Message from Gocolts' Son

[Mike Isles 583]

21 minutes ago, Utilit99 said:

You are heartless. That unknown dude is begging for money and you are denying. 

You are sick.

He is not begging for anything. But that goes against your a-hole skeptical agenda so GFY. 

[haloman30 16]

I am not begging for money, people asked to do so - both here in this forum and in family. If people insist on helping financially, yeah - considering dad left me in debt that I have to dig out of, I'm not gonna decline multiple requests for payment info.

If you think I'm scamming, then don't send money - I understand that unfortunately there are awful people out there who will lie about something like this and guilt people for money, which is why I initially never planned for any GoFundMe or paypal or anything at all. I only included it in replies later after people asked for it multiple times.

I don't want people to think I'm over here begging for money. If people aren't comfortable doing so, that's fine by me. I get it. My only intention was to let the folks who knew and liked him back in the day know what had happened, since he's mentioned this place numerous times over my childhood when I was growing up.

There were even a few times where he'd think back to this forum and the people on it, and I'd always tell him he should get back on again.

But yeah - if you don't feel comfortable sending money, then don't - that's fine, and I understand. I'll be alright eventually either way - but if people insist on helping, I'm not about to stop them.

[Crestwood 2 128]

16 minutes ago, haloman30 said:

I am not begging for money, people asked to do so - both here in this forum and in family. If people insist on helping financially, yeah - considering dad left me in debt that I have to dig out of, I'm not gonna decline multiple requests for payment info.

If you think I'm scamming, then don't send money - I understand that unfortunately there are awful people out there who will lie about something like this and guilt people for money, which is why I initially never planned for any GoFundMe or paypal or anything at all. I only included it in replies later after people asked for it multiple times.

I don't want people to think I'm over here begging for money. If people aren't comfortable doing so, that's fine by me. I get it. My only intention was to let the folks who knew and liked him back in the day know what had happened, since he's mentioned this place numerous times over my childhood when I was growing up.

There were even a few times where he'd think back to this forum and the people on it, and I'd always tell him he should get back on again.

But yeah - if you don't feel comfortable sending money, then don't - that's fine, and I understand. I'll be alright eventually either way - but if people insist on helping, I'm not about to stop them.

How did he leave you in debt?

[haloman30 16]

1 minute ago, Crestwood 2 said:

How did he leave you in debt?

Over the course of the past year, he's been using a good chunk of his money from sending it to romance scams, compressed air cans, fixing/replacing wrecked vehicles, and so on. Most of the bills have been unpaid for over a month and are behind with late fees.

I live in his house - and I don't plan to leave (nor could I), so it's up to me to get stuff sold to get things caught back up again.

[Crestwood 2 128]

12 minutes ago, haloman30 said:

Over the course of the past year, he's been using a good chunk of his money from sending it to romance scams, compressed air cans, fixing/replacing wrecked vehicles, and so on. Most of the bills have been unpaid for over a month and are behind with late fees.

I live in his house - and I don't plan to leave (nor could I), so it's up to me to get stuff sold to get things caught back up again.

What’s the  story with the compressed air cans? 

[jerryskids 5,191]

1 minute ago, Crestwood 2 said:

What’s the  story with the compressed air cans? 

I was wondering the same thing.   

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

6 minutes ago, jerryskids said:

I was wondering the same thing.   

Jesus focking christ.

Are you guys seriously asking a kid to explain in detail the manner of his fathers death?

@haloman30

Three pieces of advice...

1. Don't bother explaining or justifying yourself to these dooshbags. 

2. Delete all bookmarks to this place and never look back.

3. Don't be married to the idea of paying off the debt and keeping the house. You would quite likely be better off liquidating everything, paying off those debts that file a claim against the estate, and moving forward with a fresh start and cash in your pocket.

I'm sure memories and all of that. But a house is just wood and nails, and things are just things.

Best of luck to you young man. 

 

[Crestwood 2 128]

3 minutes ago, titans&bucs&bearsohmy! said:

Jesus focking christ.

