Craziest Place You Ever Did Number Two

[BunnysBastatrds 1,913]

 Golf course on the seventh hole behind some oak trees and pampas. 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,631]

Your moms chest 

[Pimpadeaux 2,261]

I was training for my first marathon and out on a 5 a.m. run. I had to run that early because I had to go to work so early.

This was when I learned about The Bomb. 

Long-distance runners experience The Bomb at some point.

After some noisy gut gurgling, I had to stop and clench my chocolate starfish with all my might to hold back the worst poop blitz I'd ever experienced.

I was on a college campus and spotted lights on in a nearby small building, where a couple of older female employees were doing laundry. I approached one of them and asked if I could use the rest room inside, and she said no.

Seconds away from losing the battle with the blitz, I shuffled pigeon-toed to the building's side, went behind some bushes, pulled down my running shorts and unleashed a putrid torrent, which splattered to the ground and onto the wall.

It was loud and smelled terrible, a stench the ladies inside most certainly would smell.

There was nothing with which to wipe, so I pulled up my shorts and jogged back home, with my bunghole become an angry, strawberry starfish along the way.

From that moment on and to this day, I carry toilet paper in a fanny pack on runs.

 

[Mike Isles 583]

Between 2 subways cars going 75 mph shaking back and forth like a mutha. There was certainly some anal leakage 

[BeenHereBefore 1,332]

In the woods with my dad when I was young after his softball game. We whipped with poison oak and good times!

[Voltaire 4,557]

I was on a bus between cities in China and had to go really badly for an hour, maybe two. I don't know how long but... very long. Time certainly dragged with every agonizing minute. What did I have? I had a plastic bag with an ice tea in it. Maybe I could sh*t in the bag?

Focking brutal. I just suffered and agonized for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally we got to the outskirts of Guiyang, way on the opposite end of the city from where I wanted to get off at, but it was close enough that at least I knew I that I could take a local bus home from there, even if it took an hour. That was good enough. I got off, went down some stairs about 30 seconds away, nobody was around, shat right there on the turnaround platform where the stairs turn back the other way. I ripped the plastic bag apart and wiped my ass with it the best I could, but unsatisfactorally. Nobody still around fortunately, so I was in the clear with not any witnesses! Yes! Pulled my underwear and pants back up and went to a little kiosk nearby to buy some TP, then found a WC where I could do a proper job of wiping my ass throughly. After that, I got on another local bus for the long treck home.

.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

2 hours ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Your moms chest 

Only acceptable answer

[BeenHereBefore 1,332]

12 minutes ago, Cloaca du jour said:

Only acceptable answer

Can size and dump size ?

[Mike Isles 583]

1 hour ago, BeenHereBefore said:

In the woods with my dad when I was young after his softball game. We whipped with poison oak and good times!

You are a bad ass. Most people just wipe. You whipped it. Whipped it good. 

[Mike Isles 583]

I have a buddy that always (know him 40+ years) always had to poop at the worst time. Back in the day we would be drinking and he still had work uniform on and he’d use his socks or underwear to wipe. He would ask us to give our socks if he needed more wiping. 
 

On vacation instead of going back to the room he would just go poop in the ocean. 

[KSB2424 3,083]

July 4th Party circa 1999 at Masonboro Island off Wrightsville Beach.  You could only get there by boat and it was heavy drinking and partying and thongs and just overall insanity.  It's mid-day and it just hit me like a ton of bricks, we all know the feeling.  I think it was the morning sausage and coffee, terrible idea. I look around and there are people everywhere, so I just casually start walking to the other side of the island when I get to the dunes, climb up and look over and realize the ocean on the other side is a good mile walk, it was probably just a hundred yards but at the time my mind told me a mile. 

But right beside me, away from the party but still in plain view was a little body of water, maybe three feet deep, just a swell of ocean water about the size of a small backyard pool.  I just knelt down, pretend I'm "peeing" in case anyone is looking and blast out all sorts of hell.  I tried to move forward on my knees to get away but the cloud of brown that was following me I guess I should have accounted for wind and tide, desperate I sort of at the same time pulled up my board shorts and dug my toes in the sand pushing forward and emerged clothed.  

Not sure if anyone was none the wiser but my GF broke up with me later that night. 

[BeenHereBefore 1,332]

24 minutes ago, Mike Isles said:

You are a bad ass. Most people just wipe. You whipped it. Whipped it good. 

Lol I know and well I'm from out of town.

[fandandy 3,311]

6 hours ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Your moms chest 

I absolutely love you.

[Kopy 491]

An upper decker in someones toilet tank.

[Bier Meister 1,513]

Digby’s shoe 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,631]

Does the sidewalk in front of City Hall in San Francisco still count as crazy?

[Pimpadeaux 2,261]

Gratefulted had a great poop story back in the day. He was at a party and had to go bad, so he went into the bathroom and gave birth to girthy yuletide log. He had trouble flushing it and felt embarrassed, so he fished it out and disposed of it elsewhere.

[Voltaire 4,557]

6 hours ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Does the sidewalk in front of City Hall in San Francisco still count as crazy?

For you, yes.

For them  it was just 1 of the 43 piles deposited there on Tuesday.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,631]

1 hour ago, Pimpadeaux said:

Gratefulted had a great poop story back in the day. He was at a party and had to go bad, so he went into the bathroom and gave birth to girthy yuletide log. He had trouble flushing it and felt embarrassed, so he fished it out and disposed of it elsewhere.

Stupid.  And fake. 

[cyclone24 1,814]

On 12/22/2021 at 7:21 PM, BeenHereBefore said:

Can size and dump size ?

Guessing the size of Cleveland….

[BeenHereBefore 1,332]

17 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

Guessing the size of Cleveland….

Yikes.

[phillybear 364]

Walking home in the middle of night from bar hopping in my residential neighborhood. The gurgling started deep in my bowels, like a rice cooker that is nearly at the point of delivering cooked rice. I found a discarded milk crate on the shoulder of the road, and then saw my saving grace as angelic music played in my head. I set up the milk crate as a booster, and proceeded to launch brown spray paint inside a US Postal Service mail box, the outside of a US Postal Service mail box, my shorts, my T shirt. Basically everything except my sneakers.

I delicately collected my wallet, my keys, discarded my clothes in the nearest storm drain grate, and slunk off nekkid in the shadows to get home before day break.

[lod001 1,237]

No me but my cousin, driving me to Pittsburgh airport in the middle of a blizzard. He couldn't wait. No one on highway, stopped car in middle of highway, jumped out and dumped in the middle of the road. 

[Big Guy 1,400]

right here, right now