Ready to Start Over?

[mmmmm...beer 691]

Youngest brother got his 3 kids taken away... Looks like he'll probably go to the pen.

The oldest girl is about 9 (not his, but his wife's from a previous marriage) and the youngest girl (2 yo) are in the system. The 7 yo boy went to his Mom out here.

I got a letter from social services back in North Dakota today asking if I would consider adopting the 2 the old girl if parental rights are abolished. Which sorta sounds like thats the probability....

It's either that... Or a good chance she's adopted out of the family.

With 3 years till 50 and planned retirement... This is a definitely a left turn...

Of course we will take care of blood, even though my youngest brother and I do not speak. We do not get a long at all.

I think the only feasible for us would be adoption or legal guardian. I want nothing to do with my brother and his wife in and out of our lives.

*Sigh*. It's actually an easy choice... maybe not an easy reality. I didn't think I'd be worried about daycare and diapers at this age.

Guess we'll see what social services says on Monday when I call them.  

[Hardcore troubadour 12,595]

Good luck man. I would never tell anyone what to do in this situation. Had a similar one in my family. But if you did take her and give her a chance at a good life, much respect. Much much respect.  But if you didn’t that wouldn’t make you the bad guy either. 

[Drizzay 644]

You'd be doing God's work, Beer.  Bless you for giving that child a better life.

[BeenHereBefore 1,329]

Wow man and cool you are stepping up for the 2 year old. God Bless you!

[BeenHereBefore 1,329]

2 minutes ago, Drizzay said:

You'd be doing God's work, Beer.  Bless you for giving that child a better life.

This!

[frank 2,144]

I would think you might regret not doing it. 

[mmmmm...beer 691]

Thanks for the encouraging words boys... Guess we'll see what happens.  I can't see her going to some strangers.

Met her a year ago... 1x... Because I went to the house my brother was squatting in (My Grandmother's) to make him pay rent to my Mom .. whom he won't talk to and has never let see her grand daughter.  

[mmmmm...beer 691]

10 minutes ago, frank said:

I would think you might regret not doing it. 

Ya I think it would... Wondering how her life was down the road 

[RaiderHaters Revenge 3,566]

You won’t regret if you do. You will regret if you don’t. I know the type of man you are

[Bier Meister 1,512]

Good luck. 

[IGotWorms 3,302]

You pretty much have to do it. It’ll be okay

[Utilit99 4,099]

7 minutes ago, mmmmm...beer said:

Ya I think it would... Wondering how her life was down the road 

Are you and yours both physically and financially set to take on this responsibilty? 

If you are truly motivated and want to do it, end of story. You do it. But if you feel it may not be right for you and ultimately the kid, couldn't you take the kid in until the right family is found? It's just another option is all.

[Gladiators 1,904]

How old are your kids?

[frank 2,144]

How big a pay cut will retirement be? If it is a big difference, maybe just a few extra years will pay for the kid. 55 is young to retire. If the pay cut is not much, maybe you can retire, start a new job, and only have to do that for a few years.

[fandandy 3,311]

Three hundred dollars a month!!!  YEAH, BABY!!!

Also, good luck.  That's huge but you know what the right thing to do is.  What's the old saying?  Man makes plans and God laughs.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

5 minutes ago, Utilit99 said:

Are you and yours both physically and financially set to take on this responsibilty? 

If you are truly motivated and want to do it, end of story. You do it. But if you feel it may not be right for you and ultimately the kid, couldn't you take the kid in until the right family is found? It's just another option is all.

Ya... We're good financially.  It will be interesting trying to figure out little kid life again if we needed too but.. my son is 17.. daughter will be 13 in the fall, so ready made baby sitters.

There is nobody else in our family who could step up.  My Mom wants too but she's pushing 70 and lives on fixed income I set up for her with vanguard.  She's really in no position and we both know it.