Are you guys seriously asking a kid to explain in detail the manner of his fathers death?

@haloman30

Three pieces of advice...

1. Don't bother explaining or justifying yourself to these dooshbags. 

2. Delete all bookmarks to this place and never look back.

3. Don't be married to the idea of paying off the debt and keeping the house. You would quite likely be better off liquidating everything, paying off those debts that file a claim against the estate, and moving forward with a fresh start and cash in your pocket.

I'm sure memories and all of that. But a house is just wood and nails, and things are just things.

Best of luck to you young man. 

 

4. Get law degree, disown parents, apply to Waffle House, move to China, marry trafficked Asian woman, write book about it

[Bier Meister 1,513]

2 minutes ago, Crestwood 2 said:

4. Get law degree, disown parents, apply to Waffle House, move to China, marry trafficked Asian woman, write book about it

How has Titans ruined your world? You keep trying to rub his nose in some of his poor decisions?

[jerryskids 5,191]

11 minutes ago, titans&bucs&bearsohmy! said:

Jesus focking christ.

Are you guys seriously asking a kid to explain in detail the manner of his fathers death?

@haloman30

Three pieces of advice...

1. Don't bother explaining or justifying yourself to these dooshbags. 

2. Delete all bookmarks to this place and never look back.

3. Don't be married to the idea of paying off the debt and keeping the house. You would quite likely be better off liquidating everything, paying off those debts that file a claim against the estate, and moving forward with a fresh start and cash in your pocket.

I'm sure memories and all of that. But a house is just wood and nails, and things are just things.

Best of luck to you young man. 

 

Sorry if I came off as a doosh, I didn't intend to.  I asked because I don't know the significance of compressed air cans.  And he has mentioned them at least twice.   

[Crestwood 2 128]

56 minutes ago, Crestwood 2 said:

What’s the  story with the compressed air cans? 

Late fees for romance scams and compressed air?  

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

34 minutes ago, jerryskids said:

Sorry if I came off as a doosh, I didn't intend to.  I asked because I don't know the significance of compressed air cans.  And he has mentioned them at least twice.   

I know your good folks jerry. As I understand it, it was huffing those he passed. 

[haloman30 16]

15 minutes ago, titans&bucs&bearsohmy! said:

Jesus focking christ.

Are you guys seriously asking a kid to explain in detail the manner of his fathers death?

@haloman30

Three pieces of advice...

1. Don't bother explaining or justifying yourself to these dooshbags. 

2. Delete all bookmarks to this place and never look back.

3. Don't be married to the idea of paying off the debt and keeping the house. You would quite likely be better off liquidating everything, paying off those debts that file a claim against the estate, and moving forward with a fresh start and cash in your pocket.

I'm sure memories and all of that. But a house is just wood and nails, and things are just things.

Best of luck to you young man. 

 

1. Fair enough, sounds like a plan. 

2. Eh, I'm not so sure about that one. I figure I might hop in every now and then, time permitting. Most of y'all seem like fine folk.

3. The thing is dad left behind two properties - one of which being the one I live in right now, which has a mortgage remaining, and the other being a large section of land worth a good chunk of change. The large land is where he lived, and where my grandparents/his parents lived before they left it to him. It's the property over there that I'm going to mostly be liquidating, since it should bring in a fair amount of cash.

I'll be carefully trading with the guidance of a few buddies of mine who know investment stuff pretty good to ensure that I can bring in the extra money needed to cover the rest of my bills, until eventually I can get a job paying enough and I won't need to touch it at all and it can grow until my retirement.

It'll also be used to pay off the place I live at to ensure that I still own property, and will save 300-500 a month right off the bat. I'll be getting all the pets to the vet and once I get my license, a cheap used car. The rest goes into investing - as I'm not about to do what dad did and burn through it all in a few short years. I've seen firsthand how easy it is - and how fast things can get bad if the money isn't managed well.

As for parting with my current place... that for me isn't an option. Even on good days I've got difficulty dealing with any sort of change - even in some cases where the benefit is obvious. At the moment, I'm going through the most condensed change I'll likely be going through in my life. So much is happening so fast that it can be overwhelming at times. But at the end of the day, for me - this is my home. I was raised here for all but a few years where I lived with my mom after the divorce.

