Joe Buck

I've had enough of your monkeyshines. You come near me and I'll give a purple nurple you'll never forget.

How? It's easy. I take notes on what that cat focking mechanic in California is trying, and then do the opposite.

I'm so impressed by greyhounds knowledge of football, that I have convinced my producers for him to sit in on the NFC playoff game I am broadcasting this weekend. greyhounds, buddy, just sit on your front steps Friday night, and my producers will send a limo to pick you up. Good job, buddy.

You could suck a bigger back of d!cks than even I could. Even more than that disgusting Randy Moss.

Geez, you rub a kid's purple helmet one time, just one time, and he hates you forever. Get over it, stupid.

Troy Aikman. He makes me uncomfortable, with his butt slapping and pinching my cheeks. He is always dropping his keys and asking me to pick them up. During games, he keeps grabbing my arm to turn me towards his laptop, to watch his favorite scenes from Deliverance. His screen saver is set for Lemon Party. After games, I spend an hour taking a hot shower, and another hour curled up in a fetal position in a corner, sobbing.

Troy's balls taste like strawberries. Yummy.

Your mom liked me when I was teabagging her last night. And Randy Moss is disssgusssting!!!!!