My old man

[kilroy69]

Is 71 and we just found out in the last week he has a problem with his heart. The doctor said that they rate this on a 0-5 scale and that his heart is at a 4.1 He has the choice. Do a surgery NOW that gives him a 50 percent chance to live or do a surgery when it gets closer to 5 and by that time he will have a 10 percent survival rate. As of right now we do not know how long it will take for him to move from a 4.1 to a 5 but he has resigned himself to just letting it play out. He is already almost 2 years older than his dad was when he died of brain cancer. It just feels weird knowing your dad is on the way out. 

[Meglamaniac]

Thoughts and prayers, it's tough, I went through it a few years ago with my Pop's heart, but he has bounced back and is doing well at 82.  Hope the same for you and your dad

[Fnord]

Good luck to you and your pops.

My dad is 74 and has survived three bouts of cancer and heart issues. Health-wise he's bounced back every time.

What I see now is the cognitive decline. Lack of memory. Difficulty explaining himself or following a conversation. Lack of comprehension when reading. It's tough watching the guy you always looked up to slowly shrinking away from life.

[GobbleDog]

When I was a kid in the '70s, if someone had a pacemaker ... they probably didn't have long to live. Nowadays they implant those things like tic tacs.  Almost everyone I know older than 70 has one. Both of my parents (83 yo), aunts and uncles.  Not saying it'd help here, just made me think about it. 

Wish ya the best Kilroy. 

[TheNewGirl]

Thinking of you, Kilroy.  

 

[kilroy69]

1 hour ago, GobbleDog said:

When I was a kid in the '70s, if someone had a pacemaker ... they probably didn't have long to live. Nowadays they implant those things like tic tacs.  Almost everyone I know older than 70 has one. Both of my parents (83 yo), aunts and uncles.  Not saying it'd help here, just made me think about it. 

Wish ya the best Kilroy. 

Thanks everyone. That was the first question I asked was if he could be a pacemaker candidate. The doctor said that the defect is not fixable via that route. The only thing to fix it will be surgery..at 71. He lost his second wife about 10 years ago to cancer and since then he has lived a bachelor lifestyle which probably has contributed to this. But also he worked for 35 years at GM on the line. No telling how much that played a part. 

[Hardcore troubadour]

My Dad had triple bypass, stents, a couple of heart attacks, took nitro, skin cancer, prostate cancer, kidney failure. Never overweight, quit smoking in his early 40’s. Made it a month into his 90th year. He probably would not have wanted the last two years, definitely not the last six months. I wrote him off countless times beginning 30 years ago.  Hang in there, modern medicine is incredible. Best of luck. Oh peptic ulcers too. 

[Engorgeous George]

If he does the surgery and survives will he be able to truly live, or will he simply be continuing?  If he continues without the surgery will he live or simply continue?  Tough choices facing your Pops.  I wish he and your family well. 

 

Is there anything that remains undone or unsaid between you two?  If so say or do that thing.  Maybe its catching a ball game together. Maybe you always meant to return to that lake where he taught you to fish and fish together one more time.  Maybe he always wanted to drive a particular car.  There are road courses out there that rent out various classic roadsters.  Make the most of his living, don't dwell in the dying.

[easilyscan]

Tough choice.

I still think of my dad often & he died on 10-10-10

 

 

 

 

 

[Gepetto]

Sorry to hear that about your dad. I don't understand these numbers the surgeon is throwing out. Makes no sense and surprised this is how a doctor talks to patient and family.

[peenie]

Kilroy69, please try to convince your dad to have the surgery. He’s never going to be as young as he is right now. He can recover and live a long life. He’s got potentially another 15 to 20 years ahead of him. Why wait when he’s weaker? Do it while he’s strong.

My mom refused chemo and died. I just wish she would’ve fought and maybe she’d still be here. But I respected her wishes. 

I am speaking from the other side and if you have any influence over your Dad and if the risk isn’t too high, please try to get him to do it now. 

[kilroy69]

19 minutes ago, peenie said:

Kilroy69, please try to convince your dad to have the surgery. He’s never going to be as young as he is right now. He can recover and live a long life. He’s got potentially another 15 to 20 years ahead of him. Why wait when he’s weaker? Do it while he’s strong.

My mom refused chemo and died. I just wish she would’ve fought and maybe she’d still be here. But I respected her wishes. 

I am speaking from the other side and if you have any influence over your Dad and if the risk isn’t too high, please try to get him to do it now. 

I am sure my sister is working on him now. He is worried that if he goes in on his own and something goes wrong he is bascically killing himself where as if he just lets it happen it was always going to happen anyway 

[BunnysBastatrds]

3 hours ago, kilroy69 said:

I am sure my sister is working on him now. He is worried that if he goes in on his own and something goes wrong he is bascically killing himself where as if he just lets it happen it was always going to happen anyway 

 So very sorry my friend. Kind of amusing but my father’s name is Roy and i was a month away from being born in 1969.  And I had to make the decision to go what he wanted to if it was dire. Septic gall bladder misdirected as a kidney stone. He didn’t have a chance. So I did as he asked me, on thanksgiving night, and they pulled the plug. Was the the hardest decision I ever had to do in my entire life. 
 

 You and your family tell him he has a chance more than anyone. He is a very strong man who comes from a great bloodline and has the ability, strength, and hard ass man he was raised to be. And when he gets through this, tell him God and an angel are on your shoulders, as are his family. 
 

To understand love, you have to understand them, and they you. I wish you the best and hope that your family is ok.

[Fireballer]

Any second opinion? 

[Engorgeous George]

When my Dad was in his 30's and 40's he had a regular rotating poker game.  Eight guys and each would host in turn once a month.  Usually it was just the one evening but in the late spring and late fall my Pops would host at the boathouse at our lake home and it would go all weekend.  He loved those games. Over time the game broke up.  When he retired in Florida he got in another game though less often, for less money, and frankly with lesser players.  When he was diagnosed with bladder cancer I spent some time trying to locate his old group.  5 were still alive, three in Florida and the other two still in Wisconsin.  I got them together with a few guys from his new group together for a game at the club house in his condo association. I flew the two Docs down from Milwaukee and sent a car for each of the guys in Florida, fortunately they were all within 60 miles.  I bought them a nice set of clay chips and some quality cards.  I set the room up with good beer, great scotch, and decent sandwich makings.  They had a great night.  I sat in for a while which as a kid I obviously never did.  One of the guys reminded me that as a kid I helped him win several bets during one of their breaks in the action.  They were betting on which duck would get to a ritz cracker first when thrown from our pier.  He asked me to pick the duck, the little brown one or the bigger more flamboyantly colored 2 brown ducks.  I kept picking the little brown one.  He bet with me as did my Dad.  The other bettor consistently bet against my pick and lost what I learned was a substantial bit of money.  The Doc asked how I knew which duck to bet on.  My Dad told me to tell him, the City boy.  I said I recommended betting on the female duck.  The males were not interested in the cracker during mating season, they were interested in keeping the other male off of her tail.  They were looking for pole position.  It was not a game of chance, it was mating season.  That cracked up the whole group.  My Dad and several of the guys thanked me for that night. In the greater scheme of things it was a small effort and small expense relatively speaking, but it meant a lot to them.