For me, starting over in life would be more damaging and harmful rather than helpful for me.

Either way - I appreciate the advice, and I'll certainly keep it in mind. And thank you for the good luck wishes.

 

11 minutes ago, jerryskids said:

Sorry if I came off as a doosh, I didn't intend to.  I asked because I don't know the significance of compressed air cans.  And he has mentioned them at least twice.   

It's alright. The compressed air stuff is what he ultimately became addicted to in the end, and what he used to end his life. We found that he'd previously been using other more harmful drugs, but likely switched to compressed air due to it being cheaper, less illegal, and easier to obtain. When I found his body, there were over 40 empty cans of the stuff on the floor (and empty cigarette boxes), and there was one in his hand even.

[Crestwood 2 128]

2 minutes ago, haloman30 said:

1. Fair enough, sounds like a plan. 

2. Eh, I'm not so sure about that one. I figure I might hop in every now and then, time permitting. Most of y'all seem like fine folk.

3. The thing is dad left behind two properties - one of which being the one I live in right now, which has a mortgage remaining, and the other being a large section of land worth a good chunk of change. The large land is where he lived, and where my grandparents/his parents lived before they left it to him. It's the property over there that I'm going to mostly be liquidating, since it should bring in a fair amount of cash.

I'll be carefully trading with the guidance of a few buddies of mine who know investment stuff pretty good to ensure that I can bring in the extra money needed to cover the rest of my bills, until eventually I can get a job paying enough and I won't need to touch it at all and it can grow until my retirement.

It'll also be used to pay off the place I live at to ensure that I still own property, and will save 300-500 a month right off the bat. I'll be getting all the pets to the vet and once I get my license, a cheap used car. The rest goes into investing - as I'm not about to do what dad did and burn through it all in a few short years. I've seen firsthand how easy it is - and how fast things can get bad if the money isn't managed well.

As for parting with my current place... that for me isn't an option. Even on good days I've got difficulty dealing with any sort of change - even in some cases where the benefit is obvious. At the moment, I'm going through the most condensed change I'll likely be going through in my life. So much is happening so fast that it can be overwhelming at times. But at the end of the day, for me - this is my home. I was raised here for all but a few years where I lived with my mom after the divorce.

For me, starting over in life would be more damaging and harmful rather than helpful for me.

Either way - I appreciate the advice, and I'll certainly keep it in mind. And thank you for the good luck wishes.

 

It's alright. The compressed air stuff is what he ultimately became addicted to in the end, and what he used to end his life. We found that he'd previously been using other more harmful drugs, but likely switched to compressed air due to it being cheaper, less illegal, and easier to obtain. When I found his body, there were over 40 empty cans of the stuff on the floor (and empty cigarette boxes), and there was one in his hand even.

Crap. Sorry man

[NorthernVike 2,080]

13 hours ago, haloman30 said:

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/newburgh-in/gary-lance-10323264

Here's the obituary.

Jihad?   

[edjr 5,556]

10 hours ago, shorepatrol said:

Trust but verify is a good rule of thumb across the bored. 

That is all I am asking. I always have to be the "bad guy" 

pocolts and I got along really well. As mentioned before, I was commish of the DNDL and he was in for many years.

 

 

[Alias Detective 1,179]

1 minute ago, edjr said:

That is all I am asking. I always have to be the "bad guy" 

pocolts and I got along really well. As mentioned before, I was commish of the DNDL and he was in for many years.

 

 

Didn’t people pay for gocolts to play in certain leagues?  Seems to me money management wasn’t a strong suit.

[edjr 5,556]

12 minutes ago, Alias Detective said:

Didn’t people pay for gocolts to play in certain leagues?  Seems to me money management wasn’t a strong suit.

