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Showing content with the highest reputation since 05/20/2019 in all areas

  1. 11 points
    My friends invited this guy and his wife to their Memorial Day cookout. They were renting the place next door for the weekend. He showed up in red plaid shorts, a tucked-in red polo, red tennis shoes and a matching red belt. He might as well have showed up wearing a sign that said "I'm a doosh" I was milling around when I overheard him talking about how he can't stand the slow pace of our little town and how he's used to the fast pace of big city life. Most of us wouldn't last a week in Chicago. Our town only has one focking stop light. He only comes out here because his wife drags him. On and on. At one point, he looked at his beer and asked the host, "Jeez, don't you have anything stronger? I'm definitely gonna need something more than this." As I mingled, every conversation involved other guests telling me what an ass this guy was. When I came out of the bathroom a little later, his wife was talking to mine. My wife motioned me over, then introduced me to Janet. She was nice enough. We talked about Chicago neighborhoods, how they've changed, etc. Then, out of no where, dooshy walked up and stood next to her. Now I'm forced to deal with him. His wife said. "This is my husband Doug." He reached out to shake my hand and said, "Doug. Doug MacDougal". I instantly said, "Really?" He looked at me sideways and said, "What do you mean, REALLY?" So I said, "Why is Doug pronounced dug, but MacDougal is pronounced MacDoogal? Shouldn't your name be Dug MacDugal or maybe Doog MacDoogal?" His wife, and others snickered a little and he turned as red as his outfit.. Then he stood up tall and said, MacDougal is a Scottish name, and spouted off some rubbish about his heritage, coat of arms, etc. I pretended to listen to him and when he finished, I said. "Yeah, that's great, but it still doesn't answer my question. So he said, "Yeah, well what's YOUR name then? I told him. He had nothing, so I said. "Let me guess. Those shorts are the official MacDougl tartan plaid. The same cloth worn by your ancestors when they fought and defeated some Vikings or Anglos, ? Right? He was ready to throw a punch, so his wife grabbed his arm and led him away and back to their rental. I can doosh it out with anyone.
  2. 6 points
    <unzips fly> Describe it in detail. Go slow. Make it sexy.
  3. 5 points
    No BS...I've always imagined this is exactly what HT would be like at a party. Seriously.
  4. 4 points
    Even the most afflicted TDS sufferers ended up applauding Trump's speech today. And you may want to retire the bone spurs shtick. Biden "dodged the draft" because of asthma. Romney "dodged the draft" because he had to spread his magic underwear around Europe. Clinton "dodged the draft" by using family political favors to stall the process multiple times and chasing tail around England. W Bush "dodged the draft" by joining the NG. With the exception of HW Bush you have to go back to Ford to find a POTUS who saw combat. Then you hit a string of them who all fought in WW2. Given recent history (last 27 years) no president from either party has seen combat and most of the candidates were "draft dodgers" (excluding Kerry and Dole) or the draft was over (Obama). Point being, nobody gives a flip about "draft dodgers" anymore, and most vets who have seen combat in the pointless wars we have been in since Vietnam would likely side with the "draft dodgers" if they were in their shoes again.
  5. 4 points
  6. 4 points
    Funnier yet is it's sold in packs of 12.
  7. 4 points
    ... needs an enema
  8. 4 points
    Back in the day a blown tranny meant you had car trouble.
  9. 4 points
    Yeah, at this point there is ZERO doubt that when liberals/leftists get together their is almost always some form of violence. When conservatives get together the only time there is violence is when the leftist show up and start it.
  10. 4 points
  11. 4 points
  12. 3 points
    This. They dress all sultry hoping they catch the eye of some Antonio Banderas or Brad Pitt type. But then act offended that they also catch the eye of the other 99% of guys.
  13. 3 points
    We've had it too easy for too long. That's why we have to fight over whether or not men should use the women's bathroom. Or if a person born with a peemus should be considered a dood regardless if the nutjob thinks he's a she. We've gotten way too soft as a society. We need the power grid to go down for a few weeks so some people can realize how good we have it and stop b!tching about meaningless bullsh!t and feelings.
  14. 3 points
    My girlfriend said “We should get some of those pills that give you a harder erection.” You should’ve seen the look on her face when I tossed her the diet pills!
  15. 3 points
    Imagine being a man that is so proud of having sex with other men that you have a parade about it.
  16. 3 points
    Before I even begin to think about who I am focking I'm trading in the coffee for an eight ball of the finest blow I can get my hands on.
  17. 3 points
    when I took your wife out we didnt even goto dinner so at least I didnt have to waste money on her
  18. 3 points
  19. 3 points
    Colluding with Russia - I don't care Colluding with arabs - I would be pissed but he still gets my vote. There is nothing Trump or any other republican could do that would force me to vote in another direction. I disagree with 95% of what democrats stand for and will never vote for one.
  20. 3 points
    Ex-Army here. How about the troops can do what they like and the stick up-their-ass officers telling them not to can all choke on camel sh*t?
  21. 3 points
    Tongue kissing sh1tholes seems rather perverted.
  22. 3 points
    Maybe you should stop fondling him while watching golf? (sorry, too easy)
  23. 3 points
  24. 3 points
    Should be 100%. Consider all our taxes pay for something that someone embraces. And we all embrace our military, and our judicial system, whether we admit it or not.
  25. 3 points
    They should have figured it out when I did... about 24 hours after Donald Focking Trump won the Presidency. If that isn't a gigantic c0ck slapping you in the focking face, I don't know what is. The Republicans figured it out when Obama won. They shut their crazy elements up by and large and moved somewhat to the center. The Dems aren't bright enough. They still think a blue wave is going to sweep some focking socialist into the white house and begin handing out slave reparations.