that focking bull2h1t.  Of course I find out it's the boyfriend and my ex-FIL (who I was friends with before I married his sh1tty daughter) wanting to take my son.  I'm like no focking way.  So really kind of throwing a fit.  I revert back to the parenting plan that states if either parent should need child care for more than a 2-hour period the must first offer first right of refusal to provide such child care to the other parent.  So on the way back from the game I bring it up to my almost 13-year old boy and explain the dilemma.  That I want to share these memories with him, and could care less if mom's boyfriend wants to.  I told him that I was in his shoes, and would give anything to get time back and live out missed opportunities with my dad, and while I love my step-dad the feelings are different.  I'm tempted to reach out to my attorney and explore options if I don't get to do this.  And I know I'm a sh1thead and selfish for putting my son in the middle of it.  But am I focking wrong?

Your feelings are completely rational, given what I've read in this thread.  Your ex-wife is the one trying to carve out a piece of your role as Father and give it to someone who is not the kid's Father.  That said, you cannot engage in violence or get yourself in trouble, including violating a Court Order.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

So CMH is Jon Cryer and db is Charlie Sheen.  Is that what you're saying? 

♫ Men... ♫

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don’t make your battle for who takes the kid to the game be the main memory that will ruin forever the thoughts of what could have been a cherished experience, (the Chiefs opportunity to win it all) for you and your son because the embattlement will end up causing the opposite of the bonding you’re trying to create.

Also this is why agreeing to every other weekend is not good especially if it can’t be flexible 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Gladiators said:

This is a great opportunity to test your son's love for you.  Tell him how his mom cheated on you with new dad.  Give him all the details.  Then, tell him he has to choose between mom/new dad and you.  If he chooses mom/new dad, disown him.  If he chooses you, he needs to do everything in his power to make mom/new dad's life a living helll.

cmh probably already did this 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here is my professional "never been divorced" advice:

- Try for two tix to the game.  If you get them and the kid can go, you can find someone to go with you.  Perhaps you get them and doosh can't?  Yahtzee$#@!

- Presuming doosh gets tix, sit down with your kid and explain that you are happy that he gets to enjoy a game like this, and suggest you guys text each other during the game to keep in touch.  One of my best sports memories was the 2010 playoffs where I was stuck in the UK on business for the Cards/Packers game where AZ won in overtime.  My wife helped me find a streaming way to watch it from my hotel, and we chatted on Skype or similar.  You can create a similar positive experience for your son.  :thumbsup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All right cmh. My childhood story is kind of similar to yours, so I'm gonna tell it... Just so you know how it makes the kids feel.

My family lived in Atlanta. I was 4 and my parents marriage sucked. Mom wanted another kid, dad absolutely didn't. Mom stopped taking the pill without consulting my dad and my sister was born. Dad, meanwhile, was focking some other skank and knocked her up, she later miscarried.

That part is just backstory. My dad's firm wanted him to transfer to Memphis. They decided to move and try to start over fresh. So the four of us move to Memphis. They made friends with another couple who had a son my age. Dad and the other guy were good buddies. 

Then two divorces went down. Bitter custody fights all around. At some point in the proceeding, dad, who has been pouring his woes into his buddy's ear, realizes that all of this is getting back to mom's lawyer... Because the two of them had been focking for some time.

So buddy soon becomes my stepfather, my friend is now my stepbrother.

All this was over 30 years ago.

As a kid, I constantly listened to my dad badmouth mom and my stepdad. Once, on a visit, they swapped us off in a parking lot. I watched fisticuffs almost break out and a gun get pulled.

There were manipulations about child support, one of us needed to come live with dad or he'd lose his home, blah blah etc. There were games where one party would propose an awesome outing on the other ones time, to make the other one look like an ass hole. 

Stepdad also constantly badmouthed his ex wife in front of my brother.

It focking sucks as a kid. You love both your parents. You grow to love your stepparent, and even if you don't, they're a big part of your life. It sucks that every occasion in your life is a source of argument and bullsh!t. You constantly have to feel bad and make choices of who to spend what time with. 

When I graduated from law school, at age 24, everyone was in Florida at my graduation. At my HS and undergrad ones, they were huge ceremonies, and the two camps avoided each other. This one was very small, so that wasn't an option.

I told them all... I am almost 25 years old. I do not have a single picture of my entire focking family. Can you all suck it up and take one God damn group photo. They did. It didn't come out.

My point is this. Yes, this sucks for you. But you're the adult. Put your kid first and be the bigger man. It will affect him if you don't. I promise you that. 