 

Sure did. I would say he made 2 or 3 seasons before needing help to pay his league fees. @patweisers44 and @cbfalcon  used their winnings to pay pocolts entire league fee (CBF may have done it twice) (it was $55) One year a bunch of us threw in 5, 10 15 to get him paid. I liked Gary. I just got annoyed by what seemed his constant whining about money and life. I am allowed that.

People don't know this stuff. So when I see a thread like this, my spidey senses start to tingle. pocolts could very well have passed. is wanting some sort of proof that bad of a concept?

People think I am a bad person, that's just not true. I am a truth seeker. Remember rholio (I think it was)  I started a collection and sent it to his wife. I found her on facebook and knew she was real. Guess what, there was also an obit. Not that hard.

 

[Alias Detective 1,179]

@haloman30

BUY A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FOR $1,000,000.  30 year term.  Stop this cycle of being broke for your family.
 

If you are a smoker, go fock yourself, otherwise, it will be very inexpensive at your age.

[NorthernVike 2,080]

59 minutes ago, Alias Detective said:

@haloman30

BUY A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FOR $1,000,000.  30 year term.  Stop this cycle of being broke for your family.
 

If you are a smoker, go fock yourself, otherwise, it will be very inexpensive at your age.

Isn't he like 22?  Terrible Idea for a 30 year term product.  Gary made it to 50 in a wheelchair, he'll outlive that.  

[vuduchile 1,941]

1 hour ago, edjr said:

 

Sure did. I would say he made 2 or 3 seasons before needing help to pay his league fees. @patweisers44 and @cbfalcon  used their winnings to pay pocolts entire league fee (CBF may have done it twice) (it was $55) One year a bunch of us threw in 5, 10 15 to get him paid. I liked Gary. I just got annoyed by what seemed his constant whining about money and life. I am allowed that.

People don't know this stuff. So when I see a thread like this, my spidey senses start to tingle. pocolts could very well have passed. is wanting some sort of proof that bad of a concept?

People think I am a bad person, that's just not true. I am a truth seeker. Remember rholio (I think it was)  I started a collection and sent it to his wife. I found her on facebook and knew she was real. Guess what, there was also an obit. Not that hard.

 

You still came off as a doosh in this thread.  There's a way to ask those questions without looking like a pr!ck.  

 

[Alias Detective 1,179]

7 minutes ago, NorthernVike said:

Isn't he like 22?  Terrible Idea for a 30 year term product.  Gary made it to 50 in a wheelchair, he'll outlive that.  

Young sir, the policy can be converted when money isn’t so tight.  Getting something and guaranteeing insurability is very smart.  You know better.

[edjr 5,556]

Just now, vuduchile said:

You still came off as a doosh in this thread.  There's a way to ask those questions without looking like a pr!ck.  

 

Truth always hurts the most, especially for a beta cuck like you

[vuduchile 1,941]

1 minute ago, edjr said:

Truth always hurts the most, especially for a beta cuck like you

Exactly what truth did you reveal here Mr. Almighty Alpha Azzhole?  

[TheNewGirl 1,022]

3 hours ago, Alias Detective said:

@haloman30

BUY A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FOR $1,000,000.  30 year term.  Stop this cycle of being broke for your family.
 

If you are a smoker, go fock yourself, otherwise, it will be very inexpensive at your age.

Rusty strikes again. 

[supermike80 1,285]

18 hours ago, haloman30 said:

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/newburgh-in/gary-lance-10323264

Here's the obituary.

No mention of this board.    Shame.

But seriously.  RIP and my condolences to you and your family.

 

 

[edjr 5,556]

1 hour ago, supermike80 said:

No mention of this board.    Shame.

But seriously.  RIP and my condolences to you and your family.

 

 

No mention of anything really. However,  reading it made me a little sad.  Oh Gary, you told me you were combing your hair

[GobbleDog 816]

September 28, 2018 Gocolts final post

Quote

LOL

 

I had a fire extinguisher.

[Utilit99 4,099]

My memories of Gary:

 

 

[Herbivore 905]

This thread is a very typical Geek Club thread, albeit with no politics.  Are you seeing the allure it had with your dad?

