tanatastic 2,061 Posted June 20, 2020 Had some bad farts last night and one got away from me and exploded diarrhea all in my boxer briefs. Wife would murder me if she found out so I slowly got out of bed and cleaned up the chernobyl like mess in the bathroom. Crept outside to toss the nuclear waste undies in the dumpster then went back to the bed to assess the damage. Leakage on the sheets, had to go get cleaning products and erase it without waking her. Mission success and went back to sleep. Any other grown men here poop their pants? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lickin_starfish 1,477 Posted June 20, 2020 No, but I farted in the pool yesterday and asked my wife if she saw the bubbles. She couldn't swim away fast enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shorepatrol 1,735 Posted June 20, 2020 Never in bed. I have sharted myself on more than one occasion though. A flu shart ran down my leg a splattered all over the ground. Looked like green birdsh!t. I never laughed so hard Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KSB2424 3,082 Posted June 20, 2020 I never sharted in my life until about 4 years ago. The IPA craze came about coupled with me turning 40. It's happened a a coupled times, not sure the exact reason but I blame the two things referenced in the first sentence. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,297 Posted June 20, 2020 Not sure if that’s technically a shart or if you just straight up sh1t yourself 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reality 2,710 Posted June 20, 2020 Never sharted but, I did have to pull over one time on the interstate and shlt on the side of the road. Miles away from an exit with a shltter and waiting wasn't an option. Good times, one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Shltting in an open field mid day without so much as a tree to hide behind, brutal. I considered shltting my pants but, I was 2 hours from home... Luckily, I had enough napkins in the console to cleanup. I never even told my wife this story. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted June 20, 2020 16 minutes ago, Reality said: Never sharted but, I did have to pull over one time on the interstate and shlt on the side of the road. Miles away from an exit with a shltter and waiting wasn't an option. Good times, one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Shltting in an open field mid day without so much as a tree to hide behind, brutal. I considered shltting my pants but, I was 2 hours from home... Luckily, I had enough napkins in the console to cleanup. I never even told my wife this story. Hilarious. Not a sh1t story but I once had to pee so bad in the Taco Bell drive-thru. Car behind, car in front, I looked everywhere in the car and there is nothing to pee into, no cup, no potato chip bag, nada. All I could find was a towel that happened to be laying in the back seat. I seem to remember it was a large bath towel and I thought, towels are absorbent, right? Wrong. I let loose and peed into that thing and I might as well had just peed my pants. Instantly I'm slathered in my own urine. It was awful. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,064 Posted June 21, 2020 Wait till you have a colonoscopy...drink a gallon of miralax After sharting twice...i just put a pillow on the sink and slept there for 3 hours...my legs fell asleep so bad I couldnt walk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fandandy 3,311 Posted June 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, Cloaca du jour said: Wait till you have a colonoscopy...drink a gallon of miralax After sharting twice...i just put a pillow on the sink and slept there for 3 hours...my legs fell asleep so bad I couldnt walk You slept on the toilet or sh1t in the sink? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,064 Posted June 21, 2020 In the toilet.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gladiators 1,901 Posted June 21, 2020 I do the same thing when I think the sheets need to be washed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patriotsfatboy1 1,432 Posted June 21, 2020 I heard from an old guy that you should “never trust a fart and never waste a boner”. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGavin 788 Posted June 21, 2020 Years ago when my son was early teens we went on a vacation for a week and when we got home he was in excruciating stomach pain so we took him to the ER. Turns out he didn’t realize that he hadn’t sh1t all week. They gave him enema and told him to wait a few mins and go to the restroom. He jumped up and ran to the restroom leaving a sh1t trail from bed to bathroom- me and wife never laughed so hard. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tanatastic 2,061 Posted June 21, 2020 6 hours ago, IGotWorms said: Not sure if that’s technically a shart or if you just straight up sh1t yourself It was for sure a shart since I was cutting some good ones all night and expected the same with this. Didn’t know I had mud butt til then and in the bathroom let it loose. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGavin 788 Posted June 21, 2020 Not a shart story but I proudly left a get together last night where guys 10/12 feet away were complaining about my farts. They were smoking cigars and choking on my farts. I’m a classy dude. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KJaro 1 Posted July 6, 2020 Oh man I would kill myself if I'd farded and shidded on my brand new adjustable bad. Check this beauty https://royaltherapysleep.com/. This one gives me more moments to live for than my wife. Hope it won't happen to me never ever. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cloaca du jour 2,064 Posted July 6, 2020 My proudest moment was a fart that woke my wife up with its stench and she woke up...ran to the bathroom and puked. I am king!! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IGotWorms 3,297 Posted July 6, 2020 5 hours ago, KJaro said: Oh man I would kill myself if I'd farded and shidded on my brand new adjustable bad. Check this beauty https://royaltherapysleep.com/. This one gives me more moments to live for than my wife. Hope it won't happen to me never ever. Best product placement ever? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
