My name is String Bean

Hi, my name is String Bean. My uncle and me used to get to know each other too. We-we-we-we played games like Oops, the paint spilled all over your clothes and Your pants are itchy and need to come off right now and Hernia examination and Hide the eel in the cave and his favorite of Never, ever tattle you lousy no good kid

Th-th-th-thhh-is one time, I caught my friend cheating at tiddlywinks and got all hot and bothered at him. O(ne night I went over to his house with a log that i fished out of the toilet after a morning const-st-st-stitutional. I smeared the dookie all over his windshield like I was frosted a cake. He ch-ch-ch-chased me down a block away and put me in a headlock and punched me in the top of the head unmercifully for hours. And I didn't wear gloves.

Thankey sir. Because that's what i always says. Even though I'm gosh darned nervous, I go right up to a person and reach out my hand for a shake and I says, ah says, ah ah ah says, Hi, My name is String Bean. Then I get the pepper sprayed.

Hi, my name is String Bean. I've been molested 5 times that I can remember. I spend a lot of time in therapy. I mean, a whole lot. A butt load, some would say. I don't spend all that much time here, but I have some questions. Why did NewbieJr’s family leave him? Why does MDC live in the ghetto and take a bus to work? Why does drobeski look like a Rock Em Sock Em Robot that hasn't lost the fight yet? Why is Recliner Pilot reading the autobiography of Lee Harvey Oswald? Does edjr have Down’s Syndrome? Why can I smell nikki2200’s fish bucket from here, and did that odor turn her daddy into a queer? What is the Sanctuary and how can I join? Did somebody really drown in a puddle of AIDS? Where is my focking towel? Does GiantsFan ever post about anything other than losing at poker, Elastica, and frozen dinners? More prokclaw!! Why should I never click on a joneo link? Does gocolts have Muscular Dystrophy? You know what’s fun? It definitely isn’t Top 5 lists. Why is this bored so lacking in entertainment?

My Health teacher, Mr Hummel, taught me that the only time you should use a cork is when you ate a lot of beans the day before and you get to farting, then you need to cork your cave. Then Mr Hummel showed me how to do it when he took my pants down and put his eel in my cave. I don't like beans too much anymore.

I believe that you are mistaken. The greatest English teacher in the whole wide world, Mrs. Lichtenstein, taught me proper grammer and perfect spelling.

I've been lurking. Mostly in the Technical Support board and The Mocking Station. It gets lonely in there.

I suppose you are all curious why my name is String Bean. Well, I was a rather sickly lad, skinny as sin, my bad posture, pigeon toes, and acne. The girls at my school nicknamed me String Bean and would beat me mercilessly. Well, one day, I picked up a rather big stick and walked up behind the biggest of the girls and hit her right across her huge linebacker back. She went down in a heap and I was in all my glory. Take that, you bully. Unfortunately, the next day, she and her girlfriends beat me silly. And that was that.

Thank you. Swerski, as in the Chicago Bears SNL sketch?

I believe you misspelled "aboard". Your welcome.

Fock off Burt.

I'm not Burt. I don't know any Burt. My name is String Bean.

Fock you, slurpee jockey. I wasn't a vegan, but I was a vampire. I'll be around tonight to hump your neck and bite your wife.