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DonS

My company is so "woke"

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Last week we received a company wide email from our CEO.  We're not a small company, btw, as we have 30k+ employees. I was certain it would be a statement about the rocket attacks on Al-Assad the day before and how the company has personnel downrange. Nope.  It was how PROUD he was to announce that "Inclusion is now our 6th core value!!!!" 

Today it was announced that they've updated our HR system to add "new categories for voluntary self-identification"

 
You may self-identify in the following categories:

- Gender Identity: Employees can identify as female, male, non-binary, or transgender. 

- Sexual Orientation: Employees can select from bisexual, gay, lesbian, other, or straight 

The biggest crock of horsesh1t was the following feel good statement:

 
Demographic self-identification data paints a picture of our population, and in turn enables <COMPANY NAME> to leverage the talents and abilities of employees , yada yada yada 

What focking talents and abilities?  The ability to ignore science and pretend to be whatever gender you feel like that day? The talent to fit your big manly feet into stilettos and not fall on your face? 

BTW, we're a tech company with primarily govt defense contracts.  I'd like to see them trot IT'S MA'AM into a capture meeting with a room full of generals.  We didn't get the contract, but gosh darn it we're inclusive!!!! 

I think I'll self identify as a transgender lesbian and then not bother doing any work for the year.  If I get fired I'll scream TRANSPHOBE!!!! to the heavens and wait for the lawsuit cash to come pouring in.  Oooh, I can also claim ageism!!!!   It's a fool proof plan!!!! 

Rant over. 

:mad:

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"Demographic self-identification data paints a picture of our population, and in turn enables us to figure out how many white men to slice from our work force."

 

 

Fixed

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2 minutes ago, kilroy69 said:

"Demographic self-identification data paints a picture of our population, and in turn enables us to figure out how many white men to slice from our work force."

 

 

Fixed

You forgot the word "straight" 

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Just now, DonS said:

You forgot the word "straight" 

dammit. you are right. 

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Don, I'll need you to do two important things for me today.

Uhh, sorry boss.  Non-binary.  :wave:

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I just shuddered at the thought of what our annual ethics refresher online slides will look like this year.  They're already chock full of the stock "find the middle aged white guy" diversity photos of a fictitious "workforce".  Can't wait for them to shoehorn in some trannies every few pictures. 

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We got something in the same vein not too long ago.  It basically said that pronouns are now officially part of our e-mail signature template. 

"It is one more way we can honor and bring visibility to gender and gender identity.  Thank you for supporting our journey to make <company name> more inclusive.'

🤮

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13 minutes ago, DonS said:

Not officially or now officially? 

Now.  Sorry.  Fixed.

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2 minutes ago, Strike said:

Now.  Sorry.  Fixed.

So what are yours? 

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2 minutes ago, DonS said:

So what are yours? 

Fock that.  Unless they force me I won't be adding one. 

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10 minutes ago, Strike said:

Fock that.  Unless they force me I won't be adding one. 

If they force you just make up some random words with crazy spellings.  They won't be able to say sh1t to you if that's what you prefer, right? 

How about uoy/kcuf? 

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11 minutes ago, DonS said:

If they force you just make up some random words with crazy spellings.  They won't be able to say sh1t to you if that's what you prefer, right? 

How about uoy/kcuf? 

I was thinking He(rmaphrodite)

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1 hour ago, porkbutt said:

your company may be woke but it will never be transgender man giving birth to non-binary partner's baby from female sperm donor delivered by trans doctor woke....

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/transgender-man-gives-birth-non-21177808

:wacko:

I can translate this into English for you.

A biological woman, in a creepy relationship with a humanoid, got pregnant from sperm donated by a biological man. Everyone involved, including the doctor, is a tranny.

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1 hour ago, DonS said:

 

I think I'll self identify as a transgender lesbian and then not bother doing any work for the year.  If I get fired I'll scream TRANSPHOBE!!!! to the heavens and wait for the lawsuit cash to come pouring in.  Oooh, I can also claim ageism!!!!   It's a fool proof plan!!!! 

 

Good call. 

A transgender lesbian is a straight guy who wears a wig at work so he won't get fired.

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1 hour ago, Strike said:

We got something in the same vein not too long ago.  It basically said that pronouns are now officially part of our e-mail signature template. 

"It is one more way we can honor and bring visibility to gender and gender identity.  Thank you for supporting our journey to make <company name> more inclusive.'

🤮

 

57 minutes ago, Strike said:

Fock that.  Unless they force me I won't be adding one. 

That sucks, this is how they out you for not being part of their woke cult so they can target you first if downsizing happens.

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10 minutes ago, Voltaire said:

Good call. 

A transgender lesbian is a straight guy who wears a wig at work so he won't get fired.

Shhhhhhhhh.... :ninja:

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Too bad I don't have an option for self identifying as a flamin' homo IPA drinker. 

