Utilit99 4,099 Posted March 14, 2020 A guy is sitting at the end of an empty bar. Only the bartender is in the room and he is across the room. The customer hears a voice, "Nice tie". He looks around and sees no one near him and shrugs it off. Then he hears, "Nice haircut". He looks around again and sees no one. So he calls the bartender over. He tells the bartender, "Hey, I keep hearing a voice. It says 'nice tie', 'nice haircut'. What's going on here?" The bartender replied, "Oh...that must be the nuts, They're complimentary." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MDC 5,890 Posted March 14, 2020 A pirate walks into a bar. There’s a wheel sticking out of the crotch of his pants. The bartender says “Hey buddy, did you know you got a wheel sticking out of your pants?” And the pirate says ... ”Arrrr ... it’s drivin’ me nuts!” 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bill E. 666 Posted March 14, 2020 An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly!" OK not the cleanest but funny. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,064 Posted March 14, 2020 Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old School 360 Posted March 15, 2020 What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen UNLESS she’s Asian. That would be... Irene Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,287 Posted March 15, 2020 11 hours ago, Cloaca du jour said: Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" Very savvy class to understand the rule of three. They could have bitten right away on "pig". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DuckStupid 40 Posted March 15, 2020 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shotsup 832 Posted March 15, 2020 Why do we let Edgar post here ?? because he is our token retard. Makes us ADA compliance Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