A little apprehensive as Mom is saying there could be delayed development issues due to lack of nutrition.  Ahh..  welp... It is what it is 

It's a an easy hard decision you know?  Essentially locked into the kid for ever...

[Utilit99 4,099]

9 minutes ago, Utilit99 said:

Are you and yours both physically and financially set to take on this responsibilty? 

If you are truly motivated and want to do it, end of story. You do it. But if you feel it may not be right for you and ultimately the kid, couldn't you take the kid in until the right family is found? It's just another option is all.

Also, is your brother violent or vengeful? When he gets out could he come after you or the kid at some point? If he didn't know where the child is would that make things safer for the child?

[BeenHereBefore 1,329]

4 minutes ago, fandandy said:

Three hundred dollars a month!!!  YEAH, BABY!!!

Also, good luck.  That's huge but you know what the right thing to do is.  What's the old saying?  Man makes plans and God laughs.

Glad you brought up the $300 and I was tempted to joke about it. I also thought of the Bible verse too when he said change in plans.

[Gladiators 1,904]

It’s not as easy a decision as it might seem. While I’m sure your daughter’s getting more and more independent, you still have to be there for her and not be focused solely on the new addition. I’m sure you and the wife will be just fine though and figure everything out.

I’ve often thought someday I might end up having to make a decision to care for my sister’s kids. I don’t think I could do it, as my boys are only 7 and 10.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

38 minutes ago, Utilit99 said:

Also, is your brother violent or vengeful? When he gets out could he come after you or the kid at some point? If he didn't know where the child is would that make things safer for the child?

My brother knows I would destroy him regardless of how old I am.  I don't believe he would come after us.  But if he did... Well... I'm his Huckleberry.

[BeenHereBefore 1,329]

5 minutes ago, Gladiators said:

It’s not as easy a decision as it might seem. While I’m sure your daughter’s getting more and more independent, you still have to be there for her and not be focused solely on the new addition. I’m sure you and the wife will be just fine though and figure everything out.

I’ve often thought someday I might end up having to make a decision to care for my sister’s kids. I don’t think I could do it, as my boys are only 7 and 10.

Closet I came to what Beer is going through, I took over as a payee for my cousin after his dad got murder. This is a way more huge responsibility and God Bless him. 

[frank 2,144]

4 minutes ago, mmmmm...beer said:

My brother knows I would destroy him regardless of how old I man.  I don't believe he would come after us.  But if he did... Well... I'm his Huckleberry.

 

[Cdub100 3,370]

1 hour ago, mmmmm...beer said:

*Sigh*. It's actually an easy choice... maybe not an easy reality.

You said it better than I could. 

Good luck.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

42 minutes ago, frank said:

How big a pay cut will retirement be? If it is a big difference, maybe just a few extra years will pay for the kid. 55 is young to retire. If the pay cut is not much, maybe you can retire, start a new job, and only have to do that for a few years.

Won't be a pay cut at all.  Retiring at 50 and will either take home the exact same I do now... Or +$800 more a month depending on how I feel my thrift savings will hold up.  

I really stumbled into this job 20 years ago without understanding how impactful the retirement would be so early.  When you're in your late 20's.. 50 looked like a thousand years away. 

[mmmmm...beer 691]

47 minutes ago, Gladiators said:

How old are your kids?

17 and 13 (this fall)...

We discussed it with them and they were all for it.  We're the oldest in the fam for our siblings... So we actually have 2 of our siblings with 2 year old kids.  They love on them all the time.

[Voltaire 4,555]

Its odd that the mom seen as a suitable fit for the seven y/o but not for the nine and two y/os as well.

[Bier Meister 1,512]

1 hour ago, frank said:

How big a pay cut will retirement be? If it is a big difference, maybe just a few extra years will pay for the kid. 55 is young to retire. If the pay cut is not much, maybe you can retire, start a new job, and only have to do that for a few years.