ETA: the chiefs are gonna lose anyway. Let someone else have that memory. Go titans! :banana:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Cdub100 said:

It is absolutely what you should do. By continuing on your low road path you are sacrificing those opportunities. 

Dude we all get it. It's not right for her to hurt you the way that she did. It's not right for her to keep her from your son. It sucks and none of it's fair. 

You're going to have to make a choice. Continue to be a d1ck and feel morally right. OR swallow your pride play ball with the beotch and get the experiences with your son you so desperately want. You can't have them both.

 

10 hours ago, Cdub100 said:

You're going to have to cool it with this jerk mode sh1t. I know it sucks, you're angry and yeah she probably deserves it. BUT.... what's done is done. By treating her like sh1t all that does is allow her to hurt you like this and not feel bad about it. You don't have to be friends, but you have to be respectful towards her and not sh1t talking her around the kids. She's still their mom and they still love her. When they grow up and learn what happened you'll come across as the winner in the long run if you play this right.

You've probably lost this battle. Don't apologize to her or use empty words just be a better man and start doing the right thing. Be nicer and if something comes up for her don't look for payback be the bigger man.

The best thing you can do is start working on you. Start working out, work on your career and find someone who makes you happy. I'm sure you've heard that before but it really is the best advice.

BTW the BF is a huge douche. Totally agree with you there.

 

10 hours ago, TimmySmith said:

Nope.  If she was unfit, that is one thing, but he hasn't said that.  He is jumping up and down like a child because he's not getting what he wants.  It's only going to get worse when db turns into stepdad, which sorry to say, sounds really possible.  Time for CMH to get an attitude adjustment, which will pay off in long game, and that is what he should be playing.

child first, high road, long term gains, be a positive model for how to handle bad situations.

 

we are all on your side and want you to "win."

do his ex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Message me the douche's name, address and phone number. I got your back. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This sucks cmh, the Geek Club has stepped up with some good advice, better than what I can do.

There but for the grace of God go I; I really wanted my first wife to get pregnant. What a nightmare for the kid and I if she had.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Voltaire said:

There but for the grace of God go I; I really wanted my first wife to get pregnant. What a nightmare for the kid and I if she had.

I see you sneaking in a reference.  And you said you are beginning to lean in that direction. It would be my first (and best) advice for CMH. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

god bless being in stable normal marriage. man im sorry..but how do you people deal with sh;t like this???

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So when he gives in on this without a fight, everything gets better?  Sure, that’s how people operate. He’ll be the “bigger” man. And be a walked  on doormat.  He has to at least voice his displeasure about this to her and the FIL. Amazing how so many of you are naive to the ways people behave. Go ahead and be Mr. nice guy. I’m sure she will appreciate it. Again and again. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
42 minutes ago, drobeski said:

I feel bad now, if the Patriots could have just beat Miami. 

:(

Fock the Pats, but this was funny. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

So when he gives in on this without a fight, everything gets better?  Sure, that’s how people operate. He’ll be the “bigger” man. And be a walked  on doormat.  He has to at least voice his displeasure about this to her and the FIL. Amazing how so many of you are naive to the ways people behave. Go ahead and be Mr. nice guy. I’m sure she will appreciate it. Again and again. 

He has made his feelings known. I'm not sure what you expect him to do here. It's her weekend with the kid and she wants to be a cunnt. His options are a) accept it and act like an idiot about it or b) accept it and try to make the best of a sh!tty situation. Either way he's going to have to accept it. It sucks but thems the breaks. :dunno:

 

While it won't help in this instance, if it is that important to him (it obviously is) then he needs to go back to court and negotiate a solution so this kind of thing can be avoided in the future. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, 5-Points said:

He has made his feelings known. I'm not sure what you expect him to do here. It's her weekend with the kid and she wants to be a cunnt. His options are a) accept it and act like an idiot about it or b) accept it and try to make the best of a sh!tty situation. Either way he's going to have to accept it. It sucks but thems the breaks. :dunno:

 

While it won't help in this instance, if it is that important to him (it obviously is) then he needs to go back to court and negotiate a solution so this kind of thing can be avoided in the future. 

I’m not saying he needs to do anything drastic. But he also doesn’t t need to walk on eggshells so he can supposedly get some big payoff down the road. That’s never coming from the other side. If I’m him the FIL and ex get an earful. Maybe they think twice next time about stealing a moment from a father and son. Obviously they don’t care about his role in the kids life as much as they should. They want to treat him like he’s replaceable. The FIL is the real beauty in this. He should know better than his selfish daughter. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×