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16 minutes ago, DonS said:

Too bad I don't have an option for self identifying as a flamin' homo IPA drinker. 

No worries, that’s what this place is for.

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Worked great for Boeing.

  • Thanks 1

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We had our annual sexual harassment training a couple of months back.  I don't know why we even do it, because I am perfectly good at harassing the hotties around the office.  

Anyway, the training had this series of videos and scenarios.  Of course, there is the whole section on trannies.  Had someone that looked like John Lithgow in "The World According to Garp" as the star.  I just couldn't follow it.  If someone showed up to an interview like that, I am not sure I could really go through with it, even though we legally have to.  :dunno:

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There is a college here locally advertising itself as the most LGBTQ friendly institution in Michigan.

My sister in law, who is a pretty far left liberal hippie, even rolled her eyes at the commercial.  How did 1% of the population get so much power?  Would be very interesting to see a deep dive into it.

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22 hours ago, supermike80 said:

There is a college here locally advertising itself as the most LGBTQ friendly institution in Michigan.

My sister in law, who is a pretty far left liberal hippie, even rolled her eyes at the commercial.  How did 1% of the population get so much power?  Would be very interesting to see a deep dive into it.

Which one? I'd' like to scratch it off the list. I'm going to guess not the flagships like UM or MSU and go with the known PC doushebags at Eastern Michigan as my guess. 

Please tell me it isn't Wayne State. That's where I went. We're up to our eyeballs with socialists/communists and black craptivists, but the trannies can go elsewhere, especially since we've got so many Muslims with enough cover to push back on the intersectional pyramid.

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1 minute ago, Voltaire said:

Which one? I'd' like to scratch it off the list. I'm going to guess not the flagships like UM or MSU and go with the known PC doushebags at Eastern Michigan as my guess. 

Please tell me it isn't Wayne State. That's where I went. We're up to our eyeballs with socialists/communists and black craptivists, but the trannies can go elsewhere, especially since we've got so many Muslims with enough cover to push back on the intersectional pyramid.

How does China deal with trannies?  Welcoming or gulag style? 

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22 hours ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

We had our annual sexual harassment training a couple of months back.  I don't know why we even do it, because I am perfectly good at harassing the hotties around the office.  

Anyway, the training had this series of videos and scenarios.  Of course, there is the whole section on trannies.  Had someone that looked like John Lithgow in "The World According to Garp" as the star.  I just couldn't follow it.  If someone showed up to an interview like that, I am not sure I could really go through with it, even though we legally have to.  :dunno:

The Gooney Rule?

  • Haha 1

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My company sends out so many "inclusion and diversity" update emails I just think of them as company spam. 

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17 minutes ago, DonS said:

How does China deal with trannies?  Welcoming or gulag style? 

We don't have any and I don't know why.

It's kind of like how you don't want to know how they make sausage; I'm afraid to look this gift horse in the mouth but am grateful. 

(Actually, I was curious too and took to google it. I was wrong. China is surprisingly more tolerant than I would suspect. They're right in my comfort range.  I was thinking they'd be more proactive at preventing this sort of thing but it's only culturally frownd upon. Trannies can live openly and organize without harassment, which I do support. So they can live as they want without persecution. A couple of other things they do that I like is that gender reassignment surgery requires people to be over twenty and requires parental consent regardless of age. Really China seems to have located the sweet spot between too accomodating and too restrictive.)

 https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/article/3017823/transgender-china-trans-activist-her-struggles-and 

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5 hours ago, Voltaire said:

Which one? I'd' like to scratch it off the list. I'm going to guess not the flagships like UM or MSU and go with the known PC doushebags at Eastern Michigan as my guess. 

Please tell me it isn't Wayne State. That's where I went. We're up to our eyeballs with socialists/communists and black craptivists, but the trannies can go elsewhere, especially since we've got so many Muslims with enough cover to push back on the intersectional pyramid.

You nailed it.  Eastern

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2 minutes ago, supermike80 said:

You nailed it.  Eastern

Are they known as the Fabulous EMUs? 

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3 minutes ago, DonS said:

Are they known as the Fabulous EMUs? 

Years ago, they changed their mascot from Hurons to Eagles over the objection of the Huron tribe.  May as well have changed to Emus. Focking idiots. The Chippewa tribe mobilized at Central to proacticly prevent it form happening there, so CMU retained their native name.

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I work for a well-known international company with nearly 80,000 employees. We have a similar "self identification" policy, that we update each year. I always select "Other" for sexual orientation, just to mess with them. I always hope one year they'll include a field to explain when you choose "Other", so I can put "Married".

My company is obsessed with diversity and inclusion, so much so that we have a VP of Diversity and Inclusion, or some shiit. Recently, our site leader came out and stated his goal this year is to hire more women and minorities to management positions. You know, at some point, when you continually point out the differences between people, you're undermining your cause.

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