[cbfalcon 824]

5 hours ago, edjr said:

 

Sure did. I would say he made 2 or 3 seasons before needing help to pay his league fees. @patweisers44 and @cbfalcon  used their winnings to pay pocolts entire league fee (CBF may have done it twice) (it was $55) One year a bunch of us threw in 5, 10 15 to get him paid. I liked Gary. I just got annoyed by what seemed his constant whining about money and life. I am allowed that.

People don't know this stuff. So when I see a thread like this, my spidey senses start to tingle. pocolts could very well have passed. is wanting some sort of proof that bad of a concept?

People think I am a bad person, that's just not true. I am a truth seeker. Remember rholio (I think it was)  I started a collection and sent it to his wife. I found her on facebook and knew she was real. Guess what, there was also an obit. Not that hard.

 

Oh my hate to see this. I always liked Gary. I felt like the league lost a piece of its fun personality when he left. 

[haloman30 16]

15 hours ago, Crestwood 2 said:

Crap. Sorry man

Don't worry about it bro, like I said - I can understand the skepticism. Especially in something like this where I'd imagine you probably hope it would be some kind of ruse and that he's still out there doing his thing. No hard feelings.

 

7 hours ago, Alias Detective said:

@haloman30

BUY A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FOR $1,000,000.  30 year term.  Stop this cycle of being broke for your family.
 

If you are a smoker, go fock yourself, otherwise, it will be very inexpensive at your age.

Obtaining life insurance is definitely on the to-do list at some point. And good news - I've never smoked, drank, or done any of that stuff. And after seeing both of my parents go through struggles with drug addiction, I'm absolutely going to keep it that way.

I understand that the sooner I get it, the better - as I've got no real health issues at present and I'm young, and if I get it sooner and keep it going then I'll be able to keep that low cost into old age.

 

7 hours ago, edjr said:

 

Sure did. I would say he made 2 or 3 seasons before needing help to pay his league fees. @patweisers44 and @cbfalcon  used their winnings to pay pocolts entire league fee (CBF may have done it twice) (it was $55) One year a bunch of us threw in 5, 10 15 to get him paid. I liked Gary. I just got annoyed by what seemed his constant whining about money and life. I am allowed that.

People don't know this stuff. So when I see a thread like this, my spidey senses start to tingle. pocolts could very well have passed. is wanting some sort of proof that bad of a concept?

People think I am a bad person, that's just not true. I am a truth seeker. Remember rholio (I think it was)  I started a collection and sent it to his wife. I found her on facebook and knew she was real. Guess what, there was also an obit. Not that hard.

 

Wanting proof isn't a bad thing at all - especially in this day and age where there are legitimately awful people who will make up these kinds of stories to earn sympathy and then money. Only reason obituary wasn't posted at first was just due to the fact that I'd started informing people within the days immediately following his passing and not waiting around for the funeral home to get us in to write the obituary.

 

1 hour ago, GobbleDog said:

September 28, 2018 Gocolts final post

Ah yes, the toaster incident. The ruins of the toaster are actually still over here, fun fact.

[Artista 460]

Oh no!! I'm so sorry Dillon!! I'm in tears! @haloman30

 

I don't visit these forums much anymore. Some here are douche bags as you can see. I'm glad you aren't affected by those comments. Don't bother with them. 

 

As you may know, I viewed Gary like another brother. We kept in touch frequently for a long while. He was so very supportive and loving during my cancer battle. We'd talk on the phone and my bro would talk to him too when he was up visiting me. He thanked Gary for being a great friend. I thank Gary for being such a good frend.

 

I tried to help him with his need not to be alone and lift him up. He was so kind. I knew about those women and so did he but his need overrode logic. I feared this was coming. I feel guilty not checking on him more. I have all the messages since we first started chatting. My dad's PLS disease has consumed my mind this past year as he's pretty much bed bound. I'm so sorry! My last convo was the end of March when he told me about being carless. I knew the depths of his depression and feeling like he's usesless but nothing I said sunk in for very long. I begged him to seek help. He spoke about his health too. 

