Remember this from last year? If we all go by what you predicted last year we should avoid everyone on your list
It hasn't been a good year for The Soilost, my friends.
My girlfriend and I broke up, but she was knocked up and didn't tell me. Now I'm dealing with a hell of a child custody case. Before the breakup, I was surfing Craiglist personnels, saw something that looked familiar and got suspicious. Although there was no photo, I just knew it was her, due to some of the kinky things she said she was into, so I set up a blind date and BOOM, there she was.
To make matters worse, one of you clowns filed a lawsuit against me, claiming damages for a losing season based on my 2006 projections.
Can you imagine that?
Most people have been praising my name, and some nutjob from this very board goes and sues my ass just because things didn't turn out exactly as I predicted. I was placed under court order to not release my rankings until the day of the first NFL game, which is today.
Anyway, that's why I was hesitant to release my projections publicly this year. Up until this point, I've been making people pay for them, and it's been quite a payday, for sure.
So here they are, based on a software program that now factors in the stress caused by gas prices, this year's elections and a number of other things:
QUARTERBACK
1.) Jay Cutler – He won’t be Cultering the cheese in the Mile High thin air
2.) Derek Anderson - Derek brings a domino effect to this offense.
3.) Jake Delhomme – Delhomme, Delhomme on the range …
4.) Tom Brady - The Brady Bunch rides again.
5.) Carson Palmer – Arson Carson gonna burn it up.
6.) Peyton Manning — It’s still Peyton’s place.
7.) Drew Brees — This Brees is Category 5.
8.) David Garrard — Get hard for Garrard.
9.) Aaron Rogers — Reader for some Farve beans and a fine chianti. F-f-f-f-f-f-f …
10.) Jason Campbell — Soup is good food.
RUNNING BACK
1.) Marion Barber III — With that girly first name, you know he’s tough.
2.) Michael Turner — Yep.
3.) Reggie Bush — You read it here first, ladies.
4.) Selvin Young — Selvin smellvin!
5.) LaDainian Tomlinson — Still good.
6.) Ricky Williams — With the bong in storage, he’ll regain form.
7.) Adrian Peterson — Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarian!
8.) Marshawn Lynch — Kicking ass for Jesus.
9.) Matt Forte — Runnin’ is this man’s forte!
10.) Frank Gore — Frankin’ and spankin’
WIDE RECEIVER
1.) Randy Moss — Obvious.
2.) Andre Johnson — This Johnson is Hollywood swingin’
3.) Marvin Harrison — Starvin’ for glory.
4.) Santonio Holmes — Will surprise some people.
5.) Roddy White — Roddy ain’t shoddy.
6.) Dwayne Bowe — He’ll Bowe-tie defenders.
7.) TJ Houshmandzadeh – GAZOONTIGHT!!!!
8.) Wes Welker — Wes is no wuss.
9.) Terrell Owens — Terrell ain’t no Cheryl.
10.) Reggie Brown — God of the gridiron.
Well, that’s it folks. Good luck.
Let's see
QB - Anderson, Brady, Palmer, Garrard, Campbell, Delhomme - POOP!! 4 out of 10 not bad
RB - Bush, Tomlinson, Williams, Young - POOP! 6 out of 10 getting better
WR - Only missed on Harrison, Holmes, Brown.
WHY WOULD ANYONE THINK THIS IS A SCIENCE!!!!!!
