Just A Call From An Old Friend, Whoo Be Ghey

[BunnysBastatrds 1,905]

 So after me and my divorced I lost all of our mutual friends. Haven’t heard from many in the past five years. Out of the blue I get a call today. He divorced his husband and wanted to say what a homosexual horse says,”heyyy!!!”

I asked about all the old gang and he filled meummmhmm, in. Most are alive and well, and most miss me.. Are worried about me, but are being loyal to my ex. He did however bring up the two lesbos I helped get their sex life together. Both were new to being clam eaters. Both divorced and had no idea how to help themselves in bed.

 I will call them Deputy Dallas and Tammy Titties da teacher. Both smoking hot. Young dumd. Went to a pool party and spirts we’re flowing and floating. The rest of the party goes inside and I was relaxing by the pool, look over, and they are kissing awkwardly. Me: You two don’t have clue do you?   Deputy Dallas: Not really. Obvious?   Me: How’s the new frontiers of sex life going?  TTDT: it’s new and doesn’t feel right and not wrong.   Me: (feeling da alcohol lubricant) Toys for starters. Porn. Scissoring. Role play. Deputy Dallas: Role play???   Me: Sure. You’re a cop and she’s a perp. Handcuf her after she just got caught shoplifting at Target.   TTDT: Hmmmmm. Yeah!!!Tell us more Bunny.  How do you know all this?   Me: I’ve slept with more women than either of you twos ever will. Wink!

 

 So that night I’m in the upstairs living room watching Purle Rain and TTDF walks by, and right behind her is Deputy Dallas.  TTDF: Got a minute?   Me: Sure. Givee me sec. I want to see Apollonia jump into the waters of Lake Tittytonka. Nice!!! What’s up ladies?   Deputy Dallas: Everyone is at the pool trashed. We wanted to see if you could explain what you told us earlier. No sex with us. You’re married. And we like all of our new friends, including you.    Me: OK. What?   TTDF: Neither of us are good at sex. All the things you brought up are great. Want to be a sex teacher for us to keep it together and safe?   Me: OK. Turn the radio on your room and close the door. Come back and lock this door. Keep your bathing suits on and an open mind. Give me a few minutes.

 

They fresh up and I go downstairs to the pool. Tell everyone goodnight and they said they were going to play jenga and consume the rest of the daiquiris. Me: Great. Sorry. I have horrible diarrhea from the nachos.Night! 
 

Get back to the room, they are going down. Me: STOP! 69. Two fingers…go.Scissors time. Legs interact, go. Grab your phones and watch and learn how to do this. I’m going on Adam &Eve for toys.    I brought up the Majic Wand while they were bumping uglies and I had the biggest set of blue bawls in history. Told them you are welcome and dreamed of them for years. 
 

 

Got up the.next morning and both kissed my cheeks and told my ex wife, keeper.

[Pimpadeaux 2,240]

I'm better for reading this post.

[BeenHereBefore 1,329]

19 hours ago, Pimpadeaux said:

I'm better for reading this post.

Do you still read Dear Playboy as well ?