 

The only joy he had is you. He was so proud of you and loved you so much. You were in our convos all the time. Please remember this. 

 

I saw the post on his fb page. I still can't process it. I'm sure you are having a hard time. If you ever want to chat, let me know. You and everyone affected are in my thoughts and prayers.

❤

Shonta

 

Here's the link to the GoFundMe for funeral expenses. 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/funeral-expense-and-his-beloved-son

[KSB2424 3,082]

Look, I would never give to a gofundme or whatever without first validating but damn, some of y'all in this thread of straight up douchebags.  Even for the Geek Club.  JFC.  I'm ashamed for you.  

[Artista 460]

26 minutes ago, KSB2424 said:

Look, I would never give to a gofundme or whatever without first validating but damn, some of y'all in this thread of straight up douchebags.  Even for the Geek Club.  JFC.  I'm ashamed for you.  

It's astonishing even for this place. Even if you're skeptical, stay respectful for in case it's not!

[haloman30 16]

2 hours ago, Artista said:

Oh no!! I'm so sorry Dillon!! I'm in tears! @haloman30

 

I don't visit these forums much anymore. Some here are douche bags as you can see. I'm glad you aren't affected by those comments. Don't bother with them. 

 

As you may know, I viewed Gary like another brother. We kept in touch frequently for a long while. He was so very supportive and loving during my cancer battle. We'd talk on the phone and my bro would talk to him too when he was up visiting me. He thanked Gary for being a great friend. I thank Gary for being such a good frend.

 

I tried to help him with his need not to be alone and lift him up. He was so kind. I knew about those women and so did he but his need overrode logic. I feared this was coming. I feel guilty not checking on him more. I have all the messages since we first started chatting. My dad's PLS disease has consumed my mind this past year as he's pretty much bed bound. I'm so sorry! My last convo was the end of March when he told me about being carless. I knew the depths of his depression and feeling like he's usesless but nothing I said sunk in for very long. I begged him to seek help. He spoke about his health too. 

 

The only joy he had is you. He was so proud of you and loved you so much. You were in our convos all the time. Please remember this. 

 

I saw the post on his fb page. I still can't process it. I'm sure you are having a hard time. If you ever want to chat, let me know. You and everyone affected are in my thoughts and prayers.

❤

Shonta

 

Here's the link to the GoFundMe for funeral expenses. 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/funeral-expense-and-his-beloved-son

Oh hey - I've actually heard him mention you in particular a number of times over the years, though it's been a bit since he last did - I suppose we both know why.

Yeah, don't feel bad - you weren't the only one trying. His buddies around here knew to some extent as well and were trying to get him to seek help as well, to no avail. But then again, if it didn't sink in earlier this year - it's no surprise it wouldn't sink in later on where things had gotten significantly worse. Back in March he wasn't truly without working vehicles, as he started driving the Van that his grandma had bought. But not long before his passing, he ended up wrecking and flipping the van too - and then he really was stuck at home, which was likely the final nail in the coffin. It was made worse that the day he wrecked it was the 7 year anniversary of my grandmother/his mother's passing - and he never even was able to go visit her grave to pay respects.

I'm at the point now where I can't even be mad at dad for this. As frustrating as it is having to dig out of the financial hole he left behind, I can't be mad. He was suffering and sick in countless ways, all going back years. In a way I'm at least glad I have that degree of closure. I know what led to this outcome and how this happened, and I know that there's very little I could've done about it - nor is there any way I could've known. When I look at the whole picture and trace the stops from start to end, I'm not asking myself "why/how could he have done this", instead I'm more just like "man, no wonder he did this".

I'm generally just focusing on the silver lining in all of this. Dad finally isn't suffering anymore. I'll be able to do some large selloffs and I'll be able to catch up on the finances. I'll finally be independent, and reliant on nobody for the first time in my life. And at least his choice of exit wasn't something violent or gruesome. At least I didn't find him many days later only to see him half-rotting away. And at least for as much debt as he left behind, it's debt that can eventually be managed and wrangled back in and dealt with. It's an awful situation - but it could've been so much worse. And that's what I'm trying to focus on to help me get through all this.