He’s already started some side gigs on tiktok

[Utilit99 4,099]

4 minutes ago, Voltaire said:

Its odd that the mom seen as a suitable fit for the seven y/o but not for the nine and two y/os as well.

Seems like lots of complexities with possible troubling down stream complications. But we don't know the whole picture I'm sure. 

[5-Points 2,716]

There's no doubt that you are a bigger man than 99% of the poasters here. Do what's best for your fam. Consider the long and short term effects of all involved and act accordingly. 

You're a good man,  you mentioned the desire to move out to the sticks and restart life after retirement. I would suggest doing that sooner, rather than later. 

 

[mmmmm...beer 691]

22 minutes ago, Voltaire said:

Its odd that the mom seen as a suitable fit for the seven y/o but not for the nine and two y/os as well.

Different Mom's... The boy is from his previous marriage.  

[Djgb13 2,338]

2 hours ago, mmmmm...beer said:

Youngest brother got his 3 kids taken away... Looks like he'll probably go to the pen.

The oldest girl is about 9 (not his, but his wife's from a previous marriage) and the youngest girl (2 yo) are in the system. The 7 yo boy went to his Mom out here.

I got a letter from social services back in North Dakota today asking if I would consider adopting the 2 the old girl if parental rights are abolished. Which sorta sounds like thats the probability....

It's either that... Or a good chance she's adopted out of the family.

With 3 years till 50 and planned retirement... This is a definitely a left turn...

Of course we will take care of blood, even though my youngest brother and I do not speak. We do not get a long at all.

I think the only feasible for us would be adoption or legal guardian. I want nothing to do with my brother and his wife in and out of our lives.

*Sigh*. It's actually an easy choice... maybe not an easy reality. I didn't think I'd be worried about daycare and diapers at this age.

Guess we'll see what social services says on Monday when I call them.  

Good luck brother. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did

[wiffleball 4,631]

I'm sorry, maybe I missed something. There's at least two females mentioned in this thread as far as I can tell. And yet nobody's inquired about the volume of cannage?

 

I mean geez gas, we have a certain level of moral decrepity to maintain around here.

 

Also, seriously beer? Couldn't have much more respect for you. That's incredible. Hope God, the universe or what the hell ever rewards you accordingly.

 

I know you're thinking of the burden. Because you're responsible human being. But something tells me you're going to have thousands of moments of indescribable joy as well.

[5-Points 2,716]

1 hour ago, 5-Points said:

There's no doubt that you are a bigger man than 99% of the poasters here. Do what's best for your fam. Consider the long and short term effects of all involved and act accordingly. 

You're a good man,  you mentioned the desire to move out to the sticks and restart life after retirement. I would suggest doing that sooner, rather than later. 

 

Which one of you retards didn't get the gist of my poast?

 

[peenie 1,690]

I’ve had experience with this. You are so lucky that they’re young. Please consider taking them. Even if things don’t work out as planned it’ll be a blessing, no matter how hard the adjustment, for you all, even if they don’t end up staying with you permanently. Best of luck! 

[TBayXXXVII 2,107]

A friend of mine had something like this happen to him almost 20 years ago, but much more tragic.  Long story short, his family was coming home from vacation (Florida - driving), and a tractor trailer had a blowout on the highway right in front of them and cause an 8-car pile up.  Over 20 people got killed... of that group, his parents, both brothers, both sisters and their spouses all died.  His brothers and sisters had 7 kids among them and my friend was the only remaining survivor.  At 22 years old, single, and just graduated from college and been working for Charles Schwab for 2 weeks, became the parent of 7 kids between the ages of 2 and 8.  That was a very hard transition.  Fortunately for him, his parents had a big house (obviously as they raised 5 kids), to which he hadn't moved out yet, he brought all the kids there.  Since the house was now his, that part was actually easy.  He also inherited his siblings houses and received about $10M in life insurance policies.  He put off working full-time for a few years and stayed home with the kids.  They all had a lot of adjusting to do as well, plus there was counseling sessions, child services visits, and stuff like that.  He put $1M into an account for each of the 7 kids to make sure they had money for college and the future.  The rest he used for updating/upgrading the house to accommodate the kids and other expenses. 

