lickin_starfish

I woke up too late to take my trash can to the curb. Now my garbage will sit out in the summer heat for a week, and it will surely be a heaping pile of maggots by next Monday. I feel sorry for my garbage men.

heavy-set = garbage man

She doesn't have a boyfriend, she realized that she made a mistake by agreeing to go on a date with a loser.

Just because you were a hoor doesn't mean your daughter will be one. Cut her some slack and let her enjoy her childhood.

Black people work?

Most of you people on FF Today are just as nerdy as those Star Wars geeks.

I was engaged to a girl, and after I caught her cheating on me, she told everyone we broke up because I beat her.

Why do old women get belly rings?

I have a Viewsonic 37" LCD TV hanging on a wall perpendicular to a large picture window. It has Southern exposure, and I have absolutely no problems with the sunlight, even with the shades wide open. I have never used a plasma in the room, so I can't tell you if they work well in the sunlight. My Viewsonic is waaay better than the rear projection Panasonic HDTV I used to have. I could barely see that thing even with the shades pulled.

I feel sorry for Ruben, but his mother is a stupid ######. In the interview she spoke as though none of this tragedy was her fault.

I spent $2500 on an engagement ring/ wedding band that locked together. It was very nice until she lost it. Now she only has a plain ol' gold band that I bought as a replacement.

My mother cooks it in spaghetti sauce.

I would have nursed it back to health and read it bedtime stories. We would also play in the flower patch together. We would be best friends.

I suspect that someone also enjoys planting flower gardens and having tea parties...

You should buy a Honda Pilot. If you buy either of the trucks that you are considering, then you are a terrorist. j/k Get the Denali

A man who rapes boys is a bigger threat to society than a woman who gives her poontang to boys. Yes, both are crimes, but one is just plain disgusting.

Ice cream.

I think that the nurses at the bottom of the elevator in the Silent Hill movie are pretty hot.

My wife just haaaaad to have an elliptical trainer. It sits in our bedroom collecting dust as her ass gets wider and her stomach flops lower.

Here's an idea: Instead of creating new taxes, how about spending tax money wisely?

Kyra Sedgwick's ugly face prevents me from watching the show.

This is no big deal. There will be another one to take his place.

He sounds like the ###### high school friend of mine who doesn't talk to me, but calls and e-mails my wife.

I watched American Idol once. That was one too many times.

We have your "yesterday" weather here today. 90 in Central New York.