Thank you for being there for my dad, and thank you for doing what you could to try and help him - don't feel bad or guilty for not doing enough, you did everything you could.

[Bill E. 666]

On 8/30/2021 at 11:15 PM, titans&bucs&bearsohmy! said:

Jesus focking christ.

Are you guys seriously asking a kid to explain in detail the manner of his fathers death?

@haloman30

Three pieces of advice...

1. Don't bother explaining or justifying yourself to these dooshbags. 

2. Delete all bookmarks to this place and never look back.

3. Don't be married to the idea of paying off the debt and keeping the house. You would quite likely be better off liquidating everything, paying off those debts that file a claim against the estate, and moving forward with a fresh start and cash in your pocket.

I'm sure memories and all of that. But a house is just wood and nails, and things are just things.

Best of luck to you young man. 

 

Well said Giantsfan!!!

[Artista 460]

47 minutes ago, haloman30 said:

Oh hey - I've actually heard him mention you in particular a number of times over the years, though it's been a bit since he last did - I suppose we both know why.

Yeah, don't feel bad - you weren't the only one trying. His buddies around here knew to some extent as well and were trying to get him to seek help as well, to no avail. But then again, if it didn't sink in earlier this year - it's no surprise it wouldn't sink in later on where things had gotten significantly worse. Back in March he wasn't truly without working vehicles, as he started driving the Van that his grandma had bought. But not long before his passing, he ended up wrecking and flipping the van too - and then he really was stuck at home, which was likely the final nail in the coffin. It was made worse that the day he wrecked it was the 7 year anniversary of my grandmother/his mother's passing - and he never even was able to go visit her grave to pay respects.

I'm at the point now where I can't even be mad at dad for this. As frustrating as it is having to dig out of the financial hole he left behind, I can't be mad. He was suffering and sick in countless ways, all going back years. In a way I'm at least glad I have that degree of closure. I know what led to this outcome and how this happened, and I know that there's very little I could've done about it - nor is there any way I could've known. When I look at the whole picture and trace the stops from start to end, I'm not asking myself "why/how could he have done this", instead I'm more just like "man, no wonder he did this".

I'm generally just focusing on the silver lining in all of this. Dad finally isn't suffering anymore. I'll be able to do some large selloffs and I'll be able to catch up on the finances. I'll finally be independent, and reliant on nobody for the first time in my life. And at least his choice of exit wasn't something violent or gruesome. At least I didn't find him many days later only to see him half-rotting away. And at least for as much debt as he left behind, it's debt that can eventually be managed and wrangled back in and dealt with. It's an awful situation - but it could've been so much worse. And that's what I'm trying to focus on to help me get through all this.

Thank you for being there for my dad, and thank you for doing what you could to try and help him - don't feel bad or guilty for not doing enough, you did everything you could.

I'm glad you aren't blaming anyone, especially yourself. You are wise beyond your years. I just wish he would have listened over the years but even he admitted a time or two that he's on a path of self destruction.

Aside from his difficulties, the passing of his mom then dad crushed him. He never could work his way through it. 

I pray that everything works out the way you need it to. He told me all about your computer skills as a teenager. Very impressive. You will make your dad proud as he watches over you from Heaven. Godspeed. Xx

[haloman30 16]

23 minutes ago, Artista said:

I'm glad you aren't blaming anyone, especially yourself. You are wise beyond your years. I just wish he would have listened over the years but even he admitted a time or two that he's on a path of self destruction.

Aside from his difficulties, the passing of his mom then dad crushed him. He never could work his way through it. 

I pray that everything works out the way you need it to. He told me all about your computer skills as a teenager. Very impressive. You will make your dad proud as he watches over you from Heaven. Xx

Yeah, I've learned that the loss of his parents really got to him too - more than I knew, though in retrospect it seems obvious. It also seems as if he never fully got over the divorce with my mom, as while we've been going through stuff at my place to get it cleaned up and more organized, mom's found stuff of hers that hasn't even moved since she last placed it down nearly 15 years later.