The youngest one graduates from college next May.  Of the 7, 4 graduated college, 1 more soon to come (as mentioned), and the other two went into the service... one is in the Marines the other is in the Air Force.

[IGotWorms 3,302]

9 minutes ago, TBayXXXVII said:

A friend of mine had something like this happen to him almost 20 years ago, but much more tragic.  Long story short, his family was coming home from vacation (Florida - driving), and a tractor trailer had a blowout on the highway right in front of them and cause an 8-car pile up.  Over 20 people got killed... of that group, his parents, both brothers, both sisters and their spouses all died.  His brothers and sisters had 7 kids among them and my friend was the only remaining survivor.  At 22 years old, single, and just graduated from college and been working for Charles Schwab for 2 weeks, became the parent of 7 kids between the ages of 2 and 8.  That was a very hard transition.  Fortunately for him, his parents had a big house (obviously as they raised 5 kids), to which he hadn't moved out yet, he brought all the kids there.  Since the house was now his, that part was actually easy.  He also inherited his siblings houses and received about $10M in life insurance policies.  He put off working full-time for a few years and stayed home with the kids.  They all had a lot of adjusting to do as well, plus there was counseling sessions, child services visits, and stuff like that.  He put $1M into an account for each of the 7 kids to make sure they had money for college and the future.  The rest he used for updating/upgrading the house to accommodate the kids and other expenses. 

The youngest one graduates from college next May.  Of the 7, 4 graduated college, 1 more soon to come (as mentioned), and the other two went into the service... one is in the Marines the other is in the Air Force.

Wow. Terrible but also inspiring story

[TBayXXXVII 2,107]

1 minute ago, IGotWorms said:

Wow. Terrible but also inspiring story

Yeah, he did a really great job with those kids.  Those first 2 years were absolutely horrible though.  There were times where I thought he was going to have to give them up to other aunts and/uncles, but his grandparents were there to help (when they could), and me and my family were around.  All of the kids' other grand parents were around as well to make things easier, but it was still terrible.  The older kids had a hell of a time adjusting with everything because they were old enough to understand their parents never coming home.  The younger kids, while not understanding what was going on, were just a handful because that's what 2, 3, and 4 year old's are.

[mmmmm...beer 691]

Talked to the social services lady today.  This was the initial reach out.  They'll know more by Sept.  I sorta told her...  if this is gonna be a thing, sooner is better.  I pushed her to give me a timeline asap.  I really wouldn't want them to leave her in foster care for a long time.

We'll see what happens...  It's a weird waiting game.

[TBayXXXVII 2,107]

9 hours ago, mmmmm...beer said:

Talked to the social services lady today.  This was the initial reach out.  They'll know more by Sept.  I sorta told her...  if this is gonna be a thing, sooner is better.  I pushed her to give me a timeline asap.  I really wouldn't want them to leave her in foster care for a long time.

We'll see what happens...  It's a weird waiting game.

It's not always their fault.  Child services always has to jump through legal hoops.  My friend was somewhat fortunate where he was the oldest (and only legal adult), who was the next of kin who was physically capable of handling the kids.  He still had to deal with them for several months.  My sister-in-law works for social services as well and the back and forth is insane.  I'll be surprised if you have any kind of answer/decision before the end of September.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

10 hours ago, mmmmm...beer said:

Talked to the social services lady today.  This was the initial reach out.  They'll know more by Sept.  I sorta told her...  if this is gonna be a thing, sooner is better.  I pushed her to give me a timeline asap.  I really wouldn't want them to leave her in foster care for a long time.

We'll see what happens...  It's a weird waiting game.

Have the social worker reach out to the foster parents to see if you can meet them and ease your concerns with the foster program.  Many of them are excellent homes that only want to help children in need.