He's made comments to me a couple times too. I initially thought them to be dark humor, but it seems now that there was more truth in them than I could've imagined. He's even mentioned plainly once or twice - even within one of our final few phone calls - how he said he kind of wished he did die in one of those accidents. I'd been telling him how relieved I was that he wasn't killed in one of them, whereas he was more concerned about not having killed someone else - seemingly giving little care as to if he made it or not. But again, I suppose now I know why.

I think this year especially, everything came to a head to where he finally decided that enough was enough and he was done dealing with it. He'd turned 50 and that was crushing him, he was still dealing with the loss of his parents, he was disabled and couldn't walk or even exist without pain, he was fighting addiction, and then finally reached a point where he couldn't even leave his house. All this while the finances did nothing but continue to worsen.

It's an awful situation, but yeah - there's nobody to blame in this. That's another reason why I've worked to try and understand. It helps bring me closure, it helps me avoid blaming myself or others, and most importantly overall - it'll help me avoid the same fate. I want to make sure that when my time comes, that my future kids don't have to watch me decline like this, or have to walk in and find my body in some state of decay. That they can get a chance to say goodbye properly - and that they won't have to deal with moving stuff around or cleaning houses or fixing the finances.

This whole thing has given me further reason to avoid substances, and to ensure that I've always got purpose in my life. Once the burial is complete and all this moving and selling is done, I want to make sure that I do right by both my father and my grandparents. I'm going to make it my mission to undo the mistakes dad made in his last years - and do good by all three of them.

The best way for me to get through it is to understand, grow, and live - and honor them all the best I can.

And again - thank you for the kind words. They really do mean a lot.

[Artista 460]

33 minutes ago, haloman30 said:

Yeah, I've learned that the loss of his parents really got to him too - more than I knew, though in retrospect it seems obvious. It also seems as if he never fully got over the divorce with my mom, as while we've been going through stuff at my place to get it cleaned up and more organized, mom's found stuff of hers that hasn't even moved since she last placed it down nearly 15 years later.

He's made comments to me a couple times too. I initially thought them to be dark humor, but it seems now that there was more truth in them than I could've imagined. He's even mentioned plainly once or twice - even within one of our final few phone calls - how he said he kind of wished he did die in one of those accidents. I'd been telling him how relieved I was that he wasn't killed in one of them, whereas he was more concerned about not having killed someone else - seemingly giving little care as to if he made it or not. But again, I suppose now I know why.

I think this year especially, everything came to a head to where he finally decided that enough was enough and he was done dealing with it. He'd turned 50 and that was crushing him, he was still dealing with the loss of his parents, he was disabled and couldn't walk or even exist without pain, he was fighting addiction, and then finally reached a point where he couldn't even leave his house. All this while the finances did nothing but continue to worsen.

It's an awful situation, but yeah - there's nobody to blame in this. That's another reason why I've worked to try and understand. It helps bring me closure, it helps me avoid blaming myself or others, and most importantly overall - it'll help me avoid the same fate. I want to make sure that when my time comes, that my future kids don't have to watch me decline like this, or have to walk in and find my body in some state of decay. That they can get a chance to say goodbye properly - and that they won't have to deal with moving stuff around or cleaning houses or fixing the finances.

This whole thing has given me further reason to avoid substances, and to ensure that I've always got purpose in my life. Once the burial is complete and all this moving and selling is done, I want to make sure that I do right by both my father and my grandparents. I'm going to make it my mission to undo the mistakes dad made in his last years - and do good by all three of them.

The best way for me to get through it is to understand, grow, and live - and honor them all the best I can.

And again - thank you for the kind words. They really do mean a lot.

I knew his health was deteriorating. He had a lot of dr appointments. I was diagnosed with cancer at 50. He couldn't imagine that and mentioned he was worried about his own health approaching 50. 

I'm confident you will continue to gain strength and purpose in life as you're determined to do right by him and your grandparents. He always wanted you to be happy and successful. That was his only concern and prayer. He loved you so. He was so proud of you, and I know you will continue making him proud. Xx